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Author Topic:   Too judgmental...
Kerosene
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From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 01:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know humans are judgmental but sometimes I snub people I feel are lower than me... I don't mean to do it, its like my initial reaction.. Thats not a nice thing to do, others can feel it.

Yesterday there was this transgender girl waiting for the train with me and she started talking to me and I was like.".... Yeah...Oh....mhmmm..." to be honest she looked kinda ratchet with 5'o'clock shadow and that outfit was horrid.

She did have a pretty and feminine face so thats one nice thing to say and she's obviously still transitioning too so she's not going to look perfect.. I did feel bad because I think she felt my coldness.
I made it a point to sit next to her and chat with her on the train because I felt really bad.

The thing is I do this a lot, and I don't mean too.
I think the project my own insecurities for perfection on people that are less fortunate than me..

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peregrine
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posted March 09, 2013 01:49 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
U grow out of it. I also never talked to crossdressers in college.

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SunChild
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posted March 09, 2013 01:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well you answered your own enquiry. Introspection is a beautiful tool.

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mirage29
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posted March 09, 2013 01:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I know humans are judgmental but sometimes I snub people I feel are lower than me...
. . .
The thing is I do this a lot, and I don't mean too.

I think the project my own insecurities for perfection on people that are less fortunate than me...


"...I feel are lower than me" ^ "...less fortunate than me"

Really? And how do you think they are less fortunate?... Spiritually, you may not realize that you could be sitting with evolutionary giants. Their apparent ugliness and insufficiencies are yours!?

Actually, do an experiment and think of it in this way... there may be no one lower there and more depraved than you... You ARE the bottom feeder! These may be your first inklings...

Practice seeing "them" in that way... Practice seeing 'others' as 'higher' than your self! Humility... Balance.

The Last shall be first, and the First will be last...

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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 02:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by peregrine:
U grow out of it. I also never talked to crossdressers in college.

Well I don't mind cross dressers at all but i was using that as an example, but I hope sooo

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Kerosene
Knowflake

Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 02:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by mirage29:
"...I feel are lower than me" ^ "...less fortunate than me"

Really? And how do you think they are less fortunate?... Spiritually, you may not realize that you could be sitting with evolutionary giants. Their apparent ugliness and insufficiencies are yours!?

Actually, do an experiment and think of it in this way... there may be no one lower there and more depraved than you... You ARE the bottom feeder! These may be your first inklings...

Practice seeing "them" in that way... Practice seeing 'others' as 'higher' than your self! Humility... Balance.

The Last shall be first, and the First will be last...


I mean less fortunate in the sense that their life circumstances make them unable to be well groomed or put together. Like the boy that was transitioning.
There was this girl in class is wearing a zipped up hoody with no shirt underneath thats like..... Not cute... How do you react to that?
They could be spiritually higher than us all but we live in a material plane and its the fittest and best that survive.

Thats good advice thou, I'll try and do it.
The problem is Its like my first reaction... I'm not good at hiding my thoughts and they become apparent to others.
We all silently judge one another but I can't seem to be silent.

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Xiiro
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posted March 09, 2013 03:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xiiro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Perhaps the way you get over it is by being honest. Being able to say, "I'm sorry for the way I acted just now. I am going through some things with myself and sometimes it's my first reaction to project those things on others."

Like you hinted in your post, the person with the problem is not them, but you. So apologize if you feel your lack of rightness within has caused you to unconsciously harm someone else. Practicing owning up to our actions is a very therapeutic way of resolving habits which appear to run amok with our personalities. You already have the problem half way resolved by being aware of it, now just make your self accountable. That way you can see it as something which needs work instead of a personality trait to sweep under the rug.

You may get some negative reactions, some people may surprise you by having not even noticed, and others will teach you how to love flawed people by the way they respond to your flaw. =)

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somethingexcellent
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From: walking with my head in the clouds!
Registered: Nov 2012

posted March 09, 2013 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for somethingexcellent     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Kerosene: The thing is I do this a lot, and I don't mean too.
I think the project my own insecurities for perfection on people that are less fortunate than me..

Well at least you admit it. I sniffed that on you a mile away,
Next step is trying to work on it, and that's not too hard.

