posted March 08, 2014 10:00 PM            

I'm always kind to nerds! They love me because I will listen to their weird interests all day (I'm a curious soul)! Too bad they rarely suspect I'm a massive nerd too. It's sad really, they see my popular friends (whatever, I thought we grew out of that in high school) and can't seem to get up the nerve to talk to me or to try to befriend me. And I'm far too lazy to do it myself. I'm very much an out of sight out of mind person, so I only really manage to keep the confident, extraverted people in my life. They're the only ones who don't mind calling me for the 10th time in a row. Insecure people will often try to test me, and I'll fail because I won't notice (or I'm too lazy to care).

posted March 08, 2014 11:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
^ how do you figure that? Especially when the very definition of the word tells us confidence comes after success and not before. Success breeds a positive attitude and failure eats away at positivity. Before I started having more success with women back in the summer I had zero confidence but after I started having some success I felt more confident. My confidence went up "After (after being a key word)" experiencing success after a long drought. Telling a man who is struggling in the dating game to be "confident" is useless advice. Better advice would be to tell him to get jacked, get plastic surgery, or get rich.

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posted March 09, 2014 08:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I can understand this but everyone gets insecure sometimes and needs reassurance. Most of the girls I have dated never stroked my ego or let me know they appreciated me. I ended up resenting them and ditching them. If i always have to reassure a girl she better stroke my d*mn ego every once in awhile. I think a relationship should be a 50/50 thing.

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I guess this could be true for many people, but I don't need/want any reassurances so I don't think I should be asked to constantly have to give them to others.

posted March 09, 2014 01:20 PM            

quote:

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1.crybaby

someone who will cry over the smallest thing out of self pity

Grow some balls you ******* crybaby.

2.cry baby

a person who whines cries and throws a fit over silly ******** . Someone who whines just to whine and argues just to argue.

Vitale is a such a cry baby. He whines and cries over nothing to get attention.

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... which is obviously - more uncomfortable when it comes to men but it's not like women have it better. They might get more support - but enough is enough...as "nobody likes cry babies!"

A common sense advice: Don't feed cry babies! Cause they get used to it (kinda like real babies - who turn manipulative with their crying while noticing that - crying gets them attention). You're not helping them (this are grown adults we're talking about) - quite the opposite, by showing them attention - you make them feel comfortable in their misery - till crying (self pity) becomes a habit for them - and they'll keep looking for comfort from anyone who's stupid enough to indulge their ill natured behavior. Even more than that - your vibes get lower when dealing with this people (they turn towards negativity) - even get drained (it's why they're also called emotional vampires). They're easy to spot: - they cry all the time about something or someone in a pitiful way - while looking for some attention or empathy.

Moving alone. On the other extreme - we have over-confidence, and that's not good either (on a practical/balanced level ^^) or more like "dangerous". Kinda like those who feel confident in their driving skills - after drinking a bottle of tequila. :) Though, it's possible that - the majority of those who made habit out of driving while being drunk - are also over-confident - the kind that, even while being awake - might feel inclined to take their chance with daredevil type of activities which can endanger both their lives and the lives of others. And yes - adrenaline junkies are usually over-confident (you have to be - to do the things they do). :)

And if there's something else worth adding, as mentioned above - confidence is a defining trait in terms of masculinity. That's why - when a women comes of as being more confident (thus - manlier) than a man in relationship - some of us feel inclined to joke about "who wears the pants in their relationship (a reference to - who has the bigger balls)." Ha! It's no surprise that a confident man has more sex appeal than one who lacks confidence. And it's not about money or good looks - as you can inherit both money and good looks - but you can inherit confidence, that something you have to work on your own - to develop. And yes - maybe a good looking guy with money - might attract a women despite of is insecurities, but - once they get in a relationship and she sees him for who he is - his money and good looks won't matter anymore if his behaviour "makes her feel like she's suffocating in their relationship. Like - extreme jealousy, where she's not suppose to have any friends from the opposite sex. Like those guys who are insecure about their manhood - about their position in a relationship - and always afraid they could loose their girlfriend to another. And that oppressing behavior - makes their fear a reality since "enough is enough" - and eventually she won't be able to put up with him anymore - and find someone who gives her the freedom she needs in a relationship - like "the freedom to breath".

