posted July 09, 2014 04:22 PM            

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Originally posted by Astro keen:
Gabby, however horrific your experiences were, your story is that of a hero. You'd mentioned that you wrote a book - was it on your story? To go from being broken child, a teen who wanted to hide and cry, to being a dancer in order to survive. It is quite astonishing and a moving example of what the spirit can endure and rise from.

You seem to have lived many lives in one. Thank you for sharing. I am curious to know what you did next, in what was now a recovery phase.

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Everything was in the story because what I was really trying to do is admit to myself my truth! Not allowing fear to hide or hold back anything, good or bad! I needed to see it to force myself to accept how bad it really was and stop deny my pain or tell myself to lies to act like everything was ok... It wasn't! It was a nightmare!
When I started putting my life and memories into chronological order I started understanding myself better. I saw my patterns of behavior, I saw where they originated, I saw why they originated, why I had become who I had become.
I finally had some understanding and compassion for myself instead of hating myself, thinking I should have been better and done better.
I saw I really had no options in my life...my life was a path set in stone for a reason! To wake me up! If I wanted to get some flexibility in my life and start having options and chosing what happened to me...I needed to learn the lesson my life was trying to teach me.

Once I started doing that, life started letting up on me. The more I worked on it, the more I chose to love, appreciate and accept myself the easier things got. The happier I forced myself to be, genuinely not allow myself to focus on bad but instead forgive myself and everyone involved places that had me in a clinch hold released.

If I wouldn't have had the courage to be honest with myself, holding nothing back I never would have realized why all that happened to me.
That's why I think it's vitally important for everyone to try to freely let go and try not to care what others think or how your judged by others or yourself. Because once you admit the truth to yourself...be genuinely honest with yourself about all you are good n bad...that's the door that opens and allows you to step through to a new world, new karma, good karma!
That's how you change your core pain into your core strength...complete honesty with yourself!
So yes, the book has it all, I wouldn't let just anyone read every word of the whole thing because it's personal! Plus not everyone would understand or need to know the details that's for me to know and ppl I trust.

posted July 09, 2014 04:24 PM            

Thank you. I needed to read your story today as I am sitting here depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Thanks for reminding me my life is pretty good. No, very good even if I don't have everything I want. I wish I could give you a hug. What a strong person you are. You really are an inspiration!

Thanks for all the advice. I had a past life regression and something that came up was that I have set up challenges for myself in this life because in my previous lives I was too timid. I let others control me. I believe thatvin my prev life I left my SM in order to marry who my parents wanted me to. I chose duty over love and now I'm paying the price. I'll read that book and try to work on my child. You made a good point about it being on karma. I don't want to learn the hard way. I usually sing and dance in order to connect with her, even though I am a terrible singer and dancer!

I know you're busy, but if you could, I would really appreciate if you would look at my thread on the asteroid forum, Soulmates and Reincarnation. I'd really like your opinion on whether there is anything there or not and your take on some of the asteroids, like our Amfortas/Kundry DW. Thank you!

posted July 09, 2014 04:46 PM            

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Originally posted by ilunatique:
random lurker which experienced an intense twinflame relationship before and is now trying to get out of her broken shell ... i don't have any other option.
i'm starting to slowly realize why i've been through this.. (and i thank everyone who has been talking about its own experiences and revelations on LL so far. Indigo, Gabby especially, thank you. I read everything, so I guess I'll write down my little story) .

since i was born i was this little unusual creature in a shell made of titanium – or better said, a girl with a mask on- until I met this one tiger which broke me open and ripped off all my possible masks…
truth is – I let him. After months and months… he was worth it. No one else got me like this - made me feel love like this - before in my entire life. Even though knowing that what we shared was impossible for this life – we just kept on loving… and loving… the tiger continued to break my shell while I insecurely let him and I continued to show him how true love felt like – because we both didn’t experience something like this before in our whole life
but with every passing day…. We were realizing that this was becoming very destructive for us both. He would put his daughter to sleep and then he would sleep in her room in order to not have power to slit his wrists. His ex wife – one of the few people from his life which knew about his relationship with the mysterious girl – got him on suicide watch a few days and I’d talk with her instead. Our spiritual connection was so powerful that he couldn’t even imagine himself one day without me – even though this was the reality.
(I have contacted various random people in order to clear up my vision after all of this- this particular girl I have exchanged with tarot readings got me terrified, though. I did her reading first and I left her with the simple question afterwards – “Will I be in his mind forever?” It was very late.. I went to sleep… the next day.

I haven’t projected her EVEN THE LITTLE BIT OF ENERGY or information about him or whatever. This was all accurate. The details, the everything, his mental issues he is going through right now because of what we had, our love, THIS. Many other people confirmed me the connection.

