posted May 17, 2013 12:16 AM            

I'll never forget the hellish stories my dad told me about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. It **** 'd him up for life.

posted May 17, 2013 04:00 AM            

But as usual, PJ nailed it.

We are so clueless as to how many suicides have happened because of prescribed meds - often a bad mix of a few prescribed meds on top of each other. By docs who can prescribe them but don't take the time to really find out what is going on with a person before handing them out.

I will never forget the first time I saw an ad for Prozac, many years ago and thought ... this has to be a joke! An advertisement for antidepressants!? Really? What's next? (anyone remember those times?) And it's was a cartoon. A horrible cartoon to boot! Some depressed horribly drawn bubble looking creatures bouncing around aimlessly who suddenly got happy once they took Prozac! wth? Then to hear them rattle off all the possible side effects and that they "don't know exactly how it works, but for some reason....and for some people (the ones who don't go into psychosis) it actually does work!" Just take it! Trust us! We don't know how it works, but it does! then quickly rambling off a slew of awful potential side effects you could endure if you took it.....
but nevermind all that.

How fabulous!

And the newest ad i've seen is one for a pill you can take to make the antidepreessant you are already taking work even better! WOW! awesome. An antidepressant boost pill! How fantastic! I wonder who thought of that!? When your antidepressant isnt cutting the mustard, we have a pill that will help that pill work better *wink wink*. When will they come out with another one to take ontop of that one? 'Cause it's ******* genius!

Abilify. A woman is down in the dumps blue sitting at home on her couch flipping through channels, already taking Zoloft, decides she's still not happy and needs to start popping some Abilify to amp up the Zoloft that isnt working. And by the end of the commercia this ladyl is seen walking like a supermodel along a shoreline somewhere on a gorgeous California coastline. The bags under her eyes are gone. She's in the bright sunshine now, joyously walking...all by herself, having the time of her life, laughing, walking barefoot, kicking up sand... Everything is in slow motion, but her life is perfect now because she's been popping this extra pill. All of her problems are OVER now.

The sun catches her eyes and silver hair, she looks brighter and younger than she ever has and she's finally smiling for the first time in 30 years and SUDDENLY the wind takes her lovely straw hat away......

:O!! *gasp* No!!! Not that! (it looked expensive!)

OFF IT GOES! into the wind.

Does she give a **** ? Hell NO!

right off into the coastal breeze, it goes...... and into the ocean, of all places, a rip current takes it away no less (she will never get it back). A really nice looking hat (for a woman in her mid-60's who simply loves to beachcomb and garden). It looked expensive. And it's gone now.

She turns, laughing and watches her hat blow away right into the flipping ocean, with sharks and everything - because she's on Abilify! So, it doesnt matter!!!! She has not a care in the world anymore! She's cured from her sadness and troubles!!! That was the most beautiful thing she's seen in all her life - her hat catching wind and blowing far away! It made her laugh so hard and so young and happy! teeheehee! It's fine, she'll just get sunburned on her face today and buy a new one tomorrow! The wind not only blew her hat away, it took her mind with it too. Life suddenly got beautiful. Before Abilify she might have lost her sh**t when that $200 ugly old lady hat blew away, but now.......ahhh, F it. Look at it go......she just about waved good-bye to it.

She let it fly like a kite off into the blue and she didnt miss it one bit - not for one second. She's on pills now that make her happy and not care when **** blows off her head or tousles up her hair.

Don't we all want to be like her? Isnt that what life is all about?

No.

When I wear a hat to the beach and it blows off my head, I will chase or swim after it, whatever the case may be. A scenario like that might ruin my entire day at the beach and I like it that way. Because I'm human and I payed good money for that hat. I don't want to walk along the beach and step in dog **** and find myself giggling about it. It's not right. I like feeling how I feel and getting ****** about **** , especailly dog **** on a beach. And don't ever want to be like that old bag on the beach who was snorting Abilify and lost her hat and laughed about it.

posted May 17, 2013 06:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I will never forget the first time I saw an ad for Prozac, many years ago and thought ... this has to be a joke! An advertisement for antidepressants!? Really? What's next? (anyone remember those times?) And it's was a cartoon. A horrible cartoon to boot! Some depressed horribly drawn bubble looking creatures bouncing around aimlessly who suddenly got happy once they took Prozac! wth? Then to hear them rattle off all the possible side effects and that they "don't know exactly how it works, but for some reason....and for some people (the ones who don't go into psychosis) it actually does work!" Just take it! Trust us! We don't know how it works, but it does! then quickly rambling off a slew of awful potential side effects you could endure if you took it.....

