posted August 30, 2012 12:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
so my thinking was maybe the guys who have to deal with a whole lot of bs and frustration to obtain a relationship want to hang on so they don't have to deal with looking for another woman lol.

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This is going to be harsh (no offense.)

So in other words, the way you see it, men are monogamous because they are dealing with self-image issues and are essentially sloppy seconds for some poor girl out there who had to lower her standards and settle for a reject?

Yeah I am going to call BS on that one.

Out of my own admission, there was a point in life where the thought of settling down just seemed preposterous. During my teen years, my relationships were what you would call "serial monogamous" relationships. Getting in a relationship has never been a problem for me. What I had issues with was being with someone who I essentially clicked on every level; Physical AND mental! I had strong goals and a passionate outlook on life and I wanted someone who had the same fire in her heart as I did as well as a solid intellectual base and strong aspirations in life.

For the most part, I was disappointed in quite a lot of my relationships simply because I couldn't click with them beyond a certain point. I however, NEVER led them on. I made it clear to all of them right from the start that if there was a point in our relationship where either one of us did not want to be in a relationship anymore, they have the right to walk away without dramatics or bitter feelings.

When I met my wife for the first time however, things were different. We clicked on EVERY given level. She is someone like no other; Intelligent, seductively beautiful... So beautiful that its scary Lol! Passionate and strong willed. Being with her on a physical level was an experience on a whole new place.

And to this day after we got married, every new day has been bright as daylight .

posted August 30, 2012 12:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xodian:
This is going to be harsh (no offense.)

So in other words, the way you see it, men are monogamous because they are dealing with self-image issues and are essentially sloppy seconds for some poor girl out there who had to lower her standards and settle for a reject?

Yeah I am going to call BS on that one.

Out of my own admission, there was a point in life where the thought of settling down just seemed preposterous. During my teen years, my relationships were what you would call "serial monogamous" relationships. Getting in a relationship has never been a problem for me. What I had issues with was being with someone who I essentially clicked on every level; Physical AND mental! I had strong goals and a passionate outlook on life and I wanted someone who had the same fire in her heart as I did as well as a solid intellectual base and strong aspirations in life.

For the most part, I was disappointed in quite a lot of my relationships simply because I couldn't click with them beyond a certain point. I however, NEVER led them on. I made it clear to all of them right from the start that if there was a point in our relationship where either one of us did not want to be in a relationship anymore, they have the right to walk away without dramatics or bitter feelings.

When I met my wife for the first time however, things were different. We clicked on EVERY given level. She is someone like no other; Intelligent, seductively beautiful... So beautiful that its scary Lol! Passionate and strong willed. Being with her on a physical level was an experience on a whole new place.

And to this day after we got married, every new day has been bright as daylight .

Girls: You know a man loves you when he sees your shapely self in your undies standing infront of a bathroom sink flossing your teeth and thinks that it is one of the sexiest things he has seen Lol!

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posted August 30, 2012 12:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

lol never fails to amaze how people can misread stuff. no what I meant is that certain guys have alot more options, they are in higher demand, thus they have a hard time settling down, why go for this girl when I can have that girl or that other one, see what I mean? while a guy who isn't in high demand wants to settle down as soon as possible , but would he have the same attitude if he had the same amount of options? that's what I meant. here's an example, I have a friend who is magical with girls, they just flock to him. he is very idealistic about wanting to have a family and get married and he is always getting engaged only to break it because another girl offers herself to him, I guess he wants to see if the grass is greener.I think part of him really wants to be serious and commited but he's conflicted by the thought of " what if there's an even better girl out there?" I think a lot of people have that inner conflict.I don't think guys who don't have as many options have that conflict nearly as bad,they don't have a "well maybe the grass is greener "mentality.

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I have two word for these type of guys: Unreliable douche bags.

And what they do is just plain idiotic and irresponsible; To the point where it ends up painting marriage as a bad thing.

There is a difference between idealism and false promises. You can be idealistic and true to your nature while not hurting anyone. Having more options does not guarantee having the BETTER option. I already stated my experience in the matter and you can draw upon that as you may.

If you are going to be part of serial monogamy, just make sure the girl you are with knows that. Don't offer her false pretenses of engagements and marriages when you can't commit to someone out of some misplaced fear of there being the better "option."

There is not going to be a better option out there if you can click with someone on every given level. If they fulfill your every given need, why look elsewhere? Unless you have some misplaced insecurity in your relationship born out of your own problems.

