posted April 26, 2008 09:06 AM         

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 26, 2008 11:44 AM         

The children are with the other grandparents this weekend. I thought it would be nice for them to go down there, since it'd been a while since they got to go. And as expected they were all packed...on Thursday...ready to go LOL

It was very quiet last night here, and I got to feeling a bit blue. So I had myself a good cry about everything, and while it felt nice, it didn't help me feel better. Then I got an email from a dear friend. And we had a brief flurry of emails, and by the time I started yawning (read, ready for bed) I was feeling so much better. Thanks Zala!

We used to have these Charlie Brown pillow cases, with all the Peanuts characters on them when I was about 4. There was a saying on it about friendship, and I can't for the life of me remember what it is...Mom where are they, I know you still have them tucked away somewhere. Well anyhow, it's about friendship and being one of the reasons life is so great.

So Thank you to each of my friends. You enrich my life, and hold me up when needed.

I love you all.
Have a great day everyone!
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 27, 2008 07:52 AM         

This is going to be very brief, as it has been a long day.

Someone sent me a message today via the ethers. Maybe it was my Grandma, maybe it was an angel. I don't know, all I know is whoever poked me, got us out of a sticky situation that could have ended up not so great had it waited. When I arrived this morning, Kevin didn't 'look right' to me. His pulse was up in the 130's and had been normal yesterday when I left at 8 PM. He also looked just kinda crapy. Like something wasn't right. He didn't want breakfast, and I said something to the nurse, who agreed with me. She mentioned it to Dr. Ottoman, who is on call this weekend, and he brushed it off saying 'everything's fine' Well I could see for myself it WASN'T fine. Something wasnt' right, otherwise why had his pulse jumped from normal range up to 130-140 and then up to 159? He was complaining of being 'uncomfortable' but could not say how or why. He did eat a few bites of lunch, and this afternoon, I was sitting there holding his hand, and laying my head down on the bed, wondering what was wrong with him, when all of a sudden I heard this voice say 'Don't wait until Monday' I said 'Don't wait until Monday for what?' But of course I got no reply. So I went out and spoke with the Nurses, and to wrap this up, Dr. Ottoman was still saying everything was fine, they had another Dr. come up and look, and she said she didn't feel comfortable consulting since she wasn't an oncologist, Dr. Prow was left a message at home, and then his nurse took his temperature orally, and guess what? Temp of 102.3. Well Who is justified now? Me that's who! The other doc called back up and ordered a chest x-ray. Then his nurse says to me, I just checked his chart, and if he spikes a fever there are standing orders for blood cultures, urninalysis, and 2 antibiotics to be started. Yay for Dr. Prow. I knew she wouldn't have blown me off. Then his nurse from yesterday had come to have a look at him, and she agreed that he didnt' look as good as yesterday to her either.

So. Thanks Grandma, or whomever was talking to me today. You did good. And the staff said it was good that I was insistant as well, because they were able to catch it quickly.

And this evening, he looked much better, and my wierd gut feeling was gone. he ate some dinner, and his fever broke while I was out getting food. Also his pulse was down, because I couldn't see it on his neck anymore, like earlier.

Thank you to whomever brought the lovely care box. That was very nice.

Talk to you all tomorrow.

Love,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 27, 2008 10:07 PM         

You've got some friends.

posted April 28, 2008 12:24 PM         

This morning at 3:45, I see him while I'm sleeping, and he says to me, "Honey, I just don't feel very well." I wake up and decide, I better go in. I tell you one of these days the ER people will acually get it right, when they ask me "Do you need to go upstairs now?"

When I arrived, I spoke with his nurse, and he said that he was resting now, but it was around 3:45 that he said he wasnt' feeling well.

I am either tapping into the gnosis, or else I'm losing my mind...maybe it's one and the same thing.

This morning (read sane time to get up) around 7 AM he looked a great deal better, and he was perky. I got an opportunity to speak with Dr. Prow, about what happened this weekend, and told her, how Dr. Ottoman wasn't very responsive. I also spoke with the head of the dept. up here as well.

He ate some breakfast, and then he did throw up a bit, but I think he kept his food down.

One step forward and two back.

Talk to you all later.
Hugs,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 28, 2008 10:36 PM         

I miss my friend. It feels like part of my heart is missing somehow. So tonight, I'm just going to post a couple of songs with lyrics that share a bit how I feel about Kevin.

Penelope's Song by Loreena McKennitt

Now that the time has come
Soon gone is the day
There upon some distant shore
You'll hear me say

Long as the day in the summer time
Deep as the wine dark sea
I'll keep your heart with mine.
Till you come to me.

There like a bird I'd fly
High through the air
Reaching for the sun's full rays
Only to find you there

And in the night when our dreams are still
Or when the wind flows free
I'll keep your heart with mine
Till you come to me

Now that the time has come
Soon gone is the day
There upon some distant shore
You'll hear me say

Long as the day in the summer time
Deep as the wine dark sea
I'll keep your heart with mine.
Till you come to me
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gW6E2BaEK50

Room's on Fire by Stevie Nicks

Somewhere out in the back of your mind
Comes your real life and the life that you know
It seems like it was the creation of some of those same old things
It seemed to be the only thing left out in the light
She had trusted many
But been unfamiliar with
Almost everyone but you

Well maybe I'm just thinking that the rooms are all on fire
Everytime that you walk in the room
Well there is magic all around you, if I do say so myself
I have known this much longer than I've known you

She had trusted many
And then there would be someone who would enter into her presence
That she could sense for miles
She dreamed of her wanton luxury
And she laughed and she cried and she tried to taunt him
And he hated to be separated
From that picture no

Well maybe I'm just thinking that the rooms are all on fire
Everytime that you walk in the room
Ooh, well there is magic all around you, if I do say so myself
Well I have known this much longer than I've known you

Long nets of white cloud my memory
Long nets of white cloud my memory
Ooh there is magic all around you
Everytime you walk in the room

Well maybe I'm just thinking that the rooms are all on fire
Everytime that you walk in the room
Well there is magic all around you, if I do say so myself
Well I have known this much longer than I've known you
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VwPNhF0dk1U

Talk to you all tomorrow.

