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Author Topic:   What is the point?
aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 24, 2022 12:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I won't lie. I'm not doing well. I haven't really felt good emotions in over 3 years and my life has been absolute hell. I've been through a major car accident with the resulting injuries, health problems, loneliness, poverty, extreme isolation, the death of my mom and grandmother, the death of two pets, and now alcoholism. I've tried therapy and that didn't help. I've tried different antidepressants and those didn't help either. And meditation? Try meditating into the heaviness that I ******* feel on a day to day basis. The reality is I have nothing to live for. I have nothing. And I'm rapidly collapsing under the weight of this life that I was cursed with. I don't believe in God anymore because a loving God would not put so much on a soul to the point where a kind sensitive soul becomes a mean and disassociated drunk.

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Stawr
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Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted October 25, 2022 01:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey I am deeply sorry.
I stopped having faith in God in 2007. Coming from a religious family that wants to keep the family pedo a secret will do that I suppose. Plus not having my prayers answered, even if they were for really dumb things.

I know the feeling of trying just to have more shhh hit the fan. Gratitude journal, candles, gems, supplements, eating healthy, cardio, essential oils, running, taking walks. Life pushing me beyond my breaking point anyways.

I remember that you are born in 1991 yes? Uranus is probably opposing your Pluto. It certainly is for me…I wonder if I am past the hump yet. No I don’t think so.
Also Chiron squaring our generational Capricorn stellium really sucks.

It breaks my heart when a grown man doesn’t have his mom anymore. Not having her to fall back on. Her advice. Her comfort.
My mom and I have had our issues, but for the most part she’s a rock.

I lost my paternal grandma in 2019. We were close. She lived a long life. But I still cry when I think about her sometimes.

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Stawr
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Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted October 25, 2022 02:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I’m starting to wonder if I’m natally cursed. I feel like with stelliums when it’s bad, it’s bad, when it’s great it’s great.

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MonteCristo
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Posts: 490
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted October 25, 2022 02:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MonteCristo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Have you ever read any of Neville Goddard's works?

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 25, 2022 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MonteCristo:
Have you ever read any of Neville Goddard's works?

I just Googled. Yuck, another new age quack. I get so tired of that nonsense. He says you have to feel good to have good experiences. Read my original post again. How the hell am I supposed to feel good about myself and my life? It boggles the damn mind. And these guys never explain how I turn off the natural involuntary mechanisms that make me feel bad when the universe gives me nothing but bad stuff and adversity.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 25, 2022 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Stawr:
Hey I am deeply sorry.
I stopped having faith in God in 2007. Coming from a religious family that wants to keep the family pedo a secret will do that I suppose. Plus not having my prayers answered, even if they were for really dumb things.

I know the feeling of trying just to have more shhh hit the fan. Gratitude journal, candles, gems, supplements, eating healthy, cardio, essential oils, running, taking walks. Life pushing me beyond my breaking point anyways.

I remember that you are born in 1991 yes? Uranus is probably opposing your Pluto. It certainly is for me…I wonder if I am past the hump yet. No I don’t think so.
Also Chiron squaring our generational Capricorn stellium really sucks.

It breaks my heart when a grown man doesn’t have his mom anymore. Not having her to fall back on. Her advice. Her comfort.
My mom and I have had our issues, but for the most part she’s a rock.

I lost my paternal grandma in 2019. We were close. She lived a long life. But I still cry when I think about her sometimes.



And that's the thing people don't get. They just assume you arent trying if you are angry and depressed and complaining. Like you, I do a lot of things to cope and I'm still almost so miserable and depressed that I can't cope with life. People always say "Get help!" Great! I'd love to. The only problem is the only counseling that is available to me at the moment is a service I have already tried for months that didn't do anything for me because my mental health has only gone downhill. I also felt like they actually had a negative impact on my mental health because I was experiencing deep trauma and they kept making inane observations about how their weekly surveys to check my emotional states weren't really changing that much from session to session. Uh yeah, my whole life has been traumatic. It might take longer than 5 sessions to move the needle. Now maybe people will understand why I roll my eyes when they talk about counselors. Oh, and most counselors are very anti-male and that's not what a man who has a lot of pent up rage towards women needs.

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Aries Eagle
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Posts: 2207
From: 🔥🔺
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posted October 25, 2022 09:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries Eagle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to hear about your losses and injury my friend, please excuse my english 2nd language for me

I also suffered from not feeling good emotions even if I had everything I wanted under my hand... But simply I couldn't feel good emotion and in my case, psych-drugs (antidepressants and such) MAKE ME WORSE 1000X much worse... The only thing that is helping me to feel good emotion back is listening to my body and doing the right physical therapy and correcting my posture... Going to the gym and building muscles didn't address these problems for me.. sometimes they can be hidden I don't notice it and I get used to it (the wrong posture) and used to the pain itself they create which by itself can block good emotion so that is very important and should never be neglected.
So the best thing I did to have good emotion back in my case is to invest in physical therapy correcting posture getting a medical mattress or simply sleep on the floor on thick carpet and blanket (I dont live in a cold country)

This is a very helpful post by Mirage that guided me to that direction the guy from this site has really good perspective on things

quote:
Originally posted by mirage29:
The Genius of Flexibility

* Turning Traumas into Gifts
- http://www.thegeniusofflexibility.com/blog/turning-traumas-into-gifts


So by improving the myoskeletal I started to feel good emotions back myo refers to muscles and fascia, and skeletal refers to spinal biomechanics... plus only eating healthy food no junk food ever.

God bless you my friend you deserve the best

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Stawr
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Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted October 26, 2022 05:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Stawr:
[b]Hey I am deeply sorry.
I stopped having faith in God in 2007. Coming from a religious family that wants to keep the family pedo a secret will do that I suppose. Plus not having my prayers answered, even if they were for really dumb things.

I know the feeling of trying just to have more shhh hit the fan. Gratitude journal, candles, gems, supplements, eating healthy, cardio, essential oils, running, taking walks. Life pushing me beyond my breaking point anyways.

I remember that you are born in 1991 yes? Uranus is probably opposing your Pluto. It certainly is for me…I wonder if I am past the hump yet. No I don’t think so.
Also Chiron squaring our generational Capricorn stellium really sucks.

It breaks my heart when a grown man doesn’t have his mom anymore. Not having her to fall back on. Her advice. Her comfort.
My mom and I have had our issues, but for the most part she’s a rock.

I lost my paternal grandma in 2019. We were close. She lived a long life. But I still cry when I think about her sometimes.



And that's the thing people don't get. They just assume you arent trying if you are angry and depressed and complaining. Like you, I do a lot of things to cope and I'm still almost so miserable and depressed that I can't cope with life. People always say "Get help!" Great! I'd love to. The only problem is the only counseling that is available to me at the moment is a service I have already tried for months that didn't do anything for me because my mental health has only gone downhill. I also felt like they actually had a negative impact on my mental health because I was experiencing deep trauma and they kept making inane observations about how their weekly surveys to check my emotional states weren't really changing that much from session to session. Uh yeah, my whole life has been traumatic. It might take longer than 5 sessions to move the needle. Now maybe people will understand why I roll my eyes when they talk about counselors. Oh, and most counselors are very anti-male and that's not what a man who has a lot of pent up rage towards women needs. [/B][/QUOTE]

I get so mad when people ask me "have you tried thinking more positive?" "Think positive" People who I've listened to venting have said things like: I wanna punch them in the face, I wanna kill them, etc.

I totally respect that therapy is not for you. I really do believe that people are not going to click with every therapist.

My experience as a female:
First therapist: It was nice to finally hear that it wasn't my fault. Of course I knew it wasn't my fault. But it is important for people to hear because people really do feel like it's their fault even if they are a six yr old child with their middle aged dad.

second one: I did not click with at all! Though she did give me some words for what I was feeling. I am bad at putting my feelings into words.

third one: was a counselor while I did cover some abuse trauma with her. It was mainly focused on me figuring out what to do with the rest of my life, dating/relationships, squabbles with my mom.

Now I see with husband: He went alone at first. He was molested by a much older kid at the home day care he went to. So he went into detail with her, talked about our relationship issues. I saw a positive change in him. But then I started joining. She is really good about getting to the bottom of it. What stands out from the rest of the people I talked to is that she pointed out that I am still traumatized from my family wanting to keep it hush hush. I wonder a couple of things. Is it because I've already done so much work over the incident it's self? Is it because it's my first time going with out being co dependent on my parents?
My only problem is, I don't think she is used to having female clients who are nymphomanias freaks. She sounds shocked when I speak sometimes. I REALLY wish she never told me that I need to compromise with my husband when it comes to getting my needs met. I met his needs all the time for years. It really made me feel DOWN. It made my behavior at a party very erratic. I probably should've gone. That night haunts me every day.

