posted September 17, 2013 06:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
a 13-17 year old girl does NOT understand love. its that simple. and a 25+ year old man who wants to prey on girls that age is gross, weak and manipulative.

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posted September 17, 2013 07:44 AM            

Why does a gap of 8 years, 17-25 mean a relationship is a bad idea. When a gap of 8 years. 27-35 is perfectly okay?

Maybe it comes down to life experience. The younger person generally being 'disadvantaged'. They have less experience and so are more likely to be taken advantage of. They may not know what they want in relationships and may have their boundaries more easily tested.

Maybe it comes down to emotional maturity, I don't know the age time of puberty etc. I know girls start and finish earlier. So while they may be physically and mentally capable of entering relationships. Emotional maturity isn't something that can be so easily determined. There is no timer. 26 *Ding!* emotionally mature. People mature emotionally at different rates and for different reasons.

I think part of it is also the current societal view of creeps, weirdos, and pedophiles. If you go back maybe a hundred or two hundred or three hundred years. It was considered normal, for girls as young as 13 and upwards to take a husband and begin life as a woman. Granted people did not live as long back then. Still society has developed away from that.

It's a very difficult subject, and one that often causes a lot of upset. There was a user here, Hannie Bananie? Who was always talking about her relationships with guys 25ish and I believe she was 16-17 or so.

Some people find it distasteful, some people find it offensive. It is very difficult to judge someone and say straight out that he is preying on her. It is entirely possible that he genuinely wants a relationship with her. However, they are at 2 different points in their life. She is either starting further education, not legally drinking and partying, or just starting work. He has been in the working world for a minimum of 3-4 years assuming no PhD.

Would the situation be the same if it was a 25 year old Woman with a 17 year old guy? Would she still be considered to be preying on him?

Some people lie about their age, I'm not saying it makes it okay, because it doesn't. Maybe the onus is on the older person to check the age of their partner.

It's a very tough area.

I personally would consider a 17-18 year old, capable of entering a relationship under their own decisions, however, I do think they still need to be careful.

I do also feel that 17-25 is a somewhat large gap. Where do you draw the line?
Do you think 17-21 is too much? Do you think 17-20, 17-19 is too much?

I don't think Love is rational really. Regardless of age difference.

posted September 17, 2013 08:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:

Would the situation be the same if it was a 25 year old Woman with a 17 year old guy? Would she still be considered to be preying on him?

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posted September 17, 2013 08:46 AM            

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On that topic about love. Many adults don't understand what love is either. I think it depends on the person and their life experiences. I know couples who were high school sweethearts and they're still together, sharing fulfilling, happy lives.

I knew my husband when I was 18 turning 19. We got together after 3 months. Our relationship has its ups and downs, but overall we know who we are, what we want and what to do to maintain the relationship. We have careers, pursue higher education and
have a very loving marriage... Being "young" doesn't always mean being incapable of handling adult/life "issues" and the things that love entails.

posted September 17, 2013 09:01 AM            

quote:

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Swift Freeze: Why does a gap of 8 years, 17-25 mean a relationship is a bad idea. When a gap of 8 years. 27-35 is perfectly okay?

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posted September 17, 2013 09:29 AM            

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
but the gap between 27 and 35 is proportionally smaller than 17 and 25, so it's a faulty comparison any ways for assuming 8 years holds the same weight throughout life.[/B]

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As my good friend Treebeard is fond of saying,

quote:

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Originally said by Treebeard: "anything worth saying, takes a long time to say".

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My point was that numerically they are the same. When people say, "Wow 8 years is a pretty big gap!" They are not always, if ever, talking about age. They are talking about something intangible and indeterminant.

I'll try BOOTS and make it more interesting for HEIGHT you by inserting a few key words DRUNK subtly into paragraphs, that I know you'll enjoy.

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:

Yes, because of the situation being illegal.
After 18 I do not feel age gaps matter as long as the people involved are in mutual agreement.
When I was underage, I thought I was very grown up/mature. In retrospect I realized I was not. I screwed up my life then in many ways.