And here's a example which proves that confidence is not about good looks (or money - he wasn't rich when he started). I give you "Sean Stephenson" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Stephenson

And here's one his motivational videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9i6calKZwk

posted March 09, 2014 01:32 PM            

I guess I'm one of those over-confident people you mention. I do constantly endanger myself (it's fun and always works out, so why not). Does that make me less feminine in your estimation?

posted March 09, 2014 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
I guess this could be true for many people, but I don't need/want any reassurances so I don't think I should be asked to constantly have to give them to others.

I mean... I think that's what birthdays are for. That's when you tell people what they mean to you.

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posted March 09, 2014 02:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Oh sure you do.... If you had a partner who never told you you were attractive or was always checking out other chicks you would be furious. You said yourself that you dont even have the "confidence" to make the first move on a guy.

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I didn't say I didn't have the confidence, I said I didn't WANT to ask a guy out because I want a confident guy! I also don't want anyone in particular, so I don't feel like making much of an effort. If a guy likes me I'll consider it, but if not then why should I approach guys that don't interest me?

And of course I would like to know my partner found me attractive. But he wouldn't have to tell me every day. Or even every week/month. I listen when people speak, I don't need a broken record. I already know who and what I am anyway, so it's not going to change anything.

posted March 09, 2014 02:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 7thGuardian:
Confidence it's what defines a strong character, thus - a defining trait for manhood (for what it means to be a man). It's not specific to men alone - since femininity and masculinity can be found under both genders, which is something - that's more apparent this days (in a time when women strive for equality - for social positions which in past times - used to be considered suitable for man only), but still... a man with very poor confidence (full of insecurities and very low self esteem) - denotes a weak character - that makes even others uncomfortable around his presence. And it's not that - men aren't suppose to feel insecure, even the strongest can be brought to their knees (life takes its toll on everyone - and i do mean "everyone") - it's about how you deal with life when things get tough. You either try to regain your self-confidence which in turn - will help you grow up/stronger and move on or you let life get to you and loose confidence cause of every little thing - to the point - where you feel like those though moments define who you are and start crying like a helpless baby all the time - till you embody the pitiful image of a "cry baby" - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crybaby

... which is obviously - more uncomfortable when it comes to men but it's not like women have it better. They might get more support - but enough is enough...as "nobody likes cry babies!"

A common sense advice: [b]Don't feed cry babies! Cause they get used to it (kinda like real babies - who turn manipulative with their crying while noticing that - crying gets them attention). You're not helping them (this are grown adults we're talking about) - quite the opposite, by showing them attention - you make them feel comfortable in their misery - till crying (self pity) becomes a habit for them - and they'll keep looking for comfort from anyone who's stupid enough to indulge their ill natured behavior. Even more than that - your vibes get lower when dealing with this people (they turn towards negativity) - even get drained (it's why they're also called emotional vampires). They're easy to spot: - they cry all the time about something or someone in a pitiful way - while looking for some attention or empathy.

Moving alone. On the other extreme - we have over-confidence, and that's not good either... or more like "dangerous". Kinda like those who feel confident in their driving skills - after drinking a bottle of tequila. Though, it's possible that - the majority of those who made habit out of driving while being drunk - are also over-confident - the kind that, even while being awake - might feel inclined to take their chance with daredevil type of activities which can endanger both their lives and the lives of others. And yes - adrenaline junkies are usually over-confident (you have to be - to do the things they do).

And if there's something else worth adding, as mentioned above - confidence is a defining trait in terms of masculinity. That's why - when a women comes of as being more confident (thus - manlier) than a man in relationship - some of us feel inclined to joke about "who wears the pants in their relationship (a reference to - who has the bigger balls)." Ha! It's no surprise that a confident man has more sex appeal than one who lacks confidence. And it's not about money or good looks - as you can inherit both money and good looks - but you can inherit confidence, that something you have to work on your own - to develop. And yes - maybe a good looking guy with money - might attract a women despite of is insecurities, but - once they get in a relationship and she sees him for who he is - his money and good looks won't matter anymore if his behaviour "makes her feel like she's suffocating in their relationship. Like - extreme jealousy, where she's not suppose to have any friends from the opposite sex. Like those guys who are insecure about their manhood - about their position in a relationship - and always afraid they could loose their girlfriend to another. And that oppressing behavior - makes their fear a reality since "enough is enough" - and eventually she won't be able to put up with him anymore - and find someone who gives her the freedom she needs in a relationship - like "the freedom to breath".