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Stawr
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From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted October 26, 2022 05:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aries Eagle: inspiring!!

I'm kind of doing that now. I've been eating pineapples for 2 weeks. Certain yogas, meditation, hypnosis, wear certain colors, light certain candles. I hope to go to bed soon and hit up the new age shop tomorrow.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 26, 2022 11:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Stawr:
I get so mad when people ask me "have you tried thinking more positive?" "Think positive" People who I've listened to venting: I wanna punch them in the face, I wanna kill them, etc.

I totally respect that therapy is not for you. I really do believe that people are not going to click with every therapist.

My experience as a female:
First therapist: It was nice to finally hear that it wasn't my fault. Of course I knew it wasn't my fault. But it is important for people to hear because people really do feel like it's their fault even if they are a six yr old child with their middle aged dad.

second one: I did not click with at all! Though she did give me some words for what I was feeling. I am bad at putting my feelings into words.

third one: was a counselor while I did cover some abuse trauma with her. It was mainly focused on me figuring out what to do with the rest of my life, dating/relationships, squabbles with my mom.

One I see with husband: He went alone at first. He was molested by a much older kid at the home day care he went to. So he went into detail with her, talked about our relationship issues. I saw a positive change in him. But then I started joining. She is really good about getting to the bottom of it. What stands out from the rest of the people I talked to is that she pointed out that I am still traumatized from my family wanting to keep it hush hush. I wonder a couple of things. Is it because I've already done so much work over the incident it's self? Is it because it's my first time going with out being co dependent on my parents?
My only problem is, I don't think she is used to having female clients who are nymphomanias freaks. She sounds shocked when I speak sometimes. I REALLY wish she never told me that I need to compromise with my husband when it comes to getting my needs met. I met his needs all the time for years. It really made me feel DOWN. It made my behavior at a party very erratic. I probably should've gone. That night haunts me every day.



What you are saying is so validating for me because I'm a Taurus Moon and I'm very physical as well. I've always been very judged by women for it. I have my Moon and Gemini Mars in the 3rd house, so hell yes I talk about sex. I love dirty talk. But women are so hateful about it. I can talk to a woman forever about everything she wants to talk about and listen to everything she wants to say. We can talk about everything under the sun, but the moment I try to flirt or insert sexual innuendo or create any kind of man-woman vibe they get nasty and make me out like I'm a bad person. It's usually a dismissive tone and "All you talk about is sex." One time a chick said this and we had literally just had a three hour conversation about her and her work goals. But any time I want a conversation topic that would make me happy I'm a bad person. I feel so much rage over being so censored and rejected by women. I'm never allowed to just be myself and express myself how I want to. I want that kind of vibe with a woman. I don't want an asexual vibe. I want full-on passion from day one or nothing at all. These days I pre-reject women as soon as I get the inkling they are going to be problematic in that way. I'm just not even interested in having those stupid conversations anymore. And I especially don't want to have those conversations with women who say that they find me attractive. It's 2022. Birth control is widely available and easy to get and every sort of lifestyle is condoned, so what's the problem? From my perspective, most so-called heterosexual women don't even seem straight anymore. I listen to people talk and I feel so different from everyone to the point where I feel completely isolated. I live in the Bible Belt and women will brag about how they "aren't like that." Lol, nothing makes me run the other way faster than hearing that bs. I would much rather connect with a woman who doesn't fight nature because that only makes men and women very unhappy.

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 26, 2022 11:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know, maybe I'm just weird. I just know that I don't have the same values that most women claim to have when it comes to sex. I do not think it's bad. I do not think it is something that is dark and complicated. It is a biological function. It's a very fun biological function, but it's still just a biological function. My roommate recently told me that nothing good comes easy and I wouldn't want a woman if she was easy. To me, that way of thinking is so ass backwards. Actually, I want my relationship to be easy. I want to be able to go home from work and freely share that good energy with my partner. It could all be so easy and simple if people didn't insist on playing stupid games that don't serve them, much less everyone else.

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Aries Eagle
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Posts: 2207
From: 🔥🔺
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posted October 27, 2022 05:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries Eagle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Stawr That's perfect!
I just ordered physical therapy equipments like foam rollers, resistance bands massage ball etc. For my home gym and I can find all physical therapy exercises and stretches on youtube lol.