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I'm sorry you feel that way.

To your point about it being illegal, I understand what you are saying. I know age of consent is different in different countries, and also that age of consent is only for physical relationships. Whether someone is old enough to give consent for an emotional relationship is another matter. I mean that is what I gather from your post, once you are 18 you are fully mature and ready for anything? I don't quite agree with that, I have met people who are older than me who may never be mature enough for a relationship.

However, what do you say to all of the 17 year olds? They cannot ever have a relationship with anyone 18 or older until their 18th birthday? That seems unbelievably unfair. I remember my peers when I was that age, and I was not interested in a relationship with any of them because we just were not in the same places emotionally.

quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
id rather be her friend and teach her how to respect herself than date her and not feel the same feelings she has for me.

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I get what you're saying as well. Sometimes I get upset because I see some of the women i'm friends with, and the choices they make. They get upset because he cheated on me, he did this, he did that. I just want to tell them, "it's time you started to respect yourself, spend time with just yourself for a while and figure out a few things you want in life. The only person you have to live up to is yourself, the only person you need to do things for is yourself. Your worth is derived from the person you are, and choose to be. Not from the people you surround yourself with or are in a relationship with.

But I don't.

I just sit, and listen, and feel sad that they are unhappy.

I've been in their shoes, they were rather uncomfortable, although the heels did look killer on me.
I just wish there was some way I could just look at someone and BAM! You've imparted that knowledge to them. "Oh my gosh, i've just had an epiphany! My self worth comes from myself and not other people my life is changed!" Sorry Dorothy, life is not that easy...
I wish that could happen to me too, there are many things I don't understand.

I would happily be a mentor, and I would happily take advice from others also, with a few exceptions.

The world is a big small scary wonderous place, and we have so so much to learn. It is no wonder to me that children are always less sure of themselves, because there is so much they have not experienced, but the kicker for me, is that being more sure of yourself doesn't come from getting older. It comes from getting wiser.

posted September 18, 2013 06:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Yes, because of the situation being illegal.
After 18 I do not feel age gaps matter as long as the people involved are in mutual agreement.
When I was underage, I thought I was very grown up/mature. In retrospect I realized I was not. I screwed up my life then in many ways.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I'm sorry you feel that way.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
To your point about it being illegal, I understand what you are saying. I know age of consent is different in different countries, and also that age of consent is only for physical relationships. Whether someone is old enough to give consent for an emotional relationship is another matter.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I mean that is what I gather from your post, once you are 18 you are fully mature and ready for anything?

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posted September 18, 2013 06:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I don't quite agree with that, I have met people who are older than me who may never be mature enough for a relationship.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
However, what do you say to all of the 17 year olds? They cannot ever have a relationship with anyone 18 or older until their 18th birthday?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
That seems unbelievably unfair.

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posted September 18, 2013 06:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I remember my peers when I was that age, and I was not interested in a relationship with any of them because we just were not in the same places emotionally.

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quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
id rather be her friend and teach her how to respect herself than date her and not feel the same feelings she has for me.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I get what you're saying as well. Sometimes I get upset because I see some of the women i'm friends with, and the choices they make. They get upset because he cheated on me, he did this, he did that. I just want to tell them, "it's time you started to respect yourself, spend time with just yourself for a while and figure out a few things you want in life. The only person you have to live up to is yourself, the only person you need to do things for is yourself. Your worth is derived from the person you are, and choose to be. Not from the people you surround yourself with or are in a relationship with.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
But I don't.

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posted September 18, 2013 07:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I just sit, and listen, and feel sad that they are unhappy.

I've been in their shoes, they were rather uncomfortable, although the heels did look killer on me.

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posted September 18, 2013 07:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by CatMote:
a 13-17 year old girl does NOT understand love. its that simple. and a 25+ year old man who wants to prey on girls that age is gross, weak and manipulative.

