posted September 08, 2021 05:50 PM            

I met a man on the internet in mid-2006, we talked about everything, we had an unusual rapport, which I've never had with anyone of the opposite sex and I haven't had since.
In early 2007, this man decided to meet me (detail: we are not of the same nationality, race, or continent). He crossed the ocean to meet me and we spent 3 weeks together, it was amazing. He was kind of my first love, and so far the only one.

Unfortunately, a lot happened, he went back to his country, and we never saw each other again, nor did we talk. From time to time, I wrote some email, and currently whatsapp. He always responds with great affection, we always talk in the same way even if virtual, and of course with the difference of almost 16 years, even so almost nothing has changed in our conversations, I have always been very in love with him.
Last year, I decided to look up his name on the internet, and to my ''pleasant'' surprise, I found out from his father's obituary that he has a wife and three children. I realized that he got over it, and that his life went on, unlike me.
Now, 2021, I'm home because of the pandemic, I have no contact with anyone and it seems that the love I have for him is growing, bordering on obsession. Every day I think about him, dream about him, and I'm very sad because I realized that I was the one who always suffered from this platonic love. And that only I love him, only I didn't get over it.

I'm now 34 years old, and I haven't had a relationship since 2007, I've always been waiting for him. Never since have I had someone with whom I was so in tune and who was of the opposite sex (I have a lot of relationship difficulties in general), and in the opposite side, he was always the extrovert, laughing, friendly, totally different from me.
I just know that I'm so jealous of his wife, I've always wanted to marry him and have kids since the first time I saw him.

Could it be possible to see thru this map of the two of us, I'm the only one going through this +15-year pain of love?! Or does he feel something?! Or am I just obsessed with him?!
I want a light, I'm really desperate. I don't think I'll ever find someone like him, it hurts every day, and today it's not as much better as the others. I don't know what else to do. My friends said in the past, that time heals everything, but in my case time only made the situation even worse.

Is there any aspect that makes me suffer so much and not him? Please help me, I think about so much nonsense to try to forget this obsession, I can't take it anymore, it hurts.

Thank you in advance.

The chart is here below:

https://imgur.com/VQnrHVy

posted September 09, 2021 05:49 AM            

Can you also make a Composite and a Draco Synastry and Composite and include asteroids:

Juno, Vesta, Ceres, Pallas, Chiron

Amor, Valentine, Eros, Psyche, Isis, Osiris

and also Lilith, Part of Fortune?

posted September 09, 2021 10:34 AM            

Alma, I'm curious why you asked for Pallas? Doesn't seem like a love asteroid. Why no Vertex?

Synastry:

Composite:

Draco Synastry:

posted September 09, 2021 10:50 AM            

IMO the guy got married and had kids and just... didn't tell you?! Red flag is an understatement! No amount of synastry, chemistry, composite is going to make up for that. Your Pluto (plus Mercury) on his moon in synastry explains the obsession - I feel you, I have been in this situation. See this thread - http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/008985.html

posted September 09, 2021 10:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AlmaRegulus:
But even if he is your soulmate of some kind, it doesn't mean he is your ONLY soulmate. There is someone else out there.

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posted September 09, 2021 11:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sashavittoria:
Well my heartstrings were totally pulled, so I did the charts for you Laboutin I hope you don't mind.

Alma, I'm curious why you asked for Pallas? Doesn't seem like a love asteroid. Why no Vertex?

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posted September 09, 2021 11:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sashavittoria:
IMO the guy got married and had kids and just... didn't tell you?! Red flag is an understatement! No amount of synastry, chemistry, composite is going to make up for that. Your Pluto (plus Mercury) on his moon in synastry explains the obsession - I feel you, I have been in this situation. See this thread - http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/008985.html

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posted September 09, 2021 11:18 AM            

It helps as long as one continues it and reinforces it in other ways. Because of some synchronicities that happened along with some dreams, a little while back, I stopped using the above and I purposely took down the energetic barriers I had been keeping up. No big surprise but I started to more deeply miss and long for her again. More recently, I have started to listen to it again. It will take a little while to get back to the level of detachment I was at before. I mention this to illustrate how important consistency is with this kind of thing. The old, cliche saying is also true, "If you truly love something or someone, let them go, and if it's meant to be, they will come back to you." It's hard to practice in actuality, but it's important to try.

posted September 09, 2021 12:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by vansio:
Hate to stereotype, but this is classic German-male behavior to string you along. Sorry that doesn’t help

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posted September 09, 2021 01:41 PM            

I wanted to try to understand why this happened to me, so I'm trying to find the answers in the stars, because I believe a lot in astrology even though I'm not a professional in the field. I think I must be a maniac for this guy.
It's sad that I'm the only one going through it and been through in these 15 years. I feel very lonely, and hopeless of having something romantic with anyone, something that I could give my love generously. But, it seems that fate wanted it and obsession, one-sided love is winning.

quote:

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Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosionV2:
+1 to everything Sashavittoria said, very much agree with her. I also understand this feeling. The thing that has helped me the most to detach has been the following: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/005211.html

It helps as long as one continues it and reinforces it in other ways. Because of some synchronicities that happened along with some dreams, a little while back, I stopped using the above and I purposely took down the energetic barriers I had been keeping up. No big surprise but I started to more deeply miss and long for her again. More recently, I have started to listen to it again. It will take a little while to get back to the level of detachment I was at before. I mention this to illustrate how important consistency is with this kind of thing. The old, cliche saying is also true, "If you truly love something or someone, let them go, and if it's meant to be, they will come back to you." It's hard to practice in actuality, but it's important to try.

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posted September 09, 2021 02:07 PM            

Wow yes Moon-Pluto exact, didn't see it.

Laboutinsocial, all I can say is that he felt it all for sure, you were not the only one.

I was Moon in exact Moon - Pluto & Sun. Moon is more vulnerable than Pluto, and your guy is the Moon. So he was just as obsessed if not worse, but just probably he is someone a bit cowardly or more materialistic, so he preferred not to tell you. He might also not have realized the depth of your obsession.

And especially the Moon in Scorpio guy. He would not be open about anything. Moon in Scorpio, Venus square Saturn - this guy is like an emotional partisan!

Also, it's his natal square of Venus with Saturn & North Node. It's his limitations in expressing love. It's his lesson and pain, it just happened that your Saturn got on the same spot (his Venus).

posted September 09, 2021 02:19 PM            

Astrology is only a symbolic reflector, it is not an actual cause. It's like reading tea leaves, tarot cards, looking at numerology, etc.

The actual causes relate to things like our inner psychology, other lives/karma (a big one in relationships), etc. That's where your true answers will be found as to causes. Past life regression, an intuitive reading with a very skilled/practiced intuitive, or the like would be more helpful.

posted September 09, 2021 03:25 PM            

Not entirely sure how to interpret but here is my try.

What I see right away is the opposition of Draco Neptunes on your Draco & natal Asc-Dsc axis. Also, his Draco Venus & Neptune (which are squared by Saturn) get on your Dsc in Draco. Oppositions usually witness of South Node (past life) connections so it looks like there was some Neptune-ish misunderstanding or illusion in a past life and it concerned your partners' (or enemies') roles. So now this lesson repeats with his ambiguities in love (Venus & Neptune) on your Dsc. Of course this illusion part is a low manifestation of the aspect, the highest one would be beautiful union of loving souls.

And his Draco Venus gets on your Chiron-Dejanira conjunction which brings the theme of wounding and healing. Since it's a conjunction, it's more of a North Node, present life challenge.

Another thing which attracts attention is that this opposition is in grand cross with Mars-Saturn opposition. Again, the opposition, so the past South Node issue. Your Mars, his Saturn. So in Draco you are a more active masculine force (Mars) and he is a feminine passive force (Venus) and restrictive (Saturn) illusional or spiritual force (Neptune).

Another thing which attracts attention is that again his Draco Valentine is conjunct your natal Moon and your Valentine close to his Moon although out of orb. So this suggests that in this lifetime both of you were destined to love each other. But it doesn't mean that you should keep obsessing about building a relationship with him. Just loving each other unconditionally might be enough.

posted September 09, 2021 08:22 PM            

And last but not least I want to tell you how much I appreciate these interpretations of you.
Thank you, I will try to organize them in my mind. These are very impressive information you provided!
Saying that, maybe I will be near to get the first step to find a real closure in my head. One day, so I wish...
Your words were clear as water. Thanks again!

quote:

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Originally posted by AlmaRegulus:
I am once again amazed by Draco synastry.

Not entirely sure how to interpret but here is my try.

I hope it will help you find a closure.

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posted September 10, 2021 01:41 PM            

It might relate to a lifetime or lifetimes where you two were extremely, extremely emotionally close to each other, to the point of ultra co-dependency and you both lost your own identities within each other.

Or, it could mean that one of you held the power of life and death over the other, while there was intense attraction at the same time. Perhaps that power was abused, or perhaps not.

But the point is, knowing that the Moon is conjunct Pluto in Scorpio doesn't really mean anything without knowing the back story which led to you both being born at a time to reflect this in astrology.

Get to the roots of things, and that will help you more than anything else. And that will also tell you why your Expanded/Spirit level of self has arranged for you two to be apart for the most part in this life.

posted September 10, 2021 03:00 PM            

I had a very similar dynamic to yours recently with Moon-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, I was Pluto, and it fell in his 12th house. (In your case it's 11th but almost in the 12th.) Thankfully it only went on a few months and not years because of the amazing help I got from Galactic, Alma, Vansio, and others - maybe it can help you too? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/011299.html

posted September 10, 2021 03:37 PM            

I believe that having the exact moon and pluto means the answer to this obsession I have, which has lasted for almost 2 decades. It's the only explanation for this.

