posted April 05, 2013 02:39 AM            

Honestly, depending on your first time, how it went and the relationship between the taker of your v-card, I don't think it makes you any different of a person afterwards. The most that happens, you find that you're a sexual person, or that sex isn't everything in the world.

So it's really up to you. If you are um... in touch with your sensual self and have a good idea what you like, maybe you can hook up with someone who you feel "meh" about but let me tell you this... it is a WAYYYY much better experience when you are with someone you are in love with or at least trust. Much better.

Others can disagree with me but I have found this to be true personally. But, if you are capable of detaching yourself from your feelings (which you should know, because this applies to non-sexual situations as well), then I don't think it matters much. But that's my advice. I'd still wait it out for someone you feel "something" with, rather than some guy who's "meh". Then again, you can go through with it with this guy, and move on to better experiences. It is really up to you.

posted April 05, 2013 08:15 AM            

It sounds strange to me that you just want to "get it over with" but it's your body. I can tell you that the first time is not "magic" for many women, plenty found it miserable and not really worth it, though of course others enjoyed it a lot. (If you must go through with this then get the fantasies of romantic fiction out of your head now and back into the real world!) And unless you find the taboo to be hot then you'd probably do a lot better to do the deed with someone you trust enough to relax, though the problem there is that a lot of people you trust are people you know well and that just begs for after-sex drama.

Furthermore, you're not really going to know what it's like from one time or even one person. It can be all kinds of ways, and there's typically also a huge difference between doing it for lust and doing it in love (and I don't mean to put one down over the other, both have their perks and drawbacks). It's also different strokes for different folks (for example, some love it rough, others gentle, and your natal chart should give you insights into what you'd like best if you're not sure). It gets better when you know what you're doing, which experience helps with (especially if you're a woman), though it's possible to research it of course (hint, stay away from fictional porn and erotica as it's usually very inaccurate, especially the more popular kinds, unless it's to help pretend with someone, and a lot of sex, and how enjoyable it is, is in the mind more than the body).

We're not allowed to go into more detail than what I've just gone into, sorry.

Personally, I wonder why you can't wait. I don't think "doing it" is going to take your mind off of it, though if it's bad enough it might discourage further experimentation. And just to be clear I'm not against experimentation, but it seems to me you're doing it out of insecurity (confidence in your appearance notwithstanding) rather than truly wanting to learn who you are, and that's the wrong way to approach it, IMO. And insecurity is likely to make the experience worse than it would otherwise be, and if I'm right about insecurity being the reason for this desire then you probably will be upset with yourself after even if it's enjoyable or gives some insight you didn't have before, because insecure people tend to berate themselves no matter what, which means there's no point in losing your virginity to combat your insecurity because you'll remain insecure after, it's not going to turn you into some confident "woman" after. Insecurity has to be fought by other means, not by doing what you think you're obligated or expected to do.

posted April 05, 2013 08:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
Hello to all,

First of all I would like to say that this post will deal with a variety of topics crossing borders with love, attraction, and repulsion. I'm in a really difficult situation and I could use some advice.

I'm a 22 year old woman and a virgin. Honestly, I am not a freak, or ugly, or weird. I have been in relationships and know that I am attractive to men. When I was with my last boyfriend, I was 19 and did not feel ready to do it at that time, we had a nice relationship but something changed so we broke it off. I have dated several others after him but they were atrocious to say the least. If we would have stayed together for a month or two longer, I would definitely have ended up in the sack with him. We were together for about 9 months. A few months after this, I met my soulmate/true love of my life, I love this man beyond words. Due to certain factors we have not yet been in a real relationship with each other, I am not willing to elaborate on this more. In the meantime, I really am embarrassed to be a virgin, and not to sound arrogant but with my level of attractiveness - no one in their mind would ever even guess that I was one. Currently, I have this sexual urge building up inside of me and I just want to do it already. But because I at the moment am not with the one I love (due to certain restrictions that exist in our society)... I kind of just want to loose my viriginity already and get it over with. I met a guy recently (we never knew each other personally but we knew each other's families and he is a decent guy that comes from a nice family). I am not really attracted to him at all and obviously I don't love him. But the tension inside of me and fear of being a virgin forever scares me so I just want to get it over with. I am considering just getting it over and done with, basically using him to have sex. Is this completely stupid ? I am a realist and I am not waiting for Prince Charming or anything. I just feel like if I have sex and know what it is like I will be able to focus on other things for a little bit and just say that I've done it so that it can be off my mind and if the true love comes along then he comes along... But I really do not want to be a Virgin for much longer. Also I think it is important for me to point out that I have the fear that I will be totally disgusted for having it done with someone I do not love and that the first time is supposed to be special... So I fear an emotional outburst if do go through with it, at the same time, I will no longer be a virgin so that is a great thing...

