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Author Topic:   Living with a lazy-a$$
Aquacheeka
Knowflake

Posts: 1801
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 12, 2012 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Has anyone dealt with this before?

My balcony looks like a crackden because that's my boyfriend's "man cave" and that is surely what the rest of the place would look like if it wasn't for me. His ability to procrastinate knows seemingly no bounds. It sort of reminds me of that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Sally Field's character says, "Why do you always make me out to be the heavy?" The fact is, no one LIKES feeling like the bad guy. Nobody LIKES having to nag. Surely asking a person to do something (like clean up after themselves) once and giving a reasonable time frame should be enough. It shouldn't have to come to nagging. I hate repetition. Sometimes he even OFFERS to do something so he can feel like he's contributing, and then not bother to follow-through.

How did you get around having a roommate who probably wouldn't wipe their own butt if you didn't tell them to? Any suggestions?

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juniperb
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Posts: 4705
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 12, 2012 03:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Virgo moon here and my tolerance level for a crack den appearance is zero

Sorry no help here Good luck!

------------------
As Angels above guide Human beings, Human Beings have the opportunity to be Angels on Earth, who guide the Animal kingdom. - Da Vinci

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Padre35
Knowflake

Posts: 428
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted August 12, 2012 03:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Crackden?

Women let you do that? Really?

Hmm

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 3620
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted August 12, 2012 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't ever tolerate that! Kick him out!

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Junethird
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Posts: 2832
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted August 12, 2012 04:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Junethird     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can compromise on alot of things but not that. I cant live with messy people. No way!!!

With roomates and the common shared areas, bathroom, kitchen, living room... ive made it a point of only washing my dishes and my mess and it would alway come down to one of us moving out.

It never works out if you dont have the same cleanliness values.

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ail221
Knowflake

Posts: 1081
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012

posted August 12, 2012 04:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ail221     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Depends whose name is on the lease
Seriously discuss it with him and be firm about it.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 36064
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 12, 2012 05:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Has anyone dealt with this before?

My balcony looks like a crackden because that's my boyfriend's "man cave" and that is surely what the rest of the place would look like if it wasn't for me. His ability to procrastinate knows seemingly no bounds. It sort of reminds me of that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Sally Field's character says, "Why do you always make me out to be the heavy?" The fact is, no one LIKES feeling like the bad guy. Nobody LIKES having to nag. Surely asking a person to do something (like clean up after themselves) once and giving a reasonable time frame should be enough. It shouldn't have to come to nagging. I hate repetition. Sometimes he even OFFERS to do something so he can feel like he's contributing, and then not bother to follow-through.

How did you get around having a roommate who probably wouldn't wipe their own butt if you didn't tell them to? Any suggestions?


Is he an earth void?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 3620
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted August 12, 2012 05:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Any decent guy would clean up after himself and also help you clean up after yourself as well.

Anyone irresponsible is a butt head.

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Aquacheeka
Knowflake

Posts: 1801
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 12, 2012 05:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Is he an earth void?


No, I am. He's got Venus and Mercury in earth signs.

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RegardesPlatero
Moderator

Posts: 3805
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011

posted August 12, 2012 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Honestly, if someone has been like that for this long, probably not going to change.

I personally am a bit messy, though organized, which is a weird mix. However, I would try to keep that contained to my own area, and if someone asked me to try to be neater, I would do my best to try harder. And obviously if people were coming over or likely to stop by unexpectedly, that would be another motivator for me to keep things at least reasonable.

If you ask him to change and he makes no effort, either kick him out or if you can't, move out yourself.

I will say, though, that it's not always laziness. Honestly, I'm just not a neat freak. I like things to be lived-in enough to be comfortable, but still nice. It doesn't always occur to me that other people see a space as being this big disaster area whereas I don't. I'm not going to flip out if I see, like, a bit of dust or something. If someone asked me to dust or vacuum, I would, though, as long as they weren't rude about it/didn't go to an extreme. To me, that's being a team player and a good roommate. I'd say that clear communication is key. Be honest and upfront and reach a compromise about the neatness level.

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Alma Sun
Moderator

Posts: 1907
From: The East Coast
Registered: Mar 2011

posted August 12, 2012 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alma Sun     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh I know the kind you speak of. The ones you keep saying the same things to, but it just doesn't seem to penetrate their thick skulls.

I seriously don't nag. I mean if I say it a few times and you still don't get it, well... I type up my thoughts and leave them up in the "problem" areas and, believe it or not, they seem to work. Call me passive-aggressive.

The sign in the bathroom:

quote:
You can't afford a maid so clean up after yourself. ;-)

Sincerely, Not your Maid or Mother



The one next to the computer:

quote:
I don't mind porn, but if you mess up my computer, you buy it.

Thank you.



------------------
"The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind." --- Friedrich Nietzsche

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 3620
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted August 12, 2012 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My wife and I ensure our home is cleaner than the Recruit barracks at Camp Penddleton. You can bounce a coin three times across my teenage son's bed sheets. You can eat off my garage floor.

