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Author Topic:   Apparently I'm a racist.
charlie
Knowflake

Posts: 1353
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012

posted January 11, 2014 05:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A man that I really like called me a racist. He's African American and I am white. He played that card after having gotten it into his head that I make more money than him and therefore I look down on him which makes me a racist.

I am the least racist human one will find! I have been accused of many many things and most are true but never racist! I am a pure humanitarian at heart and I see no race or sex.

His comment truly hurt me and as a retaliation I called him "bloody stupid" at which point I was of course a full fledged racist..

This is exactly how conversation went down and as much as I realize that in real life people say things to eachother that are less than nice I am having a hard time getting passed this one comment. Had he called me the C-word I would have laughed it off but racist??!

Now I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells because otherwise I will "prove him right" and make it justifiable for him to call me that again.

Is my Virgo being overly picky right now or am I ok feeling like this will not end well?

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YoursTrulyAlways
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posted January 11, 2014 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In what context were his remarks made? What do you do for a living and what does he do for a living? Both of you are minorities. Nobody has any monopoly on injustice.

Using his logic, I must be really racist against many white men. Come to think of it, I have scorn for many white men. Therefore, I'm such a huge racist.

I think the warm sunshine in LA must be really getting to his brain. Stupid is as stupid does. You can't reason with stupid! And that's just "bloody stupid!!!"

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Kerosene
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From: Mercury
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posted January 11, 2014 05:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lmfao what a joke.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that white people...

But then again you guys say stupid things too.
So it's even I guess :P

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charlie
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From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012

posted January 11, 2014 05:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
In what context were his remarks made? What do you do for a living and what does he do for a living? Both of you are minorities. Nobody has any monopoly on injustice.

Using his logic, I must be really racist against many white men. Come to think of it, I have scorn for many white men. Therefore, I'm such a huge racist.

I think the warm sunshine in LA must be really getting to his brain. Stupid is as stupid does. You can't reason with stupid! And that's just "bloody stupid!!!"


He's in the midst of starting his own company, at some point, and I work with many things because my mercurial tendencies to keep busy like it that way. I also have my own company with my dad that brings me income.

He made the remark after having asked me to move in with him and I said I wasn't ready. He said it was because I made more money and that I didn't trust he could provide for household. And that made me a racist.

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Eh, my stock answer is:

"Just another example of the man keeping you down"!

Keep in mind Charlie, the charge of racism is a modern trump card meant to cause compliance to whatever is the issue at hand.

Most fold like a damp towel when it is leveled especially when one has not heard it before.

One has every right to make decisions based on what is best for you and your situation at the time.

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Lmfao what a joke.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that white people...

But then again you guys say stupid things too.
So it's even I guess :P


Yep, for white folks it is a set of built in assumptions w/o knowing the person very well.

It's a series of givens that are offbase, as in wildly offbase and just based on stereotypes.

Bleech

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YoursTrulyAlways
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posted January 11, 2014 06:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
He's in the midst of starting his own company, at some point, and I work with many things because my mercurial tendencies to keep busy like it that way. I also have my own company with my dad that brings me income.

He made the remark after having asked me to move in with him and I said I wasn't ready. He said it was because I made more money and that I didn't trust he could provide for household. And that made me a racist.



How about you make more money because your business is more successful?!? What happened to that line of thought??

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted January 11, 2014 06:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If it is not true. Don't listen. Be like me

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 06:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:

How about you make more money because your business is more successful?!? What happened to that line of thought??

Sounds like he is running game YTA, meaning, "prove to me that you are not a racist by making a decision that is not in your financial self interest"

For those w/a financial conscience, that is absurd, for those who have a relationship it is a hard thing as there is some level of feeling and the assumption is "I'm not a RACIST! so let me make this mistake to prove I'm not!"

For myself, and probably "you" YTA, we'd laugh and say "sure whatever" tho for me it is more a matter of trust.

How are you going to make that accusation, then whatever is complied with, and still somehow trust the other person?

They obviously did not trust you in the first place

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
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posted January 11, 2014 06:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Charlie are you female?

And I agree, you're not racist at all. From what you've wrote, you didn't say anything remotely demeaning or offensive and I'm an A.American woman lol.

