posted August 13, 2012 09:10 PM            

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Originally posted by ail221:
LOL skill does matter more. Sounds like he does care but the lazy factor is the issue. The whole trolley of centaurs I know have the lazy issue, the can be the most passion people about their personal craft but when it comes to other things >__> its like pulling wisdom teeth. The only thing that has worked for me with getting Sags and their centuarian nature to compromise is by making things competitive or the iciest cold shoulder to the extent that you ex-communicate them from your world, they then come galloping back. Humor does score high on the maintaining a relationship chart though.

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You know, I really attributed the laziness to all the Neptunian influence. It didn't occur to me that it might be the double Sag.

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Originally posted by ail221:
the can be the most passion people about their personal craft but when it comes to other things >__> its like pulling wisdom teeth.

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- That sounds exactly like him. When it comes to playing drums, he is literally tireless. He can go all night.

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The only thing that has worked for me with getting Sags and their centuarian nature to compromise is by making things competitive or the iciest cold shoulder to the extent that you ex-communicate them from your world, they then come galloping back.

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posted August 13, 2012 09:36 PM            

Every man is capable of adapting or learning. I wasn't raised with an eye towards cleanliness. I had people pick up every bit of mess I made. I didn't ever have to fetch myself a glass of water. Yet I became responsible. It's a personal choice. So, it's a matter of will.

Not everyone needs to have a high paying job, but a honest living working a full day is highly desirable. I'm a video gamer myself, but I haul my a$$ to work each day for 14 hours before I sit down to Call of Duty or whatever. I paid for my own college and grad school, and i made my own wealth, so don't even think I have a silver d1ld0 stuck up my butt.

The wife working is a personal choice best left up to the couple to decide. My wife is certainly appreciative that she has the choice to make. I personally prefer to stay home and chillax myself if I can. But it's up to you.

posted August 14, 2012 01:01 AM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Xiiro, the problem is, and maybe I didn't convey this properly, his being a lazy-a$$ is not new.....I think left to his own devices, he would initiate just less than once a month.

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Ahh, I hadn't grasped that aspect of the situation. Well if there is one thing a Sag hates it's people trying to change them. It sounds as if he is accustomed to getting away with contributing very little and perhaps that will change in the future, but it isn't something that changes over night. It is very difficult to get people to deviate from the patterns that work for them.

If I were in your situation I would sit down with him, explain all the frustrations I am having, and invite him to express his frustrations. Then I would attempt to work with whatever needed to change. If you know you have been honest and he has heard your side, but continues to disrespect you (which is what he is doing by expecting you to carry the relationship on your back), then you should consider respecting your self and going your own way.

The Saturn heavy comments about getting his sh!t together, just buckling down, and taking care of business are all well and good for Saturn influenced people, but Neptune heavy people have to conquer a completely different beast before they are even in a state where they can effectively contribute to reality. Sooner or later he will need to face his Neptune, and tough experiences (like being told your contribution to a relationship is useless and you are on the verge of being broken up with) are often the triggers to overcoming Neptune's negative side. I have Neptune conjunct my Sun also, but am "fortunate" to have my Moon square Sun/Neptune. I fear it would be really tough to check into reality with a Moon conjunction too.

When all is said and done, you will not be able to change him. If you threaten him into doing something, he will likely resent you and start slacking off months after you have become complacent. He needs to want to be the person he is when he isn't stoned and glued to the PlayStation. That motivation is not something that really comes from outside the self.

posted August 14, 2012 03:47 AM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Never confuse economic necessity or convenience with love.

Suggest you find someone who loves you and has a proper job that can pay all the bills. I don't have a whole lot of regard for men who can't stand on their own feet and yet be lazy a$$es or be critical SOBs. Broke a$$es should haul their butts to work and earn a proper living. And then wipe their own butts.

I withhold the rest out of respect for you.

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To be fair, it's not as simple as "go get a job". Things are bad right now. A lot of people ARE hard-working and ARE trying to get jobs. Some people, yes, are lazy and don't want to work, but NOT everyone.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I am just pointing that out. I know many people my age who only recently got jobs even though they'd been applying for well over a year, sometimes more than that. They also help out around their homes and are intelligent people. Don't forget, too, the problem of under-employment.

posted August 14, 2012 04:28 AM            

I know what it is to be unemployed. My last unemployment period lasted 16 months. I've been laid off eight times.

