posted October 04, 2005 02:02 PM         

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

posted October 04, 2005 02:10 PM         

"Cause your feet ain't empty," is great, too.

posted October 04, 2005 07:57 PM         

Thanks for the warm fuzzy!!

posted October 05, 2005 12:57 PM         

Here's one i recieved recently thru email about children and proverbs ...

An elementary school teacher gave each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you!

As you shall make your bed so shall you ... mess it up.
The original proverb: As you shall make your bed so shall you lie there.

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
The original proverb: Better to be safe than sorry!

Strike while the ... bug is close.
The original proverb: Strike while the iron is hot!

It is always darkest before... daylight savings time.
It is always darkest before... I open my eyes.
The original proverb: It is always darkest before the dawn.

Never underestimate the power of... termites.
The original proverb: Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed.
And you also frequently hear: Never underestimate the power of a woman.

A rolling stone... plays the guitar.
The original proverb: A rolling stone gathers no moss.

A bird in the hand is... a real mess.
The original proverb: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

It is better to light one candle than to... waste electricity.
It is better to light one candle than to... light an explosive.
The original proverb: It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

You have nothing to fear but... your Principal.
You have nothing to fear but... homework.
The original proverb: You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

If you can't stand the heat... don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat... go swimming.
The original proverb: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

The squeaking wheel gets... annoying.
The original proverb: The squeaking wheel gets the grease.

To err is human... to eat a muskrat is not.
The original proverb: To err is human, to forgive, divine.

I think, therefore I... get a headache.
The original proverb: I think, therefore I am.

Early to bed and early to rise... is first in the bathroom.
The original proverb: Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a... blister.
The original proverb: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

There is nothing new under the... bed.
The original proverb: There is nothing new under the sun.

The grass is always greener... when you leave the sprinkler on.
The grass is always greener... when you put manure on it.
The original proverb: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Don't count your chickens... it takes too long.
The original proverb: Don't count your chickens before they are hatched.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?.
The original proverb: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
The original proverb: Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

No news is... impossible.
The original proverb: No news is good news.

A miss is as good as a...mister.
The original proverb: A miss is as good as a mile.

You can't teach an old dog new... math.
The original proverb: You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.
The original proverb: If you lie down with dogs, you'll rise with fleas.

Love all, trust... me.
The original proverb: Love all, trust few, do wrong to none. (Shakespeare)

The pen is mightier than the... pigs.
The original proverb: The pen is mightier than the sword.

Where there's smoke there's... pollution.
The original proverb: Where there's smoke there's fire. (Learn About the Dangers of Smoking from Mama Didn't Know and Smokefree Kids)

Happy the bride who... gets all the presents.
The original proverb: Happy the bride who the sun shines on.

A penny saved is... not much.
The original proverb: A penny saved is a penny earned.

Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.
The original proverb: Two's company, three's a crowd.

Don't put off 'til tomorrow what you... put on to go to bed.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you... should have done yesterday.
The original proverb: Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and... someone yells, "Shut up!"
The original proverb: Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.

Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
The original proverb: Children should be seen and not heard.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
The original proverb: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

posted October 05, 2005 10:01 PM         

Thanks for sharing that angel_of_hope Strike while the ... bug is close.
The original proverb: Strike while the iron is hot! Is the only one that I like for the change.

I think our older sayings had a much more positive take on them, then alot of the ones that are said now. Ever intrusting to see where the young minds of the future are going!!!

Welcome Cosmic Climber, haven't seen you around this neck of the woods before.

Thanks guys for your kind replies!!!

Solane Star