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Author Topic:   In celebration of... Singleness!
ikja
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Posts: 697
From: London, UK
Registered: Oct 2014

posted February 03, 2015 01:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi all,

I often find that this website is plagued with women and men coming on to find answers about their love life and how it will unfold over a set period.

I'll be honest, I'm guilty of coming on and asking questions about my ex and men that I am seeing or having a liking for. So, my opening paragraph is not a diss or a dig at those who have, those who do and those that will come on to gain insight/answers.

I am currently single and living as much as I can on a day to day basis. I still have some issues with checking up on my ex (even though we don't talk), but I don't feel like I really want him anymore. It would be nice to rekindle, but I'm now a little bit more clues up about what I want. It has been difficult to cut contact, but I have finally done that. I've now got to abandon trolling (soon). It was a difficult break up because I had known him for a very long time prior, and he was like a brother to me. Therefore, letting him go was like letting someone (one of a few people who actually knew me) go and that hurt me immensely.

Now that I am single, I'm reflecting on the relationship and aspects of it that I have to take responsibility for. Tbh, he was the greatest guy that he could have been, but to an extent, I allowed him to misbehave and disrespect me. If you follow some of my posts, you will know that my relationships with members of my family are not great; so I built up a strong attachment. He was home for me, security. He took advantage, but I admit now that I let him. I devalued myself by accepting this **** he threw at me.

Anyway, the point of this post is to celebrate singlehood; and to explore what having time to yourself has revealed to you about you? Good and bad.

This space is not just for people nursing a broken heart. It's also for people who have nursed a broken heart, and went through a period of singleness before they got into the relationship of their dreams

Share, share, share.

Here's to the gift of singleness!

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 03, 2015 09:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think one thing all of my experiences have taught me is relationships are not for me. Every time I've tried to date it always ended in disappointment,pain,or frustration. After taking an extended break from pursuing women I recently put myself back out there only to be met with more frustration and disappointment. This only reaffirmed what I've been suspecting for quite awhile. It is now uncommonly clear that I am not meant to have someone, atleast not right now. Sure, I get lonely sometimes but any pain I feel being single is not as bad as what I deal with when I actually pursue women. I'm currently trying to channel my energy/emotions into creating music. I've been learning how to play the ukulele and it's taken my mind off of things that stress me out. I feel like music is the thing that has been missing from my life.

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hannaramaa
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Posts: 9426
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Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 03, 2015 10:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I like this thread! I personally think romance was invented to manipulate women but that may be extremist thinking. In any case, having had a lot of chances that didn't follow through and some bad experiences, I'm happy I'm single at the moment. Sometimes I get lonely but that's why I bought a cat, no shame. I'm constantly evolving and appreciate the freedom in doing that. It would seem harder to do with a partner, and your relationship together.

Yes, I have crushes, some are intense, but I'd like to think I'm past the point of criticizing myself for them not working out. I'm grateful for my experiences because they helped shape my thinking and even though the majority weren't so great, in a weird way it makes me feel better about myself because I look at what I can do now and know my standards aren't unreasonable. I deserve what I want because of what I can do, and I'm not making excuses anymore for the people who can't accommodate that.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 03, 2015 10:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I personally think romance was invented to manipulate women but that may be extremist thinking.

Please elaborate on this. What do you mean?

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hannaramaa
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Posts: 9426
From:
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posted February 03, 2015 11:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by hannaramaa:
[b]I personally think romance was invented to manipulate women but that may be extremist thinking.


Please elaborate on this. What do you mean?[/B][/QUOTE]

I would prefer not to elaborate on it with you.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 03, 2015 11:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I would prefer not to elaborate on it with you.

I didn't think so.

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hannaramaa
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From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 04, 2015 01:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I didn't think so.

Anybody who's argued, *ahem* "discussed" this topic with you before knows it goes in circles. That is why I do not want to discuss it.

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DeepFreeze
Knowflake

Posts: 4257
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 04, 2015 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Anybody who's argued, *ahem* "discussed" this topic with you before knows it goes in circles. That is why I do not want to discuss it.

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 04, 2015 01:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Anybody who's argued, *ahem* "discussed" this topic with you before knows it goes in circles. That is why I do not want to discuss it.

No,
In case you haven't noticed I haven't been been involved in arguments on this topic in quite sometime. However, I do find it interesting (and amusing) that you say that. I'm just honestly curious to hear your reasoning on that.