Love,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 30, 2008 06:04 AM         

I have contacted our friend Asa, to help with an 'art' project. I thought this weekend, if I could just bring Spring inside for him, it would perk him up. So on Thursday afternoon, Asa and the children, and Bala and Blackbird, are going to videotape spring =) flowers, trees, the birds singing, the sunshine, and clouds, the blue sky. Then we'll get it onto a DVD, and the nurses can play it on his TV for him.

I forgot to thank the class, that made the get well cards for Kevin this Sunday. James brought them over, and he likes them so much. Thank you dear people.

The other good news is that our medical application for cord blood was approved! That means that the only cost to us is the $150 courier fee! YAY!

More later.
Hugs,
Amanda

TUESDAY, APRIL 29, 2008 07:22 PM, CDT
I printed out the guestbook for Kevin to read this afternoon. I think he was completely overwhelmed by all the caring messages from you wonderful people! He also wanted to see messages from here, and other places as well. It really cheered him up, so thank you all.

They are going to have to rework his PT schedule. When the ladies were working with him this afternoon, his heart rate got really elevated, so they will have to modify it. Also Dr. Prow wanted to run some more blood work. So we'll find out and make sure that everything is running alright. He was fairly worn out this afternoon so we left early, so that he didn't feel like he needed to not rest because we were there.

On the whole it's been a pretty good day. Slowly moving forward.

Each day will get better.
Hugs and Love to you all,
Amanda

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2008 04:58 AM, CDT
Last night I got a call from Mick, his nurse. Around 9 PM, they had to move him back down to the ICU because his heart got tachy. They have started giving him the IV version of his heart medication. It is very fast acting, but doesn't last long. They also put him back on the other heart medication. Dr. Christensen will see him this morning, along with Dr. Prow.

At 10:30ish, he told me, 'go home, and get some sleep.' So I did, and well I'm up now.

More later.
Keep us close today please.

Love,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted April 30, 2008 08:50 PM         

He also has a fungal infection in his bowel movements. They are starting him on medication for that. They have instituted a policy of complete covering from head to toe for those who enter his room, including myself and the children. At this moment, I feel it's best for me to wait to visit until he's had a few days on this med.

Both Dr. Christensen, cardiologist, and Dr. Prow, feel this is a small kink. They don't see this as a major issue. Dr. Prow said his labs continue to look great, and improve everyday. Dr. Christensen looked at his echocardiogram today, and said he saw nothing of concern there. Dr. Prow said that she does not see this happening every time he has a chemo treatment either. Since he was so sick when they started, she expected that we'd have a few glitches to get him feeling better. She told me that most people are on an outpatient basis with this type of chemo. And she sees Kevin doing that as well, once he gets stronger.

On other news, We are definately having a GIRL! Tegan is healthy, and just right. Plenty of fluid in the sac, and heart tones good, and I have a few blurry pictures with labels to prove it too =)

I want to thank those of you who helped out with the children last night and today. I am so grateful that I can let them be with people who care about them when these things come up. It takes a load off of my worry. They've had a really full, and fabulous day!

Other than that, remember to hug those you love, and tell them too.

Take care of yourselves, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Lovies and Huggies,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted May 01, 2008 10:51 PM         

He's done several rounds of PT today, and is now eating at least 2 meals a day. He looks very good. Much better, and his color is back in his face. He told me that Dr. Prow is happy with his progress, and also that things are going well.

I am off to bed.

Good night.
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted May 02, 2008 12:28 PM         

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard

posted May 02, 2008 04:51 PM         

Much to you and yours!

ang-

posted May 03, 2008 08:05 AM         

Last night I went and spent a couple of hours with Kevin. Those gowns are a beautiful sunshine yellow! I look like a giant ball of happiness ROFL

It was really nice. I spent some time grooming his hands and feet, and giving him a wipedown on his face and neck. He said he felt so much better when I was done.

We talked about what we have been thinking about lately, and mine consisted mostly of what my life means to me, and how I act and speak to others, and how what I do truly affects others. Do I want that to be a positive meaningful experience, or something other than that? I want people to look back on interactions with me in a positive way. Like I've made a difference in their life, or brightened their day.

I learned yesterday that I did just such a thing for someone. I had no idea that what I had done made such a difference in her life, until she said so. What if I hadnt' done that thing? I was humbled by that revelation that she made. It made me realize that you never know how your actions or words will ripple outwards. So you should make them kind and loving ones. It also made me think of the quote by Ghandi - 'You must be the change you wish to see in the world.' Or even 'physician, heal thyself.'

Kevin is so determined to get home. He was talking about his plan for PT in order to be able to be strong enough again. He spent a lot of time talking about what kinds of things he wants to do with me, and the children when he gets better.

I asked Kevin if he knew the poem by e e cummings, 'i carry your heart.' He said no. I told him it was true, so I quoted a bit for him, and I am putting it in here, for those of you who may not remember the whole thing:

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

I am going to be completely lazy this weekend. The children went away to Grandma's and Grandpa's house.

Talk to you all again tomorrow.

Love,
Amanda

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The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

We are weaving character every day, and the way to weave the best character is to be kind and to be useful. Think right, act right; it is what we think and do that makes us who we are. ~ Elbert Hubbard