posted October 20, 2018 06:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Melinn:
Dumuzi

thats so harsh, I hope she has settled or settles a bit with time?
I have to say, for me its all about feeling insecure and unloved etc and its normal bc I'm not in a real relationship, we can not talk things out, which my gem moon craves, talking about things that bothers me, will make all my anxieties disappear!

so we have to process it in other ways. So I can not imagine acting like this after a relationship as long as yours! Stay strong!

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it's on/off

things are currently settling down again, for a while i was paying for heroin addiction (i've been clean a while now from all opiates... i used opiates for 15 years, ended in heroin addiction then cleaning up) which kicked up a lot

she has an aries moon, which with all that scorpio and pluto on her venus can be a good time

i imagine your exs probably havent done some of the things i've done

posted October 22, 2018 06:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
it's on/off

things are currently settling down again, for a while i was paying for heroin addiction (i've been clean a while now from all opiates... i used opiates for 15 years, ended in heroin addiction then cleaning up) which kicked up a lot

she has an aries moon, which with all that scorpio and pluto on her venus can be a good time

i imagine your exs probably havent done some of the things i've done

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posted October 22, 2018 07:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
it's on/off

things are currently settling down again, for a while i was paying for heroin addiction (i've been clean a while now from all opiates... i used opiates for 15 years, ended in heroin addiction then cleaning up) which kicked up a lot

she has an aries moon, which with all that scorpio and pluto on her venus can be a good time

i imagine your exs probably havent done some of the things i've done

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There is a book, if you are interested, that talks about addictions, which basically says that just staying away from drugs won't exactly fix us, but rather, we have to get to the root cause of why we're addicted to that, and find other ways to meet those needs, so that the drug itself starts to pale in comparison. If I remember, there are some questionnaires, case studies, and some in depth analysis of certain addictions, and how people just stopped craving them altogether once they both understood something and energetically connected with it which removed the addiction completely.

I can find it, if you'd like, and tell you the name?

posted October 22, 2018 10:21 AM            

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Originally posted by Melinn:
I'm so sorry about your addiction! I can only imagine Stay strong and clean!

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it's cool

i just ****** up is all 😂 i had on/off used opiates for 15 years then ended up around heroin a lot

free and it just went from there, and it was bad for a while

it gets bad so fast and then i locked myself up in an our apartment and drank nyquil and ate benadryl to take the edge off and we moved and it's been almost 2 years

i used an opiate once about a year ago at this point, it was at work a woman i worked with who had given me adderall before gave me an oxy

that's been it

other than occasional acid trips and weed most days

well

i mean like full weekends sometimes

but that's it

my saturn return taught me a few things about what i was doing with drug use and how bad it could get, and all things considered i got lucky

and i occasionally do miss the high but i distance myself from it and i havent touched it

i know myfiancee would leave me in a second if i did, and understandably

posted October 22, 2018 10:43 AM            

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Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
There is a book, if you are interested, that talks about addictions, which basically says that just staying away from drugs won't exactly fix us, but rather, we have to get to the root cause of why we're addicted to that, and find other ways to meet those needs, so that the drug itself starts to pale in comparison. If I remember, there are some questionnaires, case studies, and some in depth analysis of certain addictions, and how people just stopped craving them altogether once they both understood something and energetically connected with it which removed the addiction completely.

I can find it, if you'd like, and tell you the name?

#PracticalHelpfulVirgoInMeLookingForSolutions

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yeah i get that actually, it's not just drugs it's you because i can be sober and that doesnt change a thing about me being an addict and the sort of person i am and why i do thing etc

i'll substitute anything for anything just to get some kind of a rush

i sometimes go on walks in the middle of the night whenever i was depressed in places where bears and such are because not only is that what there is to do here, but for the rush after especially if anything happens like hearing one

just go me and a cigarette or a joint or something like that and that's it other than a lighter and just figure i'll probably be good

it helps me clear my head, and like i said i like a good rush

i'd be just as happy on a roller coaster or hanging out of a car window or having sex

it isn't at all just about drugs

i'm also equally happy playing guitar or wandering around or gardening or watching the sunrise etc but my issue is i like feeling as many things at one time as i can

it's me not drugs, and i'll either figure out how to deal with it or i wont guess i'll see