---

Sounds all too familiar. I saw one so ridiculous that it led with, "Have a bad day? Ask your doctor about..." And the listed side effects were the symptoms of depression (in addition to things that would cause depression)! Would anyone buy cold meds if they listed "coughing and running nose" as possible side effects?

But I liked hearing about that bubble. That just makes this MADTV parody that much funnier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHG8cjI5B-w

posted May 17, 2013 09:03 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention psyche meds. While rare, changing the brain through psyche meds (especially when wrongly prescribed as they often are in the USA) can create irrational and even dangerous behavior, including suicide. (The brains of teens are especially wonky and they seem the most likely to be put on them as well, and I think I read somewhere that they're the most likely to become bizarre, including in suicidal and/or homicidal ways). And unfortunately plenty get on them or put their kids on them as a quick fix so they don't have to deal, often mixed in with too much trust in authority peddling the pills for the sale/kickback and fail to properly monitor those placed on them.

---

Especially with the way those meds are designed to work, basically one poisons ones body with them over a period of weeks until the saturation effect alters brain chemistry.

What I found shocking about those meds is the long disclaimer at the end of the commercials.."..thoughts of suicide, weight loss or gain..possible foaming at mouth, seizures, have been reported in a small number of patients..."

Personally when I have a rough week I'll take a couple of St John's Worts and I'm fine.

posted May 17, 2013 09:13 AM            

Dick Trickle killed himself yesterday, a former NASCAR driver.

Allegedly due to depression from the loss of his wife.

Now, he was 71, just cause he was 71 and was suffering terrible emotinal pain, are we going to call this euthanasia or suicide.

posted May 17, 2013 06:56 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hippichick:

)~( been pondering for a while where one gets the strength to kill onself..

Most say it is not strength, but weakenss,

I have come to disagree…..I, for one, could never do it, I am too “chicken”

Cant inflict that pain on myself…

However:

I have come to know one who takes their own life, metaphorically, like a mouse in a trap. All bug~eyed and scared, his tail is in a trap, she doesn’t know where to go…so she squiggles and squirms till he, trying to get is tail out of the painful trap, gets his head stuck and…voila~~

Such strength in squiggling and squirming to find a way out, finally a way out.

Then you have the little bug~eyed mouse, who again, finds herself in quite the dilemma.

Backed into a corner, looking for a way out.

But he chooses to just be scared, to squiggle and squirm, but to take in the pain and wait it out….

Either way it is suicide…physically or emotionally…

Pick your battles~ )~(

---

hippichick, has this time period been an 'anniversary' for you?

Another question is about your therapist experience.... Is HE the one saying that you are WACKING his head while he THINKS he's trying to free you from a trap of sorts?

edit

I know the kinds of "hope" one can bring to a counseling session--- you open yourself up to a CLOD sometimes and the DAMAGE that can do is enormous!

hippichick.... you have so much turmoil and restlessness going on inside you! How can a [----] know the depths of YOU in just a couple of sessions.... then make you feel crazy and do something you wouldn't had you been surrounded by a caring group of strong grounded loving friends?

I swear! We NEED each other.... We need to "know" each other, and be there for those special times when we feel all hell surrounds us and that we're gonna break.

"Mental Illness" I hate what "this" has devolved to. EVERYONE has problems from time to time. And you can see it come and go in the astrological natal chart!! I don't like how the new breed of psychology, counselors, and psychiatry is blending the boundaries of this!

In TODAY's world, we need REFORMS.

EDITED--- 1006pm
shortened

There is sooo much travail going on in the world right now... especially looking at the PLUTO SQUARE URANUS 3 of 7, EXACT on Monday the 20th but is ENGAGED right now..... Please be extra aware and stay safe.

That's for everyone here, too.... Things should get very interesting when Jupiter crosses into the zodiac sign of CANCER and water trines Light the atmosphere.

Can't wait to see the 'good' that will possibly manifest in that time......

posted May 17, 2013 07:11 PM            

Be it physically or mentally.
Any psychologist will tell you that.
After all depression is a illness and can effect all ages.
For who are we to judge someones internal state.
You immediately need professional help if you're constantly thinking or attempting suicide, for you own safety.

posted May 17, 2013 07:50 PM            

So I want to add this as 'a thought' or perspective...