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted March 09, 2013 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Well, I personally do not like the transgendered vibe..it just feels sort plastic to me.

Have met several transgendered people who can pull it off, but they tend to be few and fair between.

However, my real question would be is it judgmental to point out the 5 o'clock shadow was throwing the look off?

Is that just being honest? Or being a tool?

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aquaguy91
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From: tennessee
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posted March 09, 2013 09:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:

Well, I personally do not like the transgendered vibe..it just feels sort plastic to me.

Have met several transgendered people who can pull it off, but they tend to be few and fair between.

However, my real question would be is it judgmental to point out the 5 o'clock shadow was throwing the look off?

Is that just being honest? Or being a tool?



no, i wouldnt exactly call it being a tool, but i wouldnt do it unless they ask your opinion.

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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 09:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^ Well yeah they wear a lot of makeup so their skin appears flawless like a woman. thats why it looks plastic, but most of the time cakey. You should compliment them on how plastic they look, they would be happy!

I think its off putting if they can't pull it off, its just awkward for everyone in the room lol
A lot of times they don't know what to wear, I should style them!!!!
Drag queens make it look fun, but I know some people who are terrified of them because they can look clownish sometimes.

I guess my major problem is being superficial too.
Thats good advice xiiro, I can't change being a b1tch but I can own up to it it, If I behave negatively.

"Oh sorry I was just farting, anyways nice to meet you"
Or I'll just say that..
My friends tell me I give a stank face if someone weird approches me lol

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 09:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How can you tell if it is a cross dresser, transgendered, transsexual, transvestite,
or an actual person born that way, both genders physically to some or full degree;
those who were once called hermaphrodites or
now, androgynes and intersex.
People assume and judge when they do not really know and do not want to try to understand.
I gave up trying to be what people want or expect.
>>>Private info edited out<<<

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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^
It must be very difficult...

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Lexxigramer
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From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I mean less fortunate in the sense that their life circumstances make them unable to be well groomed or put together. Like the boy that was transitioning.

WHY does that make him/her lower than you?
Maybe the person was comfortable with just "being their self".
Maybe they were not even as you labeled them?
Unless they tell you,
there is no real way to know if they are a male or female or changing or naturally androgyne or intersex.
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:

There was this girl in class is wearing a zipped up hoody with no shirt underneath thats like..... Not cute... How do you react to that?

Was she flashing her breasts?
If it was zipped up it is her business not yours.
I wear such from time to time and always have,
for over 50 years to date.
And no bra either.
Hate bras and my bone spurs cannot handle straps, could kill literally.
You don't approve?
Well tough.
That is your problem, not mine.
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:

They could be spiritually higher than us all but we live in a material plane and its the fittest and best that survive.

Thats good advice thou, I'll try and do it.
The problem is Its like my first reaction... I'm not good at hiding my thoughts and they become apparent to others.
We all silently judge one another but I can't seem to be silent.


I'd rather people came right out and ask me;
rather than judge and stare or whatever.
Spiritually I am quite comfortable with myself.
Materially my life mostly sucks.
I sincerely do wish you good luck in finding a way to accept that everyone is not you or what makes you comfortable.

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^
It must be very difficult...

Except for being mutilated as a baby and not allowed to be myself as I was born;
and some people's reactions;
no,
only those ways;
because personally I love myself and my intersex state of being.
It is society with the problem, not me.


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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
------------

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
personal information deleted

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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
**** I don't even know what to say....

Doctors should never mess with infants no matter how they appear (unless its necessary)
Its up to them to decide if they want to be a man or a woman or whatever.

Uggh okay, I won't ask anymore but I am sooooo curious...
You should write a book, your experiences are important.
Maybe you can cash in on your life experiences too?

You are probably spiritually in much higher plane than most people...

As long as your happy with yourself entirely then thats all that matters, I can't say the same for myself..

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^^ Well yeah they wear a lot of makeup so their skin appears flawless like a woman. thats why it looks plastic, but most of the time cakey. You should compliment them on how plastic they look, they would be happy!

I think its off putting if they can't pull it off, its just awkward for everyone in the room lol
A lot of times they don't know what to wear, I should style them!!!!
Drag queens make it look fun, but I know some people who are terrified of them because they can look clownish sometimes.

