posted August 13, 2014 01:11 PM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I hope I understood the question correctly: my personal experiences with three semi-unrequited scenarios. In fact, the only three guys I somehow "pursued". I think (after some self-analysis lol) I appeared smitten with these guys and they behaved as if they were fully aware of it. BUT I wasn't aware - and this is the most interesting part, IMO - I seemed in love with them or something (actually, I wasn't, I was just very interested in them). I said semi-unrequited because I think in all three cases they were turned off - and looked that way and two of them even told me somehow - by my "smitten" behavior. They happened in various periods of my life. What I remember is that I actually called these guys (they were part of my circle of friends) and invited them myself which I NEVER, I mean never do lol I was like in some sort of trance, it's like the spell in Midsummer's Dream. I took the initiative with them! And it didn't even seem abnormal to me at the time - I though they were shy and needed a push or something hahahaha like "If I don't act upon it, nothing will happen, he's waiting me to act on it". This is totally uncharacteristic for me to think or behave like this.

Anyway, in two of these cases, my Mars was on top of their Venus, a soft aspect the other way around in one of the cases, no aspect in reverse in the second. In the third case, my Mars opposite their Venus, no DW.

After that or during that, I've seen this situation numerous times with similar scenarios of women "becoming Martian" when their Mars is conjunct, opposed or square the guy's Venus. I've concluded after so many examples this is definitely an aspect of potential rejection for women.

The funny thing is, the guy may even like the girl, but he feels very flattered and ultimately bewildered or disturbed by the girl's Martian behavior.

Another thing: my Mars likes soft aspects to it, due to my natal config, while my Venus likes hard aspects to it. So my Mars was triggered too much, in an uncharacteristic way, by the conjunction/opp and made me behave like under some spell or something

Oh, and another thing, when this scenario happenes, the guys behave like they're some sort of "damsel in distress" or they even take a prude look, I can't find the word in English, they definitely take the energy of Venus and respond to the Martian attack lol even if they don't normally behave like that.

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This is brilliant Leeloo.

A very eloquent and clear explanation.

I have also had a couple of these situations, think I check them out on astro.com.

Thank you for this great post!

EDIT: although should this only be true if we have a male who needs to feel dominant?
Say a more passive-natured male may not mind a martian lady?

posted August 13, 2014 01:18 PM            

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Originally posted by viiv28:

Both times the person pursued me, won me over and disengaged

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I'm sorry for this, that you had this feeling

I'm thinking though...it's important to see yourself as something that cannot be possessed and then discarded. No one can posses you, no one can discard you. There is something still ingrained in women about this, I mean this "traditional" idea. The one who looses, in all cases, is him.

Perhaps you became intimate too fast and this, in turn, could create a feeling of guilt in you (again, ingrained by a tradition of thousands of years) and then, you become insecure and then a chain of events is triggered (cause he can "smell" your insecurity)?

Take more time and be friends first with the man who interests you and remember that if he doesn't want to pursue with the relationship, it's his loss.

Especially since you are so beautiful, hot and smart!

Sorry for the perhaps unwanted advice

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posted August 13, 2014 01:29 PM            

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Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
This is brilliant Leeloo.

A very eloquent and clear explanation.

I have also had a couple of these situations, think I check them out on astro.com.

Thank you for this great post!

EDIT: although should this only be true if we have a male who needs to feel dominant?
Say a more passive-natured male may not mind a martian lady?

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Thank you, Voix de la Mer!

Hmmm...I'm not sure about this...perhaps...although, to be honest, I notice ALL guys, no matter how shy, when they like a woman, they DO something. I think they even like the challenge to overcome their shyness, the shy ones. But they will definitely like it later on, in the relationship, to be dominated, those who like that. But at the beginning...somehow it is instinctive for men, all men, to pursue the lady they like.

posted August 13, 2014 01:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I'm sorry for this, that you had this feeling

I'm thinking though...it's important to see yourself as something that cannot be possessed and then discarded. No one can posses you, no one can discard you. There is something still ingrained in women about this, I mean this "traditional" idea. The one who looses, in all cases, is him.