In ad campaigns, and in self-help group newspaper promos, I've noticed how some groups will turn the 'survivors' of suicides (ones who knew the victim) into heroes.

I've personally known people who have suicided, and I've been with trauma victims and abuse victims for whom 'staying alive' just one more day is a victory for them... (My heart goes out to every single one of you!! You ARE the True Survivors of Life, and are sooo strong, and deserve so much praise!!)

BUT it's a SHOCK... no matter how much I knew 'why' and how much it could be 'reasoned' that they had 'earned' themselves the ticket off the planet, it is STILL-- EVER-- EVER EVER a TERRIBLE SHOCK to find out they are gone! (My heart grieves over this...)

edited drastically...
Mental health care reform has been a motivator for me since I represented my high school for the State.

I see so many things....

I edited this because it could feel too strong for some people? so sorry...

Not everyone could understand, although a few here do very much....

posted May 17, 2013 10:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
hippichick... Choose Life! That's your default... if you can't decide, or if you think you're into deciding... then the ANSWER IS CHOOSE LIFE... okay? Choose Life! Live!! -- one day at a time.... -- We eat an elephant one bite at a time.... This mirage needs you near...

hippichick, has this time period been an 'anniversary' for you?

Another question is about your therapist experience.... Is HE the one saying that you are WACKING his head while he THINKS he's trying to free you from a trap of sorts?

edit

I know the kinds of "hope" one can bring to a counseling session--- you open yourself up to a CLOD sometimes and the DAMAGE that can do is enormous!

hippichick.... you have so much turmoil and restlessness going on inside you! How can a [----] know the depths of YOU in just a couple of sessions.... then make you feel crazy and do something you wouldn't had you been surrounded by a caring group of strong grounded loving friends?

I swear! We NEED each other.... We need to "know" each other, and be there for those special times when we feel all hell surrounds us and that we're gonna break.

"Mental Illness" I hate what "this" has devolved to. EVERYONE has problems from time to time. And you can see it come and go in the astrological natal chart!! I don't like how the new breed of psychology, counselors, and psychiatry is blending the boundaries of this!

In TODAY's world, we need REFORMS.

EDITED--- 1006pm
shortened

There is sooo much travail going on in the world right now... especially looking at the PLUTO SQUARE URANUS 3 of 7, EXACT on Monday the 20th but is ENGAGED right now..... Please be extra aware and stay safe.

That's for everyone here, too.... Things should get very interesting when Jupiter crosses into the zodiac sign of CANCER and water trines Light the atmosphere.

Can't wait to see the 'good' that will possibly manifest in that time......

{{{ }}}

---

O, I always life, I just respect those that choose to opt out.

I still say it is part of our soul's progression..

NOBODY knows, till we are dead...

NODOBY knows the ramifications the person who commits suicide has on that person, nobody.

My therapist is wonderful..

He has put none of these ideas in my head, I have always had them.

At a point in my life when I need to let go of the past and, especially the late husband.

I hated him for so long in marriage and after death.

It's really easy for folks to make assumptions about the mindset of somebody who opts out.

I would never do it, I prefer to sit in my pain and work through it, and it gets pretty painful sometimes.

blessins~

posted May 18, 2013 12:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sounds all too familiar. I saw one so ridiculous that it led with, "Have a bad day? Ask your doctor about..." And the listed side effects were the symptoms of depression (in addition to things that would cause depression)! Would anyone buy cold meds if they listed "coughing and running nose" as possible side effects?

But I liked hearing about that bubble. That just makes this MADTV parody that much funnier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHG8cjI5B-w

---

LMAO!!! Those were the same ones on the old Prozac commercial!

Loved the two in the background at the end bouncing along with glow sticks. LOL

Yeah, I know. It's all too insane. I remember when medication was not advertised at all (besides like, cough syrup or tylenol or whatever) the way it is today and instead you went to your doctor and they figured out what was wrong and maybe prescribed something for you to take.

posted May 18, 2013 12:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kerosene:
someone who tries to commit suicide isn't cowardly or weak! Anyone who thinks that is probably uneducated. Sorry..
People who try and commit are truly unwell.
Killing yourself over someone vastly insignificant is not normal.
All animals strive to survive by all means and this is how living creatures are psychologically designed.

Be it physically or mentally.
Any psychologist will tell you that.
After all depression is a illness and can effect all ages.
For who are we to judge someones internal state.

---

posted July 31, 2013 11:54 PM            

Why isn't there a no icon choice for posts
or blank one?

