posted September 18, 2003 03:17 AM         

Here are my thoughts ...
I think there is a big difference between women who choose not to have children and those who choose not to have them for Selfish reasons. Obviously, if there are circumstances in your life that make you feel you cannot take care of a child, give it the attention and love it needs, for whatever reason, then it would be in your best interest, your mate's, and the prospective child's, to not have one. These circumstances could be anything from lack of financial support, unresolved childhood issues that make you question your ability to be a good parent, or falling "incurably" ill and not wishing to start a child on a life path that you will not be able to help it thru. There are many others reasons out there, I'm sure, as well. And perhaps there will be some who will only see these reasons as challenges to be overcome thru love and understanding, and will choose to be parents regardless. It is a very, very personal choice, and no one has the right to tell you what to do, or to make you feel guilty about what you do choose. And remember Linda's lexigram about abortions ...
I think she meant selfish, like, women who are perfectly healthy, financially stable, in loving relationships, who choose not to have children because it would disrupt their current lifestyle ... be it partying with their friends, maintaining an ideal weight and "perfect" figure, or placing their career aspirations above their partner's true and deep desire to be a father, and other such issues. That last one may be a controversial one, but that's just how I feel. I could always be wrong, so please don't be offended. However, I do think that not having children for fear of them living bad lives because of the state of our Earth is selfish, because it is an action based entirely on fear. You are giving up faith that there is a plan and that everything will work out allright in the end. God's mind (and Goddess' for that matter) is unfathomable to us, but I think if continuing to have children was wrong, then what would be the purpose of life to continue at all? A child represents all the faith, love, and promises for the future that two people can create/contribute to the world, which is a grand contribution indeed. However, I think if you do feel that way, and instead opt to adopt (adoptions containing the word options) then you are not being selfish at all because you are helping to love and care for a child who really, really needs it. There is a supply for every demand, and there is currently a great demand for unselfish couples to adopt children who, in truth, deserve someone to love and care for them.
Page 358 Star Signs, trade paperback: "However, there are many things sadder and more devastating to life itself than the deliberate abortion of an unwanted "house" which prevents a robot from becoming alive and human at the first breath-such as the hideous nightmare of child abuse UNWANTED children suffer, to name but one of them." (caps mine)
Page 899 of Love Signs, paperback: "Children are a blessing, representing the continuation of human life; yet no useful Heavenly or otherwise purpose is served by bringing UNWANTED babies into a world already trembling with the fast approaching tragedy of over-population, conjuring the spectre of the Apolcalypse Horsemen of Famine and Starvation." (caps mine, but in the book the word was italicized)
I think it is clear that LG thought that anyone who truly did NOT want to have children, for whatever reason, definitely should not. If I offended anybody with my views, I'm sorry, but those are just the ideas that I apply to my own life.

posted October 22, 2003 07:04 PM         

LunarGirl, You had a wounderful new familly, filled with love for you and treated you and your sister equally. I'm so happy for you.

Not every adopted child have this.
Yes, the adopted parents may have this idea of love and nurturing for the child, especialy when it's a cute infant. But then, when the child grows they may not always be able to keep up with their ideal. The pain of being barren may sometimes overlook the love of an adopted child.

The fact is a very high percent of adopted children commit suicide as teen and young adults in sweden and I'm sure it's the same in other countries. Alot of the adopted children/teens/adults are haveing great problems and it doesn't matter if the adopted child came from the same country or a foreign country.

As for myself, I grew up with a feeling I "must be so grateful my parents pity for me when noone else wanted me". It left a feeling of a second-rate merchandise, especially when I was a teen.

However, now as a mother of four, I have come to understund my adoptive parents and the past is forgiven.

posted October 23, 2003 11:47 PM         

My parents took in a girl for a while whose parents had died. What a hard thing for her. It seemed so painful.

I don't have my biological father in my life, and I have learned to accept my second stepfather as being more of a father to me than anyone else has been, and I am grateful. I do miss my father too, but my mom is traumatized and has asked that I not contact him. I may do it in secret though, to tell him I still love him.

posted October 28, 2003 06:32 PM         

Yes I'm healed, thank you. It took some time but forgiveness is a great gift, both to give and receive.