posted December 15, 2007 05:28 PM         

Here's the deal.

I love my kid. My kid is awesome. My kid is smart, polite, generally well behaved and cute. Yes, I'm biased but I'm not just saying that because of my bias. The couple times Hunter has been rude it's been pointed out to him and he's been disciplined for it. He knows it's not tolerated. He is free to express himself and speak up for himself but he learns to show respect in how he does these things to his parents and to other people. A few weeks ago I didn't like his tone of voice with me and I told him he was being rude and he took that as a huge insult. I didn't have to spank him or threaten him with punishments or give him a time out. He knew that was enough for him to rethink his actions and how he handled things.

I don't like other kids. I just don't. I've tried to. Sometimes I think they are cute and very occasionally one will come along that I can appreciate on some sort of level but 99% of kids I really don't want to have anything to do with or be around. I think in some ways this has been a disadvantage to Hunter. He likes other kids. I like to avoid them. I didn't even like other kids when *I* was a kid. My 6th grade teacher had to ASSIGN me a friend.

Sure, Hunter has friends come over and plays with them in the courtyard outside. The neighbor kids are alright and they can come in and watch a movie sometimes. I do that for Hunter's benefit, though. I don't really want to talk to to them or play with them or anything. I don't really identify with most moms, either. I was never a member of "Mommy and Me" groups. I hate the competition between mothers about whose kid did what first and the dull gossiping and chit chat of housewives.

That probably comes off sounding a LOT worse than I intend it to. I don't mean to lump all mothers or stay at home moms into one category because I know not everyone is like that. I was a stay at home mom for a couple years and I just couldn't get myself to find a group of moms that I could really identify with. Maybe that's why I got so bored and turned to different music and bands to obsess about.

Anyway, that's not really what I intended to talk about. I intended to talk about my morning. Today was "Breakfast with Santa" day at Hunter's afterschool place. He was so very excited about it which was really cute and I was happy to go with him though I didn't really know what it entailed, exactly. I figured everyone would have some breakfast and maybe sit on Santa's lap and ask for something.

We got there at 8:45am which was 15 minutes early. They opened late.... 9:30am. Well, okay, but it just was a glimpse of how incredibly disorganized the place was. Everything was just CHAOS. Their hearts were in the right place but it was chaotic. I paid to get in and we had pancakes, eggs and sausage for breakfast. Hunter was tickled and that made me happy. Then we went to the auditorium which was really just the gym and chaos for another hour with 80 screaming kids running around bouncing off the walls and parents ignoring them.

The sweet part was when a bunch of firemen pulled up and brought in bags and bags of toys for the kids. Those went on the stage until after the 'shows'. We then had to watch preschoolers spin around in circles to "Jingle Bells". Cute only if you know one of the kids on the stage. Then we had to watch some 8 years olds do 'modern dance' which really consisted of them doing some sort of ancient Aztec ceremonial dance so I don't know why they were calling it modern. More chaos. Half of the presenters and people introducing the next acts spoke only in Spanish so I had no idea what they were saying. Parents in front and in back of me were talking at above full volume to each other so I couldn't hear the people on stage speaking in English anyway.

Most of the 80+ kids were sitting on mats on the floor in front of the stage - seperate from parents. Hunter was sitting up there and one second he was there and the next second I didn't see him. So then started a good 15 minutes of me trying to find my kid until I was on the verge of tears. Turned out - his afterschool teacher brought him and some of his friends to meet Santa. THANKS FOR TELLING ME, LADY!!!!!! Again, her heart was in the right place but it was all chaos. A magician came onstage but most of the parents paid no attention. My head was throbbing. Then more tiny preschoolers were onstage wiggling their arms around to some Christmas song as if to say "You don't know us but you must think we are adorable because we're small and don't know what we're doing! Hey what's that shiny thing?!"

Hunter was running around with a few kids and I asked him where he was going and he said "I don't know - with them!" and 4 kids started talking to me at once in very loud shriecky little kid voices so I couldn't understand what they were saying anyway.