@Aquaguy I'm not trying to derail the thread... I know you are a strong guy and will get through whatever difficulties you are facing.

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Stawr
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Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted October 27, 2022 10:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Stawr:
[b] I get so mad when people ask me "have you tried thinking more positive?" "Think positive" People who I've listened to venting: I wanna punch them in the face, I wanna kill them, etc.

I totally respect that therapy is not for you. I really do believe that people are not going to click with every therapist.

My experience as a female:
First therapist: It was nice to finally hear that it wasn't my fault. Of course I knew it wasn't my fault. But it is important for people to hear because people really do feel like it's their fault even if they are a six yr old child with their middle aged dad.

second one: I did not click with at all! Though she did give me some words for what I was feeling. I am bad at putting my feelings into words.

third one: was a counselor while I did cover some abuse trauma with her. It was mainly focused on me figuring out what to do with the rest of my life, dating/relationships, squabbles with my mom.

One I see with husband: He went alone at first. He was molested by a much older kid at the home day care he went to. So he went into detail with her, talked about our relationship issues. I saw a positive change in him. But then I started joining. She is really good about getting to the bottom of it. What stands out from the rest of the people I talked to is that she pointed out that I am still traumatized from my family wanting to keep it hush hush. I wonder a couple of things. Is it because I've already done so much work over the incident it's self? Is it because it's my first time going with out being co dependent on my parents?
My only problem is, I don't think she is used to having female clients who are nymphomanias freaks. She sounds shocked when I speak sometimes. I REALLY wish she never told me that I need to compromise with my husband when it comes to getting my needs met. I met his needs all the time for years. It really made me feel DOWN. It made my behavior at a party very erratic. I probably should've gone. That night haunts me every day.



What you are saying is so validating for me because I'm a Taurus Moon and I'm very physical as well. I've always been very judged by women for it. I have my Moon and Gemini Mars in the 3rd house, so hell yes I talk about sex. I love dirty talk. But women are so hateful about it. I can talk to a woman forever about everything she wants to talk about and listen to everything she wants to say. We can talk about everything under the sun, but the moment I try to flirt or insert sexual innuendo or create any kind of man-woman vibe they get nasty and make me out like I'm a bad person. It's usually a dismissive tone and "All you talk about is sex." One time a chick said this and we had literally just had a three hour conversation about her and her work goals. But any time I want a conversation topic that would make me happy I'm a bad person. I feel so much rage over being so censored and rejected by women. I'm never allowed to just be myself and express myself how I want to. I want that kind of vibe with a woman. I don't want an asexual vibe. I want full-on passion from day one or nothing at all. These days I pre-reject women as soon as I get the inkling they are going to be problematic in that way. I'm just not even interested in having those stupid conversations anymore. And I especially don't want to have those conversations with women who say that they find me attractive. It's 2022. Birth control is widely available and easy to get and every sort of lifestyle is condoned, so what's the problem? From my perspective, most so-called heterosexual women don't even seem straight anymore. I listen to people talk and I feel so different from everyone to the point where I feel completely isolated. I live in the Bible Belt and women will brag about how they "aren't like that." Lol, nothing makes me run the other way faster than hearing that bs. I would much rather connect with a woman who doesn't fight nature because that only makes men and women very unhappy.[/B][/QUOTE]

That really sucks. The only thing I can think of is maybe let them break the ice on the sex talk. That way it's on them and not on you, and if it never comes up they must not be right for you in that way.

I get that once there(or feels like) is no more growth with intimacy, it's not good! Yes it is a biological need.

Maybe you would like this idea better than therapy. But I dabble in law of attraction. I'm sure you've heard about it. (The Secret)
I use to make vision boards. But to keep goals private I save photos to my laptop. Photos of people in relationship, types of girls you like, dates, positions, etc.
Then I scroll and stare at them all as I play a song. When I really want to manifest I try to do it twice a day.
I haven't done it in a year.

ALSO
I did this one yesterday. I wrote words on a napkin of things that have been keeping me down. I then snipped up the paper.

This has been a part of my spiritual outlet since 2007. Dare I say, more impactful than praying. Though I will say once you get it, it's for you to decide if it's what you really want.

I highly recommend if you feel like trying it.