In that case: Go see a shrink.

posted August 30, 2012 01:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xodian:
This is going to be harsh (no offense.)

So in other words, the way you see it, men are monogamous because they are dealing with self-image issues and are essentially sloppy seconds for some poor girl out there who had to lower her standards and settle for a reject?

Yeah I am going to call BS on that one.

Out of my own admission, there was a point in life where the thought of settling down just seemed preposterous. During my teen years, my relationships were what you would call "serial monogamous" relationships. Getting in a relationship has never been a problem for me. What I had issues with was being with someone who I essentially clicked on every level; Physical AND mental! I had strong goals and a passionate outlook on life and I wanted someone who had the same fire in her heart as I did as well as a solid intellectual base and strong aspirations in life.

For the most part, I was disappointed in quite a lot of my relationships simply because I couldn't click with them beyond a certain point. I however, NEVER led them on. I made it clear to all of them right from the start that if there was a point in our relationship where either one of us did not want to be in a relationship anymore, they have the right to walk away without dramatics or bitter feelings.

When I met my wife for the first time however, things were different. We clicked on EVERY given level. She is someone like no other; Intelligent, seductively beautiful... So beautiful that its scary Lol! Passionate and strong willed. Being with her on a physical level was an experience on a whole new place.

And to this day after we got married, every new day has been bright as daylight .

Girls: You know a man loves you when he sees your shapely self in your undies standing infront of a bathroom sink flossing your teeth and thinks that it is one of the sexiest things he has seen Lol!

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posted August 30, 2012 04:43 PM            

Srsly.

posted August 30, 2012 04:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
I'm baffled at the "lots of options" premise. We ALL have lots of options if we decide to have that lifestyle. I know 70 year olds that sleep around and have no problem getting women half their age despite their sagging butt cheeks.

Srsly.

Monogamy is a choice.

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posted August 30, 2012 05:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
I'm baffled at the "lots of options" premise. We ALL have lots of options if we decide to have that lifestyle. I know 70 year olds that sleep around and have no problem getting women half their age despite their sagging butt cheeks.

Srsly.

Monogamy is a choice.

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posted August 30, 2012 06:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
"A man is only as faithful as his options" - Chris Rock

I see what you're saying. You may be onto something. I myself always thought it was partly having to go without something and therefore valuing it, but also self-discipline. Not saying people who pursue multiple interests at a time are sloppy, but they just choose to indulge themselves rather than commit or settle down. You can have access to 20 different women and just choose one, or even choose none. But even outside of romantic relationships, the better off you are the more you have access to. Naturally you're gonna take advantage and maybe find the best fit, or just keep your options open in case your mind changes.
I feel like monogamy is kind of..Iono it's a choice. I can't say whether one can be "naturally" monogamous or not because that's a whole nother conversation on a scientific level.

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posted August 30, 2012 06:27 PM            

Birds on the other hand....over 90%

Monogamy is a social construct. It makes for a calmer society. I think it comes down to parental conditioning more than choice of available partners.

In one study, they found that there was a correlation between the size of the balls in the male of the species and monogamy. Apparently, the smaller the balls, the more inclined they were towards monogamy. Humans are middle of the range.

Financially, it's more lucrative to stick with the person that you're with but it really depends whether you can switch off the instinctive side of your nature. Not everyone values financial security so why stay with someone if you're not happy? Strongly artistic types can find it incredibly difficult to ignore their deeper feelings.

I do think some men are capable of monogamy and some aren't. The same goes for women. But I don't stick anyone on a pedestal for staying with the same person. I think what's important is that you get someone with the same values ~ regardless of what they are. Some of us are quite happy with serial monogamy. Some want a life partner, others want to have their freedom at all costs.

posted August 30, 2012 06:48 PM            

Age has to be taken into consideration too.

posted August 30, 2012 07:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
interesting. so you really think everybody has the same amount of luck/success when it comes to dating/relationships etc.?

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I think that if you want to sleep with a different girl every night, you are more than capable of doing that. If you focus on you and what you want, you will attract like-minded people. If you stand for quality, you will attract quality.

posted August 30, 2012 07:30 PM            

But no, everyone is different and everyone has their own level of success and failure. You can't generalize like that. What do those terms even mean? Your success may be my failure and vice
versa. [/

QUOTE] lol this isn't about me its an objective question about human nature.

posted August 30, 2012 08:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
oh lord, why do i even bother lol. i try to ask a completely objective question about human behavior and this happens.

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