posted February 02, 2013 08:53 PM            

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you get confidence after achieving those things

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posted February 03, 2013 10:41 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
LOL Well those two points are conflicting then.

Charlie wouldn't get angry if he saw a woman with a nice cleavage at a funeral. He'd probably ask her for her number.

So this article is saying that on the one hand all men want to be Charlie & lighthearted/easy-going about sex.................... On the other hand they get their knickers in a twist over having a hard-on in an inappropriate situation, and get angry with the woman 'tempting' them, which seems like a very serious/religion-based reaction.

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posted February 03, 2013 10:52 AM            

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
^aquaguy has four Capricorn planets and a Taurus Moon.

No matter how many times he hears it, he just won't get it. I've long since given up. I don't even have the energy to explain it to him any more, other than say, "you just don't get it".

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He`ll get it when the time is right. He`s young and has years more experience ahead of him yet... plus, as an Aqua, he won`t get it just based on general principles

posted February 03, 2013 11:30 AM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:

Scientific explanation for this anger men feel towards overtly sexy women: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/8/14/deat h-derogation-and-double-standards-whats-a-sexy-woman-to.html

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posted February 03, 2013 12:44 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by hannaramaa:
[b] Wait, wait -

I haven't read anything in this thread (skimmed) and then I saw "Justin Beiber" and "rape" in the same vicinity, which I just found ironically hysterical (not rape, but Justin Beiber... I mean it's Justin Beiber c'mon) When was he addressing rape? I'm so surprised because surely this would've been in the Yahoo News ticker at some point of my internet browsing!

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I've read the article in its entirety (in the magazine, I think you can find a small part of it online) and IMO it's actually hilarious, and not so much because he's so naive & sheltered but because how wet in the panties (and thus very unprofessional) the reporter interviewing him was.

Oh, and it was a big deal when it came out in 2011.[/B][/QUOTE]

I hardly ever read Rolling Stone. The only copies I've ever bought were the ones with Lady Gaga and Adele on the front.

posted February 03, 2013 04:26 PM            

In general, yes that article (although I only skimmed/partly read it - I got the gist of it) was funny and sad, both. I tend to like that guy's articles in general but an article can only really present some points of an idea and a bias and then the way you interpret it is really up to you. Really up to you = being filtered through your own bias/personal set of circumstances/the way you have experienced life/the way you choose to see the world.

My bias is such that although I can see many truths in the article, my own experiences with ugly comments, untrustworthy people and the need to feel attractive in front of someone has historically related to women more than men. This doesn't mean that I think all women are judgy, back-stabbing shrews (I swear!!), it means that the way I grew up pre-disposed me to these types of expectations which then drew those types of women in to my circle for many years until I owned my own bias and began to change how I saw (and experienced) women. (i.e. - if you met my Mom then this would all become more clear)

So...to aquaguy: I don't know your whole history on LL in regards to women - just little bits and pieces. I only know that you are 22 which is still quite young (at least from my perspective) and that you seem to struggle with how you are seen by women (and maybe how you see women?)

My point is that we all grow up with a bias and a lot of the time we are completely unaware of it until many years of our adult life have passed. A lot of the messages we got when we were young, were passed on so casually (as if they were truth) that they can literally 'become' how we see ourselves and the people/world around us. And so we integrate them in to our identity even if they are not accurate reflections of who we are.

What you wrote: "if a woman screws a man over, he is told"it must be your fault somehow, you must have done something to deserve it." however if a woman gets screwed over by a man,she hears"oh honey! its not you its him! your beautiful,wonderful etc."

That is your experience and your perception. I can prove that it is distinctly yours, by telling you that I have experienced the exact same scenario as 'the man' in your statement, and I am a woman.

So to the end of my point ---if you feel angry and resentful towards women, there is nothing inherently wrong with the feelings themselves. They are feelings and we all have feelings. Feelings on the surface will indicate larger, deeper, more complex feelings deep down. Basically, those specific surface feelings are telling you that something is amiss and requires your attention. The subconscious is not always obvious, but very, very persistent.

How you handle those feelings and how you express those feelings are the more crucial aspects to consider. Clearly, you are not enjoying your experience of women in the world (and I am not judging because at one point, even being a women, I could relate) BUT (but but but!) if you never get to the root of why that is, then you will always feel this way, I promise you that. If you always look to prove your theory that women are ___________ and men are ____________, you will find articles and people to prove it, I promise you that too.

Personally, the times that I have seen you write things on LL about women, I can literally feel your pain and frustration and so I am trying to tell you that I have compassion for the fact that you are stuck in a loop. And I guess I am sticking a womanly olivey-branchy-internet-LL hug of "I get it! But you are in control of how you see the world and what experiences you draw towards you!!"

Does that make sense to you? I hope none of it came across in the wrong way, since tone is hard to read online. I could go on, but I'll stop. Hopefully you read this whole thing

posted February 03, 2013 04:33 PM            

quote:
"Janet walked her boobs across the city square. 'I can see them staring at my boobs,' she thought, boobily."
I LAUGHED OUT LOUD OMG A+ good find

posted February 03, 2013 04:45 PM            

Personally - I don't feel like this is the end of the story or the end of the problem because I still believe this fear of animality is pre-learnt... and based on moral norms we have and religious dogmas.

A fear-reaction to an attractive member of the opposite sex - is very odd and not what I would see as instinctually-NORMAL. So from my perspective this is a distortion of animal instinct that is mostly religious in nature.

