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Author Topic:   For Meis
Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 07:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you wanted to talk about the bullying in your life, I did not want you to think you were being squelched from that.

If you want to put your chart up on this thread, please feel free. The charts show signatures of bullying imo

If you want to talk about your experiences, please feel free.

I think you could get a lot of help and relief.

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 1276
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted May 18, 2014 08:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
meissieri don't... don't take the bait.

If you ever feel like talking about some traumatic episodes of your life - "do that when you feel ready" - and do it on your own free will. Don't let yourself baited into opening emotional wounds forcibly - to feed those who are fond of emotional pain.

That can be dangerous for your emotional health - deepening on your current state of being as it can make you feel miserable - even if you weren't feeling so - before getting into this type of discussions ( it's called a "trauma trigger").

Take care meissieri and be careful.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 40204
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 18, 2014 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's not bait. It's an invitation to talk about it if she feels like it. Sometimes, that can help, especially in an anonymous venue. And if not, at least the invitation was extended, for a future time if she ever feels the need.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 11:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, Randall

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 1574
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted May 18, 2014 12:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It may not be bait but I advise against it anyway. Personal experience and I mean.... Look around. lol Threads about fights and closed threads.
You already have a great thread for that with the people who support you.

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 1276
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted May 18, 2014 01:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No. This is WRONG... this is VERY WRONG!
You do not bait/invite someone - in a "traumatic trigger" type of discussion. This is an abusive behaviour from a psychotherapeutic point of view - as it can affect the one in question in a negative way. For one thing - the one in questions (a patient) needs a place where it feels safe to talk about such matters - and then there's also a matters of takings steps and building trust (patient <> therapist) until the patient feels comfortable to talk about a traumatic episode. And this forum is "CLEARLY" - the wrong place for that. Would have been wrong even if things were going stable around here (as a private place - would be more advised), yet - she already mentioned that she's not so comfortable about the way things are going here.... Even more than that, as other members mentioned: some feel a sense of oppression and a fear to open-up even when it comes to trivial matters.

quote:
"The first step in helping trauma survivors begin the healing process involves establishing a safe environment, in particular, an environment in which the sufferer does not feel threatened with recurrence of the original trauma, and also feels safe from encountering situations that will trigger the memory of the original trauma. Because traumatic memories are stored differently in the brain, their recurrence is often difficult or impossible for the survivor to control.[6] Creating a living condition in which a survivor feels protected from trauma and from people or situations that will trigger traumatic memory enables the survivor to begin the healing process, in which survivors integrate their dissociated traumatic experience into acknowledged memory and are able to reconnect with their surroundings."

It's one thing - if a member feels the need to open-up about such matters on a forum, and another - TO INVITE someone in a "traumatic trigger" type of discussion. This is wrong on so many levels...

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 01:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hate to burst your bubble, 12th House, but Sweet Peas was designed to discuss hard topics. Better look at the description again

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Catalina
Knowflake

Posts: 1752
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013

posted May 18, 2014 01:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Catalina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
12th House? Is that some kind of Gotcha?

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 01:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Catalina:
12th House? Is that some kind of Gotcha?


Sweet Peas was designed as a Forum to discuss hard issues. I don't see a Gottcha. Do you

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Catalina
Knowflake

Posts: 1752
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013

posted May 18, 2014 02:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Catalina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just wondering why you addressed 7th Guardian as 12th House...no biggie

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 02:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Catalina:
Just wondering why you addressed 7th Guardian as 12th House...no biggie

Oh, it was a slip. I think he has a 12th House stellium, so I think of him this way lol

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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meissieri
Knowflake

Posts: 938
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Feb 2013

posted May 18, 2014 02:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meissieri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
While I don't mind posting my aspects, I'm worried about this thread right now.

I haven't even posted yet and there's a heated debate going on.

I appreciate all the concern, though, I do.

I guess all I can say is that like everyone, my lens has a few smudges on it but I try my best to live my life just as everyone else does.

That's all I got to say right now.

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 1574
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted May 18, 2014 02:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I hate to burst your bubble, 12th House, but Sweet Peas was designed to discuss hard topics. Better look at the description again


Oh I agree, but it's not a good place for it.

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Ceridwen
Knowflake

Posts: 12595
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted May 18, 2014 02:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by meissieri:
While I don't mind posting my aspects, I'm worried about this thread right now.

I haven't even posted yet and there's a heated debate going on.

I appreciate all the concern, though, I do.

I guess all I can say is that like everyone, my lens has a few smudges on it but I try my best to live my life just as everyone else does.

