posted April 06, 2013 08:00 AM            

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I am not a freak, or ugly, or weird.

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Why are you telling us this?

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I really am embarrassed to be a virgin

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Could you explain why you feel this way though?

You said later:
"You are trying to imply that I am just looking to do it for a confirmation from society"

So.. if you are not looking for confirmation from society and you don't feel put down by society for being a virgin - then - what is it that makes you feel embarrassed?

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want to loose my viriginity already and get it over with

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'Get it over with' makes it sound like a chore. I'm a bit concerned that you see it as something that you need to just do.. and tick off your "to do" list for the year.
Same question as above - if this is not due to societal pressure... then why are you making it into a chore?

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fear of being a virgin forever scares me

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This would likely only happen if you chose not to have sex - ever. So the ball is in your court on that. There is no reason to panic about it.

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Is this completely stupid ?

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I'm sorry if this is too blunt - but for someone who is not looking for approval.. you're overly concerned with what we think about you - and we're all just strangers on a website.
You are probably even more concerned when it comes to friends/acquaintances - people you actually know.

posted April 06, 2013 11:27 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
I'm sorry if this is too blunt - but for someone who is not looking for approval.. you're overly concerned with what we think about you - and we're all just strangers on a website.
You are probably even more concerned when it comes to friends/acquaintances - people you actually know.

Ask yourself what you really want to do deep down and go with your intuition. Being so centred on other people's perspective of the situation or social norms.. pulls you away from your personal intuition.

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posted April 06, 2013 11:28 AM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
I think if you are in love with one man and have sex with another, you might screw everything up between yourself and the man you love.

Will you be able to tell the one you love what you did? If you think you might have a long future with him, are you really going to want to have that secret festering there forever?

My first time was with a guy who I thought of as my soul mate. And he called me his soul mate.

All I can say is, I can't think of how the experience could have been better. And I do wish that happiness for others.

Best wishes.

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Yes this is the best way for it all to happen.

posted April 06, 2013 11:42 AM            

I agree with the others that you should do whatever makes you TRULY happy, deep inside your heart. If losing it makes you happy without regrets then go for it! If it doesn't and I think that you are confused because you still really don't want to lose it, then don't. Whether it's because of societal pressure or not, the fact that you are here, hesitant and looking for advice gives me an impression that you are still holding back and that you are not yet ready. There are many other ways of projecting that desire onto a certain outlet. I have a VERY strong sex drive and believe me, there's always an effective way that you can do to control that if you don't want to have sexual intercourse.

posted April 06, 2013 12:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
I'm sorry if this is too blunt - but for someone who is not looking for approval.. you're overly concerned with what we think about you - and we're all just strangers on a website.
You are probably even more concerned when it comes to friends/acquaintances - people you actually know.

Ask yourself what you really want to do deep down and go with your intuition. Being so centred on other people's perspective of the situation or social norms.. pulls you away from your personal intuition.

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posted April 06, 2013 03:42 PM            

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Originally posted by Lunae:
@prodigal Well, he is happily married in a foreign land. Apparently, he got on with his life carrying that particular shadow of his past. I have never told a soul about this, until now.

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Lunae can you delete my op from the quote which you quoted? I would appreciate it thank you.

In response to what you wrote, once again, I'm not some type of freak. I definitely want to have a sex life ... obviously, I just want it now. And I am not sure whether it is better to wait for the one that I love or do it with someone I don't care about at all. I'm definitely ready for sex. I feel like you got the impression that I wasn't for some reason.
Anyways, I would like to thank you for taking the time to comment, what you say makes sense...

posted April 06, 2013 03:46 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:

Everything you wrote was condescending..
Not everyone is as sure as you, and they need support.
Its really easy to ask personal question a website like this because people have experiences or similar situations.
Nobody knows Op in real life, there is no shame here.
Op can't go to her friends because this is a very personal thing.