Perhaps you became intimate too fast and this, in turn, could create a feeling of guilt in you (again, ingrained by a tradition of thousands of years) and then, you become insecure and then a chain of events is triggered (cause he can "smell" your insecurity)?

Take more time and be friends first with the man who interests you and remember that if he doesn't want to pursue with the relationship, it's his loss.

Especially since you are so beautiful, hot and smart!

Sorry for the perhaps unwanted advice

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posted August 13, 2014 02:16 PM            

The point is...do you like this game? Martian-ing the guy? I don't think so.

posted August 13, 2014 03:18 PM            

I have a frustrating dynamics with someone I share a tight yod with: his Aries Venus and Gemini Mars (that sextile) quincunx my Scorpio Mars (Magi calls it sexual dragon hehe). I have behaved like chaser with him and I dont like it at all.

He flirted with me and came on strong until I showed my interest. Since then he has basically run from me.

I want to turn this wicked dynamics around and him to chase me again . For a long time I have not initiated anything, but he doesnt come after me either...

The attraction is very strong though, but we see very seldom these last months (cos he avoids me).

posted August 13, 2014 04:05 PM            

We also had other aspects --saturn-moon DW and so on. But in that relationship i initiated and things developed extremely fast, after that it was always as if i was the guy and he the woman, he was at home cooking, he took a cooking course for me, I was out, I also was very interested in my career and he in getting married and wanted us to have a child, which terrified me then . I was also very bossy to him. So it was as if i was the man and he the woman. What saved him was that he had mars in scorpio and in the bedroom I was the woman and he the man.
The point is that I really did not do anything special for the relationship to happen. I seduced him and then withdrew because got ashamed of myself, then he came around and seven days after meeting each other we were a couple. I seduced him on the first night I met him. We lasted 6 years and had movie love. So this goes to show that when it is meant to be it is meant to be.

I think the problem comes when there is such an aspect woman mars hard aspect man venus, is when the man is not into the woman enough or they are not too suitable, then the woman will pursue. But it by itself is not a problem.
I dont think you can apply some strategy for a person to like you or love you. The more you try the worse it becomes. Tell to yourself "Destiny knows best" and let him activate his mars venus or whatever he wishes. If he is not acting there is a reason for that.

LeeLoo, well i did enjoy it very much, i am quite masculine in general, but did not enjoy the final result ?!?!!. And was actually shocked that he would withdraw after all the amazing ways in which i tried to conquer and impress him ))

posted August 14, 2014 11:32 AM            

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Originally posted by jjj:
Interesting thread. So the conclusion is that man's Venus aspecting woman's mars in synastry is doomed?

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No, not at all. In fact, any aspect between Venus and Mars is a potential blessing. But what you need is a strong synastry, with many mutual aspects, Yin/Yang contacts both ways and what is preferable, a balance of soft and hard aspects and a balance of masculine/feminine aspects on both sides. Synastries are a very fine tuning of energies. For example, in this case, when the woman's Mars is in hard aspect to the guy's Venus, but the guy's Mars or Sun or other masculine planet and especially his 5th/8th/7th (but mostly the 5th for this part of the relationship, the courtship phase) in hard aspect to any of the girl's feminine planets: Venus, Moon, Neptune, a love ruler, then there will be a balance and the guy will feel compelled to seduce the girl and make her his partner. And then you also need the perfect balance of soft aspects to those hard aspects, because the hard aspects attract you to a person and bring constant fascination/challenge (in a good synastry) while the soft aspects make you want to interact with that person on a daily basis because they bring peace, comfort, familiarity, a sense of compatibility. They have a 7th house vibe.

Do you have any aspects to this guy's Mars?

It is however preferable, based on real-life examples, that the hard aspect comes from the man's Mars to the woman's Venus or Moon or Neptune. The thing is a guy with his Mars in hard aspect to a girl's feminine planets will feel very masculine in her presence and his instincts to pursue will be awakened by her.