So I had to follow them around, wondering why all of their parents seemed to be invisible. Oh, wait all the parents were competing to get the best toys or the most toys or whatever they were doing that made them huddle like a bunch of vultures near the stage door the way they were. Hey, lady in the sweater nine sizes too small for you who I am not sure is severely obese or if you are expecting triplets... can you please control your three sons (who, btw, are all wearing thin SHORTS and tshirts in 60 degree weather) to the point that they will not stomp on my feet and elbow me in the stomach anymore? I know you saw it while you were talking to your sister on your cellphone about whatever Juan's problem on the 2nd floor is. Teach your children some manners, please, and stop worrying if Juan is going to drop off the lawnchair and ignore the fact that your kids are trying to rudely push in front of my son in the breakfast line. My son, who, btw, is being very nice and polite and would have let your brats go first just because he's that nice. OH and don't smile at me now as if I'm supposed to find your kid's antics "CUTE". No. They aren't cute.

Finally, Hunter got a present from Santa which turned out to be a Bumblebee Transformer which he was just TICKLED about and that was cool because we were just chilling out and not freaking like so many others were doing. That was my present, too, because it meant we could LEAVE! Three and a half hours after we got there - we could finally leave and be free and I got to be alone with my sweet, wonderful and cute kid again and didn't have to listen to the screaming and yelling and cackling anymore.

Maybe I'm getting too old. Maybe I am just a hermit. Maybe I'm just sane and realize most people suck. Maybe I'm a Grinch. Maybe I'm missing part of a 'mom' gene that makes me like more children and other moms. I don't know. I always have such a respect and and curious interest in people that CHOOSE to work with kids every day. Either they are saints or they have screws missing. They aren't even dealing with their own kids! They are dealing with other people's screaming pooping kids! Those people sort of scare me but I sort of envy them at the same time if they are actually enjoying themselves and aren't just completely insane or trapped in their own strange childhood fantasies because they had a twisted childhood and are trying to make up for it.

On the flip side - any sort of child abuse or neglect ****** me off like nothing else can. Stories about abused kids in the news or kids that were treated cruelly always breaks my heart. I don't know how anyone can actually hurt a kid. And... stories about the holidays when some family of kids gets presents and a tree... or stories about a kid that is saved (like a couple days ago when the 2 year old was saved from drowning by his two dogs who happened to follow him when he left his yard) always make me tear up and make me happy.

posted December 15, 2007 07:07 PM         

just relax and see them for who they are. i guess i'm pretty lucky. i live in a town where the vast majority of kids are respected for who they are and are pretty well adjusted and calm and are allowed to be themselves.

posted December 15, 2007 07:20 PM         

I think when I was a kid I preferred adults then. I was always the teachers pet and would rather have been with them.

posted December 15, 2007 07:50 PM         

quote:

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I think when I was a kid I preferred adults then. I was always the teachers pet and would rather have been with them.

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posted December 15, 2007 11:16 PM         

I agree with 'Zala- it took a lot of courage to post this.

We must be in the same gene pool- I also, do not like children.

When people are happy to be pregnant, and when they have the children, I am sincerely happy for them. I can, after 34 years on this earth, concede that some kids are cute.

But not cute as in "I want to talk about diapers all day!!" and certainly not so cute as in "I am going to spend a quarter of a million dollars on fertility treatments, make my husband hate me, and bore all my friends to death with the details of my ovulation."

However-
I still have friends who have kids that manage to carry on adult conversations (and that includes people on this site, with children, whom I worship and firmly believe have great families.)

I am lucky to live in a relatively child-free environment, so I don't have to think of it much. I still cringe when they come into my restaurant- its the dolphin pitched voices that get to me.