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hannaramaa
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Posts: 9426
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 04, 2015 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by hannaramaa:
[b] Anybody who's argued, *ahem* "discussed" this topic with you before knows it goes in circles. That is why I do not want to discuss it.


No,
In case you haven't noticed I haven't been been involved in arguments on this topic in quite sometime. However, I do find it interesting (and amusing) that you say that. I'm just honestly curious to hear your reasoning on that. [/B][/QUOTE]

Cool 👍 Be curious.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 04, 2015 02:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Cool 👍 Be curious.

Way to be mature. I asked you a legitimate question and instead of answering it you got hateful and now you are being passive aggressive. You should know that making off-the-wall controversial statements like that is essentially inviting debate and you should be prepared to backup what you say, this is an internet forum after all. As they say... If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

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hannaramaa
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Posts: 9426
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posted February 04, 2015 02:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why can't you accept that I said no gracefully? If you reeeaallly want to know then do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
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posted February 04, 2015 02:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Why can't you accept that I said no gracefully? If you reeeaallly want to know then do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

You want to know why? Because anytime I make a statement like that in regards to mens dating issues I get jumped on and insulted but the moment a woman makes a similar statement nobody challenges it. I just asked a question and you got all huffy and jumped to conclusions and thinking I was looking for an argument when I wasn't. I asked you... Nobody ever asked me why I felt the way I felt or thought what I thought. People just insulted me and told me I was wrong. The mindset was I'm a guy so therefore i'm wrong. And you are a woman therefore your opinion is valid and nobody is going to question it. Am I the only one who sees the huge double standard in all of that?

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hannaramaa
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posted February 04, 2015 02:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry you feel that way, but really just do your own research on how romantic love is a western, heterosexual construct and decide afterwards.

On that note, I apologize for derailing your thread IKJA! Bowing out now.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 04, 2015 02:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If I had said "I think romance is set-up to manipulate men" this thread would have blown up within 15 minutes with people telling me I have a bad attitude and i'm a misogynist. Everyone reading this post knows that is true but they may lie to themselves and me and say that it isn't. That's why i'm a little bit irked right now.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 04, 2015 02:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Sorry you feel that way, but really just do your own research on how romantic love is a western, heterosexual construct and decide afterwards.

On that note, I apologize for derailing your thread IKJA! Bowing out now.



I just have one more thing to say and i'll shut up. Please read "Self Made Man" By Norah Vincent. She is a lesbian feminist that was able to dress like a man and pull it off. She wanted to see what it was like to be a man and how it compared to being a woman. After her experiences living as a man she said she was glad to be a woman. In the book she goes into detail on her experiences trying to date women as a man and how hard it was. I bet if you read that book you will change your opinion.

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DeepFreeze
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Posts: 4257
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 04, 2015 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepFreeze     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by hannaramaa:
[b]Why can't you accept that I said no gracefully? If you reeeaallly want to know then do your own research and come to your own conclusions.


You want to know why? Because anytime I make a statement like that in regards to mens dating issues I get jumped on and insulted but the moment a woman makes a similar statement nobody challenges it. I just asked a question and you got all huffy and jumped to conclusions and thinking I was looking for an argument when I wasn't. I asked you... Nobody ever asked me why I felt the way I felt or thought what I thought. People just insulted me and told me I was wrong. The mindset was I'm a guy so therefore i'm wrong. And you are a woman therefore your opinion is valid and nobody is going to question it. Am I the only one who sees the huge double standard in all of that?[/B][/QUOTE]

I'm a guy and I very often disagree with you on this subject.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 10759
From: Wankety Wankerson
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posted February 04, 2015 04:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I'm a guy and I very often disagree with you on this subject.

Ok

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PixieJane
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Posts: 6013
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted February 04, 2015 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Please read "Self Made Man" By Norah Vincent. She is a lesbian feminist that was able to dress like a man and pull it off. She wanted to see what it was like to be a man and how it compared to being a woman. After her experiences living as a man she said she was glad to be a woman. In the book she goes into detail on her experiences trying to date women as a man and how hard it was. I bet if you read that book you will change your opinion.