I've done this too, when I realized I wanted action and romance. Sometimes our minds can be physiologically blocking, sabotaging etc. So these little law of attraction tricks can help our subconscious minds achieve our goals.

Making your passwords goals of yours too is also helpful.

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PlutoWasHere
Knowflake

Posts: 744
From: The Nether World
Registered: Mar 2021

posted October 27, 2022 10:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PlutoWasHere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@aquaguy, I’m sorry to see you’re struggling. Alcohol is a coping mechanism but a very destructive one. There has been a lot of alcoholism in my family, including my parents, and it’s usually something that you grow into. When you realize it’s a problem, it’s already a part of you. But it’s a big step for someone to actually acknowledge it as a problem. So you’ve made progress, even if it doesn’t look like it. Finding someone to talk to, that you feel comfortable with, is important. Not all therapists are the same. The last thing you want, is feeling judged by your therapist.

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 8838
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted October 28, 2022 11:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I totally can and do relate to
pretty much everything's ngb even
one of you have said here 😢💙
Not going in to my long g ponderous
list of hellish nightmarish suicidal
things I have and
must endure 😭👽

Sex yes sex love lol ve love ve sex 🥰😎😀
Absolutely detest with a screaming royal passion the freaking idiots who refer to sex as dirty and revolting👽👽👽🤬🤬🤬

aquaguy91 💙😭

If I were single and young and not
disabled I would want to on date you
and have much unrestrainedly ned
wonderful sexual encounters😎❤️💞💋☺️
Being disabled and fighting ing over
a dozen rare incurable progressively degenerating and painful diseases and
stage 3 cancers and extreme poverty and
too many deaths of people I loved 😭
Deaths of my beloved pets especially my
13 year old tiger boy😭
I am now suffering partial paralysis
which started about two weeks ago and
no one knows why😭👽
Sitting here at the cancer infusion center
getting 9 different nasty drugs and all,
I spend around half my wake ng time in hospitals and in chemotherapy😭

Seeing all you folks suffering hurts
so much😭😭😭
I wish I could help you all❤️🤬

So much of what you all have
experienced and do are
things I to have and do face and cannot escape the om😭😭😭😭

Drinking does not help 😭

For me any sedatives or antipsychotic or anti depressant etcetera drugs just make me fe l worse
like looney bin worse😭😭😭👽👽👽🤬🤬
Read the adverse reactions folks
because those drugs that are supposed to help. can actually cause the problems to become much worse 👽👽👽😭🤬

I cannot take any of them
and ai am hey I ng many other folks
should not be taking them either 😭💙👽

Okay chemotherapy screwing up
👽👽👽
I shall return once they fix the
intravenous infusion #7💙

Ugh

Keep posting and venting everyone 💙💙

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 8838
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted October 28, 2022 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Please pardon any typos or strange autofills 👽

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aquaguy91
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Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 28, 2022 02:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Stawr,
It doesn't matter what I do. It just seems like women refuse to communicate with me openly and meet me halfway. It's always very one-sided. I try to reach them. I try to understand them. I try to accommodate them and I just never get the same in return. It's funny because I used to get treated way worse before I lost weight and grew a beard. Women wouldn't even look at me. Women at parties with mutual friends would be blatantly rude to me and not even look at me when I tried being friendly. But of course that had nothing to do with looks. Lol

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 8838
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted October 29, 2022 02:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Stawr,
It doesn't matter what I do. It just seems like women refuse to communicate with me openly and meet me halfway. It's always very one-sided. I try to reach them. I try to understand them. I try to accommodate them and I just never get the same in return. It's funny because I used to get treated way worse before I lost weight and grew a beard. Women wouldn't even look at me. Women at parties with mutual friends would be blatantly rude to me and not even look at me when I tried being friendly. But of course that had nothing to do with looks. Lol

Too bad you cannot find someone like me
who still is not old and disabled like
I am now👽😢
My husband had and still struggles
with much of your issues😭
But I am a factor that helps him cope
despite having the burden of his
incurable Ilnesses and my multiple
severe rare conditions and both our
cancers to deal with😭💙

He has scared me terribly
a few times in our
over 25 years together
when in his bad suicidal fugues😭😭😭