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posted August 14, 2014 03:35 PM            

thanks for this explanation. This hard aspect thing makes sense. This guy's Mars quincunxes my Mars and Mercury, trines tightly my Uranus and opposes (9 degree orb) my Neptune and sextiles my Chiron.

As for more subtle aspects, our Venus/Mars midpoints are opposed (mine 14.35 Sco, his 12.16 Taurus) and I once calculated that his 11 Gem Mars is my 18 Sco Venus duad. His Sun trines tightly my Venus. Plus this Magi dragon (yod - his mars-venus quincunx my mars as apex).

But Gemini mars is all talk-talk-talk and little action anyway

As a Plutonian woman I have been chaser all my life (without even realizing it), but this has changed (and has to change).

posted August 14, 2014 06:23 PM            

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He flirted with me and came on strong until I showed my interest. Since then he has basically run from me.

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posted August 15, 2014 06:33 AM            

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Originally posted by Nine:
That's been my textbook experience with Venus in Aries. He wants you to chase after him - win him over. This is the one-night-stand Venus.

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LOL. Yes, he has Aries venus... I have chased after him (subtly) enough... even proposed to spend a night (not so subtle), he said no:.). Not so easy coz he is married (and old and stubborn . And I dont want to go after a man any more! An Aries venus should chase like crazy...

posted August 15, 2014 08:21 AM            

Well, at least you get to see different viewpoints

posted August 15, 2014 08:23 AM            

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Originally posted by viiv28:
Which aspects are hard? Also how does a man with his Pluto in a hard aspect towards a woman's venus/moon/etc feel? is it substitutable?

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I think it can be substitutable, yes. Especially if Pluto is connected to a love house or if he is a Plutonian.

The hard aspects are the conjunction, opposition and square. Perhaps the other 4th harmonic aspects behave like that too, but I'm not sure about that.

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posted August 15, 2014 01:49 PM            

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Any male-female pairing in synastry will produce the pursuer-distancer dynamic. The feminine planets act as bonding/merging agents, while the male planets are concerned with preserving individuality and deciding how much bonding takes place in a relationship.

In a pursuer-distancer dynamic, it is Venus/Moon who will seek to bond as a unit. While Sun/Mars will create space and decide how much actual bonding will take place.

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Interesting and yes, I can def. see that ^.

I was Mars conjunct his Venus exact.
He tried everything (IN our relationship) to merge deeper (like wanting to see me every day of the week / living together or at-the-least working towards it) but I was content with 2 x a week and had no desire for more. Well, I Always said to him that such a merging has to come naturally. And not with a subtle force I felt from all sides! Well, he finally was done with me and that's when I became MARS! Lol.

posted August 15, 2014 06:57 PM            

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Interesting and yes, I can def. see that ^.

I was Mars conjunct his Venus exact.
He tried everything (IN our relationship) to merge deeper (like wanting to see me every day of the week / living together or at-the-least working towards it) but I was content with 2 x a week and had no desire for more. Well, I Always said to him that such a merging has to come naturally. And not with a subtle force I felt from all sides! Well, he finally was done with me and that's when I became MARS! Lol.

An Aqua-conjunction ^

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Fascinating story. Thanks for sharing, Mir.

posted August 16, 2014 11:40 PM            

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If only he could give me some more space.. haha that being said about an Aqua-venus guy! What a marvelous example of planet-in-sign subjectivity!

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So then are we in agreement that in a Venus/Mars dynamic while Mars may initiate contact, it is Venus who is pursuant/insistent on a relationship?

posted August 17, 2014 11:52 AM            

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So then are we in agreement that in a Venus/Mars dynamic while Mars may initiate contact, it is Venus who is pursuant/insistent on a relationship?

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YES. Well, it already sounded entirely plausible and to the point, without even having checked any practical example.

And pretty amazing that I can only now, after years, place our relationship in the right context or seeing it more objectively, by just getting some structure in my head and making a distinction between the different phases in a relationhip. Awesome!