Thoughts? Ideas? What should I do?

Please no rude comments

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I did that. Don't do it. It is an awful kind of regret that does not leave you. I was 24, so you have time

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted April 05, 2013 08:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
A lot of people, including men, are virgins at 22. While some regret it, others don't. Likewise, plenty of people regret NOT waiting for "that special moment" (or at least someone better than they had), and just to be clear I do mean people who chose to lose their virginity as opposed to some form of sexual predation who regretted it after. It all depends.

It sounds strange to me that you just want to "get it over with" but it's your body. I can tell you that the first time is not "magic" for many women, plenty found it miserable and not really worth it, though of course others enjoyed it a lot. (If you must go through with this then get the fantasies of romantic fiction out of your head now and back into the real world!) And unless you find the taboo to be hot then you'd probably do a lot better to do the deed with someone you trust enough to relax, though the problem there is that a lot of people you trust are people you know well and that just begs for after-sex drama.

Furthermore, you're not really going to know what it's like from one time or even one person. It can be all kinds of ways, and there's typically also a huge difference between doing it for lust and doing it in love (and I don't mean to put one down over the other, both have their perks and drawbacks). It's also different strokes for different folks (for example, some love it rough, others gentle, and your natal chart should give you insights into what you'd like best if you're not sure). It gets better when you know what you're doing, which experience helps with (especially if you're a woman), though it's possible to research it of course (hint, stay away from fictional porn and erotica as it's usually very inaccurate, especially the more popular kinds, unless it's to help pretend with someone, and a lot of sex, and how enjoyable it is, is in the mind more than the body).

We're not allowed to go into more detail than what I've just gone into, sorry.

Personally, I wonder why you can't wait. I don't think "doing it" is going to take your mind off of it, though if it's bad enough it might discourage further experimentation. And just to be clear I'm not against experimentation, but it seems to me you're doing it out of insecurity (confidence in your appearance notwithstanding) rather than truly wanting to learn who you are, and that's the wrong way to approach it, IMO. And insecurity is likely to make the experience worse than it would otherwise be, and if I'm right about insecurity being the reason for this desire then you probably will be upset with yourself after even if it's enjoyable or gives some insight you didn't have before, because insecure people tend to berate themselves no matter what, which means there's no point in losing your virginity to combat your insecurity because you'll remain insecure after, it's not going to turn you into some confident "woman" after. Insecurity has to be fought by other means, not by doing what you think you're obligated or expected to do.

Good luck in whatever you do.

---

posted April 05, 2013 08:54 AM            

Honestly, I don't understand you then or why this is so important to you. But things like my pointing out that it's different at times is because you said things like, "I just feel like if I have sex and know what it is like." If you have sex one time you're not really going to know what it's like other than that specific instance & person, and you'd do better just to go about it solo, IMO if you're not into emotional intimacy as well.

posted April 05, 2013 09:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sorry, but that is a risk of asking for thoughts. You're right, I wasn't trying to be offensive. Some of what I said (like not confusing romantic fiction with real life) was meant more as general statements than to you specifically as a lot of people do confuse reality with fantasy and think it's better than it is.

Honestly, I don't understand you then or why this is so important to you. But things like my pointing out that it's different at times is because you said things like, "I just feel like if I have sex and know what it is like." If you have sex one time you're not really going to know what it's like other than that specific instance & person, and you'd do better just to go about it solo, IMO if you're not into emotional intimacy as well.

But I'll try not to share my thoughts and ideas with you anymore the next time you ask for thoughts and ideas.

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posted April 05, 2013 09:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Yes;
do what feels right for you

Do not give up your virginity for some societal or peer pressure reason.
That you would regret I feel.

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posted April 05, 2013 10:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
No I actually agree with you, of course I want emotional intimacy to be part of my first time with the man that I love. But I am impatient and thinking that maybe I can detach myself and do it with any sense of emotional intimacy just to get it over with, but then my impression of sex would be completely different had I not just plugged my nose and did it for this reason, so what I am saying is that if I were to do it it the man that I love rather than just some random person I do not even like my impression of sex would be different...