I ask if you're a woman because to me, it sounds like he pulled the race card to make you feel bad so he could make you feel like you should move in with him and probably down the line help him with his business venture (I may be jumping the gun but just my "opinion"). But from what you said, it sounds like he's doing just that^ rather than owning up and realizing that he needs to become more stabilized so that he doesn't become a burden to someone else. Instead, he pulled the race card so that you could feel sorry for him alleviating all of his responsibility to bring something to the table, because to him probably, "it's not his fault why he can't provide, it's the man".


I can't think of the correct terminology right now, but I just read an article about this (in the AA community... more so with males) and it's basically when a group of persons have been at the bottom of a chain and oppressed for so long, they begin to use it as a crutch to cover for any and all behavior rather than doing something to counteract their "bad habits/dysfunction" so to speak. ^ I hope I'm paraphrasing that right.


And how long has he been working on starting this company?

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Kerosene
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From: Mercury
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posted January 11, 2014 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Yep, for white folks it is a set of built in assumptions w/o knowing the person very well.

It's a series of givens that are offbase, as in wildly offbase and just based on stereotypes.

Bleech


True...
especially if if a white dominant scene...
However around a multi racial scene you can see how much they change to try and seem less of an idiot.

I say I'm happy being mixed race because I don't really get offended by stereotypes because I don't relate at all.

Though I have to admit I have visions of being a white caucasian girl and I have to say It would seem so uncomfortable in this day and age.
the stereotype is being kinda of annoying privileged person who is unable to dance :P
This how the media portrays white women, other than beauty queens.
But I think I was a white female in my past life so I could feel the awkwardness of this day and age.
Feeling out of place mostly.

I FEEL YOU WHITE LADIES... I feel the awkwardness you have to go through. Feeling guilty about being white too etc.

So I have a soft place in my hearts for white people because even if your ancestors did horrible things does not mean you're the same way.
I don't really feel bad for the white man though.. The media portrays him as perfect basically.
I don't think I was a white male in previous lives because I can't relate or identify with them.

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 11, 2014 06:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:

Keep in mind Charlie, the charge of racism is a modern trump card meant to cause compliance to whatever is the issue at hand.


Hmm, not always.

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PixieJane
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From: CA
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posted January 11, 2014 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You just met him, you probably have no idea (though you may think you do) how he was raised or what he was raised with to know if he really believes that out of hypervigilance or if he's just trying to push your buttons. Nor can he know you, if he did then he'd know you take a long time to commit anyway (and thus nothing personal).

But given you just went back to Europe (or perhaps returned to LA in which case I assume he's the guy you met 3 months ago) then moving in is way too soon anyway and just begging for unnecessary problems. You both need to get to know each other better anyway.

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 11, 2014 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Yep, for white folks it is a set of built in assumptions w/o knowing the person very well.

It's a series of givens that are offbase, as in wildly offbase and just based on stereotypes.

Bleech


I think that applies to alot of folks

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Kerosene
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From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 11, 2014 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not reaaaaaallly.
Unless your in a rural area.. maybe.
I noticed mostly black and people from various races are more careful about asking a stereotypical question.

I've never experienced one from someone who isn't white.

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
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posted January 11, 2014 06:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Not reaaaaaallly.
Unless your in rural area.. maybe.
I noticed mostly black and people from various races are more careful about asking a stereotypical question.

I've never experienced one from someone who isn't white.


Stereotypical question like what?

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 06:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Chiemi:
Hmm, not always.

In this situation I believe it is Chiemi.

All Charlie did was decline an offer

The rest was imputed, down to "you don't think I can provide for the house"

Which from my pov is a sign of trying to guilt someone into doing something they did not want to initially do.

To me, they should have respected such a intimate decision that was theirs to make.

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 06:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Chiemi:
I think that applies to alot of folks

I suspect this is true..in the US anyway, most do not even know their neighbors names..so let the stereotypes flow baby!

Which feeds a whole herd of ******** assumptions.

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Kerosene
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From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 11, 2014 06:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Assuming I'm from a certain origin or not believing I'm from a certain origin because I don't look that way... because everyone from a certain race looks a certain away even though there are traces of race mixing going back to ancient times.

and just plain old mean spirited racism.
I'm not butt hurt about it, I still have plenty of white friends I even date them LOL.
but yes your race is most likely than another colored person.

I have to admit sometimes I feel a little on the offense around a lot of them.
Like I'm preparing to rebuttal a mean racist remark or joke..
The amount of times someone has said something complete racist and I'm just standing there like an idiot having no idea how to respond..