And here's a example which proves that confidence is not about good looks (or money - he wasn't rich when he started). I give you "Sean Stephenson" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Stephenson

And here's one his motivational videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9i6calKZwk

[/B]

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posted March 09, 2014 02:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
I didn't say I didn't have the confidence, I said I didn't WANT to ask a guy out because I want a confident guy! I also don't want anyone in particular, so I don't feel like making much of an effort. If a guy likes me I'll consider it, but if not then why should I approach guys that don't interest me?

And of course I would like to know my partner found me attractive. But he wouldn't have to tell me every day. Or even every week/month. I listen when people speak, I don't need a broken record. I already know who and what I am anyway, so it's not going to change anything.

The moment I found him drooling after other girls he would go out the window.

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posted March 09, 2014 02:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Haha surely you see the double standard in all of that?

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posted March 09, 2014 02:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
No, how so?

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posted March 09, 2014 02:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Because you can call yourself confident and not put yourself out there.. But a guy has to approach you and be totally calm and cool to be confident.lol

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I'm not saying he has to be totally calm and cool. I'm not expecting that. But seeing as I'm not particularly interested in any of the guys here (most are hopelessly immature), I'm probably not going to bother digging deeper unless given an incentive.

I introduce myself to guys and initiate conversations all the time. When I'm at a party I'll dance with them. That's not the issue. But unless given a clue that he is interested - asking for my number, suggesting coffee, inviting me to a party - all of which I think is totally chill and no big deal, I'm probably not going to do anything more. I think I'm a scoop. I'd like to see a guy willing to risk some misplaced embarrassment for that.

posted March 09, 2014 04:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
I'm not saying he has to be totally calm and cool. I'm not expecting that. But seeing as I'm not particularly interested in any of the guys here (most are hopelessly immature), I'm probably not going to bother digging deeper unless given an incentive.

I introduce myself to guys and initiate conversations all the time. When I'm at a party I'll dance with them. That's not the issue. But unless given a clue that he is interested - asking for my number, suggesting coffee, inviting me to a party - all of which I think is totally chill and no big deal, I'm probably not going to do anything more. I think I'm a scoop. I'd like to see a guy willing to risk some misplaced embarrassment for that.

Maybe that means I'm holding a double standard, I don't know. But I'd like to know a guy is confident enough to go after what he wants. I think it's pretty obvious I'm a confident person anyway. I'm completely open about who I am (and I think you can tell I'm quite arrogant).

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posted March 09, 2014 04:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I dont think you are arrogant. Besides being arrogant isnt something to be proud of.

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Well I think that I am. Not saying it's a good thing, just trying to put my statements in context for you.

posted March 09, 2014 04:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sibyl:
Well I think that I am. Not saying it's a good thing, just trying to put my statements in context for you.

I think it can be a good or a bad thing depending on the situation. Arrogance can be patronizing, or it can reflect a general optimism about one's own abilities. I think a person who has one often has the other. The first is destructive and the second gives you the confidence to go after what you want.

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posted March 09, 2014 05:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Being easygoing and smiling 24/7 doesn't get stuff done. the truth is you have to be negative and confrontational to get stuff done. When someone does or says something that ****** me off they will hear about it, i am very confrontational in that way.. I have to be that way or else I will be up to my eyeballs in bullsh*t and I refuse to put up with crap from anybody. People want you to be easy going and not react to their bs so they can walk all over you.

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posted March 09, 2014 05:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
What you should do is just ignore it and work on getting ahead in life. It's the phrase "choose your battles." Don't waste your energy on trivial, pointless stuff and focus on what really matters. You have to weigh what each thing means. Is it really worth it? How will it help you in life? Do what is in your best interest, Aqua.

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posted March 09, 2014 05:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Interestingly enough I saw a book at the library about self confidence and picked it up. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the author actually had a realistic view on self esteem. He bashed the popular notion of confidence and said being humble or modest is a good thing because you feel compelled to improve yourself and be a better person. The whole time I was reading it I was thinking "Finally! Some common sense prevails!" BTW going after what you want doesn't take confidence. I go after what I want all the time and im far from being the prototypical confident douche.

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posted March 09, 2014 06:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
[b] What you should do is just ignore it and work on getting ahead in life. It's the phrase "choose your battles." Don't waste your energy on trivial, pointless stuff and focus on what really matters. You have to weigh what each thing means. Is it really worth it? How will it help you in life? Do what is in your best interest, Aqua.

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posted March 09, 2014 06:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
I won't. I want to help

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posted March 09, 2014 06:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Haha but how do i know that?

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