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Author
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Topic: men and monogamy
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sand
Knowflake Posts: 5797
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted August 30, 2012 08:33 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
if these men who haven't been as succesful with women suddenly became succesful would they still favor monogamy or would a lot of them play the field.
nice guys gone bad eh?  i think they would to an even worse extent. i don't think they would be happy though because it is not them. (that is if they had to change a certain behavior to be better at getting women) IP: Logged |
cappy1277
Moderator Posts: 1210
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted August 30, 2012 08:58 PM
I know that I am a woman lol but I can offer some kind of two cents into the topic as I have seen it apply to men too. I have never been the one to be monogamous in relationships but the right one can make me want to be monogamous. I have heard the same from a lot of men I know. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 30, 2012 09:01 PM
yea i see that at times too.IP: Logged |
cappy1277
Moderator Posts: 1210
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted August 30, 2012 09:53 PM
i think that with certain men who can't be monogamous, they compartmentalize attributes. not all believe they can find all in one..lolIP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1809
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 31, 2012 01:39 AM
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/7/25/dear-kristen-stewartwhy-did-you-cheat.html "According to one prominent perspective in the field known as "interdependence theory", celebrities have a high quality of alternatives -- which means that if they weren’t with their current partner, their next potential partner would still be pretty great.1 Basically, if they crash their Mercedes, they would end up with a Bentley. Not surprisingly, quality alternatives undermine commitment." IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1034
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 31, 2012 07:38 PM
My husband is a good looking, charming and very successful guy.He settled down with a 40 year old, slightly overweight chick with a child from a previous marriage. <3 Not all men are douche-bags that want to sleep with everyone just because they can.
IP: Logged |
starzy54
Knowflake Posts: 445
From: CA
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted August 31, 2012 09:13 PM
I second what moonwitch said. My partner is very handsome and has a great personality.before we were together he had his fair share of girlfriends, only upon deeper investigation I found out he was a virgin when we got together and refused to bed any of his previous mates because he "didn't love them" .He had a bunch of chances,and didn't because he wanted something more.it depends on the guy. IP: Logged |
CRCRINCON
Knowflake Posts: 82
From: CA, USA
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted September 01, 2012 01:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MoonWitch:
My husband is a good looking, charming and very successful guy.He settled down with a 40 year old, slightly overweight chick with a child from a previous marriage. <3 Not all men are douche-bags that want to sleep with everyone just because they can.
My husband is hot in the truest sense of the word. Sexy =my husband. Even if a woman isn't attracted to him, they still think he is amazing to look at. He really could have just about any woman he wants. But he is shy, somewhat introverted, private about everything and it's taken me yrs to penetrate that protective exterior. Being in a committed relationship has allowed him to feel secure in himself emoyionally. Being with lots of women means sex and that took him 3 months to initiate with me for the first time 8 yrs ago. I think there are many variables to what would make a hot guy like my man choose lots of options versus one woman.  IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 5797
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 01, 2012 05:03 AM
I think one of the reasons I don't is because I don't want my reputation tarnished by being a man ho but it has recently been brought to my attention that this doesn't happen to men hmmmm...  IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 3817
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted September 01, 2012 06:42 AM
Anyone can choose to be monogamous. Some people don't. Everyone is capable, but not everyone decides (and yes, it IS a choice) to behave that way. I personally don't believe in polyamory or infidelity, so I am speaking from that position. IP: Logged |
lilithpluto
Knowflake Posts: 1147
From: pluto
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 02, 2012 07:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MoonWitch:
My husband is a good looking, charming and very successful guy.He settled down with a 40 year old, slightly overweight chick with a child from a previous marriage. <3 Not all men are douche-bags that want to sleep with everyone just because they can.