I'll read this if I get the chance (but I've got so many on my list to read right now), but I can say that if she treated straight women as she did lesbians then I'm not surprised she had such a hard time even with women who would normally have gone all gaga with a man. The dynamics tend to be very different. And I can't help but wonder how much they could sense she was acting more as an observer doing an experiment than someone sincerely interested in her.

Though that aside...I can see where both you and hr are coming from, but it's a complex subject. I see it as rough and exploitative on both genders in different ways (and a lot of it is indirect, that is the romantic paradigm is essential in some ways but incidental in others when how it comes to weaken both so they can be controlled and exploited, both by each other and by other institutions besides them--in some cases it's hard to say which came first, the chicken or the egg), but I'm not in the mood to expand on that, at least not at this moment.

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aquaguy91
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From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 04, 2015 08:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'll read this if I get the chance (but I've got so many on my list to read right now), but I can say that if she treated straight women as she did lesbians then I'm not surprised she had such a hard time even with women who would normally have gone all gaga with a man. The dynamics tend to be very different. And I can't help but wonder how much they could sense she was acting more as an observer doing an experiment than someone sincerely interested in her.

Though that aside...I can see where both you and hr are coming from, but it's a complex subject. I see it as rough and exploitative on both genders in different ways (and a lot of it is indirect, that is the romantic paradigm is essential in some ways but incidental in others when how it comes to weaken both so they can be controlled and exploited, both by each other and by other institutions besides them--in some cases it's hard to say which came first, the chicken or the egg), but I'm not in the mood to expand on that, at least not at this moment.



I don't know about all of that but I do know that I related to what she said about her experiences trying to meet women. She specifically said that women treat men like "lower life forms" that have to prove that they are worthy of the woman's attention. She also recalled an instance where she was with another guy (the wing man) trying to chat up women at the bar and being coldly brushed off by a group of women. Later when she and the other guy got back to the table and they were having drinks she asked him if he dealt with that treatment alot and he said "all the time". After her experiences living as a man she said it made her appreciate being a woman. As a guy I really liked that a woman was able to live as a guy and come away thinking that being a man ain't no picnic either.

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Jo B
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Posts: 582
From: London, UK
Registered: Feb 2014

posted February 04, 2015 10:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jo B     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm currently single although have had a few long-term relationships in the past. I enjoy the freedom of doing what I want when I want without having to consult someone else. Sometimes you wouldn't mind having someone to cuddle up with at the end of the night but I just cuddle my pillow and have my imaginary ideal man with me instead. lol. Oh God I've reverted back to my childhood!

But seriously I take it or leave it when it comes to relationships. I'm probably a bit cynical when it comes to romance tbh, but I'm a creative type so can completely fill my day and leisure time with those kind of activities and would find having a guy around a bit of a drag unless we shared either the same (or completely opposite) interests.

So yeah it's nice to be single and I think people should definitely embrace those periods in your life as an opportunity for self-improvement or pursuing your personal dreams.

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Padre35
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Posts: 3919
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted February 05, 2015 11:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
If I had said "I think romance is set-up to manipulate men" this thread would have blown up within 15 minutes with people telling me I have a bad attitude and i'm a misogynist. Everyone reading this post knows that is true but they may lie to themselves and me and say that it isn't. That's why i'm a little bit irked right now.

You irked? Nevvah!

Joking aside, it is my belief that romance and relationships primarily manipulate men for a host of reasons


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Padre35
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From: Asheville, NC, US
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posted February 06, 2015 12:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

As for the point of the thread

Heck yes!!!!

I truly do enjoy being single, the freedom of movement and action that comes along with being single just appeals to me greatly.

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hannaramaa
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From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted February 06, 2015 06:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
You irked? Nevvah!

Joking aside, it is my belief that romance and relationships primarily manipulate men for a host of reasons


I can grant they manipulate both.

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Padre35
Knowflake

Posts: 3919
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted February 06, 2015 09:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I can grant they manipulate both.

Granted, there is a difference between romance, and relationships.

To look at relationships, esp marriage, the women holds pretty much all of the cards. Divorces are usually initiated by women, child custody usually goes to the fmr wife, alimony, child support, maintenance payments and any real property tends to head to the ex wife.

Add in merely from a biological pov, a man can literally spread his progeny far and wide, by choosing monogamy, he loses even that genetically designed ability.

I'm looking for upsides here in the whole spectrum of relationship/romance from the male pov and not seeing literally any at all.

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