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quote:

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Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
I don't really value it anyway though, sadly

---

This is completely incongruous. You want emotional intimacy, you've decided not to have sex with just anybody up until this point, you decided not to have sex with your partner of 9 months. Yet here you are, suggesting that you are thinking or inclining to just do it with any person whom you have no attachment or emotional connection with, just to get it out of the way. It seems to me that you are either ignoring the values important to you, or you don't actually have these values. If it was the latter, then you probably would not be here discussing or asking this question.

Also the way you term, " just get it over with" what exactly do you mean? Sex means different things to different people, in different situations. Some people do enjoy more recreational sex, whilst others prefer a more emotionally intimate encounter. If by get it over with, you mean the first time you decide to have sex, then I really don't understand why it is such a big deal to you. Society has put a huge... I don't know what to call it but put something huge behind 'virgin'. You say that societal pressures mean nothing to you, fair enough. So what then is bothering you about not deciding to have had sex yet? I really can't see any reason why you should be so concerned about it.

posted April 05, 2013 11:17 AM            

quote:

---

I kind of just want to loose my viriginity already and get it over with.

---

It's sad that you feel so desperate to get rid of it. If you feel love is something you need to truly enjoy this experience, don't do it then. I'm in the same situation. Well, almost. I'm 22-year-old virgin, I've always been on my own though. And I am weird. Anyway, I'm going to keep my virginity until I can do it my way, which is with someone I trust and am in love with. It's tough at times because just like you I do have a sex drive but I already know casual sex isn't for me. I didn't even enjoy making out with those 2 guys. I regret it still and I think that means something. Currently I don't wanna be a relationship and don't plan to be for the next few years but if someone sweeps me of my feet then who knows, maybe I won't be a virging when I turn 30

The choice is yours but I really don't recommend you to do it just to get rid of virginity. Be true to yourself.

posted April 05, 2013 11:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
This is completely incongruous. You want emotional intimacy, you've decided not to have sex with just anybody up until this point, you decided not to have sex with your partner of 9 months. Yet here you are, suggesting that you are thinking or inclining to just do it with any person whom you have no attachment or emotional connection with, just to get it out of the way. It seems to me that you are either ignoring the values important to you, or you don't actually have these values. If it was the latter, then you probably would not be here discussing or asking this question.

Also the way you term, " just get it over with" what exactly do you mean? Sex means different things to different people, in different situations. Some people do enjoy more recreational sex, whilst others prefer a more emotionally intimate encounter. If by get it over with, you mean the first time you decide to have sex, then I really don't understand why it is such a big deal to you. Society has put a huge... I don't know what to call it but put something huge behind 'virgin'. You say that societal pressures mean nothing to you, fair enough. So what then is bothering you about not deciding to have had sex yet? I really can't see any reason why you should be so concerned about it.

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posted April 05, 2013 05:37 PM            

quote:

---

It is just that, I am still trying to figure out what it means to me to be true to myself...!

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Good luck with it! Whatever you decide, I just hope you won't regret it.

posted April 05, 2013 07:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Good luck with it! Whatever you decide, I just hope you won't regret it.

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posted April 05, 2013 09:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
I am considering just getting it over and done with, basically using him to have sex. Is this completely stupid ? I am a realist and I am not waiting for Prince Charming or anything. I just feel like if I have sex and know what it is like I will be able to focus on other things for a little bit and just say that I've done it so that it can be off my mind and if the true love comes along then he comes along... But I really do not want to be a Virgin for much longer.

---

I just wanted to say that I totally understand you, so you're not crazy for thinking that way and I know a lot of people that have felt that way as well. Honestly "getting it over with" was the reason why i lost my virginity - seriously, straight up. People kept telling me to wait and wait until I cared about somebody, but guess what people...that doesn't always happen for everybody (or in my case i wasn't ready to actually let somebody in). So yeah, I met up with some guy while I was drunk and had challenged myself to loose my virginity that night, and i can never turn down a challenge. We had sex, or more like tried...lol (i had to find a guy with a massive penis my first time right :P) and then he tried to cuddle me after we gave up trying...and i hate being fake so i kicked him out (this was at a campground party btw so not quite as rude as it seems) annnnd never saw him again - and never want to.

I can edit that if anybody wants me to, I just thought it was important for someone to honestly share a story of what happened when I did "get it over with". That was what felt right for me, but I don't want to tell you what to do because it may not feel right for you. All I can do is help provide you with another perspective.

posted April 05, 2013 11:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
I just wanted to say that I totally understand you, so you're not crazy for thinking that way and I know a lot of people that have felt that way as well. Honestly "getting it over with" was the reason why i lost my virginity - seriously, straight up. People kept telling me to wait and wait until I cared about somebody, but guess what people...that doesn't always happen for everybody (or in my case i wasn't ready to actually let somebody in). So yeah, I met up with some guy while I was drunk and had challenged myself to loose my virginity that night, and i can never turn down a challenge. We had sex, or more like tried...lol (i had to find a guy with a massive penis my first time right :P) and then he tried to cuddle me after we gave up trying...and i hate being fake so i kicked him out (this was at a campground party btw so not quite as rude as it seems) annnnd never saw him again - and never want to.