That's so sweet. Both of you. IP: Logged |
PhoenixFire
Knowflake Posts: 680
From: The Crossing
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 02, 2012 03:39 PM
I think the same question applies to women. It seems like there is an idea that all women strive for monogamy and all men avoid it. It is an individual choice, dpending on the person and sitaution. A person may start off as wanting monogamy and then change their mind later. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1034
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 02, 2012 11:47 PM
Thank you, LilithPluto I feel like I need to stop singing his praises so that people don't get sick of it but I've been with enough complete a-holes in my life that I can't help singing about a GOOD MAN! IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 01:12 AM
lol I didn't explain what I meant clearly enough, I'm talking about players vs nonplayers. players are guys who have a miraculous way of always knowing what to say. and can charm just about any woman right out of her panties, I'm sure some of you ladies have had the misfortune of meeting one of these guys right? the problem with players is they abuse their power to sleep with as many women as possible more often than not. from what I have observed guys who aren't as suave often talk about how they wish they had the charm of the player so they could win over their dream girl(insert name). What I am wondering is what if average joe did have the ability to charm the ladies, would he use it to win the heart of the dream girl or would he use it to sleep with tons of women.how do you think most guys would respond to having that power . do you think a lot of the guys would become manhoes or stay true to their typically monogamous
nature? IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 01:56 AM
as I said I have pondered this about myself. my dad is a player who can charm any woman if given the chance, in his late 40s he was able to get a 22 year old smoking hot redhead who had just graduated college to become a teacher, he was between jobs at that point. the funny thing is I'm the spitting image of him looks wise, but I did not inherit his game lol. I wish I did have it though because I have always felt I wouldn't use it in the sleezy ways he did. but I got to thinking how do I really know how I would handle that power unless I had it. who knows I might have been an even bigger scoundrel than dad, maybe its all for the best lol.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 5797
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 03, 2012 03:25 AM
Gotcha. Sudden powers? Dream girl of course. But the road to gaining those powers might mean he will have to be cursed with sleeping with many different women in the process. still I don't think what he truly desires will change. Y don't u think u can't? I think u can if u really wanted to. Observe your father a little more. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 09:11 AM
haha you know what I mean sand. some guys are just naturals at charming women. well yea you have a point there. lol and I can't observe him anymore.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 5797
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 03, 2012 10:31 AM
..ever read this?
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Robert_Greene_The_Art_Of_Seduction.pdf IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 3637
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 03, 2012 11:31 AM
Walking around with charm isn't always desirable, you know. It creates problems after a man gets married and want to be faithful. It attracts unwanted attention and creates headaches. A single man who is not in a relationship is free to cohort with women who are willing to accept men like that, but things change after the man gets into a committed relationship. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 11:46 AM
quote:
Originally posted by sand:
..ever read this?
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Robert_Greene_The_Art_Of_Seduction.pdf
haha I don't buy into that stuff. any guy can get women but some have the gift of instinctively knowing how to push womens buttons, they know what to say and when and how to say it. the pua crowd tries to sale that stuff as something that you can learn, now I'm not denying that their stuff can work sometimes, but its never gonna be as
effective as instinctively knowing this
stuff. I have personally talked to several
ladies men and have asked them all how they do it and their response is always"I just talk to them man." this response used to make me angry because I thought there was more to it, but then I thought well what if it is true, maybe it is as simple as talking for these guys because they just know what to say in every situation. every single straight man talks to women, but we don't all have the ability to know what to say, its trial and error lol. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 3637
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 03, 2012 12:38 PM
But it's true. Doesn't hurt to be well mannered, have etiquette and not come on strong. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 03:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
But it's true. Doesn't hurt to be well mannered, have etiquette and not come on strong.
I agree IP: Logged |
PhoenixFire
Knowflake Posts: 680
From: The Crossing
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 03, 2012 04:56 PM
There are female players too, I used to be one  I don't know if it's just about having the power to charm, vs not having any game. Maybe it's about the why, the motivation behind the games. for myself it wasn't just because I could, it was more about the challenge and fruit of success. As I matured the games of conquest just got boring. A serious and loving union w one person became much more interesting Granted I'm not a guy, and my actions were more of a flirtatious (wo sleeping around) approach. Maybe you are on to something, if for most guys the game is about sleeping w as many women possible. If a guy has game but isn't into sleeping around, then it doesn't mean he is monogamous due to no game, he is choosing to do it because games aren't appealing. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4059
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2012 06:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixFire:
[B]There are female players too [/
B]
oh believe me I know all about that lol.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 5797
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 03, 2012 08:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
haha I don't buy into that stuff. any guy can get women but some have the gift of instinctively knowing how to push womens buttons, they know what to say and when and how to say it. the pua crowd tries to sale that stuff as something that you can learn, now I'm not denying that their stuff can work sometimes, but its never gonna be as
effective as instinctively knowing this
stuff. I have personally talked to several
ladies men and have asked them all how they do it and their response is always"I just talk to them man." this response used to make me angry because I thought there was more to it, but then I thought well what if it is true, maybe it is as simple as talking for these guys because they just know what to say in every situation. every single straight man talks to women, but we don't all have the ability to know what to say, its trial and error lol.
oh it's not written by one of those guys but yeah it won't help you to know what to say and when. plus the historical examples might bore you. i would say i am a natural but still a few things in there clicked for me like one or two wrong moves when i was thisclose. IP: Logged |
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