What I find interesting is that I will bet you all a million dollars on this-

the general public would find it more acceptable for the 3 of you (MW, 'Zala, and fayte) to say "I dislike kids" because you each have had a child-

opposed to me, making the same statement and being child free....

posted December 16, 2007 10:45 AM         

Your post was very refreshing and honest. The reality is that most adults dislike those kinds of events. (This is coming from an elementary school teacher who's sun is in the 5th house!) We had to attend a very disorganized Christmas caroling event the other day with the entire school there.

The kids didn't even know the songs that the music teacher was working with them on for months! I have a few hyper ones in my class, and they were climbing all over the place...not fun...for me.

While I was looking around, I noticed 2 groups of people enjoying the program. It was not the teachers or parents...it was the children and the grandparents. They were the ones singing and clapping and having a grand old time. The teachers were too busy with crowd control, and the parents were snapping their "I came to the event" photos, catching their child's eye and waving, then slipping out to beat the traffic.

I do love kids. But I agree that as a teacher you wonder what on earth some of their parents are thinking...who granted them the "right to bear children" pass when they don't even look after them?

Not really liking children or being around most people doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you an individual who possesses a wonderful quality of being able to admit the truth.

The funny thing is, one of the reasons I love children so much is the same thing that drew me to this post. Love of honesty. Kids haven't had the "programming" to hide what they feel yet. One of my kids said something to the effect of behaving to get presents. I asked, "So, you're just in it for the presents?" She looked up at me with bright eyes and a big smile on her face and said "Yeah!"

Wouldn't it be great if all adults weren't programmed to sugar coat and manipulate everything? Imagine if you were on a date and asked "So...you're just in it for the sex?" And the guy looked at you with the same smile and bright eyes and said "Yeah!" instead of..."I'm really looking for something deeper and more meaningful... and...well...you're just so special..." LOL

As a teacher, I hope that I can have some positive effect on these little people and they definitely teach me something new each day. They make me laugh constantly.

I have a student who, in his 5 years of life, has endured more than most ever will. I bought the class some little gifts and had hot cocoa etc. for our Christmas party. He came up to me and hugged me and buried his little face in my arm. When I asked him what was wrong, he said "I'm just so happy." It just about took everything I had not to burst into tears. That's the reason I teach. As for the events, the politics, and the rest of it...it's what I have to put up with to do what's worthwhile.

posted December 16, 2007 11:28 AM         

I knew when I was ten I did not want children. I can't blame the children, it's the parents I can't stand! I want to report them to CPS for:

quote:

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I know you saw it while you were talking to your sister on your cellphone about whatever Juan's problem on the 2nd floor is. Teach your children some manners, please, and stop worrying if Juan is going to drop off the lawnchair and ignore the fact that your kids are trying to rudely push in front of my son in the breakfast line.

---

Not to mention the ones who like to bring them shopping with them. It seems like they think Walmart is a day care. They cut them loose in the store to run around and torment other shoppers so they can do their shopping in peace 9 or 15 aisles away!

Why is it that these people are not reported by the store?? It's not like they do it once. These people are regular customers who are there at least once a week! It's neglect,plain and simple, and it should be reported. Then there are the ones I see in their cars. The other day there was a woman in the back seat of a vehicle smacking the kid viciously in the head!! WTF??!!

posted December 16, 2007 03:16 PM         

I appreciate thier honesty, excitement, and most especially thier awarness and connection to the universe around them.

There are obviously many parents in my neighborhood who don't feel the way I do. This is why my house is always filled with neiborhood children. They come to play where they receive positive attention and Love. I do also appreciate all thier little quirks. I'm fascinated by the eagerness they have to impress and truly try to do thier best for others. [drawing/painting/coloring pictures, games, music, dance, sports, etc.] The whole sha' bang!

Prior to having children of my own, I ran a preschool program for underpriveledged (sometimes abused) children in high risk situations. I took pride in the fact that I was able to help make life better for the great majority of these little ones. I commend others like 8th as well. Teachers really are a special sort of people!

Recognizing that children are not an essential part of your life and speaking of this so openly is to be respected however.
For what it's worth, I believe there are gobs of women who feel like you only are to afraid to speak up.

I laughed my bootie off with your comment "4 kids started talking to me at once in very loud shriecky little kid voices so I couldn't understand what they were saying" while reading this post. No really!!!!

I myself have three children; one is off to college, while the two little ones have just barely begun school. My children are well mannered, polite, and respectful. [This has taken a huge amount of effort due to thier interactions with other children who are not taught to be so] Each have a crapload of friends, and lots of fun. Thier memories will be filled with times of joy, laughter, life events, parties, games, parks, camping, sports, interactions with many children, as well as other adults, etc.

I feel blessed to have patience up the yang and enough love to go round. I am grateful for every breath of time in which to share my life with these little explorers.

I do have adult relationships that do not involve child talk, I feel this is essential to sanity too...

I grew up with parents who were very involved in our activities and life events so I imagine that because of my individual environment, this seems normal and natural to me...

I agree with many of the previous posts here regarding irresponsible choices to birth children. Parenting really is not for everyone. For those that already have children and guide them responsibly, I appreciate it! -Thank you.

For those who have children and they are out control due to your lack of caring or education.
-you suck! GET REAL!!! You'll be happy to know however, that there are people like me in the world who will always have our doors open to your children. *Mind you, we'll be shaking our heads in disbelief at your stupidity...

Interesting subject MoonWitch, thank you.

posted December 16, 2007 04:14 PM         

And yep, I have no kids. Were I a mother, I would have this conflict within myself as to whether to withdraw a kid from the school system and give them an exceptional environment for education, in which their learning did not suffer as a result of unnecessary school distractions, or whether to send them to school and have them grow up a happier, stupider Everyman.

MoonWitch, what sign are you?

posted December 17, 2007 01:29 AM         

I don't think you 'don't like kids', I think you are just sane.
I am NOT looking forward to my children's Christmas concert this Wednesday.
I am looking forward to their brief and beautiful part in it, but the rest will be much as you described and there will be much smiling and nodding and tolerance from me.

posted December 17, 2007 07:25 AM         

A Christmas Season Joy! 1993

I think kids are funny!

One day My washing machine broke down and I didn't have my usual dark wardrobe to wear to the store etc. Well at home I wear red etc. At that time I was VERY fat. Steroids and an accident.....well I put on my RED sweats and a RED stocking cap that had on it in big WHITE letters, "I believe in elves!". Well the next thing I know is that I hear these utterly delighted screams! (it was December 22), and these two little kids were just all twitterpated..."ARE YOU MRS. SANTA CLAUS!!!!????? I said, "do you think I am?"

Of course the parents came over to see what had happened. They apolgized and I said no problem. The kids were still of the mind that I was who they thought. So I went and bought two little Xmas bears each holding a Candy Cane, and waited outside. When they came out, I asked the parents if I could give the children the gifts. They looked stunned and without a word shook their heads..YES. So I got down on my knees and beckoned to the kids. I whispered in each of their ears that I'm just a fat lady who believes in the spirit of Xmas, and to be good kids,and have a Merry Christmas! As they both hugged me and walked away, I heard the older one say to her parents, that was a nice fat lady. Then the younger one said, I think she was an angel!

That was soooo weird! And wonderful! I had been feeling like a giant red dressed monster! Hobbling about dressed like that with my big wooden cane. I was happy for the rest of the day!

PS. I think my wire rimmed eyeglasses probably added to the effect.

posted December 17, 2007 08:02 AM         

School of Rock

Dewey (Jack Black), to the children at the exclusive prep school ~

There used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just give up!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dewey, in a conversation with the other teachers ~

Gabe: We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TASS or the Wilson-Binet?

Dewey: I say no testing , and I will tell you why, Joe.

Gabe: Gabe.

Dewey: Gabe. I believe…That the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but you have gotta let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.

