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Author
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Topic: Can you be just friends...
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PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 3218
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted November 12, 2013 01:24 AM
  
I can understand when people can't remain friends with someone they're STRONGLY attracted to because I've been around enough who just can't control their feelings and thus imagination. They feel tortured not bonding with someone "that way" and if they hang around when it can't or won't work then that's just too painful for them and plagues them with unrealistic hopes that distorts their view of reality, hanging on the most desperate sign that just maybe it will work...at least it will someday...and the only way to break out of that incredible intensity of feeling is to get away from that person. This is sad to see but I can comprehend it and don't hold it against them.OTOH, there are people who see me as a non-person simply because I am a woman (do they see their sister and mom the same way?). And being a woman negates all my skills, interests, abilities that make me worth knowing reducing me to a utility. What matters to people like that is that he (and occasionally she) can use me as a sex toy and that reduces me from a person to a sexual toilet (at best a mere utility) no matter how much romance & roses & wedding ring you want to put on it (a well cared for toilet you invest a lot of time & money in before using it is still just a toilet) because my XX chromosomes negates anything worthy of friendship and getting to know me is about the same as learning the quirks of a car before buying it (a car is only meant to be driven, a woman is only meant to be sexual and maybe other utilities like breeding & cleaning, and romantic wrapping doesn't make it "more than sexual" anymore than polishing a car every week makes the car something other than ultimately just a car). And that attitude toward me will squash any passion I might have otherwise felt for that person. That said, I don't mean to include those looking for a romantic and/or sexual partner but is able to be friends with women. They have female friends and under the right circumstances they could have more (they're just not going out of their way to) so I know they see women as people rather than a utility. Even if he's only interested in romance with me I know the other aspects of me matter to him (as something more than "gears and levers" for him to manipulate me with). As for the ones who think of me as a utility simply because I'm a woman I find it's not hard to keep them away and usually I just shrug them off. I can sometimes get peeved (even though I know I shouldn't) when they try to claim all my male friends aren't really my friends simply because they can't understand it (btw, there are women who believe "men and women can't be friends" as well) and/or believe I'm just using the men in my life "without putting out" (because what else would I have worth anything to anybody?). Just because some men & women can't be friends with the opposite (or sexually desired) gender doesn't mean we all have that same limitation. And friends make life better, and they're known to save lives from romantic partners gone wrong which is why toxic lovers work hard to separate a partner from friends to get away with treating her (or him) like crap, control, even violently abuse. I can't imagine ever telling the people who have done so much for me (and me for them) and have so many wonderful memories with that "you don't matter so much (or even at all) because you're not ******* me (or 'doing the mating dance' which is meant to lead to ******* me)." I understand the crazy chemicals of when people first fall in love that can make those experiencing it obsessed with a single person but not when their life philosophy is ultimately "We're ******* (or intend to one day) or you're completely expendable to me because sex is everything, friendship is not." Friends deserve better than that. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 01:43 AM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I can understand when people can't remain friends with someone they're STRONGLY attracted to because I've been around enough who just can't control their feelings and thus imagination. They feel tortured not bonding with someone "that way" and if they hang around when it can't or won't work then that's just too painful for them and plagues them with unrealistic hopes that distorts their view of reality, hanging on the most desperate sign that just maybe it will work...at least it will someday...and the only way to break out of that incredible intensity of feeling is to get away from that person. This is often sad but I can comprehend it and don't hold it against them.OTOH, there are people who see me as a non-person simply because I am a woman (do they see their sister and mom the same way?). And being a woman negates all my skills, interests, abilities that make me worth knowing reducing me to a utility. What matters to people like that is that he (and occasionally she) can use me as a sex toy and that reduces me from a person to a sexual toilet (at best a mere utility) no matter how much romance & roses & wedding ring you want to put on it (a well cared for toilet you invest a lot of time & money in before using it is still just a toilet) because my XX chromosomes negates anything worthy of friendship and getting to know me is about the same as learning the quirks of a car before buying it (a car is only meant to be driven, a woman is only meant to be sexual and maybe other utilities like breeding & cleaning, and romantic wrapping doesn't make it "more than sexual" anymore than polishing a car every week makes the car something other than ultimately just a car). And that attitude toward me will squash any passion I might have otherwise felt for that person. That said, I don't mean to include those looking for a romantic and/or sexual partner but is able to be friends with women. They have female friends and under the right circumstances they could have more (they're just not going out of their way to) so I know they see women as people rather than restricted to a specific role. Even if he's only interested in romance with me I know the other aspects of me matter to him (as something more than "gears and levers" for him to manipulate me with). As for the ones who think of me as a utility simply because I'm a woman I find it's not hard to keep them away and usually I just shrug them off. I can sometimes get peeved (even though I know I shouldn't) when they try to claim all my male friends aren't really my friends simply because they can't understand it (btw, there are women who believe "men and women can't be friends" as well) and/or believe I'm just using the men in my life "without putting out" (because what else would I have worth anything to anybody?). Just because some men & women can't be friends with the opposite (or sexually desired) gender doesn't mean we all have that same limitation. And friends make life better, and they're known to save lives from romantic partners gone wrong which is why toxic lovers work hard to separate a partner from friends to get away with treating her (or him) like crap, control, even violently abuse. I can't imagine ever telling the people who have done so much for me (and me for them) and have so many wonderful memories with that "you don't matter so much (or even at all) because you're not ******* me (or 'doing the mating dance' which is meant to lead to ******* me)." I understand the crazy chemicals of when people first fall in love that can make those experiencing it obsessed with a single person but not when their life philosophy is ultimately "We're ******* (or intend to one day) or you're completely expendable to me because sex is everything, friendship is not." Friends deserve better than that.
I feel I have explained this sufficiently enough in the past but I will explain it again. I do not think wanting more than platonic friendship with a woman automatically equals only wanting sex. The way I see it I'm a straight guy and I'm attracted to women and thus tend to gravitate to women I'm attracted to . If I'm attracted to a woman and we get along and have common interests I'm definitely going to be romantically and sexually interested in her, that's just the way it is. Does that mean I don't value her as a person? Of course not! If I didn't value them as a person why would I want to date them or have anything to do with them for that matter?
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PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 3218
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted November 12, 2013 02:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I feel I have explained this sufficiently enough in the past but I will explain it again. I do not think wanting more than platonic friendship with a woman automatically equals only wanting sex. The way I see it I'm a straight guy and I'm attracted to women and thus tend to gravitate to women I'm attracted to . If I'm attracted to a woman and we get along and have common interests I'm definitely going to be romantically and sexually interested in her, that's just the way it is. Does that mean I don't value her as a person? Of course not! If I didn't value them as a person why would I want to date them or have anything to do with them for that matter?
So you're just horny with little impulse control? That contradicts what you've said repeatedly about women having no real interests outside of girly things and who's only interest in you is for emotional support without putting out for you because you're not toxic enough for them. You've made your views on women and what we want (but that we refuse to admit to) quite clear too many times to change your tune and say you really give a damn about us as people since you think we're all (ok, "most") like your mom anyway. You despise us and hold us in contempt, at least if there's no likelihood of sex (doing a "mating dance" of wining & dining and maybe even marriage first doesn't change that). That said I believe you when you say you want more than just sex. Most guys who see women as a utility do, and why not get a woman who can perform multiple functions rather than a woman who can only perform one thing. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's any less shallow. Most guys wouldn't buy a car without AC or the ability to play their favorite CDs, or buy a phone unless it can play YouTube vids, but they're still interested in a utility, they just demand some frills to go with it. IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 995
From: Mountain Gate
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted November 12, 2013 02:20 AM
quote:
You've heard of "lipstick" lesbians, right?
No, what does that mean? A girly girl who likes girls? A boy who dresses like a girl? quote:
I've done quite well in my professional life by keeping things strictly professional
I completely agree, Business and Pleasure should not mix; it is to the detriment of the endeavor. Must be very difficult to resist sometimes, though. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 02:25 AM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
So you're just horny with little impulse control? That contradicts what you've said repeatedly about women having no real interests outside of girly things and who's only interest in you is for emotional support without putting out for you because you're not toxic enough for them. You've made your views on women and what we want (but that we refuse to admit to) quite clear too many times to change your tune and say you really give a damn about us as people since you think we're all (ok, "most") like your mom anyway. You despise us and hold us in contempt, at least if there's no likelihood of sex (doing a "mating dance" of wining & dining and maybe even marriage first doesn't change that). That said I believe you when you say you want more than just sex. Most guys who see women as a utility do, and why not get a woman who can perform multiple functions rather than a woman who can only perform one thing. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's any less shallow. Most guys wouldn't buy a car without AC or the ability to play their favorite CDs, or buy a phone unless it can play YouTube vids, but they're still interested in a utility, they just demand some frills to go with it.
do any of you ever actually read what I say? Lmao .... Or do ya'll only see it through radical feminist man hating glasses? I'm guessing its the latter... Seriously, I used to get infuriated at the creative things some of ya'll manage to read into my posts but now I just get amused .
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 6951
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 02:29 AM
^
Girly girl who likes girls.But I'm curious..
if you're already married or in a committed relationship you can't be friends with another woman? So the woman you're with is pretty much a sex object.. you don't actually love because you don't have any self control around other females.. Wow.... Actually my dad has a lot of female friends, he's faithful to his wife and all his female friends will get him to do nice things for her. It's kinda cute.. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 02:42 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^
Girly girl who likes girls.But I'm curious..
if you're already married or in a committed relationship you can't be friends with another woman? So the woman you're with is pretty much a sex object.. you don't actually love because you don't have any self control around other females.. Wow.... Actually my dad has a lot of female friends, he's faithful to his wife and all his female friends will get him to do nice things for her. It's kinda cute..
No, if I'm in a relationship I don't have a desire to mix and mingle with other women because I have my woman and my boys fulfill my need for platonic friendship.
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 6951
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:10 AM
lol wut..
What is your personality like?
Do you like smash beer cans on your head or something?
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:18 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
lol wut..
What is your personality like?
Do you like smash beer cans on your head or something?
