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Author Topic:   Single Guys Want Good Service Too!
aquaguy91
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posted August 12, 2020 05:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
As a single guy and introvert, I dine out by myself often. And there's one thing I have noticed for over a decade: I consistently get worse service when I eat out alone. The servers, usually women my age or younger, do the bare minimum or even ignore me completely. It is noticeable and offensive.


Am I below your standards for hawtness to the point where I deserve to be treated like a second class citizen? Do you think I don't notice that you act like attention hoes for the rich boomers when you wont even refill my drink? I do, and every guy I bring this up to instantly has a look of recognition in his eyes and admits that the same thing happens to him.

Today I got really bad service and for the first time in my life I didn't leave a tip. I am usually very generous, but I will no longer reward bad service. Servers should earn my money. Oh, and unattractive guys like myself have money because stuckup 4 out of 10 servers wont give us the time of day. Ever think of that when you are marginalizing and discriminating against us? So short sighted. Smdh

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teasel
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posted August 12, 2020 05:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a woman, and there have been men and women who have barely acknowledged me, when they serve me. It isn't just a thing for single men.

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PixieJane
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posted August 13, 2020 02:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
An interesting (to us) experiment me and a friend did: we ordered sandwiches from Subway and would measure them with kitchen scales. Guys regularly gave me more than him while women gave him more. (Until that experiment, I just assumed women were noticing I work out and thus helping me "diet.")

I don't think it's conscious. We regret we couldn't find a place where we could be certain of a strongly oriented gay man and lesbian to repeat the experiment with.

It didn't occur to us to factor in looks, but I can see that making a difference as well. We should've tried...wouldn't dare recruit anyone else, but we could've come in dirty, stinking, dressed horribly, padded, etc, and see how that affected our orders.

'Course I can see other things affecting the outcome as well. Being introverted could easily be perceived as unfriendly, for example.

On the other hand, there's so much spoiled entitlement in people (of all ages, not just the young, though I don't mean to say this is true of all people, and some of the young can be the nicest people out there) that it makes sense. Like there was this old lady with a shattered hip on crutches who was under doctor's orders not to use the crutches save when absolutely mandatory, and when a social worker drove her to the DMV she tried to get someone to give her a seat, but not a single person would. Probably a hundred people there and not one. And it's not that they were distracted by their phones because they heard their name or number when it came up. And meanwhile, the special cushioned chair we got for her personal use due to her hip found an able-bodied man I think in his late 20s who actually tried to guilt her into giving up the chair for him (I put a stop to that fast).

In a world that has such people (and much worse), I find the idea of snooty and self-absorbed servers all too easy to believe.

Come to think of it, I've lost count on how many times showing ANY consideration is considered a sign of flirting or attraction...because apparently, many people believe, there's no point in being a decent person unless there's some base selfish urge behind it. And that would also imply that if they're not attracted to you then they'll dismiss you and treat you like crap, at least ignore you as much as possible, by their own admission (if they talk like that), even if they're not consciously aware of it.

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PixieJane
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posted August 13, 2020 02:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ETA: no real point to this ramble made late at night when I should've been in bed,

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aquaguy91
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posted August 14, 2020 12:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:

Come to think of it, I've lost count on how many times showing ANY consideration is considered a sign of flirting or attraction...because apparently, many people believe, there's no point in being a decent person unless there's some base selfish urge behind it. And that would also imply that if they're not attracted to you then they'll dismiss you and treat you like crap, at least ignore you as much as possible, by their own admission (if they talk like that), even if they're not consciously aware of it.



As far as I can tell, that only happens because it is so rare. People are so rude and standoffish that it stands out when someone is friendly and engaging.

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PixieJane
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posted August 15, 2020 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^

I can believe that. At that same place where we got an old woman with a shattered hip a padded chair, most others had to sit on fold-out chairs, and I accidentally kicked the chair that an old man was sitting at. With completely sincerity I apologized and said excuse me.

He was almost tearful that I showed him basic courtesy. That was just sad (not about him, but about society).

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Randall
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posted August 16, 2020 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^

I can believe that. At that same place where we got an old woman with a shattered hip a padded chair, most others had to sit on fold-out chairs, and I accidentally kicked the chair that an old man was sitting at. With completely sincerity I apologized and said excuse me.

