posted August 02, 2013 01:14 AM            

Thank you.

quote:

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You know what? What I said to Lexx was meant to ALL of us.... including myself. I was not trying to criticize you at all... ? (Just incase)[/qupte]

That's what makes you special and shows what a true, wise, open heart you have.

You can see through the bs. and love people anyway.

[quote]Certainly---- There are times when I am "off" mark. When I am the one getting bratty or mouthy or discharging silly or angry energy!------ but woe, if I found that it 'hurt' someone.

Now we can't 'help' hurting others without meaning to at times, eh? But certainly, we are part of a GROUP here.... Someone will add on the Grace that is needed to bring us back to good bonds again?

gyads! Sometimes when I re-read some things I've written, I can "see" how someone could have taken it "wrongly"... legitimately. But it was NOT in the correct frame---either from myself or another. BUT this is a way we can all take good responsibility for what we do, or don't do.

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I'd reply in more detail, but I notice when I speak my mind it ususally just gets a thread locked, or a few (same) people swooping in and attacking me like vultures. So, it's best to say less.

quote:

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I have been positively touched by you hippichick, T, and everybody. I can see "value" in all that is said........ Just sometimes I am 'frozen' on how to respond to certain things,

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I know what you mean. And same here (being touched by your Being)

quote:

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And you are aware that I'm facing the loss of my place to live, and ANY connection to internet... not even a phone. yeah. it's 'that' bad....

So in a way, this is one of the reasons my posts have been so "heavy" --- and I'm sorry I haven't been able to "play" lightly with you all.

I only have a few more weeks, maybe 3, if nothing else changes for positive

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Crossing my fingers and wishing the best outcome for you....

posted August 02, 2013 01:40 AM            

cont

I know how it is to be down and out:

Eric Clapton ~ Down & Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3mtsBFe2Us ......

Things will get better. If I were in the position to, I'd help you out. Been there before myself.

quote:

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I choose to DISREGARD the emails that another member has sent me. I make it CLEAR--- I make my own choices about who I am to 'trust' or 'like'.... The ones they told me to 'watch out for' have turned out to have some of the FINEST high-quality character.

Please note that I do NOT exclude people from my experience here.

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I've no idea if that pertained to me in any way, but I will say thank you anyway. For me, and others in the same position.

Your heart seems big enough to include everyone.......That is what anyone with any wisdom ever does.

anyway, thinking of you, lady & wishing you the best.

posted August 02, 2013 02:46 AM            

Thank you for the song! The message of "fair weather friends"... I've known a bold few of them. But it's sooo good when you can really identify who the "true" friends are.

Thank you for what you said about 'if you were in the position'...? aw heck--- For me, some warm friendship, guidance (for discernment), and a little morale support go a long long way. They are THE BEST gifts I could ever receive-- Your beautiful note helps my spirit to connect to its strength....

PLUS, my inner-imp renews its joy again!

(No, you were not mentioned.)

Thanks for just 'holding my hand' when I feel a little less-brave than I should, or I call out from panic. Remind me... 'who I Be!'

posted August 02, 2013 10:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:

Thank you for the song! The message of "fair weather friends"... I've known a bold few of them. But it's sooo good when you can really identify who the "true" friends are.

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Well, that's part of my problem. I thought that I had... and it turns out that I was wrong. And since they're better friends with others, I end up being the one seen as in the wrong.

People really need to be mindful of how they treat others. It took me a few hours to get up this morning, because I've been so depressed. And that isn't a call for attention, this is a thread about suicide, and I was thinking about one of the biggest myths being that people won't talk about it before they try. I know more than one person who did try, after talking about it. One was just a few months ago. She survived, but she talked about wanting to do it almost every single day - and she'd tried before.

posted August 03, 2013 05:39 AM            

So sorry your inner self was so stunned... It's really hard to keep 'cool' when you've been let down and caught off guard.... When that's happened to me (in my long life), my initial anger (in the ambush) was at them, then I would get mad at myself for having been 'dum enough' to get 'caught' with my heart-shields down. That's not a nice thing to experience, feels sooo bad!

