posted August 11, 2014 02:43 PM            

I, for example, don't look at the outside very much. Baldness, shortness, potbellies, being out of shape, scoliosis hunches, crooked teeth, glasses, moles, hairy backs - it just never phased me. I see those things, but they don't register as negative characteristics.

If I love that person, those things become assets.

The most important thing is that I've always been that way. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate beauty wherever I see it but a pretty face/physique only goes so far.

That's why it's hard for me to really get a crush on a celebrity. I can't lust after a body if I don't know the person.

posted August 11, 2014 02:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I find myself shallow, and would like to change that (if it's even possible).

What I mean by shallow is that I pay a lot of attention to looks in general - mine and other people's.

Often I'm attracted to someone mentally or emotionally but not physically, and it's really frustrating. I wish I could just go past the appearance aspect because it'd make life easier.

I'm extremely self-conscious; and what you could call "picky." I don't choose to be that way but it's automatic, and it's debilitating.

I don't want to be controlled by something as fleeting and ephemeral as looks. I could use some tolerance when it comes to looks - mine and other people's.
It doesn't change a thing for me in friendship but it definitely does in closer interactions.

Any insight?

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posted August 11, 2014 02:55 PM            

Wish I could be that way.

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
You should just be who you are and most comfortable being.

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Nah, that's not how it works for me, haha.
I am too broken and messed up to remain the same. I need to fix myself, asap. It's getting out of hand. And of course, it goes much deeper than the topic of this thread. This is like, the tip of the iceberg.

posted August 11, 2014 03:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
That sounds pretty awesome, Yin.

Wish I could be that way.

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Like I said, it's something I'm born with. Apparently Venus sq Saturn does this.

I'm more in my head. My body is not that important.

BUT

Other people may feel differently. I'm not saying that I'm more evolved because I feel and do what I do.

Everybody follows their own path.

I dated people who were a lot more into appearance and didn't understand my accepting of physical flaws and didn't accept mine either! It didn't work out in the end. It's important to mix with people who share your views.

posted August 11, 2014 03:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:

Nah, that's not how it works for me, haha.
I am too broken and messed up to remain the same. I need to fix myself, asap. It's getting out of hand. And of course, it goes much deeper than the topic of this thread. This is like, the tip of the iceberg.

Anywho, I know what I have to do.
Just need that willpower to actually go out there and do it.

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posted August 11, 2014 04:32 PM            

I will say this, though - things DO change once you stop being so critical with yourself. It took me 3 years of therapy but I've managed to get the self love part right, I think. Maybe meditation works for some folks, I had to learn to change my thinking and see the world - and my past experiences - differently. And slowly, things changed. I don't know how critical I would be right now because I am absolutely disinterested in dating, flirting, sex, relationships or anything of the kind right now. I couldn't care less about any princes at this moment. I've anointed myself princess and so the job is done now, boys go back to your mamma. But I lean towards saying I would still reject a good bunch of people, on looks alone, except it wouldn't make me feel guilty or frustrated anymore. Chemistry is not something you can control.

posted August 11, 2014 04:35 PM            

SSS, thank you for that. Funny thing, it kind of applies to my situation right now and I wonder where I stand. Tricky stuff.

Someone I know keeps telling me things that are in direct opposition to what I think/feel re: looks (that they are not important). And it's a very interesting experience, albeit a confusing one. I am now wondering where "my truth" lies, and just how important (or not) appearance truly is. Wow this is so bizarre. I don't think many people ever go through such a thing... Feels like my entire belief system is being challenged and poked. Perhaps I need to change my vision of things in a radical way. Or I'll just have my current opinion confirmed. Can't tell where this is gonna lead me yet.

So many interconnections.

posted August 11, 2014 07:10 PM            

When people say that they'll date/marry without a care in the world for what you look like physically, then that's when SoujiroSeta comes into play with the "I love my spouse, and they're everything to me, but I'm not attracted to them anymore and I practically have sex with him/her because I feel bad. I can't continue this sexless/lack of attraction marriage. What should I do?"