Oddly the prescription drugs
intended to help him
all gave him the opposite effects
of which increased depression,
lethargy and brain fogg and
seizures and yes
suicidal ideation and attempts at
suicide requiring medical and other
types of forced intervention
to stop him😭😭😭
He was that way long before
I met him 😭
He was near your age when
I discovered him
and immediately saw him as
a person I could relate to 😎🥰
No one had ever wanted him or even
tried to get to know him and
he was very depressed like you
and very very very horribly lonely😭
He also did not reject me
when we met because he said he
fell in love with my mind and brain and attitude🥰😎
That was very good because
I am 15 years older than he is😎
He was 28 years old and
I was 43 years old and already
severely disabled and weighed about
425 pounds👽
I have since lost about 225 pounds😎
He had to struggle to get through
my autism and still does and I still
struggle to help him embrace his
suffering instead of wanting to
kill himself😭👽
So keep in mind that if you
can ignore the person
in how old or how they look,
it is seriously possible to find
or be found by the person you can
connect with😎
Parties are not the places to meet
such women or men for that matter 👽
Nor are bars and such👽
We met at a
Halloween haunted hayride
both in costume over 25 years ago 😎
Then we talked so much and
then met much for
hours on the he phone
and at his apartment
and we would fall asleep talking
with each other😎❤️
Then more with him him
at the library where he worked and
much mpre at
his apartment where I was at so
much that he had me move in with him
within just a few weeks 😎🥰
I was in a nasty divorce and my ex
was a very violent dangerous person
and his brother and buddies even worse 👽
I needed a safe place to live and
there it was🥰
We became very close friends
for the first
6 months or so and with
wild sexual benefits🥰😎
But then it turned into
very deep love and here we are
over 25 years later
still together🥰😎
Oh for sure there have been a few
rather nasty rough patches
but so far we have weathered
them all 🥰😎
Is it easy⁉️
Nope it is not ever easy 😭👽
but we keep pushing to
hold on to the good
despite the bad 😎🥰

Libraries, acting and stage theatre
can be outlets to meet a person
who might be it for you🥰😎
Fishing hiking geocaching, art
and for sft even cooking and
baking clases, gardening,
pet shelters and
such etcetera
are also good places
to meet real people😎❤️💋
No parties and no bars and do not get
hung up on older age or physical
size or disabilities,
You might miss a diamond in the
rough and she or even he miss
finding you👽😭

I do not know what else to say
except that
maybe your meds are actually
causing you more problems👽
Drinking will not help my friend 😭💙

You need a person like I was 25 years
ago in a way perhaps⁉️

You might need a good friend
with sexual benefits
and lots and lots of conversation
and 100% totally honest and open
with each other😎❤️
Ve can indeed grow from that kind of
connection😎💋❤️
My husband and I are proof of that😎💋💞❤️🥰

It is possible to get what you need😎💙

Okay must go for now💙
Despite the horrible goings on in
my world
and many folks saying I should just
give up👽😭 including some doctors👽
I refuse to go back to my days
when I was in a very similar place
as you are💙

And it is not easy😭💙
But if it works out it is well
worth the trying for it to
be so for you 💙😎❤️

Big hugs and love and
blessings and good fortune and
happiness to you aquaguy91 😎🥰💙🌈❤️


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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted November 01, 2022 03:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Stawr,
Actually, I'm not interested in compromising in that area. If a woman isn't attracted to me and has a problem with me being a straight guy she can #### off and get out of my life. If I don't get the benefits of being with a woman she won't have access to any of my masculine gifts. I mean that. I demand give and take. I'm not being taken advantage of. I don't understand women. Y'all are all clowns to me for the most part. Y'all want a heterosexual relationship with a man but y'all just don't want any of the actual heterosexual aspects of that. I can have asexual conversations with anyone. I can have the same kinds of conversations that women want to have with complete strangers. I don't get any satisfaction or feel anything from those conversations, so there's no point in even playing the stupid games that women want to play. If my feelings and wants don't matter I'm just not interested.

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted November 01, 2022 03:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lexx,
Thanks for the kind words. I'm not shallow and I'm not unreasonable, but attraction is mandatory. For a man, it's especially important because things don't function properly unless the attraction is there. It's just a reality.

