posted October 29, 2014 08:11 PM
Y'know, looking back on the wedding, it was total VENUS/NEPTUNE.We got married because he thought I wanted to.
In fact, I didn't actually KNOW that until mid-2012, when the kiddo (my stepdaughter) asked something about the proposal. He and I had been vaguely discussing becoming engaged; we'd both vacillate -- wildly -- on wanting to. It'd seem that he'd be for it, and I'd slowly get on board -- and he'd backpedal like crazy. So when he'd approach it again, I was wary. That happened a few times. Finally, I had thought, that we'd mutually decided to float the idea with both of our families that upcoming holiday season. He took this to mean that I was agitating for an engagement (completely not true). Our initial stop was in Vegas prior to our travelling to our hometown. I was TOTALLY caught off-guard when he proposed.
Funny thing about the proposal.
He thought that the way it actually happened wasn't very romantic or creative, so he concocted a nice and romantic proposal, which we then used as our official proposal story. (My mom actually just found out the truth this year. His mother, and as far as I know, everyone else -- still is under the impression it's what we told them.)
No ring, either. But, he wanted me to get whatever I wanted, which is actually VERY sweet. Of course, I was determined not to go ringless, so I bought a $45 white sapphire number from a shoppe we were both at during the holidays.
It was stolen at work about a month later. If that. My boss was sure it was a diamond, but I admitted -- no, it's a white sapphire, and only $45 -- don't sweat it. Instead, I cut a strip of chain (as jewellery design is one of my hobbies) and made a loop which I wore for the bulk of the engagement.
Funny thing about the engagement.
My husband wanted a long engagement; at least 5 years. Full financial stability, and the whole nine yards. I knew about his 'five-year-plan', but I had no idea he STILL intended it, and that we were going to be engaged for many years, with no intention of marrying anytime soon.
My engagement also created a deep divide between myself and my Twin, who, previously, really hadn't admitted to the fact he'd taken our own relationship (prior to my relationship with my husband) so seriously, and was VERY upset. It would seem I somehow hadn't noticed? Or maybe he was completely unclear?
I also ended up meeting (face-to-face, for the first time) both my Twin AND my Guardian within a month of each other, 1-2 months after I'd become engaged. I started seeing my Guardian about four months into my engagement, too.
My husband and I chose to actually marry because I had the opportunity for a really, really good job at our mutual place of business, for which I needed a specific work permit.
This is also how I discovered my legal name isn't actually my legal name. Rather, the name on my birth certificate, isn't quite my name. So. Get to my home state to be present to have my parents amend it? Not with my hours. Go to the capital? Not happening. Do an official name change? It'll take another 6-8 weeks. Don't have that kind of time.
About 2 months in, my husband says, off-handedly, 'we could always just get married.' I thought he was kidding. He was. Kinda. There was a LOT of resentment at getting married when we did, for a long, LONG time.
For starters, my relationship with my Guardian ended, because he hadn't told me that he was secretly hoping that I would decide to marry him instead. (Nope. Not kidding.) So when the idea was hatched that my fiance would just become my husband, and I could start the dream job, his hardcore principles of 'I can't be with a married woman' kicked in, and he ended our relationship -- much to my husband's chagrin, because it left me a total mess.
So, my husband and I went to the next city and were married by the JP, so that I could present the certificate, with a shiny new name, to the local PD and be awarded a work permit.
Instead, I ended up with an ID card boasting the name on my birth certificate, with my marriage certificate 'qualifying as proof of identity' ONLY because the manager at the DMV took pity upon me as I burst into tears. (Yep. Sure did.)
We got into work, and my newly christened husband says, 'I don't know any other man who would marry a woman so that she could get a job. I'm really amazing.'
Prior to that, I actually tried to make it somewhat of a thing. In between my mourning my relationship and going through a breakup, I actually wore as much white as I could -- a blouse and a white crepe skirt. My husband wore jeans and a tee shirt, because 'it wasn't a real wedding', and he declined any photos. He also proceeded to play Angry Birds in the lobby as we waited for the certificate.
(Recounting all this, I'm like ... wow. Yep. That's exactly how it was. But, MAN, how we've changed! In a good way. A very, very good way.)
So it was at those words, as we were arriving to work, that my deciding that, maybe this was just the quirky way in which we actually got married, and it wasn't a mistake -- that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING crashed into a heap at my feet. Plus, he was working in a whole other area of the building, and could barely even text me back.