That's all I got to say right now.


Always only do what you feel comfortable with.


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Dancing Maenad
Moderator

Posts: 822
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted May 18, 2014 02:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:

Always only do what you feel comfortable with.


And always remember the key word for unsolicited advice/help: unsolicited.

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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LeeLoo2014
Knowflake

Posts: 1687
From:
Registered: Mar 2014

posted May 18, 2014 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've noticed this tendency on the other "debate and conflict" threads as well, didn't want to intervene for various reasons, but I'll say it now. I think it's a bad idea to suggest that when someone raises a problem, like "bullying" on lindaland or elsewhere, especially a problem we don't agree with, that it means this person has his/her OWN problems with bullying, that it must be something wrong with him/her. It's a dangerous, passive-aggressive path, an attempt to "neutralize" the person and minimize the issue.

Also, that he has some "unfortunate" astrological aspects because we don't like what he says. Also, that he has his Nemesis on our planets if he criticizes us somehow or suggests he'd like us to behave a bit differently with him/her. It is as if you're saying: if you find me some fault or criticize me, you must be my enemy. Sorry, Ami, you seem like a very nice, flexible and colorful person to me, I know I'm a "newbie" and it's not wise to interfere with the "grown-ups", but I had to say it. I'm mentioning your name because I don't want to pretend I didn't see this in some of your posts. It is not my intention to pinpoint you specifically.

In my opinion, it is a privilege when people tell us what we can do to improve our behavior towards them.

They are opening themselves to us and sharing themselves when they do it. When someone REALLY doesn't care about the interaction, they just yes, yes or ignore or move away. But CARING is SUGGESTING IMPROVEMENT.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 02:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If Meis wants me to close it, I will.

I was gonna close it but as long as it is productive discussion, I will leave it open.

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 1276
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted May 18, 2014 02:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe, but that's for everyone to decide. That's not something YOU can decide (if or when - someone can talk about a traumatic period of their life). That's a behavior that denotes tendencies towards emotional manipulation. Kinda like praising someone for every trivial thing he does - as if it's a God and the place he walks upon is endowed in wisdom (just an example - of another form of manipulation). So, again: YOU DON'T INVITE SOMEONE IN "A TRAUMATIC TRIGGER" type of discussion - unless that someone feels comfortable/safe - to talk about it ON ITS OWN (WHEN and IF HE/SHE considers that it's alright to do that). And AGAIN, that's a choice he/she should make on her own. YOU DON'T HAVE "THE RIGHT" TO DO THAT! Even though - you seem to think that you do, that Randall give you that power as well. All he gave you is a function (Mod) - that "normally" would imply responsibility - but you saw other potential in it - you saw the power to do whatever you want with this place - without repercussion. And cause of that - you're not really a Mod - as you don't behave like one (like DM or MW "for example" - people who are not just kind but also have a sense of responsibility - which you seem to lack) - you're mainly a cause for oppression in this place, which makes a lot of members of this forum (old members who found friends in others they like from this place) - uncomfortable. They find it hard to express themselves or feel comfortable - as they used to when they join. Same goes for every new comer - who spends some time around this parts - enough to realize how things are really going (you can't really learn much about a place after a short period of time there).


I get it - this site is a business and you're a paying costumer (and maybe also friend or whatever) - and we don't seem to fit his business interests - as you do. He made that clear couple of times relating to us (old members) - as if we're expandable (we come and go - maybe something he got used to - in the past 14 years - so he probably stop caring about the community as a whole long ago - or at least that's what it looks like to me at least). So yeah - we're not that important, we're just "handful of Knowflakes out of literally thousands".
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum25/HTML/004723.html

...but even so - there will always be someone who sees what you're doing - and will call you for it. Someone that cares more about the community - as that's the heart of a forum - not the Mods. The Mods - are just members like any others (unless they're hired) - with "a civic responsibility" over the well being of the forum. It's an extra responsibility - not a function "of power" to be used as one sees fit. Just an empirical observation. Something i wanted to mention in the other topic but got closed. Since i live in the other part of the world - there's also a 7+ hour difference.

BTW, there's actually a way to solve all this issue - like "an UPDATE (this forums is based on a 14 years old engine)" - as more modern versions offer the option "TO IGNORE A USER (kinda like in FACEBOOK)" - so you won't see his posts EVER - thus not affected by his vibe. So yeah - that was a practical solution i noticed - and was surprised nobody else did or mentioned anything about it. We're in 2014 - after all. O_o

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 1276
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted May 18, 2014 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Oh, it was a slip. I think he has a 12th House stellium, so I think of him this way lol


It's not. I got the hour from my mother at that time (verbally) - and she gave me my brother's time of birth. I found the real one on my baby tag picture - and there's a difference that implies HOURS - not minutes - thus it changes a lot of things.