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Stawr
Moderator

Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted November 01, 2022 08:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
I totally can and do relate to
pretty much everything's ngb even
one of you have said here 😢💙
Not going in to my long g ponderous
list of hellish nightmarish suicidal
things I have and
must endure 😭👽

Sex yes sex love lol ve love ve sex 🥰😎😀
Absolutely detest with a screaming royal passion the freaking idiots who refer to sex as dirty and revolting👽👽👽🤬🤬🤬

aquaguy91 💙😭

If I were single and young and not
disabled I would want to on date you
and have much unrestrainedly ned
wonderful sexual encounters😎❤️💞💋☺️
Being disabled and fighting ing over
a dozen rare incurable progressively degenerating and painful diseases and
stage 3 cancers and extreme poverty and
too many deaths of people I loved 😭
Deaths of my beloved pets especially my
13 year old tiger boy😭
I am now suffering partial paralysis
which started about two weeks ago and
no one knows why😭👽
Sitting here at the cancer infusion center
getting 9 different nasty drugs and all,
I spend around half my wake ng time in hospitals and in chemotherapy😭

Seeing all you folks suffering hurts
so much😭😭😭
I wish I could help you all❤️🤬

So much of what you all have
experienced and do are
things I to have and do face and cannot escape the om😭😭😭😭

Drinking does not help 😭

For me any sedatives or antipsychotic or anti depressant etcetera drugs just make me fe l worse
like looney bin worse😭😭😭👽👽👽🤬🤬
Read the adverse reactions folks
because those drugs that are supposed to help. can actually cause the problems to become much worse 👽👽👽😭🤬

I cannot take any of them
and ai am hey I ng many other folks
should not be taking them either 😭💙👽

Okay chemotherapy screwing up
👽👽👽
I shall return once they fix the
intravenous infusion #7💙

Ugh

Keep posting and venting everyone 💙💙


That means a lot to me! Thank you, about wishing you could help. I'm serious. It brought me to tears. But I'm already emotional AF, and already have been crying for my own personal reasons.

I feel so alone, because of the stigma that women are not suppose to like sex. Men are always suppose to like it more. Etc.

I need to go grocery shopping but I am such an emotional wreck right now.

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Stawr
Moderator

Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted November 01, 2022 09:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Stawr,
It doesn't matter what I do. It just seems like women refuse to communicate with me openly and meet me halfway. It's always very one-sided. I try to reach them. I try to understand them. I try to accommodate them and I just never get the same in return. It's funny because I used to get treated way worse before I lost weight and grew a beard. Women wouldn't even look at me. Women at parties with mutual friends would be blatantly rude to me and not even look at me when I tried being friendly. But of course that had nothing to do with looks. Lol

I am so sorry.
I have having a life crisis myself. It's hitting hard today. About a week ago I discovered that I have Juno square Mars in my chat.
I looked up an interpretation that this could mean not feeling appreciated and satisfied in commitment. I SEE IT. God it sucks. How come other people get to be happy? Are they lying? Or is there a small percentage of people who actually are being happy married?
But I also have Juno sextile Saturn witch means I am a dedicated hard working partner.

Not to 100% bash my husband. But I have been burned out for such a long time. He waits for it to be too late to do what I need him to do.

I can relate to that so much how people treat people based on appearances. Dudes suddenly wanted to talk to me after high school. Or even the dude at the gas station having a different tude/tone with me when I wear black eye make up.

They did some sort of study a while back of women online. One profile the women wore no make up. Men would talk to them more friendly. When the women did more natural make up, the men would talk to them more romantically. If the women had the make up caked on in their picture men would talk to them in more of a hook up kind of way.

My mom also said that she notices people are nicer to her after she got rhinoplasty.

I try to check my self too in general.

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Stawr
Moderator

Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted November 01, 2022 09:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Too bad you cannot find someone like me
who still is not old and disabled like
I am now👽😢
My husband had and still struggles
with much of your issues😭
But I am a factor that helps him cope
despite having the burden of his
incurable Ilnesses and my multiple
severe rare conditions and both our
cancers to deal with😭💙

He has scared me terribly
a few times in our
over 25 years together
when in his bad suicidal fugues😭😭😭