He was almost tearful that I showed him basic courtesy. That was just sad (not about him, but about society).


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Randall
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posted August 17, 2020 01:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sometimes, servers just have a bad day.

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Ami Anne
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posted August 24, 2020 07:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi AG

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aquaguy91
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posted August 24, 2020 09:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Sometimes, servers just have a bad day.

Yes. And please understand that I take that into account. I notice how busy they are and so on. Having said that, I have gotten a lot of bad service over the years when I ate out alone. And other guys I know experience the same thing. So I don't think it is something that can be explained away by the servers just having bad days. That would be a whole lot of coincidences.

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Randall
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posted August 25, 2020 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That makes sense.

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Randall
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posted September 05, 2020 11:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There are a lot of bad servers.

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Randall
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posted September 12, 2020 01:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I should test your hypothesis.

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Dumuzi
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posted September 12, 2020 08:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
it has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with you being alone, but it's interesting that you're self conscious and think of things in those terms

i used to work in a kitchen and would regularly have to listen to waitresses ***** about the people they were serving (they love coming into the kitchen to talk **** about people out of ear shot while they wait for a newctable or orders from other tables to come up)

they generally hate small tables/single diners because the tips are decreased significantly over large parties (it's actually customary for hosts to rotate these things to keep their numbers rather even but they all want big parties for larger tips) this is partially because of people who tip based on percentage of the total bill

someone who's eating alone is going to have a significantly lower bill than a larger party (less drinks, unlikely to order appetizers, less likely to get alcohol etc but with the potential to take up space for a while), but take a similar amount of time to wait and check on (unless we're talking a huge party but again see larger tip + they can stand around and talk longer) etc so chances are they're expecting a lower tip

now it's **** to do but generally speaking a lot waitresses attend to those they're expecting better tips from or regulars with greater service rather than single diners who are likely to be one time diners or who eat there rarely

generally speaking people who are eating alone get better service if the restaurant has a bar area and they order their food there rather than using tables and booths that could accommodate more people

try eating at the bar area next time or counter if it's a diner with those counter seats and you're basically guaranteed a different experience

personally i've never had an issue with waitresses or waiters though they're generally friendly and talkative and do the whole "sweetie" "baby" "honey" **** to me and draw smiley faces and hearts on the bills etc

had one scare the **** out of me because she came up behind me and gave me like a quick shoulder massage while asking what i was doing later 🤣 i was so ******* high and it confused the hell out of me

i've gotten free stuff before too from both men and women so my experience has been very different than yours

the only time i ever deal with people being total ******** has been when i've been buying cigarettes in gas stations oddly enough

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Randall
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posted October 08, 2020 03:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Testing this.

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MarsSaturnDelight
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posted October 17, 2020 05:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MarsSaturnDelight     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I mainly think it has a lot to do with your presence at the time. What youíre thinking and how your coming across. Not how you look; not in the slightest.

Iím from the UK and tips are not really a thing, just seen as a bonus to the staff. So service is transactional and any rapport you build tends to be sincere. But I think this applied to interaction I general.

When I am concentrating and dealing with something that needs my urgent attention, you can pretty much bet that people avoid me like the plague. To the point where people may be glad to see the back of me when I leave the room. My wife is amazed how my indifference at times affects people.

But when I am engaging and present, itís like night and day.

For context, Iím disgustingly attractive 😉

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Randall
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posted October 18, 2020 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree that that could make a big difference.

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charlie
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posted November 12, 2020 11:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This response might be way ďout thereĒ but the absolute FIRST thing that came to me, and I didnít read the whole post, was: single people are not something to be ďchasedĒ. Iíve noticed on numerous occasions that as soon as itís understood that someone is WITH (dating, married etc) someone else, itís suddenly a game of prey/predator. I can write down on many A4 the times women have, blatantly, been more aggressive/polite/smoldering/friendly towards my husband and this when they realized he was married.