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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted January 11, 2014 06:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
You just met him, you probably have no idea (though you may think you do) how he was raised or what he was raised with to know if he really believes that out of hypervigilance or if he's just trying to push your buttons. Nor can he know you, if he did then he'd know you take a long time to commit anyway (and thus nothing personal).

But given you just went back to Europe (or perhaps returned to LA in which case I assume he's the guy you met 3 months ago) then moving in is way too soon anyway and just begging for unnecessary problems. You both need to get to know each other better anyway.


PJ we are on the opposite sides of so maanny things..yet there are times when we are in perfect agreement as well.

This is one of them, men, will guilt women into doing things they would not normally do, some are expert at doing so.

I suspect it is the one open door for female emotions that they really do want to do "right" and the "right thing".

Not that guilt is not a woman's relationship tool box as well, usually it is AFTER things have become more settled.

Suppose it is the benefit of experience meeting differing world views

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
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posted January 11, 2014 07:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
In this situation I believe it is Chiemi.

All Charlie did was decline an offer

The rest was imputed, down to "you don't think I can provide for the house"

Which from my pov is a sign of trying to guilt someone into doing something they did not want to initially do.

To me, they should have respected such a intimate decision that was theirs to make.


I know lol, I also agreed with what you just said in what I wrote a few posts above ^.

I was just saying that it isn't always the case if that's what you were implying.

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Violets
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From: Twin Peaks
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posted January 11, 2014 07:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Assuming I'm from a certain origin or not believing I'm from a certain origin because I don't look that way... because everyone from a certain race looks a certain away even though there are traces of race mixing going back to ancient times.

and just plain old mean spirited racism.
I'm not butt hurt about it, I still have plenty of white friends I even date them LOL.
but yes your race is most likely than another colored person.

I have to admit sometimes I feel a little on the offense around a lot of them.
Like I'm preparing to rebuttal a mean racist remark or joke..
The amount of times someone has said something complete racist and I'm just standing there like an idiot having no idea how to respond..


You do something like this. http://youtu.be/DWynJkN5HbQ

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Violets
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posted January 11, 2014 07:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violets     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:

He made the remark after having asked me to move in with him and I said I wasn't ready.

This clearly has absolutely nothing to do with you being racist. He's just being a jerk, imo. And that just sucks.

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Kerosene
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From: Mercury
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posted January 11, 2014 07:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG someone actually told me once.
"you speak english very well"

I was like laughing for 5 minutes because I thought it was like this edgy ice breaker to start a conversation.
The slow awkwardness when they were like wut 0_0 and I was like 0_o
u serious?

But on their defensive we were like 16 at the time....

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Chiemi
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From: Michigan
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posted January 11, 2014 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chiemi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Assuming I'm from a certain origin or not believing I'm from a certain origin because I don't look that way... because everyone from a certain race looks a certain away even though there are traces of race mixing going back to ancient times.

and just plain old mean spirited racism.
I'm not butt hurt about it, I still have plenty of white friends I even date them LOL.
but yes your race is most likely than another colored person.

I have to admit sometimes I feel a little on the offense around a lot of them.
Like I'm preparing to rebuttal a mean racist remark or joke..
The amount of times someone has said something complete racist and I'm just standing there like an idiot having no idea how to respond..


I know exactly what you mean lol. My mom never raised me to only hang with people who looked like me, so I've always had a wide variety of friends of other races and backgrounds.

I remember I was the only black person sitting at an all white table and one guy down the way literally looked at me and said during one of his "stories" that involved 2 black girls "I don't mean to sound racist but..." in which I just sat there feeling awkward because everyone at the table was looking at me. So and I've had plenty of other instances of that and similar instances happen. But I try and filter who exactly I talk to and gauge the intent behind what is said so the people that I do hang around with who happen to be white aren't those types fortunately. If anything, I get asked alot about my hair but I know it's all due to curiosity most of the time.

But, I will say that I think that it happens in minor groups as well towards white people (maybe not as common and I only have experience with the AA community). I think in those cases it's written off as a "joke" but it still happens and quite alot from the things I've seen, especially those in older generations. I even heard one AA girl proclaim that what she said wasn't offensive because "black people can't be racist". But I know what you mean.

And I can't even tell you how many times I've had someone both BLACK and WHITE tell me "I don't act black" or "you're not like other black people" or "you sound white" or "you like stuff that white people like" or "you're trying to be/act white" etc. smh

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