When you can... Stepping back a bit, you get to see and discern for yourself 'what kinds' of things you'd like your life to stand for (honesty, loyalty). What Qualities do you want to amplify in yourself? Tweak what you like or don't like inside. Take this time with yourself for self-care.

Life will keep showing you things...
Throughout your life, you'll find that there are up and down seasons of friends. Times of 'resting' between friends, or friend-group waves are important... Observe how you feel... good and bad, all mixed in together. It's okay... It's okay to have Both swimming inside you.

posted August 03, 2013 07:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I trusted flowery words that held no substance. I let my guard down, and was stupid to do so. And I'm not talking about drama here, I'm talking about it away from here - sudden, unexpected, and cruel. And then they act like I was never a good friend to them, when I *was*...

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teasel... I was going to bed, and I thought more about what you said.... AND You know honestly and rawly -what? ..... It's RANT TIME****** "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK...." Disturbing the Peace!! Need to get their ugly self to another PLANET!"

teasel....NO WAY....It's The Nice people that deserve to live~~ It's the freakin' meanies that can just go jump off their bridges (aw heck! they're collapsing anyway... tell 'em just go STAND there a while and open their mouth)!

Just ignorant ignoble people!

And that's 'the rest of' the non-flowery story.... !

posted August 03, 2013 09:35 AM            

I as a young Pisces gal, succomed to a terribly abusive relationship, till I got my nursing degree, and by no coincidence had a Uranus oppo natal Uranus going on and I grew "balls."

I used to be so quiet and submissive, that sometimes I think I over compensate.

Need to get back to a place of knowing, but keeping my mouth shut.

I am terribly nice to everybody in public, my patients and families, etc, but when crossed....

Yea, time to get back to Zen~

Mirage, is there anything I can do to help?

Sorry you are facing a time of potential loss....if you are close to my neck of the woods would be honered to help!

posted August 03, 2013 05:39 PM            

so sorry for ^ above ranting... I feel scared that I won't be able 'to just live'... And yet, something deep calm and powerful inside says 'o yes I can!' I DON'T know how, but there's a plan in the Universe for me... I just gotta trust that things will all meet-up the way it was meant to flow for me in my life!

Part of the issues right now is that i'm watching my roommate try to react and deal with the situation.... my heart breaks for him because he is also a 'vulnerable' person. We have been managing with a better and better understanding of each other. The relationship has become stronger.... But now his 'shock' of realizing that he may REALLY be losing me is setting off his neurosis, as WELL as me being all over the place.... a place between Peace and all-out Panic & Grief.... (oooooo lord!) I've ALWAYS got my bellybutton and my heart in deepest hope.

I just gotta "choose" more carefully now. I have to choose what information I expose myself to more carefully. There's the people full of rancor and hatred who wish to tear down and infect/affect me with the bad bad news of their political view of life.. Subconsciously? Maybe even 'on purpose', there are people who use their position of influence to inflict harm (unknowingly I hope). They are the ones who just embody a "HATE" in them... They have a PURE HATRED of ANYTHING that's possibly "positive" coming from ANYONE they deign as "an inferior" in their sated little life. What a Waste of position and power on their part.... They 'choose' lower energies.... lower than the 'normal' hard time of life. They scoop DOWN to the roots with their cutting tools and try to HURT the Life of another Human Being. This is truly truly soooo despicable. They are NOT "awake" to the power to Lead people out of the sewer and into fresh fields that can produce Good and Nurturance for our planet.

ooooh gosh! Yes, I feel so strongly about this. We HAVE to take responsibility for the position of leadership. They need to stop tripping the feet of others who are trying to lead other vulnerable sensitive people into Hope. (dammit!... just adding that part.... yeah, dammit! LOL LMAO) (dammit! ) oh yeah... treat time from mirage..... dammit dammit!

I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH LADY!! You're one of the gems and treasures of Life to me.

posted August 03, 2013 05:56 PM            

Physically I just need a big angel to step in to my life and make SURE that my human rights are protected... and that my roommate and I can make 'good' decisions and not ones 'forced' down into deprivations by bullies.

The property manager of these apartments is a depraved individual who derives pleasures at seeing the demise of Good people. He intimidates and controls people. Many here suffer--- and that gets my social activist part going.