There's still zero excuse to be lazy. The last time I was out if a job, I cleaned my whole home, painted my whole house inside and out, re-did my whole yard, studied for two professional certifications, learned a music instrument, learned two languages, ensured my two sons had perfect grades and was the best husband I could be.

Don't you think I live on the real world as well? Yes, I'm harsh and judgmental. And yes, I get caught up in adversity as well. But it is when times are bad that people should learn and pull themselves up by their bootstraps and buck up. Adversity isn't time to be a sorry a$$ crying out about how unfair life is. Screw that.

posted August 14, 2012 05:12 AM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Platero,

I know what it is to be unemployed. My last unemployment period lasted 16 months. I've been laid off eight times.

There's still zero excuse to be lazy. The last time I was out if a job, I cleaned my whole home, painted my whole house inside and out, re-did my whole yard, studied for two professional certifications, learned a music instrument, learned two languages, ensured my two sons had perfect grades and was the best husband I could be.

Don't you think I live on the real world as well? Yes, I'm harsh and judgmental. And yes, I get caught up in adversity as well. But it is when times are bad that people should learn and pull themselves up by their bootstraps and buck up. Adversity isn't time to be a sorry a$$ crying out about how unfair life is. Screw that.

Feeling sorry is for chumps. Winners get determined and work even harder.

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I'm not saying that people shouldn't be motivated. I just want people to realize that not everyone is lazy.

While I was unemployed, I volunteered for awhile. I worked my butt off for people--several hours every single weekday--for nothing.

I also worked with an employment agency to find work and had regular meetings with them.

I'm not where I want to be in life yet, though it could be a lot worse.

I just want people to understand that some people ARE working to get to where they need to be. All that I can do is continue to try. I can't undo past bad decisions--all that I can do is learn from them. And I can't make opportunities that I want fall out of the sky. All that I can do is keep trying.

So, I really don't need judgment on top of all of the constant anxiety that I have about these things, and neither do others in similar situations to myself. That's all that I'm saying. I feel worthless and like poo enough as it is already.

posted August 14, 2012 06:45 AM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Aquacheeka,

Every man is capable of adapting or learning. I wasn't raised with an eye towards cleanliness. I had people pick up every bit of mess I made. I didn't ever have to fetch myself a glass of water. Yet I became responsible. It's a personal choice. So, it's a matter of will.

Not everyone needs to have a high paying job, but a honest living working a full day is highly desirable. I'm a video gamer myself, but I haul my a$$ to work each day for 14 hours before I sit down to Call of Duty or whatever. I paid for my own college and grad school, and i made my own wealth, so don't even think I have a silver d1ld0 stuck up my butt.

The wife working is a personal choice best left up to the couple to decide. My wife is certainly appreciative that she has the choice to make. I personally prefer to stay home and chillax myself if I can. But it's up to you.

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posted August 14, 2012 06:53 AM            

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Originally posted by Junethird:
@Xiiro,

Wow, thats very good advice for Aquacheeka... I need to sit down for a therapy session with you one of these days...

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posted August 14, 2012 02:33 PM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
. I could understand leaving it all up to me if I was home all day, but I work,too. It's that double-shift I've read about it. I honestly don't understand how women bother with children. It's two full-time jobs.

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posted August 14, 2012 02:58 PM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
My mother-in-law worked an executive job, kept her home clean by herself, and raised four children with an uncooperative jacka$$ of a husband. Without complaining. Where there is will, there will be a way.

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posted September 03, 2012 11:54 PM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Good for you!

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posted September 04, 2012 06:27 AM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:

Thanks, YTA. It's been a tough transition. A lot of unresolved feelings on both sides.

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I'm sorry to hear that things went south with you guys, as that's always hard, but I hope that everything will work out for the best (by that, I don't necessarily mean that I hope that you'll get back together, as I don't know whether or not that would be what's right, but I simply mean that I hope that whatever does end up happening is what will lead to both your happiness and his).