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posted September 18, 2013 07:54 AM            

You are a SUPER mature person for your age, Karka. I am amazed at your maturity such that I forget your age when I talk to you and talk as if you are my peer.

That is fine for same sex friendships but for romantic ones. The younger person does not have the wisdom to protect herself and shield herself from personal harm.

It is just an age thing that is true for every person who is young.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted September 18, 2013 08:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
Yup its very g ross,. just curious because they did that A LOT in the past and it seemed to work out fine (or maybe it did't? we're not sure). So im wondering if its a matter of how the law is today or its just always been disgusting and strange

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posted September 18, 2013 09:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
A young person is too innocent for an older person to have an equal relationship with. It is just the life cycle and how things work.

You are a SUPER mature person for your age, Karka. I am amazed at your maturity such that I forget your age when I talk to you and talk as if you are my peer.

That is fine for same sex friendships but for romantic ones. The younger person does not have the wisdom to protect herself and shield herself from personal harm.

It is just an age thing that is true for every person who is young.

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posted September 18, 2013 09:59 AM            

Celine Dijon had that experience with her husband. He fell in love with her when she was very young. He was her manager. When she was old enough,they married and they have a true love affair.

All situations are multifaceted, Barbie

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted September 18, 2013 10:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I disagree with what you said completely. Age is only a number. I've dated older guys except one my entire life. For girls an older man is the boost that some need. I am extremely mature for my age almost to the point that people think I'm a lot older than I am. Yes legally a 17 year old is still young but only because this day in age the government tells us that's too young. Way back when none of us were even thought of girls were already married and had families my age. In some countries 17 is already considered an adult. I feel if the two parties involved in the relationship are mature enough and comfortable with what they're doing who is anyone to judge them. Is it okay for a 37 year old woman to date a 24 year old man or a 34 year old man to date a 23 year old woman? Age is age we all can't stop it no matter how hard we try but to say that young people don't have wisdom solely because of their age is a terrible thing to say. I feel extremely offended by that. I dated a guy who was 22 at the time I was 17 and when I got older the number kept getting higher and higher. Just because the government says its wrong doesn't mean it's wrong especially when my parents knew about it and were loved it. I dated a guy who was just a year younger than me and that whole year felt like 10. I was so much more mature than him and only felt like guys well in their 20s even 30s understood me. Anyone claiming to be a Christian person knows better and should never judge a person. It's okay to go worship all the same sex relationships when most of the time there are HUGE age differences but once it's a heterosexual relationship involved it turns into this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any age difference at all in my book as long as the parties involved are okay with it who are we to ever pass any judgement on them or anyone at that matter. Really 17+ should be the cutoff age in my opinion. You're a year away from legally being able to vote and 4 away from being able to have a drink. When most kids that age have already had a drink. These topics on here are just controversial and ridiculous some times. What would any of you say if BIG brother made the legal age 17?

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posted September 18, 2013 10:48 AM            

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
It's just always older women who think they know everything about everything. My mom is the same way and it ****** me off. Sometimes I wish I were a man. They seem to accept things better especially age when they're older. Woman are just so damn annoying.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted September 18, 2013 12:18 PM            

I will agree, age is just a number and I've had relationships with people much younger than I am.
A majority of adults are "mature" I think. We all know some who are not.

A majority of very young adults are immature. We all know some who are mature.

So, age really is just a number but that number has odds. lol <--- did that even make sense??? HAHAHA

posted September 18, 2013 01:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Its all a matter of how you choose to look at it.On a biological level its perfectly natural for an older man to be attracted to teenage girls because they are ready for sex/to reproduce. A 100 years ago or so people wouldn't even blink if a 12 or 13 year old girl was married and pregnant by 30 or 40 year old man but suddenly a 20 year old man who dates a 16 year old girl is a dangerous pervert who needs to be locked up. What changed? Men and womens maturity levels at different ages? No... perceptions are the only thing that changed.

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yeah, I agree.