posted April 17, 2008 11:13 AM         

i believe

posted April 17, 2008 11:36 AM         

More later.

Hugs,
GG

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted April 17, 2008 10:15 PM         

About taking the kids to see Dad: just my personal opinion, but I think it would be a good idea. I remember when I was hospitalized for 3 days when CJ was 6 -- after I was hauled off in the ambulance a friend of mine picked him up at school and took him to her house. He was so freaked out about Mom in the hospital (imagination) that he barely ate and barely slept. After I'd been there a day she brought him down to see me, and even though I didn't look very good with a tube up my nose, he visibly relaxed and was much less fearful the rest of the time he was at my friend's house. I think it would help your little sweeties to see that Daddy is very tired and very sick, but he's in the place that will make him well again with medicine and treatment.
I'm so proud of your courage and common sense in getting all the legal paperwork in order -- just in case.

posted April 17, 2008 10:17 PM         

The silver lining in all of this maybe the baby. I got one of those, get our
products because you are pregnant emails, and as I didn't know much about
cord blood banking I decided to read up on it, since I was awake at that
obscene hour anyhow. As I was reading on the many things that cord blood has
been used to treat, I came across, non-hodgkins lymphoma. When I told Dr.
Prow this, her face lit up like the sun, and she smiled and said, "Yes, you
need to do that. Good."

So. There you have it. As much as I know at the moment. I know that I have
spoken with some of you, and others I haven't had a chance to get back with
yet. know that We appreciate every single good thought, and if I cant' get
back with you right away, I havent' forgotten you. I will do my best to get
to each of you, as I know you all care. It means a great deal to me at the
moment, and I can't thank you enough, because English is very inadequate for
the words.

Much Love to each of you and those you love.
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted April 17, 2008 11:47 PM         

Love to to all!

posted April 18, 2008 07:47 AM         

Much Love to all,
Amanda

--
I was going through old emails from myself to Kevin and found this old
signature:

Be Happy. Remember you have a smile. ~ A wise little girl

Life is like eating strawberries I discovered while I was picking them. There
are times where you get one that is just like nectar, and those are the good
times in life. Then sometimes you get one that looks good, and you eat it and
well it's sour. Those are the hard times.

Everyone gets a sour strawberry now and then, and that's just life. We live
for the nectar filled ones, and keep eating on through the sour ones.

Strawberry Philosophy ~ by Amanda

Both of these still hold true, even for us right now.

And if that fails there's this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GUcXI2BIUOQ

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 18, 2008 10:07 AM         

As difficult as all of this is for you, you should know that your posts are intensely awe-inspiring. The strength you've mustered to be able to go through what you are experiencing right now says so much about your amazing character. In these testing times, when you are probably feeling the greatest need for some sort of super hero or miracle to help you, I thought you should know that you are my heroine.

You are the miracle.

Your sharing here has moved me in a powerful way.

Thank you.

posted April 18, 2008 11:22 AM         

I am so sorry for what you and your family is going through. I haven't been around due to my schedule and was just able to log on today. My prayers are with you, your beautiful children and your awesome husband.

I wish I had a miracle for you. I would give it to you in a heart beat.

Lots of love, healing light and hugs...

posted April 18, 2008 03:11 PM         

With you in my thoughts and prayers.

posted April 19, 2008 01:33 AM           

You are all in my prayers.

From reading your posts and what you said about the cord blood, I am thinking that this sweet angel about to enter the world is going to bring with her presence a double miracle for her daddy and her mommy. Her life being the first one.

How beautiful that miracle would be, returning life for life. It's just..well..so God like. It just sounds so right.

posted April 19, 2008 04:07 AM         

quote:

---

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along

the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene,

He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;

one belonging to him,

and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed

before him, he looked back at the

footprints in the sand. He noticed that

many times along the path of life,

there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very

lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him,

and he questioned the LORD about it.

LORD, You said that once I decided to follow You,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most

troublesome times in my life, there is

only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed You

most You would leave me.

The LORD replied,"My son, my precious child.

I love you, and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering,

when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you.

I Love you God

---

ps: it's not blasphemy, i asked the permission to do it only to make you smile, nothing else

posted April 19, 2008 06:28 AM         

Thank you friends.

Here's the latest news.

I was tired and just wanted bed last night, so it's a morning update.

He looked so so so much better yesterday! I was floored really. When he asked me if he could have Indian food for lunch, I knew we are going to be ok. Those of you who know Kevin, know his love of Indian food, and know that he'd eat it 17 times a day if he could. LOL And we got an emphatic "YES!" when I asked Dr. Prow if it was alright. He said he's feeling much better, and that's a good thing. He's feeling a bit down because he said "well it's relapse." I told him that Dr. Prow's nurse had said that sometimes it takes a bit for the cancer and the technology to "catch up" and that she said if he was walking around that sick, for as long as he was, then he's one tough cookie. So he needs to keep that in mind. I know we'll get through this. As a good friend said to me in an email, the happy ending can't come in the middle of the story. And since this is the middle of the story, we're not there yet.

I have the oncologists office working on the cord blood banking thing, and contacting companies. I learned through some research, and also had an email telling me this as well, that there are a handful of companies that will waive the processing fee if there is a demonstrated medical need, like a sibling or parent has a disease that is treated by the cord blood. Which is great since this costs several thousand dollars. I've been talking to the baby, and telling her that she needs to get really strong so that we can use the blood for Daddy.

I was able to sleep until 4 AM today, and am making myself stay in bed at least 1 hour after I wake up, so that I get more rest. So I guess I must be feeling better too.

I did take the children to see him, and well it was overwhelming for them. Heck it's overwhelming in the ICU for me and I'm 33! So I can't imagine what they must think. But Kevin perked up a great deal when he saw them, and so that was good. They did ask why there are so many things hooked up to him. I explained that some were for food and water, some were for medicine, some were to check and see how his heart, lungs, blood pressure were doing, etc. And I said "you know all those machines go ping, and pong, and beep, and boop, and make all sorts of fun noises." Then they all perked up and Ewen said "Boy I bet that keeps Dad up at nights!" And Morgen and Bowie, said "yeah I bet he does." They seemed in better spirits after that. And we've had a few emotional outbursts over things that usually wouldn't bother them, so I think they are getting it all processed. I just remember to hug them often, when I see them, and tell them I love them. Also the fact that they are with people who care about them, is a great comfort to them, and also to me.

Will update again tonight/tomorrow early AM.

In the meantime, take care of yourselves, and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

Big Hugs and Love to you all,
Amanda

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 19, 2008 04:41 PM         

I love indian food, too.

quote:

---

In the meantime, take care of yourselves, and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

---

Okay! Thanks for the advice. Will do.

posted April 19, 2008 05:51 PM         

You sound like a great mom.

posted April 20, 2008 03:27 AM         

God Bless you and yours.

posted April 20, 2008 08:32 AM         

I had to tell him yesterday exactly how sick he was. He didn't have any idea of how serious it had gotten to be looking. This was pretty sobering for him. I told him, 'I know you don't subscribe to certain spiritual beliefs, but you must have a lot of angels looking out for you, or either you are part cat, because this is twice you've evaded a serious outcome. So take that for what you will.'

Today is our 10th anniversary. This isn't exactly where I thought we'd be on our 10th anniversary, though I'll take it.

I slept until quarter of 5 this morning and stayed in bed until 6:30. I didn't feel as restless, and my mind isn't as full of thoughts, so I guess I'm getting better too.

Love,
Amanda

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard