posted December 31, 2013 06:00 PM            

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
And I'm sorry but did I ever say that wasn't possible?

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posted December 31, 2013 06:02 PM            

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
And that was the case of the guy before B lol, reason why he didn't last long. And by making you "comfortable" they really just try and tell you how you're overreacting so you'll hush and let them continue . Thankfully I've never had a problem with falling for those types.

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A real player is a bit smoother then that though, they will say some bold statement once, then never return to it, or even acknowledge they said it.

They know women obsess over things like that one, no need to keep bringing it up or say "you are over reacting".

Player knows..the female is likely to bring up for them.

The female mind is a treacherous, odd place, with things bubbling up all the time..

Now a non player, but not a nice guy, will both challenge you and listen to your answers and give you honest feedback 90% of the time. Only a fool would be honest all of the time with stuff like that, encapsulated in:

"Does this make me look fat"?

And similar questions.

posted December 31, 2013 06:48 PM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:

Oh Chiemi, speaking as a man, the difference is a sexual attraction is HINTED at first of all, then not pushed.

B/c they "like" you, then a man will spend time with you and get a sort of track on how you are..then decide if it is likely anything will happen.

When all it boils down to is "hey how are you..sex..oh that is interesting..sex.."

When every subcurrent runs to sex, it's a safe bet..yep..that is what things are all about.

If one likes spicy food for example, and they take the time and effort to take one to a place that serves spicy food just to see if what you say you like matches up to what you can do..then it is about more then sex.

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posted December 31, 2013 06:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Chiemi:
[b] And I'm sorry but did I ever say that wasn't possible?

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posted December 31, 2013 06:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
Absolutely right

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Careful Chiemi, that is not a 100% absolute thing.

Some players will put in that sort of time and effort then leave you high and dry

It's more of a general rule as are all things concerning the heart

I've witnessed more then my fair share of young women tearing up b/c they "believed" him.

Tough, experienced women who should have known better..but did not..normally it revolves around "who" says "I love you" first.

Keep in mind a "player" is expert at picking the right moment to say it.

posted December 31, 2013 06:59 PM            

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If I wasn't a virgin and didn't care about seeming "easy" I probably would have jumped his bones that day.

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quote:

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It's not that I'm uncomfortable, it's that I hold back because I don't want to seem easy or attract someone who's only interested in sex and then discard me

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Have you heard of the term sl*t shaming?

"sl*t shaming (also hyphenated, as sl*t -shaming) is a concept in philosophy on sexuality. It is a neologism used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law. Some examples of behaviors over which women are said to be "**** -shamed" include: violating accepted dress codes by dressing in sexually provocative ways, requesting access to birth control, having premarital or casual sex, or being raped or sexually assaulted."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/**** -shaming

And...

"Sl*t shaming is defined by many as a process in which women are attacked for their transgression of accepted codes of sexual conduct,[5] i.e., of admonishing them for behavior or desires that are more sexual than society finds acceptable.[6] Emily Bazelon says that sl*t shaming is "retrograde, the opposite of feminist. Calling a girl a sl*t warns her that there's a line: she can be sexual but not too sexual."

posted December 31, 2013 07:04 PM            

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What you have to realize is men are inherently sexual, we are just wired that way.

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Everyone is sexual - and "wired that way" my darling.

If you would like to read more on the anatomy of the female va jay jay and how it functions - you can inform yourself here: http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/human-biology/vagina2.htm

And this is more about what a human/ homo sapien - (of both genders) "is":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human

posted December 31, 2013 07:04 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
Chiemi - As an egalitarian I am very worried about you. You are in your early 20s, you should be more informed about certain things.

Have you heard of the term **** shaming?

"**** shaming (also hyphenated, as **** -shaming) is a concept in philosophy on sexuality. It is a neologism used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law. Some examples of behaviors over which women are said to be "**** -shamed" include: violating accepted dress codes by dressing in sexually provocative ways, requesting access to birth control, having premarital or casual sex, or being raped or sexually assaulted."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/**** -shaming

And...

"**** shaming is defined by many as a process in which women are attacked for their transgression of accepted codes of sexual conduct,[5] i.e., of admonishing them for behavior or desires that are more sexual than society finds acceptable.[6] Emily Bazelon says that **** shaming is "retrograde, the opposite of feminist. Calling a girl a **** warns her that there's a line: she can be sexual but not too sexual."

After reading that ^.. if you were previously unfamiliar with it.. please reconsider your stance on this.
No one in this world can make you feel small unless you let them.
If you want to have sex - you can have sex whenever you like. You are an adult (as long as you use protection).

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Aaand..my opposite number enters the field d'amor.

Are you sure that is the best path Odette?

Here is my take, I judge no one for what they do when it comes to sex, I do look at consequences, not social consequences per se, as a Saggie, **** 'em

posted December 31, 2013 07:06 PM            

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Are you sure that is the best path Odette?

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Beyond sure.

quote:

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Once one has seen enough tears

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The "tears" in this context. are false - they are a fabrication of having a religious, la-dee-da upbringing.

In this context the tears would come from:

1. "We had sex.."
2. "He left me after sex"

Which is seen as "oh noes.. I as a woman.. had sex with a man and then was "discarded"

We all have sex, and sometimes things don't work long term - it happens!

Why in the world should this be such a "shame" for a woman.. when apparently it is not so shameful for a man??
And how is that NOT blatant discrimination and sexism?

posted December 31, 2013 07:08 PM            

I won't be discriminated against for my gender

posted December 31, 2013 07:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Beyond sure.

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I'm not, keep in mind **** shamming is primarily a female thing, the levels that a woman has to reach to be called a **** amongst men are epic..yet are reached fairly often.

posted December 31, 2013 07:12 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
I mean for me it is definitely the best path - to do whatever I please.. because I have human rights - just like the next person, and calling a woman names like "easy" or "sl*t" for simply being an animal - which we *all* are... is pathetic and discriminatory.

I won't be discriminated against for my gender

But it's up to each and every one of us how we choose to live our lives - so what is best for me might not be seen as "best" for the next person.

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Here is how I see it, men usually do not care..period..we just don't.

Amongst women however..things are very different, women ostracize far far more then men do.

Does that mean that it should stop a woman from being and doing what she wants to be?

posted December 31, 2013 07:13 PM            

The the key to courtship is really just balance and observation.
Women are definitely attracted to direct men.. but they would like a partner who is not solely focused on procreation LOL.
One needs to be observant..
Unlike men most women are not horny 24/7..

She probably isn't a prude you just made the wrong joke at the wrong time.
Look at her body language.. maybe she feels icky and the idea of sex right now repulses her. It's not too hard to tell when a woman is receptive and will laugh at your stupid joke.

posted December 31, 2013 07:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
The "tears" in this context. are false - they are a fabrication on having a religious, la-dee-da upbringing.

In this context the tears would come from:

1. "We had sex.."
2. "He left me after sex"

Which is seen as "oh noes.. I as a woman.. had sex with a man and then was "discarded"

We all have sex, and sometimes things don't work long term - it happens!

Why in the world should this be such a "shame" for a woman.. when apparently it is not so shameful for a man??
And how is hat NOT blatant discrimination and sexism?

It's the closed-minded thinking that leads to the tears here.. not the action of choosing to have sex with someone.

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Nope, what happens is the indiscrete female winds up trying to have a relationship with a guy who has -0- interest in her long term.

After all, she is a ****

However, she does not consider herself as one, yet the man does

It is not having sex with someone, it is having multiple partners that everyone knows about that causes an issue.

So she winds up looking for love, and some low balled, busted ahole moves in, tells her he loves her and now those damnable mixed messages come into play.

Can "love" and "**** " exist in a long term thing?

posted December 31, 2013 07:20 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
I'm speaking generalizations because everyone else seems to be doing so.

The the key to courtship is really just balance and observation.
Women are definitely attracted to direct men.. but they would like a partner who is not solely focused on procreation LOL.
One needs to be observant..
Unlike men most women are not horny 24/7..

