posted January 10, 2013 05:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Hera,

for some reason this stood out for me about your post

This somehow caught my attention. And my question is not meant in any judgemental way,b ut rather a real lack of understanding on my part.
You said you don`t love your bf.
Why is he your bf then?

I know I must probably sound like the most naive teenager here, but for some reason it never crossed my mind that someone would be with someone they donīt love and not even think they love.
So it is FIRST he becomes your boyfriend and THEN you fall for him (if things go well)?

I always thought it is first you fall in love with someone, and then you are getting together.

I know, that people are different. But for some reason I never even thought about that.

HOw does it work? Don`t you feel all the time that something important is missing?
What is the motivation to be with someone, if it is not love (or even the fantasy of love)?

Yes, now it is official I DO Sound like a naive overly 12 year old probably.

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Lol you don't sound naive, Ceri. Not sure I'm the person to ask here coz what do I really know about love? I definitely had it mistaken with other things in the past. I can say though that I think I did love the Bull. And the Sag. I think that because with them I was willing to put their benefit before mine and at the time that meant letting them go which I did because I loved them. That is I guess how I've come to measure love. With the rest.. of course there were feelings.. And I am sure most of the time I do want them to be love, because us Aries love to be in love, it's the most amazing thing in the world for us.
You can have fondness without love and be together with that person. I think in my past few relationships it was mostly that, fondness. Or lust. Or both.. But not that mythical love experience that we read stories about.. That I think I haven't lived yet and perhaps never will.. But there are various shades of grey even though the picture is not bursting with color. Maybe Venus unaspected makes me color blind, I don't know.. But at that time when I was in every relationship that I had, I wanted it to be colorful and.. love. I guess maybe now I am just more honest with how things stand. It is not easy to love someone and people (and myself) say "love" all too easy.

Why is my bf my bf? Well, hmm.. he is into the same things that I am (you know which), he is nice, he treats me well, the relationship is easy and fun and he makes me feel very comfortable and at ease within myself. I guess I knew from the start that it wouldn't last. I did want to try because I knew this would be a very good learning experience for me, and it was. Sex was good too in the beginning. Still sort of is, though fell back into vanilla pattern. It is not working though for several reasons. If this relationship would have worked, I guess I would have stayed with him even though I don't love him. Offering love right now is not on my list of priorities I guess.. Affection will do, but love, self-sacrifice, suffering... he'd have to be pretty d@mn special. Actually no. He'd have to make ME feel pretty d@mn special.

I suppose it sounds selfish. I don't think it is, not really. It's not like I'm not investing or trying to make it work. But I guess I am more detached at this point, that is all.

Of course I feel something is missing. Something is always missing lol. You don't get more than a couple of almost perfect days anyways. It is not a constant highlight and bliss.