but i probably won't read that

i don't read very often because i have a hard time paying attention to books, when i do read i'll read a lot all at once and read a few books in a day or something

but i have so many half started books and books people gave me already

then again every once in a while someome gives me something i just sort of read through quickly for whatever reason

it's not even about enjoyment

ive read my fiancee's mom crazy mind game dating self help books because they were there and stupid when ive been in her house and real estate manuals and text books etc all without enjoying them just because i couldnt think of anything else to do and just wanted some sort of stimulation

if i have no stimulation then i need to clear my head entirely and meditate or i'm ready to bounce off the walls so if i have to stay still then i'll read if there's absolutely nothing else to do

as a kid i used to just go around breaking things and playing chicken with cars so i've gotten a lot better with that

that's what it is though, that constant drive for some kind of stimulation not the best, i know...

posted October 22, 2018 01:15 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
^^

We are so similar, in my field we call that process addiction. I consider myself a thrill seeker. My issue is not with drugs, my addictive personality does not manifest with drug use, it manifests in other ways (e.g. I think I inherited this from my mother, her addiction is religion, I guess she found a "positive" way to channel it but I don't want to go that route, is not me, I am spiritual but not like my mom is, she breaths religion every second of the day, its her identity basically). There was a small time period that I would steal things just for the rush. A lot of the inappropriate things I have done or do is bc I need that rush and stimulation in my life. I am at least now fully aware of this and try to channel it in a way that will cause the least amount of negative consequences (e.g. like a harm reduction approach essentially).

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i can relate actually when i was a lot younger i used to steal and vandalize get into fights, set fires etc for fun which is of course stupid and i grew out of it

but i got into a lot just seeking sensations and when drug issues met chronic health issues with heroin it just sort of snowballed because heroin was a high and it was relief

and then at first there was that 3 day rule, and then i broke that rule and the first few times withdrawal isnt that bad so i kept risking it

then i was using to not feel dopesick half the time using other things to get high because the heroin wasnt even about the high anymore only rarely on those days where i'd just use a lot all at once and tell myself the rest that i saved i'd use to wean myself off etc

but ive stuck to non physically addictive things, barely drink anymore because i was bad with that after heroin

drinking and wandering around at 3am watching the side of the road for deer figuringas long as i saw a few it was all good

but a fast car is justas good getting lost and something interesting happeningis fine, seeing something crazy etc

i used to have friends i'd just hang outwith to watch their fights not even because i liked them as people they were alright

but their fights were entertaining and being around them was somewhere between tortureand amusing

things like that are just as good

i need to quit smoking again but ive done it substituting exercise in the past it's that i need something and sometimes anything will do

like you said harm reduction approach

posted October 22, 2018 01:28 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
My supervisor for my second job as an independent contractor is also a virgo like me and she is a thrill seeker, she said she use to be a car racer and did that for a while, when she was 17 years old a cop pulled her over bc she was going 140 in the highway, she admits that she was wrong and should not speed like that in the highway, that there is a place for racing cars but there you go, she is a licensed therapist who use to race cars.

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interesting

for me i suppose some of it is an outlet for all the nervous energy

the rest is just that i do things just to do them sometimes

like i've let my fiancee give me a tattoo with a razorblade and india ink just because i was bored and it was something for us to both do

i have a tattoo on my arm that's bright orange because i was high and was looking through the ink her sister had (they both were eventually apprenticed but i let them both practice before that too) and wanted to see what the color would look like under my skin

sex in public places or places where it needs to be hidden and quiet, or at the very least i enjoy teasing and telling the other person to stay quiet and watching them pretend nothing is going on etc

and like i said the stuff i did when i was a lot younger and so on

i've done a lot looking for highs

in a spiritual sense i've tried a lot of forms of meditation and i've studied the occult fairly deeply and i'll experiment with different kinds of divination and so on etc and follow that where it goes because why not?

it all eventually comes down to just wanting to feel things, but i can also focus on other people

and i can feel them well, it's funny actually i used to get into fights just because the other person was in a bad mood and i'd respond with their feelings rather than my own as a reflex

figuring out where other people end and i begin helped that a lot

happens with sex too where the other person is the one who's actually interested