They mentioned self-esteem, but I don't think it's just about self-esteem.. Some people are more impressionable then others and believe what they are told by friends/family/media/authority figures.. Some people do not try to form their own views and opinions in life.
I would say impressionable people are more likely to be scared of their own animality because they believe certain things are wrong/taboo - since this is what they were *taught*.

posted February 03, 2013 04:56 PM            

In my experience people who had air/fire - Venus & Mars (sexual planets) are more removed from basic instincts.. and that includes Aries. The air/fire signs want a story or a fairytale.. They are not happy with the pure physicality of sex and it scares them.

About the article/research... The things that bother me about it are that --- there is an insinuation that these men - the men with *the problem* are in the majority... which they are definitely NOT. This insinuation makes it seem OK for the men with the problem.. Because if they can say "all men have this problem" then it seems like it's just natural.. and it's not a problem at all.
THIS IS WAAAAY BS.. WAY!!!! ^^
There is nothing natural about this reaction to an attractive woman.. and if you do personally have such a reaction (to any guy out there reading this) please seek psychological help.

Secondly the article insinuates that it is *only* men.. There is no mention of women who are just as scared of their own genitalia and who project their fear at men. There are many women who are scared of sex and scared of sexual men who pursue them and who would call those men names like "all men are pigs" etc.
If you are a woman reading this - this is also not normal behaviour and you should likewise seek help.

posted February 03, 2013 05:16 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
Astrology comes into this as well.

In my experience people who had air/fire - Venus & Mars (sexual planets) are more removed from basic instincts.. and that includes Aries. The air/fire signs want a story or a fairytale.. They are not happy with the pure physicality of sex and it scares them.

About the article/research... The things that bother me about it are that --- there is an insinuation that these men - the men with *the problem* are in the majority... which they are definitely NOT. This insinuation makes it seem OK for the men with the problem.. Because if they can say "all men have this problem" then it seems like it's just natural.. and it's not a problem at all.
THIS IS WAAAAY BS.. WAY!!!! ^^
There is [b]nothing natural about this reaction to an attractive woman.. and if you do personally have such a reaction (to any guy out there reading this) please seek psychological help.

Secondly the article insinuates that it is *only* men.. There is no mention of women who are just as scared of their own genitalia and who project their fear at men. There are many women who are scared of sex and scared of sexual men who pursue them and who would call those men names like "all men are pigs" etc.
If you are a woman reading this - this is also not normal behaviour and you should likewise seek help.

Ok - those were my two cents [/B]

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I agree with you that as a society, we are taught to shame our sexuality and thus fear it. But as far as the article goes (i.e. - insinuating that these men are the majority) that article was written with those men in mind. It's Cracked! That's the type of vibe they sell. I have to disagree with one thing -- making blanket generalizations about what is normal without stating that you are making a generalization. Sorry, pet peeve of mine and feel free to call me on it if I ever do it

Some men get along better with men, some women get along better with men, some men get along better with women and some women get along better with women. It all depends on your conditioning/your parents/your early life/your astrology chart/your destiny/pick one. Point being, if you find you are in one of these camps and it's not working out for you, figure out why.

posted February 03, 2013 05:16 PM            

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I think it's basic fear on the part of men.

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No. It's not. And it is not excusable either.

So this is something that has to change in those men who do have this issue. It is 100% NOT COOL and NOT OK.

If you feel like you personally have this problem.. please work on self-improving and changing your attitude.

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Speaking for myself, I am intimidated by the overtly sexual and forward maneaters

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posted February 03, 2013 05:21 PM            

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making blanket generalizations about what is normal without stating that you are making a generalization.

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I am sorry about using the word "normal".

What I meant was instinctually/biologically *typical* of being an ape and an animal..
For example it is considered 'normal' or typical.. that if an animal is thirsty it/they would look for water.. and drink water - as a survival mechanism.
So failing to do this ^ would be atypical.. or "abnormal".

Some things are classified as diseases/mental disorders.
I would not like to say that someone with a mental disorder is "abnormal".. BUT they do have a *problem*.

This is basically what I am getting at. That this IS a problem, not "typical" male behaviour in any animal species (including humans).

posted February 03, 2013 05:31 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
I am sorry about using the word "normal".

What I meant was instinctually/biologically *typical* of being an ape and an animal..
For example it is considered 'normal' or typical.. that if an animal is thirsty it/they would look for water.. and drink water - as a survival mechanism.
So failing to do this ^ would be atypical.. or "abnormal".

Some things are classified as diseases/mental disorders.
I would not like to say that someone with a mental disorder is "abnormal".. BUT they do have a *problem*.

This is basically what I am getting at. That this IS a problem, not "typical" male behaviour in any animal species (including humans).

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I get what you are saying - I think we were referencing two different articles.

Okay, I found the article you were talking about ( the one from Aquacheeka, right?) I find that article a little hard to swallow whether you use the words typical or general, so I get what you were saying in your original post. I do think, however, that it might be more prolific than you think in a micro way, depending on the culture. And when I say more prolific, I mean that variations of that theme might be found to various degrees (like on a sliding scale, say) in many people -both men and women. Kind of like the Kinsey scale. (On a side note, I have the same bday as Alfred Kinsey. Yay me!)

posted February 03, 2013 07:57 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
There is a difference between someone who is hassling you sexually... and someone who is simply sitting there at a funeral, dressed in something that you find attractive.
Anyone would feel intimidated if someone else was *hassling* them.
But if a girl is simply *attractive* and dressed in an attractive way and she is flirty etc... and your reaction to that is *fear* & *anger* - this is basically a psychological problem.
This is not some kind of "all men are like this" situation - & we can't brush the problem under the carpet, as 'typical' or 'normal'.

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