She probably isn't a prude you just made the wrong joke at the wrong time.
Look at her body language.. maybe she feels icky and the idea of sex right now repulses her. It's not too hard to tell when a woman is receptive and will laugh at your stupid joke.

Unless i know a girl generally I try and stay classy...
Just think from a female perspective that most view you as a sexual object walking down the street... cat calls getting hit on by random creeps. Unless maybe you're really charming or attractive she'll probably roll her eyes.

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Kero, my only cause in all of this is to spare Cheimi from suffering through it all.

Guys will drop the "Love" thing if they think it will help them achieve sex, and yet the term is so charged that young women tend to buy into it.

Or

It just seems like fun at the time

Or

posted December 31, 2013 07:20 PM            

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this sort of consequence is never spoken of, and should be.

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Well the consequences are entirely dependent on who you hang around with.

I mean - you will never catch me "hanging out" with extra conservative people.. because I'm liberal - and it would only lead to argument after argument after argument.

posted December 31, 2013 07:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Well the consequences are entirely dependent on who you hang around with.

I mean - you will never catch me "hanging out" with extra conservative people.. because I'm liberal - and it would only lead to argument after argument after argument.

But I understand this is a problem in particular when ones family is conservative.. and they were indoctrinated with these views since birth.

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It is both the blessing and curse of people that we talk to each other.

I'm fairly conservative, all my friends are lib/progs.

posted December 31, 2013 07:23 PM            

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Guys will drop the "Love" thing if they think it will help them achieve sex

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Any guy/man who shares my egalitarian views and my political liberalism... wouldn't even see the world in such traditional terms.

So it depends on the guy.

shurg

posted December 31, 2013 07:24 PM            

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When it comes to romance and sex..there is no ideology Odette, it speaks for itself.

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It doesn't speak for itself at all.

Saying something like "women want love" - "men want sex" - which is what you are hinting at ... is certainly not biology.
It's pure religious indoctrination... so actually it is *just* ideology.

posted December 31, 2013 07:25 PM            

Personally I don't think it breaks the ice... joking about sex comes across as lack of competence to me.
You are nervous and need reassurance..

posted December 31, 2013 07:26 PM            

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guys try and probe women about sex

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That's true.. and women do the same thing.

posted December 31, 2013 07:31 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
It doesn't speak for itself at all.

Saying something like "women want love" - "men want sex" - which is what you are hinting at ... is certainly not biology.

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Reduced to projections Odette?

Not what I'm saying at all

quote:

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It's pure religious indoctrination... so actually it is *just* ideology.

Sexuality would speak for itself.. if people war win touch with their instincts. Unfortunately many are brain washed and they are completely out of touch.

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Sexuality?

sure, to be blunt some is hot or attractive or they are not, if one wants to chop it up.

These things come at a cost, even in a secular society.

In a way, instead of sexual repression one is advocating sexual devaluing.

posted December 31, 2013 07:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
AquaGuy -

Everyone is sexual - and "wired that way" my darling.

If you would like to read more on the anatomy of the female va jay jay and how it functions - you can inform yourself here: http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/human-biology/vagina2.htm

And this is more about what a human/ homo sapien - (of both genders) "is":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human

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posted December 31, 2013 07:35 PM            

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one is advocating sexual devaluing.

Who wins in that scenario?

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Well no Padre... not devaluing.

posted December 31, 2013 07:36 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
I think guys try and probe women about sex to see if they are a slightly interested..
Again you can observe and tell if she wants the d...

Personally I don't think it breaks the ice... joking about sex comes across as lack of competence to me.
You are nervous and need reassurance..

When two people are comfortable and lack inhibitions they just go at it.

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Once again Kero, all of this sort of boils down to in the moment type of things.

Things like who leads the conversation, what subjects come up, what are the unspoken understandings going on.

Ask a woman about her pretty eyes when she is wearing a low cut dress for example, if she wants to talk about sexy things she will get around to mentioning the low cut top with a smile.

That is how such conversations go.

If she never mentions it, then that is what is known as a "clue".

A seductive personality would say something like "yeah I noticed that, but you seemed so interesting when you said..."