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posted April 06, 2013 03:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lunae:
@prodigal Well, he is happily married in a foreign land. Apparently, he got on with his life carrying that particular shadow of his past. I have never told a soul about this, until now.

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this is ridiculous, this person should be punished

posted April 06, 2013 03:50 PM            

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Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
I agree Odette, sharing your thoughts in a safe place takes a lot of guts, so please don't analyze every sentence she said or treat her question as invalid, that's just not fair.

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posted April 06, 2013 04:07 PM            

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Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
this is ridiculous, this person should be punished

how dare they do that to a child!

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I will edit your op that I quoted once I get to a PC, my phone won't let me edit stuff for some reason XD

I don't think he will even if it was discovered. He was about 15 or 16 when he committed the crime. Even though it left a huge, gaping hole on my dignity as a woman, I have forgiven him. It is God who will make the final judgement, after all.

Anyways, getting back to your issue, if you feel ready then go for it! Make it as meaningful as possible. It will be a life experience for you. Just be careful of the consequences though

posted April 06, 2013 04:18 PM            

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Originally posted by Lunae:
I will edit your op that I quoted once I get to a PC, my phone won't let me edit stuff for some reason XD

I don't think he will even if it was discovered. He was about 15 or 16 when he committed the crime. Even though it left a huge, gaping hole on my dignity as a woman, I have forgiven him. It is God who will make the final judgement, after all.

Anyways, getting back to your issue, if you feel ready then go for it! Make it as meaningful as possible. It will be a life experience for you. Just be careful of the consequences though

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Thank you

posted April 06, 2013 05:34 PM            

But simply ask yourself - WHY do I feel this way? WHY does this make me feel embarrassed?
Is 'escaping a feeling of embarrassment' the right motivation to have sex?

If you don't figure yourself out - then how are you supposed to make the right decision here.

This is just my advice. You were asking for advice.

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I felt like you are trying to criticize me and not help.

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ummm ok.
*shrug*

posted April 06, 2013 06:02 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
I wasn't asking for the sake of asking.
I genuinely thought and still think it would be helpful for you to ask yourself those questions.
You don't have to answer them here on LL.

But simply ask yourself - WHY do I feel this way? WHY does this make me feel embarrassed?
Is 'escaping a feeling of embarrassment' the right motivation to have sex?

If you don't figure yourself out - then how are you supposed to make the right decision here.

This is just my advice. You were asking for advice.

ummm ok.
*shrug*

I wasn't criticising.

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posted April 06, 2013 06:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
I wasn't asking for the sake of asking.
I genuinely thought and still think it would be helpful for you to ask yourself those questions.
You don't have to answer them here on LL.

But simply ask yourself - WHY do I feel this way? WHY does this make me feel embarrassed?
Is 'escaping a feeling of embarrassment' the right motivation to have sex?

If you don't figure yourself out - then how are you supposed to make the right decision here.

This is just my advice. You were asking for advice.

ummm ok.
*shrug*

I wasn't criticising.

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I understood it as being just like this, with an emphasis on, "If you don't figure yourself out - then how are you supposed to make the right decision here."

Maybe it only makes sense to someone with enough air in their chart and/or fearless enough to look within. Or put another way I would not have felt attacked, threatened, insecure, or insulted for having received this as a response.

posted April 06, 2013 07:15 PM            

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people get offended

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Do you still feel offended? Or do you understand where I was coming from?

Personally when I feel negative feelings where it be anger or hate or fear or embarrassment or whatever it is..I try to figure out what it is in the world out there (or people around me etc) that is triggering these feelings. This helps because then I can figure out what to do next and how to act on my feelings. But I am basically self-analytical. I don't know if this would help you, since we are different people.

posted April 07, 2013 04:05 AM              

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Originally posted by Lunae:
@prodigal Well, he is happily married in a foreign land. Apparently, he got on with his life carrying that particular shadow of his past. I have never told a soul about this, until now.

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I see. I think i knew of someone that used to be anally raped by her brother... Different effects i guess... She was rather wild. Probably felt she was worthless.