Bob: Isn't that a song?

Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dewey, to the Headmistress ~

Mullins: In your experience, how does Horace Green compare to the other schools that you’ve taught at?

Dewey: Oh, your school is the best.

Mullins: You're just saying that.

Dewey: I'm not. Do you know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time? They're running around. There's no discipline. They're happy. It's anarchy. This is the best school I have ever teached at. I swear.

posted December 17, 2007 03:49 PM         

I also do children's b-day parties. Those are usually good, but the kids are usually at their best anyway. Granted, sometimes their shouts can be grating on the ears...

I do have odd maternal moments where my body obviously wants to have children--not just adopt either, but actually get pregnant and endure the entire process. I consider this temporary insanity and have so so far resisted.

But overall, I'm generally much more patient with kids than I am adults. Kids have an excuse for bad behavior and can be expected to change. That's not often true with the adults. (Teens are somewhere in between.) And when I see children who are undisciplined, impatient, whiny, and prone to tantrums, I notice that all too often, so are their parents. It's not ALWAYS true, but in my observation, it's the way to bet. (Rarely, a child is even more mature than most adults in his/her life.)

And then there are a BUNCH of boomers that whine about their kids & grandkids watching Gossip Girl and playing Grand Theft Auto...while at the same time the boomer is watching Sex and the City and The Sopranos. They'll tell kids to live up to their responsibilities & obligations, but spend their tax refunds (intended for the kids) on monster tires (I've seen this happen, btw), take out a second mortgage to get those golf clubs & entertainment center (but complain of the materialism of their kids--though some parents even foist materialism on them in the name of their own image), and even a divorce complete with the most irresponsible ploys to get out of paying child support or in using child support irresponsibly (such as buying booze and cigarettes), not to mention the extra drama. I'm not even going into parents that get violent at their kids game, arguing with the ref. It's things like this that cause many kids to lose the respect for adults that they once had. "Do as I say, not as I do" is not, and should not, be the way to inspire better behavior in children.

Granted, some 'rents are too permissive rather than (or in addition to) just really poor examples to their children. Worse, some even help children (or encourage them) to commit crimes. One had the audacity to not only steal a library book with her child, but when a librarian chased them down and got the book back, to try to have the librarian fired!

Twice I was made very angry by children, but it was the parents I was mad at. I won't share those experiences as it will probably disturb others here, in either that it happened at all, or in the rage (that almost culminated in violence against a parent/guardian--and stopped, just barely, only because I didn't want to do that in front a child) that it inspired in me over it.

Oddly, problem children don't seem to be that much of a problem for me. My impression is that they like me and want me to like them back (though my intimidation routine can help in a pinch). And they have a harder time getting under my skin, and maybe that helps, too.

I was told one girl had nightmares, but she never did when I was there and she asked them for me. I responded to that by letting them know I checked her room for monsters when she went to bed and left her door open awhile before closing it, so that she didn't feel so alone as she went to sleep (it's not exactly natural that small children sleep apart from parents, speaking biologically). When the mom said that her daughter needed to confront her fears and not coddle to them, I refrained from saying, "The don't be surprised that she has nightmares when you do it your way."

posted December 17, 2007 03:59 PM         

Surely we should not be quick to judge others so harshly.

It's true that some children are more well-mannered than others- usually because the parents are merely repeating the way their parents raised them.

But these families may lack certain qualities of another family who they might be too quick too look down on and judge.

For example, my parents are always critisizing my sister-in-law for the ways she does things.

And yet she has one of the kindest hearts I've ever known in anybody. She has a great amount of patience and she comes from a family who are all so close!

So we mustn't be so quick to judge others.

Everybody has different strengths and weaknesses.

The amount of LOVE that is put into raising a child is what TRULY counts.

Also, genetics and physical factors may play a part in some of the parent's/ child's problems. This isn't their fault, but it's something, I feel, which can eventually and one day be healed- we are already learning how love can heal DNA.