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Author Topic:   Soulmate Food For Thought
GypseeWind
Knowflake

Posts: 5808
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009

posted August 31, 2013 04:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Is This My Soulmate?
By: Lisa Hayes
Itís a question I get asked often. How do I know? Is this is my soulmate? There are probably as many answers to that question as there are askers. However, for me, part of what helped me define loa relationship coachmy personal definition of a soulmate was the experience of the moment when I realized I was married to a man who wasnít mine.
I will never forget it. It was February in Florida and the weather was perfect. We were sitting in the car at a beach, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. The scene in and of itself was nearly perfect. However, the energy between us was anything but perfect. It was strained, angry, and unsatisfied. I didnít know exactly why, but I was already afraid. Then it happened. The man I was married to handed me a list heíd written on the back of a page heíd torn out of a text book. On that list were eleven things he wanted me change, about myself. They ranged from wanting my hair color to be different to wanting me to be a better housekeeper.
Sure, I had room for improvement in the housekeeping department. I still do. However, fundamentally, most of the items on that list were intrinsically me. I couldnít change them and stay myself. I was young when that happened. I was only 23 and even at 23 I knew I would never be successful at being someone he wanted me to be and in that moment, I knew that marriage would not make it. He was my practice husband.


In a lot of ways it was easier, because he wanted me to be so completely different than who I was I knew it would never work. Sometimes itís more subtle. It seems more doable.

I want you to be more punctual.
I want you to be more organized.
I want you to be more spiritual.
I want you to drink a little less.
I want you to have more vision for your future.
All of those things might seem like things worth striving for, and yet, wanting someone to be different demonstrates a lack of acceptance. When you are on the receiving end of someone wanting you to be different, itís horrible. However, as horrible as it is, youíd be amazed how often someone will try to hammer themselves into a box they were never meant to fit into because someone else wants them to be someone they arenít.
Youíd think after my practice marriage ended, Iíd have learned that lesson. It took me a little more practice. I spent years in and out of relationships trying to become the someone that other person would love enough not to leave.
Becoming something you arenít to make someone else happy isnít growth, itís mutation.
We all know mutation isnít usually very pretty.
On the other hand, thereís evolution.
When I met the man Iím married to I noticed something in me almost immediately. I noticed I was upleveling my game everywhere I could. I wanted to be a little more organized. I wanted to be a little more engaged. I wanted to be healthier. I wanted to be smarter. I wanted to be more grounded and centered. He never asked me to be different. In fact, he loved me just the way I was so completely I can honestly say Iíd never felt so loved before. However, in the light of his appreciation I felt inspired to be better. I still do.
Why?
loa relationship coachMy husband sees something in me. Heís seen it from the day we met. In fact, the very fact that he sees it, makes it possible. My husband sees the very best parts of me, almost to the exclusion of the other parts. Itís nothing short of a miracle. He sees the best version of Lisa. Itís one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me, a window into to my best self Ė and because he can see it, I want to be it. I want to be the best I can be because of him. I have grown more as a person is the seven years Iíve known him than in all the years before him. I am constantly inspired to reach for my highest potential, because he sees it AND because he deserves it.
He has never once asked me to be different than I am Ė ever.
Very often when a relationship ends we start looking for who was right and who was wrong, a villain and a victim. We try to assign blame. We try to figure out what went wrong. Most of the time however, nothing went wrong. It was just the realization of two souls that they couldnít change enough to stay together and be happy. In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with that. Two people who are meant to be together can be fully themselves pulled together by the energy of whatís possible.
The true measure of a relationship is who you are in it. Are you someone you like or not? Are you with someone who likes you, for real, the way you are? You want to be with someone who inspires you to be more of who you already are. When you find that, you know youíre home. When you are asking yourself the question, ďIs this my soulmate?Ē, know this much, your soulmate does not want to change you. The words ďsoulmateĒ are very charged for many people, but if I had to define what a soulmate is, I would say, your soulmate is someone who recognizes your divine nature and therefore helps you to recognize it yourself.

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Hera
Moderator

Posts: 7598
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 01, 2013 01:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Very good stuff!

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Mystic Melody
Moderator

Posts: 567
From: IL
Registered: Dec 2010

posted September 02, 2013 02:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mystic Melody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
perfect

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hippichick
Moderator

Posts: 3116
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted September 02, 2013 03:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
VERY well said,, lady!

But you know me, from the other source.

I think my b-loved cat "Divi" is my true soul mate...and I also think we have many.

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