posted April 07, 2013 04:05 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Lunae:
@prodigal Well, he is happily married in a foreign land. Apparently, he got on with his life carrying that particular shadow of his past. I have never told a soul about this, until now.

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I see. I think i knew of someone that used to be anally raped by her brother... Different effects i guess... She was rather wild. Probably felt she was worthless.

posted April 07, 2013 04:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by prodigal:
I see. I think i knew of someone that used to be anally raped by her brother... Different effects i guess... She was rather wild. Probably felt she was worthless.

Glad u got thru it. Terrible thing to happen.

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I had self-esteem issues before but then, things wouldn't change if I wallowed in self-pity, would it? I would just have to deal with it eventually

posted April 07, 2013 03:13 PM            

You dated a few guys for several months and then the relationships failed, which (in at least one case) you describe was dangerously close to sexual intimacy. Without a more inclusive view of your situation (which by all means you are not entitled to share), I am inclined to believe the decision to just go have sex is not in your best interest. The true value of sex lies in its capacity to exchange and deepen intimacy. Depending on your situation, you may need to find someone who is available to love you and who you dearly trust before sex is even an option.

Sex is not for everyone and it develops in its own time. There is no reason to rush the experience. If the issue is sexual frustration consider masturbation. Get to know your own body, so you are more open to intimacy from someone you trust. My best friend waited until she was about 21 and then just decided she was tired of lugging her virginity around. She ended up losing it to her friend's boyfriend of 2 years and ruining their 10 year friendship. The reason this happened was because he was available and she didn't have to worry about dealing with intimacy or long term attachments. Her ultimate issue was not that she needed to lose her virginity, but that she had intimacy issues and projected on still having a virginity, her aversion to being vulnerable with someone who loved her and was emotionally available.

You have ASC Libra (according to your username) and Libra is a perfectionist. If things don't fit the bill exactly how Libra envisions it, they are susceptible to throwing the baby out with the bath water. Consider the standards you may be holding the people you date up to, are not conducive to forming deeper understanding and companionship. My advise would be to keep dating and if the guy you love is married or otherwise engaged, accept that part of your attraction has to do with the tension caused by his unavailability. If that is not the case, then perhaps you should pursue him regardless of the circumstances. Love is a rare gift and there are not enough moments in our lives to waste on avoiding it.

posted April 07, 2013 05:24 PM            

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
If that is not the case, then perhaps you should pursue him regardless of the circumstances. Love is a rare gift and there are not enough moments in our lives to waste on avoiding it.

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Love is a rare gift and there are not enough moments in our lives to waste on avoiding it.

posted April 08, 2013 05:59 PM            

Among all the other responses you've gotten, I just wanted to add something else. I don't see this situation really has wanting to "get rid" of you virginity, but wanting to express your love and desire with someone. That maybe then you would feel "better" and get your mind off things. It seems that what you may be trying to do is get over not being able to be with the one you really love.

I hope I am not being condescending--but I just wanted to say that I feel it's really about expressing your feelings and releasing them, and less about the act. Do you know what I mean?