No? I'm just old fashioned in that sense.. IMO a guy has no business hanging out with other women if he has a girlfriend/wife and I feel the same about women who have boyfriends/husbands. I just don't see the need.. And those situations usually end up undermining relationships. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 6951
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:21 AM
that is your opinion.
I suppose you have every right to live as you do.
But not all men are like you..
With that logic, everyone is off limits for me because I can potentially be attracted to everyone.
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Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:51 AM
I think what aqua guy is saying is that he could be friends with a woman he was not attracted to - or - with a man...However - he believes that most women out there (whether he finds them attractive or not) would not be interested in a friendship with him because they are only interested in men who they see as potential romantic/sexual partners. This isn't correct. This is just his view of the world based on past experiences he has had.
There are men and women out there who would be hyper-focused on having a sexual/romantic relationship - to the exclusion of friendship (as Pixie explained above!)
But this is by no means everyone or the majority. However, aqua guy thinks this ^ includes *everyone*.
So even though, in his mind he would be open to having a friendship with a woman he wasn't attracted to, as he would with any man --- his strong belief that no woman would want to be "friends" with him at all (since we are all running around looking for bad-boys to sleep with) - prevents him from trying. Quite apart from that ^ he is also saying that he could not be friends with a woman he *was* attracted to, because this would be too hurtful and frustrating for him. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:54 AM
quote:
No, if I'm in a relationship I don't have a desire to mix and mingle with other women because I have my woman and my boys fulfill my need for platonic friendship.
Oh Boy ^ I missed that. That sounds bad O_O Please re-phrase or take that back or do something with it.
This does not run along the same lines as what you usually say... and it's a bit too Un-Aquarian for me to read it. I'm getting twitches here! IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:56 AM
Pixie - quote:
As for the ones who think of me as a utility simply because I'm a woman I find it's not hard to keep them away and usually I just shrug them off. I can sometimes get peeved (even though I know I shouldn't) when they try to claim all my male friends aren't really my friends simply because they can't understand it (btw, there are women who believe "men and women can't be friends" as well) and/or believe I'm just using the men in my life "without putting out" (because what else would I have worth anything to anybody?). Just because some men & women can't be friends with the opposite (or sexually desired) gender doesn't mean we all have that same limitation.
I relate to this. Some people basically put way too much emphasis on their genitalia.
It must be due to some kind of chakra imbalance.
They need to live more balanced lives. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:57 AM
quote:
my boys fulfill my need for platonic friendship.
Is that why you're on LL having online convos with so many women on a regular basis? IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Oh Boy ^ I missed that.That sounds bad O_O Please re-phrase or take that back or do something with it.
This does not run along the same lines as what you usually say... and it's a bit too Un-Aquarian for me to read it. I'm getting twitches here!
what? If I'm in a relationship I do not pursue other female friends because I have my girlfriend and guy friends. Adding other opposite sex friends into the mix is asking for drama.i have seen it destroy relationships as well as friendships . IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 03:59 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Is that why you're on LL having online convos with so many women on a regular basis?
This is an Internet forum lol. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:03 AM
It makes no difference whatsoever. I'm a human female. I have a va jay jay.
I'm typing away on my comp right now and having conversation with you online.I could care less that it's an online forum. You have spent a fair bit of time on here (overall.. since you have joined) - so you must like talking to us  IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:04 AM
I have a question..So if you and I were friends in RL... and then you met the woman of your dreams and started a relationship with her - or got engaged/married... would you pretend I don't exist? IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:05 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
It makes no difference whatsoever. I'm a human female. I have a va jay jay.
I'm typing away on my comp right now and having conversation with you online.I could care less that it's an online forum. You have spent a fair bit of time on here (overall.. since you have joined) - so you must like talking to us
How do I know that ? Lol and most of the time ya'll talk at me 
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
I have a question..So if you and I were friends in RL... and then you met the woman of your dreams and started a relationship with her - or got engaged/married... would you pretend I don't exist?
No. I would be civil IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:08 AM
quote:
How do I know that ?
Oh Are we all lying now? Is LL a big conspiracy filled with men who are into astrology and pretending to be women? O_O It's so ridiculous that you would say that.
IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2817
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:09 AM
quote:
No. I would be civil
hmmm Ok. Well I'm not sure what to say to you.. but I ever did meet you - I would give you the biggest make-over. Seriously.
You wouldn't recognise yourself in a month's time  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Oh Are we all lying now? Is LL a big conspiracy filled with men who are into astrology and pretending to be women?O_O It's so ridiculous that you would say that.
Kidding lol IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7723
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
hmmm Ok.Well I'm not sure what to say to you.. but I ever did meet you - I would give you the biggest make-over. Seriously.
You wouldn't recognise yourself in a month's time
What do you mean? Lol
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 6951
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted November 12, 2013 04:23 AM
He has Venus in Aqua and Mars in Gemini..I don't get it.... DOES NOT COMPUTE.
It seems like these beautiful placements are wasted on you. Maybe it's the taurus moon ironically Odette has stereotypically conversative Venus in taurus and mars in cap...
Maybe aspects and houses are more important?
To be honest I find earth signs to be squares but I think we totally were totally the same page most of the time. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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