I wanted an annulment. He said I was 'being dramatic'. My best friends were calling him names I won't repeat. And, of course, my parents were both devastated and furious.
In fact, they almost didn't come to the wedding.
So. The wedding.
A couple of weeks later, after things had started to sort out, with time and effort, we decided -- hell, we're married, we might as well BE married. Fortunately, my sister-in-law is a wedding planner.
We decided, with her help, exactly 3 weeks from the day, on New Year's Eve, we'd get married, in our home town during the annual holiday trip.
And we did.
I would say that it was a grand illusion, and my husband and I are master magicians. David Copperfield. David Blaine. I never actually received the voicemail from my father saying they weren't going to attend, so, when he arrived with my mother, and the FIRST TIME I SAW HIM was when he was going to bring me down the makeshift aisle, (in my mother-in-law's front lobby of her small business, which we converted for the ceremony).
Looking back at the video, I NOW understand the expression upon his face -- this combination of rage and sorrow.
We opted for no rehearsal, either, so we were all just winging it. No music. I ended up singing some of 'Someone Like You' from Jekyll and Hyde, even though I was actually still suffering from laryngitis. My hair was two different shades, too -- auburn and bright red, because the salon screwed up the colour the prior day. This was the result of their 'fixing it' that morning. You can totally see it in pictures.
None of the photos actually came out right. We gave my parents and his mother one which is actually pretty cute. It's my husband and I looking at each other and laughing -- really laughing, like eyes closed laughing; because, no doubt, he'd said something funny.
Lessee ...
I was also The Secondhand Bride. I bought my wedding dress (thank God for that corset bodice, because NO tailoring) sight unseen online for about $130, along with three separate tasteful LBDs for my two bridesmaids and maid of honour. (I had mostly groomsmaids; I have a lot of male friends with whom I go WAY back.) I wore my sister-in-law's shoes (she, and my brother-in-law have since been written out of the will, because they're apparently awful people) with my other sister-in-law's veil, and a good friend of our's garter.
Funny thing about the garter, too.
My husband had caught the garter, and it was still hanging out in his room at home in his mother's house. About six months into our relationship, when we stumbled upon it, he said, 'I guess this means I'm getting married.' I responded, 'Hah! Fat chance.'
Yeah. Ate those words. BUT, it's rather special that I wore her garter, considering it was kinda the 'inciting incident'.
I guess that part's a bit 'faerie-tale'.
To this day, I don't think anyone but my parents, his mother, and a very select few, actually know we were married weeks before the wedding.
And only me, my parents, my husband, and my closest girlfriends know that my ring is, well, fake. Part of it, at least.
I designed it, specifically, about a week before the wedding, in the jewellery shoppe across from the pastry shoppe where we bought the gourmet cupcakes. (Yes, we had cupcakes. They were amazing.) His ring is incredible; hand-everything'd by a fabulous jeweller, perfectly representative of him. It's actual meteorite and yellow gold. He STILL gets compliments on his wedding band. (And should!)
Mine is moissanite. I could not find ANYONE to design a ring in moissanite. The fact that they could ACTUALLY order the moissanite 2 carat marquise was a LOCK.
... But they were ALSO supposed to order -- and replace -- the other surrounding two stones -- which are two little triangles, actually. Brilliant-cut.
I found out, maybe a year later, when I was going to finally get it upgraded, because I figured out the design I wanted -- that the other pieces ARE CUBIC ZIRCONIUM.
Yep.
Fake.
LOOKS gorgeous, though. You oddly can't tell.
I finally decided, last year, I'm going to leave it as is. Only I know the truth -- as well as my husband. And it's the PERFECT representation of our marriage.
It's not at ALL what you think it is. Keep thinking it's perfect, though, and our life is semi-charmed. This is Hollywood, and we're master magicians. That's exactly what we WANT you to think.
Now. If that's not NEPTUNE/VENUS, in ALL its bizarre glory -- I dunno what is!
Lindaland
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posted October 29, 2014 03:50 PM
I've already been told it's more like a friendship and there weren't so many attraction aspects, but, damn.... I'm attracted! 
posted October 29, 2014 04:31 PM
..... Spooky! 
haha, I guess he passed that mini-test.