Beauty doesn't last forever, and it truthfully won't sustain a relationship, but lack of being attracted to your partner won't help either. There are cases where I've had feelings for someone and because I have, they've become MORE attractive to me, but it still didn't last that long because the initial attraction was never there. That strips the passion and lust that my Venus in Aries needs to thrive.

If it honestly bothers you and you still feel like you're shallow, then I would say to pursue those who genuinely intrigue you but don't physically attract you. And it doesn't have to be a romantic pursuit, it could be platonic. Maybe you'll get on with these people in ways you never have before. It could open up your eyes and build a routine, but you'll never know until you try.

posted August 11, 2014 10:24 PM            

I see a person's soul in their facial expression, their eyes - their vibe, their body language. If I'm not attracted to their soul then I can't be attracted to the rest of them. This is all interconnected in my mind.
And vice versa, if I *am* attracted to their soul.. their personality (who they are deep down) - it's impossible for me not to like them on a physical level. I've never had this happen. But you know I'm demisexual so I think I'm weird in this department.

If I was in a (hypothetical) situation where I really thought I fell in love.. and at the same time I wasn't physically attracted - It would make me feel skeptical as to how honest and real that person has been with me.
If their appearance and body language doesn't seem in synch with their soul - something is off. Maybe they are hiding aspects you're unaware of.

In my opinion.. Doux... This isn't about being "perfect" looks wise.. or looking like a model. It's about the guy having a physical appearance that *matches* yours.. a guy who feels right on all levels.
Because if someone truly matches you deep down, and there is real/genuine chemistry between you - that chemistry would likewise be reflected on the physical level.

posted August 12, 2014 06:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Ummm... I'm of the - apparently.. highly unconventional - opinion that there is a mind/body/soul connection - and that our physical body is *always* a manifestation (or reflection) of who we are on other levels and where we are at on our spiritual journey.

I see a person's soul in their facial expression, their eyes - their vibe, their body language. If I'm not attracted to their soul then I can't be attracted to the rest of them. This is all interconnected in my mind.
And vice versa, if I *am* attracted to their soul.. their personality (who they are deep down) - it's impossible for me not to like them on a physical level. I've never had this happen. But you know I'm demisexual so I think I'm weird in this department.

If I was in a (hypothetical) situation where I really thought I fell in love.. and at the same time I wasn't physically attracted - It would make me feel skeptical as to how honest and real that person has been with me.
If their appearance and body language doesn't seem in synch with their soul - something is off. Maybe they are hiding aspects you're unaware of.

In my opinion.. Doux... This isn't about being "perfect" looks wise.. or looking like a model. It's about the guy having a physical appearance that *matches* yours.. a guy who feels right on all levels.
Because if someone truly matches you deep down, and there is real/genuine chemistry between you - that chemistry would likewise be reflected on the physical level.

I don't know whether you like the concept of soulmates or twin flames.. but often people who are deeply in love have things in common appearance wise. There is just something 'about' them as a couple.. They have a -unity- that is not just spiritual, but also physical. They look like an item, rather than two separate/disparate individuals.

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posted August 13, 2014 12:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by rajji:
Athena GoDDeSS, preach your violet flame energising methods in Health and Healing.

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How do you know I use the violet flame?

posted August 13, 2014 12:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ladies.

I'm in the process of demystifying "beauty"! Haha. It's not easy, especially for a Libra Venus like myself. I want to let go of superficiality though. Or at least try.

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The thing with that is it may be the mind is wired to see a objective "beauty" not a subjective one.

And I KNOW that is not exactly mainstream, it is well known in the art world and fashion etc.

This is unpleasant to say, however, there is a veil of "we are all equal!" and it is true when it comes to fundamental rights. When it comes to beauty however, things speak for themselves.

posted August 13, 2014 04:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:

In my opinion.. Doux... This isn't about being "perfect" looks wise.. or looking like a model. It's about the guy having a physical appearance that *matches* yours.. a guy who feels right on all levels.
Because if someone truly matches you deep down, and there is real/genuine chemistry between you - that chemistry would likewise be reflected on the physical level.