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I'm actually close to a couple with this aspect also in Aquarius. He is nVenus in Aquarius, she pMars in Aquarius. She says she's ready to settle down, that she likes him, BUT, he's too pushy. If he could have things his way she'd drop everything and move in with him. She likes his ideas, but things are/were moving at a pace she wasn't comfortable with. So she's putting on the brakes

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posted February 14, 2015 10:27 AM            

He stopped taking initiative right when I started reciprocating his interest. From then on, it was all on me. Even when I backed off and forced myself to detach, enjoy doing things on my own, nope, no contact or whatsoever. Not after one week without any contact, not two, not even three. But when I initiated, he'd eagerly respond right away. So it was really confusing, but I also felt very used and like he expected me to do all the work. All of this chasing made me ridiculously insecure and things ended in a fight, after I had a massive meltdown over the way things had been going. After that, I've tried to talk things out, but he ignored me, so I in turn did the same. Haven't talked to him ever since, don't want to either.

At least it taught me how much it sucks being Mars in this situation. Now when I see my planets making harsh aspects to their Mars, I try my damn hardest to be friendly, direct, take initiative, etc. Match their energy.

Oh, also, no matter what planet I am, I tend to be the pursuer. From the 2 masculine and feminine pairs, Mars is my best-aspected planet. The Moon isn't so bad either, a mixed bag of some good and some bad. Sun and Venus only have one positive aspect to my Moon to build on, and for the rest all aspects are harsh.
My Pluto also makes mostly positive aspects aside from a square to my Sun and semi-square to my Venus. Weak by house, though.

posted March 27, 2015 07:24 AM            

normally both distance and pursuer has something uranian... but the pursuer is more needy than the uranian.. they can exchange roles.. one the pursuer becomes quiet and stop the chase the distancer get the space needed and come back.. never try to communicate with a distancer when he-she is in the scaping mood.. it get things worse..

i find strong projection in this dinamic. one of the person lives for the pair all the emotions and need for closenes. and the distances lives all the freedom and need for space.. if you are in the pursuer state, how can you need space.. the distancer is giving you enough by running away.. instead, how he can be needy if you are running after him?.. once one break the cycle things balance and can get either way with a new cycle..

posted March 27, 2015 07:44 AM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
My Mars is square his Venus
His Mars is oppostie my Venus

I feel the energies between us are a bit strange. I've been feeling like the "pursuer" while he withdraws, acts distant and cold... This hasn't always been the case but it's been so lately. LeeLoo's advice was to just wait for him to pursue since I probably come off pushy to him so I took her advice and haven't really spoken/initiated anything with him to avoid him distancing himself even more (he's also dealing with the transit Saturn conjunct his Venus)

My Mars trines his Moon also... I'm giving him the chance to take the lead by laying low but nothing is happening so far. Sometimes I wonder, is this dynamic destined to doom if the female is the "pursuer"? Also, if the "pursuer" stops pursuing does the "distancer" feel more comfortable getting closer or do they just reside eternally therein in their bubble of blissful distance? Sigh. This is really frustrating to have in synastry. It was never a problem before but since attempting to rekindle things, I definitely feel the heat that comes with this aspect.

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the pursuer needs to learn to STOP the chase.. when the distancer will come back? after he feels he had got enough air.. then he will miss the pursuer and will reconnect.. it is difficult to tell.. each person is different.. some may nee some days while others weeks... or even months...

posted March 27, 2015 08:08 AM            

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Originally posted by mir:
Interesting and yes, I can def. see that ^.

I was Mars conjunct his Venus exact.
He tried everything (IN our relationship) to merge deeper (like wanting to see me every day of the week / living together or at-the-least working towards it) but I was content with 2 x a week and had no desire for more. Well, I Always said to him that such a merging has to come naturally. And not with a subtle force I felt from all sides! Well, he finally was done with me and that's when I became MARS! Lol.

An Aqua-conjunction ^

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