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teasel
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posted November 12, 2020 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey aqua: I know a guy who has never been involved with a woman. He has friends (I found out this Summer), he has a job, he's smart and surprisingly articulate when he gets going on a subject (I say "surprisingly" because he has been the male version of me, when I'm seriously depressed). He is now connecting with a woman. He is a bit wary, but the happiest I've ever heard him, and I've been acquainted with him for years. One thing that is different, is that he sounded sad, but he wasn't hard on women. He didn't blame them.

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Randall
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posted February 23, 2021 09:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We'll see how he feels when she hurts him.

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Ami Anne
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posted February 24, 2021 06:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think things like this are chart issues and each person has some really hard things in the chart. It is not the fault of the person!

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aquaguy91
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posted February 25, 2021 05:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by teasel:
Hey aqua: I know a guy who has never been involved with a woman. He has friends (I found out this Summer), he has a job, he's smart and surprisingly articulate when he gets going on a subject (I say "surprisingly" because he has been the male version of me, when I'm seriously depressed). He is now connecting with a woman. He is a bit wary, but the happiest I've ever heard him, and I've been acquainted with him for years. One thing that is different, is that he sounded sad, but he wasn't hard on women. He didn't blame them.

So, from your perspective he "sounds" sad or he sugarcoats his feelings to be politically correct. Teasel, it's politically incorrect for men to be angry at women. That's the God's honest truth. I've been going to counseling to get help with processing my grief and I have also touched on my anger towards women.

As soon as I brought up the topic, the counselor started asking me certain questions and it immediately became quite clear to me that it wasn't safe for me to be completely honest about my experiences. Just to give you an example, he asked me "Have you shouted at a woman and acted in ways that were emotionally abusive?" in a very accusatory way.

See how that works.... If a guy shouts or says things out of deep anger and hurt it is emotional abuse, but when a woman acts out in those ways nobody cares or even bats an eyelash.

Also, you imply I blame women. What does that even mean? Sure, I blame them for hurting me and treating me badly because they have often treated me badly and caused me a lot of emotional pain. Frankly, women have destroyed my self esteem and have caused me to even be suicidal at times.

As hard as it may be for some people to accept, women aren't always innocent angels. They are often mean, disrespectful, and selfish.

Also, you have to realize that everyone's experiences are different. He may not have had as many painful experiences. I have had painful experiences since I was an adolescent. I was humiliated by several girls who laughed at me and/or called me ugly for having the audacity to ask them to dances. I have been deeply betrayed by female friends and family members. I have been used by women. I have been ghosted and abandoned. I haven't had my emotional needs met. In so many ways, women have communicated to me that my feelings and needs didn't matter to them.

So hell yes I'm angry. But you know what makes me even angrier than all that? It's how women flippantly tell me to just get over all my pain and insecurities and "just be confident." Like it's just that easy! It's ridiculous and unfair.

Women don't want to be tied down by rigid gender expectations, but they still expect men to be macho men who don't feel and are unfazed by everything. It's not fair. Women don't get to have their cake and eat it too. Several generations of women have asked "why won't my man open up to me?" Us men might be more honest about our feelings if it was actually safe for us to express them, but so far women only want men to talk about their emotions if they are positive emotions related to them and the relationship. They don't care how alone and frustrated we often feel.

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Ami Anne
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posted February 25, 2021 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree, AG.

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aquaguy91
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posted February 25, 2021 06:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I agree, AG.


Thanks, Ami. I was just talking to a woman on a dating site yesterday and she literally rejected me because of the kind of vehicle I drive. We were having a good conversation and I brought up a comment she made on her bio. She said "I don't like truck guys." So I asked her about that and told her I drive a truck, but I don't identify as a "truck guy" because I don't base my identity on the kind of vehicle I drive. She literally quit talking to me after that. She left my message on read and has been online several times and hasn't contacted me again. That's the level of shallowness I've dealt with in my life.

So yeah, I'm very frustrated with women. We are talking about 28-year-old women who reject men who don't drive the right kind of vehicle. I mean, really? It's f###ing insane. And here I am being a genuine guy who just wants a nice woman to spend time with, but apparently I'm the problem.

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Ami Anne
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posted February 25, 2021 06:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yea, it is rare to find someone who can appreciate us for who we are without all the externals!

God has to bring the person to you, I think

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