Lost time sense.
Thought it was 3 weeks ago.
Agony makes everything become surreal.

Progressively Degenerative, no chance of physical recovery.
Such inspiring words;
not.

Singing twisted ditties;

"Good night ladies,
good night gentlemen.
good night everyone,
is it time to go to dead?"

Yeah who will eventually do the deed?
Me or the reaper?
Does it matter;
doubtful.

Platitudes are cheap and free,
Balm for the speakers;
Well at least they get to feel better.

Laughing at "side effects" of required pain/spasm/seizure meds...
"may cause suicidal ideation"
Wtf is this may????????

Well it also makes for very pretty phantom hummingbirds hopping instead of flying under the bed.

Screaming is pointless when done for so long and loudly
that one loses their voice.

You can cry your eyes dry,
bet you did not know that.

Best thing is to fall zombie-like to sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

However
tomorrow never comes.
Yesterday is gone;
and the present usually sucks.

Please do not quote me.

posted August 01, 2013 02:17 PM            

But I will say, that was, is the one of, if not the most eloquent posts I have read here..ever..

posted August 01, 2013 02:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
Stay here with us Lexxigramer.... You are Loved! {{{{hugs}}}}
We can all Be here to support each other...
Help to ease each other's pains somehow....
Through our thoughts, and words, and Presence.

---

Yes mam!!!

I have been too combative and sarcastic here lately, but with my herstory, sometimes I must!

Then again..what's in a name?

Changed my "incognito" FB name from a play on my Taurus moon to my Venus in Aries...

posted August 01, 2013 04:28 PM            

You know what? What I said to Lexx was meant to ALL of us.... including myself. I was not trying to criticize you at all... ? (Just incase)

Gently, you are sooo hard on your own self, hippichick... Please know that YOU are Loved also.... {{hugs}}

I will not deny that I can feel AND personally identify with your frustrations here too... However, we're in-community here. I personally within my own self dislike some of the 'games' going on. I think it is destructive, and with some other issues I see it as unconscious and almost sinister behaviors... unconscious on their part.

But what I do is look at the development of my own self--- How can I not extend that opportunity for awakening changes in them too? And please.... I say all this will all gentleness and vulnerability of heart. I am not trying to hurt anybody's feelings. I feel HUGE hurts in me already. Why make someone else suffer the same anguish?

There is the kind of pain that leads to healing... but then there is a pain that leads to EVEN MORE pain. We don't need people feeling like they've gotta go out and off-themselves because of ill-treatment and non-supportive conversations.

Certainly---- There are times when I am "off" mark. When I am the one getting bratty or mouthy or discharging silly or angry energy!------ but woe, if I found that it 'hurt' someone.

Now we can't 'help' hurting others without meaning to at times, eh? But certainly, we are part of a GROUP here.... Someone will add on the Grace that is needed to bring us back to good bonds again?

gyads! Sometimes when I re-read some things I've written, I can "see" how someone could have taken it "wrongly"... legitimately. But it was NOT in the correct frame---either from myself or another. BUT this is a way we can all take good responsibility for what we do, or don't do.

We are practicing being more human... more Humane.

I have been positively touched by you hippichick, T, and everybody. I can see "value" in all that is said........ Just sometimes I am 'frozen' on how to respond to certain things, or am being WAY TOO OVERWHELMED by the physical discomforts and distractions in my physical environment (like, right now.... grrrrrrrr)

My roommate will be here and I won't have the luxury of 'space' to respond.

And you are aware that I'm facing the loss of my place to live, and ANY connection to internet... not even a phone. yeah. it's 'that' bad....

So in a way, this is one of the reasons my posts have been so "heavy" --- and I'm sorry I haven't been able to "play" lightly with you all.

I only have a few more weeks, maybe 3, if nothing else changes for positive.

In case this is the only thing you've read, you'll know "why" I am absent.

I will be absent only in "presence" and not in Spirit...

But for NOW----- Let's keep chatting till the chatter-box here is gone! okay?

I choose to DISREGARD the emails that another member has sent me. I make it CLEAR--- I make my own choices about who I am to 'trust' or 'like'.... The ones they told me to 'watch out for' have turned out to have some of the FINEST high-quality character.

Please note that I do NOT exclude people from my experience here.

In a 'metaphysical' way, you are ALL parts of my reflections, talking to me about the world I live in.

You know what? I'm DAM glad I don't belong to FB--- what a rat's nest of problems that is turning out to be!

I personally want to heal my emotions, and get deep healing for my feelings.