I can edit that if anybody wants me to, I just thought it was important for someone to honestly share a story of what happened when I did "get it over with". That was what felt right for me, but I don't want to tell you what to do because it may not feel right for you. All I can do is help provide you with another perspective.

i think people have made really good points here, so cue the Roxette *listen to your heart...*

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posted April 05, 2013 11:53 PM            

Maybe you can talk to him about this....?

posted April 06, 2013 01:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by asclibrasagsun:
Thank you this really helped and I love everything you said.
I know that the guy I would be using to lose my virginity is not the one I want to get married to or maybe even be with... because I am deeply in love with someone else but this is a very complex situation (don't know about his feelings etc) and I just cannot explain. I just want to get it over with and say that I did it kind of. I mean I am 22 how much longer should I wait.
And I liked your story... at least you lost your virginity!!!! even if it was painful and the intercourse didn't work out... and the fact that you were truthful and didn't baby him with the cuddles, I so love that - you were straight up honest.
Thank you for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The truth is I know the man that I want to give my virginity to, I just want it to happen between us!

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Maybe you're feeling this heightened need to get it over with because of these Aries transits (Sun, Venus, Mars & Uranus). I mean even I feel antsy, not in regards to sex, but in general. Since you're dominant Fire, you've got to be feeling this energy pretty potently.

For some reason I always find dilemma's similar to the one your going through fascinating. Only because I'm really interested in human nature and what motivates people, especially in regards to sexuality (Mercury in the 8th here). As mentioned by others, do what feels right.

I was a late bloomer, like well into the 20s. No regrets though, it's not my personality to rush things like that. I remember though an experience I had when I was younger in my teens. I was pressured to have sex by friends. Specifically my best guy friend was pressuring me to lose it to his good friend. He just wanted me to have a good experience. He even decorated the room and bed, me and his friend were going to have sex in. Everything was set, and I was ready to go, we were well into foreplay and all of a sudden my libido turned off, the fire extinguished. All of sudden I wasn't feeling it. Which surprised the guy I was with because leading up to it, I was acting like a cat in heat. But it didn't feel right and I wasn't into it. He understood. So we cuddled and spent the night holding each other. I look back on that night with fond memories, it kind of woke me up to waiting until it felt right. I didn't regret for one minute not choosing to have sex with him. I wanted to wait and I did. In my opinion sex is meant to be enjoyable, truly enjoyable not something to rush into. It means something, at least to me it does. It feels right when you really trust somebody. It's just one of those things that you don't act hastily with. I always think of this quote by Mae West, "Sex is emotion in motion."

posted April 06, 2013 02:02 AM            

I do have a healthy sex drive and I do pleasure myself.
I just feel no one has been worthy enough.
People who are solely focused on sex are weak minded and selfish.
They are trying to get themselves off, they don't care about me.
Also weakness to me is not desirable to me.
For some reason I attract people that are more sexual than mental.
Regardless of their sign or whatever.
I would never allow myself to be used for sex by hasty indviuals, ever. Thats just how I am.
I would rather die a virgin.

To me sex without intense feelings is not appealing.
I can pleasure myself more than you can but thank you for the offer.
I don't want to tell you what I like, you should know.
You should know me well enough to push my buttons.
Which parts of my body are sensitive to touch, little things like that.
Its just not special otherwise.
This is why I would never try casual sex with someone that does not know me well.

I want my first time to be mind blowing and I deserve the best and I want to be the best at it. I have to perfect in every way.
Not mediocre or disappointing.

I just get angry when sex comes up because I'm so disappointed by the line prospects that have come my way. I wouldn't be surprised if I died a bitter virgin.

My epitaph : He was once a young pretty with so much potential but died alone and a bitter power hungry demon....

posted April 06, 2013 07:18 AM            

Will you be able to tell the one you love what you did? If you think you might have a long future with him, are you really going to want to have that secret festering there forever?

My first time was with a guy who I thought of as my soul mate. And he called me his soul mate.

All I can say is, I can't think of how the experience could have been better. And I do wish that happiness for others.