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sand
Knowflake

Posts: 5738
From:
Registered: May 2011

posted August 12, 2012 08:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sand     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is y virgo influence is so hot!

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 36064
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 12, 2012 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
No, I am. He's got Venus and Mercury in earth signs.

I meant him lol

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Xiiro
Moderator

Posts: 1232
From: San Diego CA, USA
Registered: Jun 2011

posted August 12, 2012 09:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xiiro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Is he a Sag? lol

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PixieJane
Knowflake

Posts: 862
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted August 12, 2012 10:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Only one was that bad...or at least that bad and not worth it. He complained that his mom was holding him back (he was 20 I was 19) and back then I naively assumed most people were like me and thus sympathized with him and expected him to do the right thing when I let him move in with me to get away from his mom.

Unfortunately he wanted me to be his mom. He did nothing but make messes and expect me to take care of him and the place and not give him a hard time, ever. He sure as hell wasn't going to get a job (not unless it paid some ungodly amount doing something he really wanted, like I suppose play video games). Some stupid girl told me if I treated him like a man he'd act more like one (as opposed to a spoiled little boy) and even advised me to have sex with him to boost his self-esteem and thus drive to do something besides play video games. I did, but it changed nothing save he now wanted sex on demand, too (and on his selfish terms).

The ONLY positive experience I got out of that was laughing over hearing him playing video games while using the toilet (if I walked by to or from the kitchen it was impossible not to hear the sound effects)...I suppose I should've been annoyed but the absurdity of it still cracks me up sometimes. And he's not the only guy to do that (when I've shared that with others I've heard of so many guys doing that, many of whom spend a long time as they get into their toilet game and yet have the gall to complain of women taking too long in the bathroom). So at least he was worth a laugh.

But he was a pain. I finally started making ultimatums when all my hints, bribes, offers, and the like didn't work. He responded by implying he'd commit suicide (ie, he took himself hostage). That worked momentarily but then one day coming home I started FANTASIZING about finding him dead and I realized then that the situation could not stand. I told him to get out. He ignored me save to imply suicide again (he sulked & shut up when I suggested hanging so that I that I wouldn't have to clean any blood up) and finally got some big guys to literally grab him and his stuff and rudely throw him out with threats if he ever came back or even spoke to me. And that was that.

I heard from others a few months later that he was living with him mom again and still very much alive.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 4051
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted August 13, 2012 01:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .

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ariesdragon
Moderator

Posts: 4319
From: Jupiter
Registered: Jan 2012

posted August 13, 2012 02:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesdragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Any decent guy would clean up after himself and also help you clean up after yourself as well.

Anyone irresponsible is a butt head.


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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 36064
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 13, 2012 02:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .


You are so cute
You say things so outright. What does your Mercury do, aSpect wise and what is it's sign?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 4051
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted August 13, 2012 02:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
no your cute ami my mercury is in Capricorn in 11th house conjunct Uranus and Neptune and trine the moon.

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Aquacheeka
Knowflake

Posts: 1801
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 13, 2012 07:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .

This doesn't surprise me. Ime, it's hard to find smokers who are clean. If I could go back in time I'd deem it the dealbreaker that it should have been

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Aquacheeka
Knowflake

Posts: 1801
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 13, 2012 07:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PixieJane, that story.... LMFAO!!!

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Aquacheeka
Knowflake

Posts: 1801
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012

posted August 13, 2012 07:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Xiiro:
Is he a Sag? lol


How did you know? lol.

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RegardesPlatero
Moderator

Posts: 3805
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011

posted August 13, 2012 07:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
This doesn't surprise me. Ime, it's hard to find smokers who are clean. If I could go back in time I'd deem it the dealbreaker that it should have been

--agree

Smoking smells horrible, too. And secondhand smoke is very bad for your health.

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ghanima81
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Posts: 979
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 13, 2012 09:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, yes. I have lived with both ends of the spectrum. I myself am very clean and get anxiety when things begin to get messy.

My last roommate was AWFUL. She went from living with her mom to me and her gf. Her gf is our "boy" and would handle the trash or any big gross project that we didn't want to do. (When I reminded her a million times and stayed on her about it. Gem sun with bi-polar disorder and depression, so it wasn't that easy with her either) but K just didn't get it. I AM a mom, so I have a tendency to just take care of things myself anyway, but it was EPIC how lazy and ungrateful she was. She just moved out and had a full week (not having a job give you a lot of free time, wouldn't you agree?) to pack and move her belongings. I have since packed up 7 trashbags of her things she left behind. Also she left a bed, a dresser, bags of old junk and a few boxes of crap she had cleaned out of her car over the 2 years we lived together. She is moving to GA in two weeks and seems to have no intention of coming to get any of it. I'm having a yard sale

I have no good way of dealing with it, as I am very adverse to conflict or confrontation. I am NOT her mom and would NOT tell her what to do. I am adamant that it's NOT my job to do that. I will sit there and be irritated to the point of wanting to hit her, but I would still just end up doing it myself out of principle of NOT being responsible for teaching her how to be a grown up. She's 23.

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