Oddly the prescription drugs
intended to help him
all gave him the opposite effects
of which increased depression,
lethargy and brain fogg and
seizures and yes
suicidal ideation and attempts at
suicide requiring medical and other
types of forced intervention
to stop him😭😭😭
He was that way long before
I met him 😭
He was near your age when
I discovered him
and immediately saw him as
a person I could relate to 😎🥰
No one had ever wanted him or even
tried to get to know him and
he was very depressed like you
and very very very horribly lonely😭
He also did not reject me
when we met because he said he
fell in love with my mind and brain and attitude🥰😎
That was very good because
I am 15 years older than he is😎
He was 28 years old and
I was 43 years old and already
severely disabled and weighed about
425 pounds👽
I have since lost about 225 pounds😎
He had to struggle to get through
my autism and still does and I still
struggle to help him embrace his
suffering instead of wanting to
kill himself😭👽
So keep in mind that if you
can ignore the person
in how old or how they look,
it is seriously possible to find
or be found by the person you can
connect with😎
Parties are not the places to meet
such women or men for that matter 👽
Nor are bars and such👽
We met at a
Halloween haunted hayride
both in costume over 25 years ago 😎
Then we talked so much and
then met much for
hours on the he phone
and at his apartment
and we would fall asleep talking
with each other😎❤️
Then more with him him
at the library where he worked and
much mpre at
his apartment where I was at so
much that he had me move in with him
within just a few weeks 😎🥰
I was in a nasty divorce and my ex
was a very violent dangerous person
and his brother and buddies even worse 👽
I needed a safe place to live and
there it was🥰
We became very close friends
for the first
6 months or so and with
wild sexual benefits🥰😎
But then it turned into
very deep love and here we are
over 25 years later
still together🥰😎
Oh for sure there have been a few
rather nasty rough patches
but so far we have weathered
them all 🥰😎
Is it easy⁉️
Nope it is not ever easy 😭👽
but we keep pushing to
hold on to the good
despite the bad 😎🥰

Libraries, acting and stage theatre
can be outlets to meet a person
who might be it for you🥰😎
Fishing hiking geocaching, art
and for sft even cooking and
baking clases, gardening,
pet shelters and
such etcetera
are also good places
to meet real people😎❤️💋
No parties and no bars and do not get
hung up on older age or physical
size or disabilities,
You might miss a diamond in the
rough and she or even he miss
finding you👽😭

I do not know what else to say
except that
maybe your meds are actually
causing you more problems👽
Drinking will not help my friend 😭💙

You need a person like I was 25 years
ago in a way perhaps⁉️

You might need a good friend
with sexual benefits
and lots and lots of conversation
and 100% totally honest and open
with each other😎❤️
Ve can indeed grow from that kind of
connection😎💋❤️
My husband and I are proof of that😎💋💞❤️🥰

It is possible to get what you need😎💙

Okay must go for now💙
Despite the horrible goings on in
my world
and many folks saying I should just
give up👽😭 including some doctors👽
I refuse to go back to my days
when I was in a very similar place
as you are💙

And it is not easy😭💙
But if it works out it is well
worth the trying for it to
be so for you 💙😎❤️

Big hugs and love and
blessings and good fortune and
happiness to you aquaguy91 😎🥰💙🌈❤️


With all that life has thrown at you, I am so happy that you have a loving husband. Nature can be so cruel and chaotic. That is so beautiful that he is there for you, and you are there for him.

IP: Logged

Stawr
Moderator

Posts: 8125
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010

posted November 01, 2022 09:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Stawr,
Actually, I'm not interested in compromising in that area. If a woman isn't attracted to me and has a problem with me being a straight guy she can #### off and get out of my life. If I don't get the benefits of being with a woman she won't have access to any of my masculine gifts. I mean that. I demand give and take. I'm not being taken advantage of. I don't understand women. Y'all are all clowns to me for the most part. Y'all want a heterosexual relationship with a man but y'all just don't want any of the actual heterosexual aspects of that. I can have asexual conversations with anyone. I can have the same kinds of conversations that women want to have with complete strangers. I don't get any satisfaction or feel anything from those conversations, so there's no point in even playing the stupid games that women want to play. If my feelings and wants don't matter I'm just not interested.

I am so sorry! I like talking about sex. I have a Scorpio and Aquarius stellium. Scorpio and Aquarius are very active in my chart. AND my most dominant planets are Pluto, Uranus, and Mars.

I realize how how sexually unopen my husband is. I've never had any of these issues with any of my other relationships. But it is the most stability I've ever felt in any relationship. I am just really starting to feel like WHY can't I ever have both?!

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 12853
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012

posted November 01, 2022 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Stawr,
I know you won't listen to me, but most guys would want a woman who is comfortable with sex. To me, most women's relationship with sex is weird and off putting. They act prudish and like they hate sex but they wear tight clothes that show off everything and they have two kids already. Who the #### are they trying to fool with these silly games? 🙄

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