Anyways, fast forward to 13 june, new moon in sagittarius opposite mercury, we had enough. We would block each other from everywhere, ignore each other, no more contact, nothing. He saved himself with one of the talents he had and used before on other girls– closing me like a book. He killed all of his feelings for me and leaved this as nothing but a memory -the power of the mind, eh? He is quite the rational virgo.
And so… I was left in my own shattered and broken shell, lonely. The metamorphosis was so violent. For the first time I couldn’t build my shell back, I didn’t have the power anymore. The tiger destroyed everything. For the first time I was put in the situation to have my mask put away and face the world as the unique soul I am, not a mysterious -anonymous girl. For the first time I had my chance to get rid of the pieces of the shell and morph in something better. For the first time I had a face, I had a voice, I had my own identity and I was going to use it for once - thing which I have never done before. Thanks to who? Him.
And so the theater play finally ended – the mask of the mysterious girl was ripped off in a corner by the hero, the girl was actually starting to love herself – and that was, the true girl underneath the mask, hopefully, the hero running away from the scene troubled and leaving half of his heart in the ribcage of that girl which loved like no other woman before in his entire life. The curtains fall.
The continuation you might ask? The girl is now starting to love herself for who she truly is, she has a voice, she has a face, and she loves them, continuing her bizarre metamorphosis.
But what about the “hero”? After he had his own, many, failed relationships and even a divorce in the late summer of 2013 –and he even randomly met that mysterious girl 2 months after his divorce, the coincidence! He was now lonely and lost… The unique girl he called his soulmate for the first time in his life was gone. He killed his feelings for her to save himself……… but his system killed the rest of his emotions and turned him into a bigger robot –with no hopes. His daughter is his only light now and I think he is doing better though – even if he knows that he’ll never be able to love as much as he loved me EVER AGAIN and that big fact blocks him from even THINKING about getting together with a new woman. Days passed… days passed… he slowly started to unblock all of his feelings because it was his only way to live –moment in which he has unblocked most of his feelings for me even though he keeps them quiet. What is new to him?

"It's always nice to meet someone who is not afraid to be vulnerable and show weakness. I used to be all spikes out and intellectually aggressive towards people that came at me. Nowadays I welcome a good beating and let the tears fall if I feel the need. Screw me up, kick me in the face if you feel the need and it makes you feel better. I don't give a damn , I'll love you anyway....I've learned to love anyone and everyone. "
Love anyone and everyone? When his system blocked his love for me –which was the most powerful he experienced in his entire life –his system decided to do a good refresh and so all of his emotions cleared up.
We’re both on our own ways now, at peace. We still have some ,indirect’ contact because he often writes in his deviantart journal when he’s troubled– and I think he might stalk me on my own blog ???
Its funny how he posted this right in the same day when mercury went direct again.

Now… for astrology.
My Kaali is conjunct Destinn on his Siva
His Siva, Vesta on my Destinn and MC
My Eros conjunct his Karma
My Pholus conjunct his NN
His Isis on my NN..

His whole stellium from libra – Pluto conjunct venus conjunct mars conjunct mercury conjunct juno falls in my 8th house. His sun, north node conjunct his Uranus and Karma also fall in my 8th house.
Talk about transformation… well wow.
Then his Neptune from his 7th house – which denotes that his current relationships will be bound to past life ones?? Is conjunct my sun which is also conjunct Pluto.

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Thank you for sharing your story. I love how you put into a play, it's so dramatic and whimsical but so true!

I'm glad your picking yourself up and finding who you are now...that's the whole purpose of it all.
I can't wait to hear about your new love when he arrives!! please share when that happens!

posted July 09, 2014 04:59 PM            

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Originally posted by Wild Horses:
Thank you, Gabby, for all your kind and encouraging words.

It is uncanny the similarities in our childhoods and the almost identical method we used to begin healing those wounds. I have a Virgo Moon, too and I think it may conjunct yours widely. That might explain some of it. I'd be curious to see the links between our Draconics and Natals. Maybe our Chiron Persona charts have strong links or similarities.

I'm glad you're gonna keep your posts up from now on and not delete them. That's great to hear. Ya know, it's funny, but I just realized... even the post you deleted still lead to a wonderful, healing thread. You can't avoid helping people even when you try. Accept your Fate.

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Lol....the last thing you said is to funny! I wonder what fate is touching what to create that??

posted July 09, 2014 05:19 PM            

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Originally posted by KarmicMoon:
@Gabby

Thank you. I needed to read your story today as I am sitting here depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Thanks for reminding me my life is pretty good. No, very good even if I don't have everything I want. I wish I could give you a hug. What a strong person you are. You really are an inspiration!

Thanks for all the advice. I had a past life regression and something that came up was that I have set up challenges for myself in this life because in my previous lives I was too timid. I let others control me. I believe thatvin my prev life I left my SM in order to marry who my parents wanted me to. I chose duty over love and now I'm paying the price. I'll read that book and try to work on my child. You made a good point about it being on karma. I don't want to learn the hard way. I usually sing and dance in order to connect with her, even though I am a terrible singer and dancer!

I know you're busy, but if you could, I would really appreciate if you would look at my thread on the asteroid forum, Soulmates and Reincarnation. I'd really like your opinion on whether there is anything there or not and your take on some of the asteroids, like our Amfortas/Kundry DW. Thank you!

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Sure I can do that, it will probably tomorrow though, I'm getting ready to head out.