I guess my major problem is being superficial too.
Thats good advice xiiro, I can't change being a b1tch but I can own up to it it, If I behave negatively.

"Oh sorry I was just farting, anyways nice to meet you"
Or I'll just say that..
My friends tell me I give a stank face if someone weird approches me lol


It's not the makeup etc, it is more, especially with female transgendered is they are still moving like men, but dressed like a woman.

If one ever notices, men and women move very very differently, men more march, women more drop a hip, then step, drop a hip, then step.

But male transgendered women can pull it off b/c they understand movement and at least try to move like men.

Not seeing a pretty image of pancake make up and stubble.

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^^ Well yeah they wear a lot of makeup so their skin appears flawless like a woman. thats why it looks plastic, but most of the time cakey. You should compliment them on how plastic they look, they would be happy!

I think its off putting if they can't pull it off, its just awkward for everyone in the room lol
A lot of times they don't know what to wear, I should style them!!!!
Drag queens make it look fun, but I know some people who are terrified of them because they can look clownish sometimes.

I guess my major problem is being superficial too.
Thats good advice xiiro, I can't change being a b1tch but I can own up to it it, If I behave negatively.

"Oh sorry I was just farting, anyways nice to meet you"
Or I'll just say that..
My friends tell me I give a stank face if someone weird approches me lol


That I understand.
If they want to get stares that will do it.
Yeah caked on makeup and theatrical drag queen clown paint looks plastic on anyone;
even natural born women.
On stage is one thing;
but for everyday, rather tacky.
I have told such fellows whether just dressing up, or going the mtf route;
less is more guys!
Real women do not usually smother their faces
in stage makeup.
You cannot hide what you look like under layers of paint and plaster and expect people to take you seriously.
If you cannot pull off the look you are aiming for;
then try to just be yourself.
Work with what you have, not against it.
I would say the same to an over made up women.
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
It's not the makeup etc, it is more, especially with female transgendered is they are still moving like men, but dressed like a woman.

If one ever notices, men and women move very very differently, men more march, women more drop a hip, then step, drop a hip, then step.

But male transgendered women can pull it off b/c they understand movement and at least try to move like men.

Not seeing a pretty image of pancake make up and stubble.


I agree with you there somewhat.
It varies from person to person.
I have never been able to walk like a girl.
And many guys I know;
including heterosexual ones;
cannot walk like stereotypical men.
It is the over doing it with stereotypes of how to look and act male or female that gets many transitioning and or transitioned folks come off as looking/acting fake.
Also height is a factor if one wants to blend in.
Like a 6 feet 7 inch tall very broad shouldered "woman" is going to blend in.
Same for a very soft child voiced 5 feet tall narrow shouldered woman wanting to look/be male;
all the hair shaving/butching up will convince no one.
FTM folk go overboard often, too butch, shaved heads and try to talk with fake deep voices.
It does not convince most folks.
Same for MTF folks going over the top girlier than real women.
Most try too hard and overdo it when trying to blend in.
The makeup with stuble is unattractive and fake looking.
Hence even though beaded/mustached female;
I do not try to hide it.
It just plain does not work.

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Kerosene
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Posts: 1797
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted March 09, 2013 10:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^
You definitely helped change my mentality!
I definitely need work on my social skills more.
I would never want to judge you ever because you seem like an awesome person!

Unless you wore an ugly outfit, okay that girls outfit was just so bad I mean come on...
I think that was my major problem with her...

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 11:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^
You definitely helped change my mentality!
I definitely need work on my social skills more.
I would never want to judge you ever because you seem like an awesome person!


Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Unless you wore an ugly outfit, okay that girls outfit was just so bad I mean come on...
I think that was my major problem with her...


Oh some outfits can indeed be atrocious.
However what one person finds ugly another might not.
I really do not care what folks look like,
but if they want to get my attention to see them as attractive or sexy;
well that is not always easy.
I do not find it sexy or appealing the look of Ass drag short pants on guys, and underwear hanging out.
I do not find short hair attractive, with rare exception.
I just cannot get convict or cancer victim out of my head.
Or backwards baseball caps.
Very unsexy to me.
Overly butch "redneck chique" on guys and beer bellies hanging over their tight belts and too tight jeans is also unattractive.
Well anyhow;
I probably dress VERY UGLY to most folks.
I usually wear black, and loose pajama or pajama like tops and bottoms.
I am disabled so that all black and stretchy makes it easier for me to dress myself or others to dress me when I need help.
I also suffer from a condition that causes my belly to increase from 10 inches up to 22 inches larger a few times a week;
that happens literally in under 5 minutes without any warning.
I must wear super stretchy baggy clothing to accommodate that issue.
Oh well;
I get stared at no matter what I do;
even if I dress normal or shave.
My face from time to time distorts from neurological issues, palsy/spasms and so forth.
It looks like one side is melting.
I usually just stay at home when my face does that because of the drooling that happens then also.

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 09, 2013 11:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Interesting thread; food for thought for everyone kinda thing.

Love and Blessings to All.

------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
My Lexigramming Biography/over 1/2 a century to date Lexigramming

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted March 09, 2013 11:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Interesting thread; food for thought for everyone kinda thing.

Love and Blessings to All.


quote:
agree with you there somewhat.
It varies from person to person.
I have never been able to walk like a girl.
And many guys I know;
including heterosexual ones;
cannot walk like stereotypical men.
It is the over doing it with stereotypes of how to look and act male or female that gets many transitioning and or transitioned folks come off as looking/acting fake.
Also height is a factor if one wants to blend in.
Like a 6 feet 7 inch tall very broad shouldered "woman" is going to blend in.
Same for a very soft child voiced 5 feet tall narrow shouldered woman wanting to look/be male;
all the hair shaving/butching up will convince no one.
FTM folk go overboard often, too butch, shaved heads and try to talk with fake deep voices.
It does not convince most folks.
Same for MTF folks going over the top girlier than real women.
Most try too hard and overdo it when trying to blend in.
The makeup with stuble is unattractive and fake looking.
Hence even though beaded/mustached female;
I do not try to hide it.
It just plain does not work.

Yes and no, was merely speaking on those who are good at it, and those who just seem to be plastic.

My dear friend, who runs a sort of biz via BBQing food and you pay what you think it is worth in the form of a tip, is transgendered, but He/She is really good at it.

So much so I do not even notice most of the time, He/She just is one of the guys.

Now, to be grumpy here, it does get very tiresome when gay men just supposed "you are one of us", and I'm not at all, never had that inclination so to speak.

But b/c I seem powerful or whatever, they just assume b/c I'm not hitting on every woman, just talking to them just to sort of get a feel for information..they assume that is how I take my pleasures.

Not so, but I also don't desire to be a tool and just be blunt about it as personally I like them but not that sort of way.


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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 2215
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 10, 2013 12:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Yes and no, was merely speaking on those who are good at it, and those who just seem to be plastic.

My dear friend, who runs a sort of biz via BBQing food and you pay what you think it is worth in the form of a tip, is transgendered, but He/She is really good at it.

So much so I do not even notice most of the time, He/She just is one of the guys.


I totally know what you're saying and agree.
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:

Now, to be grumpy here, it does get very tiresome when gay men just supposed "you are one of us", and I'm not at all, never had that inclination so to speak.

But b/c I seem powerful or whatever, they just assume b/c I'm not hitting on every woman, just talking to them just to sort of get a feel for information..they assume that is how I take my pleasures.

Not so, but I also don't desire to be a tool and just be blunt about it as personally I like them but not that sort of way.


I run into that myself and especially before I became disabled,
and was going about socializing.
At GLBTI places;
the lesbians would hit on me if I had shaved and had on makeup.
The butch ones saw me oddly as a fem because of my long hair.
Well,
I am not into the the ladies sexually.
It was a compliment;
but yeah, the assumptions made for some uncomfortable moments.
Then whenever I was in hetero places;
the straight guys would see my long hair and bosum, and hit on me.
No thanks guys.
I just set folks to rights from the start when hit on.
Politely always politely of course unless they start grabbing at me.
Ugh.
I guess I confused/confuse folks;
as even hetero women have hit on me and some even had crushes on me;
getting very hurt and angry when I said no.
It can get complicated for sure.

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