The things is that I have some disabilities are just vulnerable-enough to disconnect me from a powerful core in me.

What I need is a watchful hand that can help me stay connected to my power and strength. I need a physical person or tiny group of people who can help make sure that I have ACCESS to what my roommate and I need to "keep on" surviving.... Whether or not my roommate and I stay in the same place, I WANT him PROTECTED. He's over 60yrs old and in a weird position in his life. I'm scared of him Dying. Emotionally, this would kill me..... I DON'T want to see the BULLY in our life WIN this!--- The Bully needs to be exposed for all the TERRIBLE things he does to people here!! He needs his ass in Jail!!

Oh God there I go again...... such a mixture of bright hopes and black unknowing.... People perish for 'lack of knowledge'.... I just WISH I knew 'what' I can do?? I work my ARSSE OFF!! I just need to KNOW "what" to DO.... What's "safe".....

posted August 03, 2013 10:21 PM            

But, I think it is such an "evil" atleast negative world at best that it is hard to grasp the good.

Look at what media shows us...I dont even watch TV much anymore...

I have been on a rant on the US and it's own brand of "evil" lately cause I am so tired of the American population bying into what "authority" says.

posted August 04, 2013 01:37 AM            

If/when you need a hand, I"m here for you.

posted August 04, 2013 01:39 AM            

eff em.

I know it's not that easy, but that's my true and simple Taurean advice - the approach I suggest you try and take.

posted August 04, 2013 05:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
mirage, hugzies. Just keep doing you. ...

If/when you need a hand, I"m here for you.

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T... Big hugs!!! Makes a big difference to feel that other people care, and will lend emotional, moral support...

And for you also, I really hope that you get the healing and support YOU need for a total recovery, too! 'Nothing missing. Nothing broken.' It's time!!

posted August 05, 2013 03:21 PM            

Sending you gentle love! And wishing Comforts in your life!!

posted August 05, 2013 10:33 PM            

Everybody says "you have everyting going for you" yada, yada, yada.....

I too want out of here so bad....

But I will wait till it is my time...

posted August 05, 2013 10:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Teasie,

eff em.

I know it's not that easy, but that's my true and simple Taurean advice - the approach I suggest you try and take.

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I know. I just hate that I blew up on someone, when it turned out that she'd stood up for me just days before. I blew up, because her actions didn't match the words that I was directed to in that thread. I brought it up one morning (privately), and thought it was settled, although I got upset at the time - and then that whole mess happened over the weekend.

I just need to feel like I have a future, and it's worth living for. I got depressed in the bookstore on Saturday evening, and surprised my dad by asking him if we could leave. I wasn't well overnight, but felt better yesterday evening. I guess the SAM-e finally kicked in. It didn't work the other morning - I was a mess. But I came out of Home Depot, with paint samples, and ideas as to what might make Mum smile, and cleaning up this house and hopefully help Dad to smile, too. We had a good time looking around - he actually thanked me for the nice evening. We need more of that, and less loss.

I'll try to ignore any jabs here, or elsewhere. Since I know that it's coming from people who have just decided that they know what's what, when they don't.

posted August 05, 2013 11:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I know. I just hate that I blew up on someone, when it turned out that she'd stood up for me just days before. I blew up, because her actions didn't match the words that I was directed to in that thread. I brought it up one morning (privately), and thought it was settled, although I got upset at the time - and then that whole mess happened over the weekend.

I just need to feel like I have a future, and it's worth living for. I got depressed in the bookstore on Saturday evening, and surprised my dad by asking him if we could leave. I wasn't well overnight, but felt better yesterday evening. I guess the SAM-e finally kicked in. It didn't work the other morning - I was a mess. But I came out of Home Depot, with paint samples, and ideas as to what might make Mum smile, and cleaning up this house and hopefully help Dad to smile, too. We had a good time looking around - he actually thanked me for the nice evening. We need more of that, and less loss.

I'll try to ignore any jabs here, or elsewhere. Since I know that it's coming from people who have just decided that they know what's what, when they don't.

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you one smart lady...Teas...

posted August 06, 2013 01:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
you one smart lady...Teas...

Can we have lunch when I blow thru yer neck of the woods....eventually?

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