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meissieri
Knowflake

Posts: 938
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Feb 2013

posted May 18, 2014 03:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meissieri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I do appreciate Ami's offer for a space to talk about it. I've talked to quite a few people about the bullying and abuse in private, so I don't think it'll be too triggering.

But I'm also getting professional help right now and want to talk and work through my problems there.

I didn't mind the suggestion that I had a personal trigger for fighting - it's true in my case. But I agree with 7th, Ceridwen and the others that it is a bit dangerous to suggest this... it could just be someone having had a rough day.

Please don't close it yet. For one, obviously people here have things they need to say. And for another reason, well, another thread will pop up instead. Better just keep it to one thread instead of filling a whole first page, right?

Edit: And closing too many threads will very likely anger people who still want to talk.

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meissieri
Knowflake

Posts: 938
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Feb 2013

posted May 18, 2014 03:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for meissieri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And if anyone was wondering...

I've moderated and even been the admin of several message boards (though most of them in my own language). This isn't the first time I've been in the middle of things. I've dealt with it before.

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 1276
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted May 18, 2014 04:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's really dangerous. Some, find it so hard to handle a "traumatic trigger" - that it makes them chose a state of seclusion (they seem to feel a deep need to keep away from others for awhile - sometimes it takes days, weeks or even more than a month). Based on their testimonials - that trigger makes them relive that traumatic event to some extent (on a mental and emotional level) - as they dabble with similar feelings - mainly anxiety and a loss of trust in people... in the world (depending on what that trauma implied and how deep it affected them). That's also something i witnessed with a friend - but it's a private matter - so it's not right to talk about it.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 54744
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted May 18, 2014 05:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Meis, If you ever want to put your chart up in Beginners Astrology and ask questions, you are welcome to.

I am a bit busy now on professional charts but that should let up in a few days and I could look for you, if you would like

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 40204
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 18, 2014 05:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I actually do care about this community as a whole, 7th, and it's just a few trouble-makers who are quick to pour gasoline on fires that I don't care much for. People like that exist here only because I stretch the limits of free expression. At most other boards, they would be banned rather quickly.

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Faith
Knowflake

Posts: 7417
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted May 19, 2014 08:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I assume this thread will get locked as soon as I appear, so again, bulk comments:

@Randall,

You have a funny way of showing that you care, when you put a moderator like Ami in charge. She is oppressive, gossips about members, frames people, predictably locks threads in such a way that it creates mayhem and bad feelings, taunts and baits people ~ yet you blame anyone who complains.

You just keep shooting one messenger after another!

As 7th said, I care for this community, which is why I have not stood for Ami's abuses, not to me or against anyone I care for, and that includes newbies who are just starting to realize the magnitude of the problem and are disturbed by it.

Ami is intent on baiting me to death the way she did to Juni and others; she will probably win, considering your fixed bias towards her, and how easy it is to bait me (I won't let her tell egregious lies to the community, I usually do correct her. But whenever you call someone a liar, even if they are lying, some people will cringe and wish you hadn't made such a strong allegation.)

For once we have actually been forming a loose coalition against this forum's root injustice: moderation by someone who delights in causing damage. There have been complaints from many of the members at once, now, about the trouble-making moderator. If you haven't noticed these, I'd be happy to consolidate all the recent complaints for you. Not because I am obsessed with Ami, but because I think others are pushing for a tipping point against this managerial problem, and it's being ignored rather heartlessly and smugly.

If you really do care, you can prove it by listening to what the forum is asking you for. You can prove it by putting the question to the members: "Are you happy with how this forum is moderated?" or something like that. Prove it by listening.

---

@Ami,

I've been meaning to thank you for saying that you and I were never friends. It proves my point exactly: you call people Friend, darling, sweetheart, etc, even though you do not consider them real friends.

Then you say, "As everyone knows on here, I reach out to newcomers." The newcomers probably don't know that, Ami. They probably think you are sincere when you call them Friend, maybe because you like them, you know?

----

@meissieri

Sorry for this post if it made things worse instead of better ~ all I've been attempting is to bring these buried issues to light, airing them out so they can be addressed in a manner that is dignified and worthy of the intelligence and sensitivity of members such as yourself.

Nobody has to worry that I will linger and bring "negativity" into this forum, I might check back tomorrow but this is enough for today.

Have a good one~

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