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posted August 13, 2014 07:06 AM            

I've tried replying in one shot but it's become impossible.

Here's the thing. Beauty and attraction are two different things. You can find someone beautiful but not be attracted to them. Conversely, you can be attracted to someone without necessarily finding them beautiful in a standard sense. I guess that's very obvious and goes without saying (but I'm still mentioning it because I need to make that distinction to make things clear).

But, I guess what I was truly wondering about - and I didn't formulate it correctly at all - was... Is it possible to become attracted to someone that you don't find initially attractive, over time, based on their qualities? I suppose that's not impossible and varies from person to person.

Wouldn't it be so much easier to be attracted to someone's mind first, and their overall personality, and then become attracted physically? That would avoid unnecessary drama and heartache. But it seems to be working the other way around: you become physically attracted first, then attempt to get along and find common ground and very often it fails because the two people are incompatible or get in conflict, and so on.

So I would like to know if it's possible to go about things the other way around. Not feeling attracted physically at first, then getting to know the person (as in, being friends) and later on start feeling attracted to them physically. I am sure it's possible, but not sure it's possible for me personally.
Can it be learned? Or is it something that's unlikely to happen for some people? The 'instinct' thing that so many of you talk about, well, what if it can be reversed? You know, just thinking out loud. I bet there are so many variables to questions like these that it's basically pointless to even think about them. Probably a case by case thing. Depends on the person, circumstances, etc.

I guess that kind of thing can work for people with Aqua/11H stuff. Being friends first. *shrug*

posted August 13, 2014 07:22 AM            

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted August 13, 2014 09:34 AM            

Something came into my mind for you and it is not going away, so I will share it. You need to find your PASSION. I know you mentioned several to me when we talked like photography, make up artist etc but when you find that passion, go for it, the best way you can.

I think you will find a way that it will not be beyond you to pursue.

If you want to talk about your passion(s) here, that is fine and we can discuss it.

If not, just think about it because I felt like I was supposed to tell you this, today.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted August 13, 2014 09:57 AM            

You need Pholus conj Chiron where you just throw yourself out there

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted August 13, 2014 10:11 AM            

quote:

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So I would like to know if it's possible to go about things the other way around. Not feeling attracted physically at first, then getting to know the person (as in, being friends) and later on start feeling attracted to them physically. I am sure it's possible, but not sure it's possible for me personally.

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posted August 13, 2014 11:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You have Mars in Scorpio, Doux. You feel out things and attraction is very important to you.Your basic nature is this kind of a feeling posture to life. What is your Venus?

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Hm. Dunno. I don't feel my Mars unless I'm angry, lol.

Libra Venus, Ami. You forgot.

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
Attraction can't be "learned" but it is possible for it to disappear and appear when you least expect it. Attraction evolves.

Worst thing to do to relationships is to force them where they won't go naturally.

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Right. I really need to get this tattooed on myself. rofl

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Something came into my mind for you and it is not going away, so I will share it. You need to find your PASSION.

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I guess that goes for most people. I don't have passion(s), it's something that's completely foreign to me.
Thank you for your input, though. It makes sense.

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I know. It is hard for you to put yourself out there. It is painful xx

You need Pholus conj Chiron where you just throw yourself out there

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I actually have that aspect (not tight though - 4°). Moon/Pholus/Chiron conjunct in the 5H. Whatever the hell that means. Sounds like a bad combo, lol. Expansion of wounded feelings? Oh, I had no idea. Thanks for reminding me.

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
This pattern is called demisexuality. And I'm afraid it can't be learned.
Maybe you're simply gray-asexual? (in a non-demi way)

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I don't know, I don't think it's as cut and dry. Labels in general are not my forte.
Currently I don't even identify as a sexual person, so. When I talk about attraction I don't even know exactly what I refer to. It's mainly hypothetical. A sort of mental preparation for the possible future. Once I get it all figured out (if I do, that is).