One of the things in these years that impressed me the most was that I went to the country/city where he lives. in 2014, and we couldn't meet for a reason that was beyond our strength (I think). We tried to arrange the meeting and we couldn't, then I returned to my country and we didn't meet. In 2017, I was scheduled to travel, and he was looking forward to seeing me this time... and again everything went wrong, I couldn't cross the ocean because of my work. So he said that 'one day we will meet, for sure'... resigned. And so it was, and is being.
I try to find the roots as you mentioned, why things are so difficult for us even with such desire to see each other again. We can't, even if we want to. Perhaps fate is that we will never meet each other again.
I'm already resigned, but inside of me I'll always love him anyway, even if I have another love I'll never ever forget him and I'll keep him deep in my heart because he made me feel alive and beloved, made me learn what pain and love are, and I have to learn, that not everything we want, we can. With tears in my eyes I say this....

Thanks for your insights!

quote:

---

Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosionV2:
Ok, but what does a very close Moon Pluto conjunction in Scorpio actually mean, and what actual cause does it relate to?

It might relate to a lifetime or lifetimes where you two were extremely, extremely emotionally close to each other, to the point of ultra co-dependency and you both lost your own identities within each other.

Or, it could mean that one of you held the power of life and death over the other, while there was intense attraction at the same time. Perhaps that power was abused, or perhaps not.

But the point is, knowing that the Moon is conjunct Pluto in Scorpio doesn't really mean anything without knowing the back story which led to you both being born at a time to reflect this in astrology.

Get to the roots of things, and that will help you more than anything else. And that will also tell you why your Expanded/Spirit level of self has arranged for you two to be apart for the most part in this life.

It is knowing where our difficulties, wounds, stress, etc truly come from, and being fully conscious of same, that is the first step in healing and changing for the better.

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posted September 10, 2021 03:58 PM            

I can't be sad about that, but the pandemic here in my country is triggering those feelings again. It's a relapse. I have to settle for this unconditional love, as I can't go out, I'll try to watch movies, read books, do some activity so that it doesn't appear so much in my mind.

Wow Sasha, tomorrow is the anniversary of the first time you saw each other!!! I don't know if I can say congratulations! My 15th anniversary was on the August 14th, the first time we spoke on the phone, a whole adolescence!

Thank you again Sasha!

quote:

---

Originally posted by sashavittoria:
Round of applause!!! Laboutin, you really lucked out getting Alma and Galactic on this thread.

I had a very similar dynamic to yours recently with Moon-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, I was Pluto, and it fell in his 12th house. (In your case it's 11th but almost in the 12th.) Thankfully it only went on a few months and not years because of the amazing help I got from Galactic, Alma, Vansio, and others - maybe it can help you too? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/011299.html

As they pointed out, moon person definitely feels it BUT with moon in Scorpio they're less likely to share. IMO even with soulmate indications, we don't necessarily need to have a relationship with all of our soulmates in this life, or even a twin flame. Just because you're in love with someone doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with them... The lesson of unconditional love (via unrequited love) is very important. It teaches us the unconditional love of God/Source/Universe, a love we ultimately owe to ourselves as well as all life forms. The true meaning and depth of love: love is unconditional... but relationships are conditional. I think it was said on another thread that the only "relationship" Source cares about us having is with Source, often via Self. All external relationships are ultimately a conduit to Source, to true unconditional love which is not based in this egoic 3-dimensional "reality"... Now I am rambling about things you probably already know too well My point being, I feel your pain... (Tomorrow is the anniversary of when I first saw my person who taught me this lesson!)

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posted September 10, 2021 04:03 PM            

We all have many Soul mates. Some of us also have twin souls, and some of us have multiple twin souls (hard to explain briefly how I know that, but I've experienced it myself).

No matter what, it is extremely spiritually limiting to look for your happiness in another/in a relationship. True happiness comes from connection to the Divine and to positive service to others in a universal and impersonal way i.e. Divine Love.

You will find most of your comfort and healing in Divine Love.

Believe me, I understand how you feel with this. I met someone a couple years ago that I am having a very hard time forgetting and detaching from completely. If the guidance I have been getting is true, then her and I are not only twin Souls, but we had a direct, literal past life together where we were super close and about as merged as two different Souls in two different bodies could be. I'm talking, we were fully telepathic with each other.

I can't even put into words how much and deeply I miss and long for her at times, and how much she broke my heart by treating me and our connection as if it didn't mean anything. She ghosted me for 7 months and came back into my life just to use me because she needed help at the time. As soon as she got that help, she pulled the same crappy communication b.s. that I had expressed unhappiness with before.

But I ultimately care more about Source, the Oneness, and spiritual Love. I'm trying to redirect that energy that I have for and towards her, towards these more creative, universal, and impersonal endeavors, and also in loving myself more. This is where my healing can and is being found.

It sounds like you need to work a lot more on truly loving and accepting yourself. When you truly and fully do that more, perhaps your Expanded self and guidance will send another person your way, one that will truly give you the love that you deserve and not some non committal b.s. that this other guy has done.

Hoping/praying for your highest good.