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Author Topic:   Gemini man?
AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 19, 2013 12:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My gemini ex from last year broke my heart.

He was cruel after the first time I snapped at him. been together 9 months,first time id snapped at him and I don't think the punishment fitted the crime.

He told me he didn't love me anymore, I wasn't the one, he couldn't see us together in the future, he ripped my interests apart, & made me feel very doubtful of myself.

I went strict no contact and he came back out of the blue sending me emails and texts. I replied to one not the other.

There isn'tmuch to go on and sounds like he's showing off to be honest.

He had a bereavement, job loss and illness last year but now he has a new job and is better.he's told me he works near me now.

My question is what is he up to? I heard that gemini men never look back. so is he just checking in or want to be spiteful. I doubt he wants to get back together.

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hikoro
Knowflake

Posts: 1062
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 19, 2013 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hikoro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
if you are still interested...
make him work!
see what's going on first
maybe he was being affected since he was going
through hardship too, you never know.
just take it slow.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 19, 2013 05:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
if you are still interested...
make him work!
see what's going on first
maybe he was being affected since he was going
through hardship too, you never know.
just take it slow.

He hurt me so badly though. I've never loved anyone the way I loved him.

Thing is I don't know what he wants. His last text told me he worked near me now. but what does he want me to say to that.

I don't know what to say back if anything.....

How the hell do I find out what he wants? What to say?

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SDragon
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 19, 2013 06:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Apparently your 'snapping' made him wonder if there was something else simmering underneath.

9 months isn't a long time to get to know someone. I'm detecting some Neptunian influences in your relationship where either or both of you aren't able to really see the other.

Just my opinion though. How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 53
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 19, 2013 08:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?
+1

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 04:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
Apparently your 'snapping' made him wonder if there was something else simmering underneath.

9 months isn't a long time to get to know someone. I'm detecting some Neptunian influences in your relationship where either or both of you aren't able to really see the other.

Just my opinion though. How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?


There was. He had not spent much time with me, was becoming distant and i felt neglected. I didn't feel able to talk to him about it because of his job and other problems. So I.eventually blew up. briefly and I apologise but he was having none of it.

He was cruel and brutal the things he said. We didn't owl each other how we felt about each other when we were together. I was too scared to tell him and he the.same.

I am scared that he's getting in touch just because he rinks enough time has passed that we can be friends. but that isn't what I want.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 04:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
Apparently your 'snapping' made him wonder if there was something else simmering underneath.

9 months isn't a long time to get to know someone. I'm detecting some Neptunian influences in your relationship where either or both of you aren't able to really see the other.

Just my opinion though. How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?


There was. He had not spent much time with me, was becoming distant and i felt neglected. I didn't feel able to talk to him about it because of his job and other problems. So I.eventually blew up. briefly and I apologise but he was having none of it.

He was cruel and brutal the things he said. We didn't owl each other how we felt about each other when we were together. I was too scared to tell him and he the.same.

I am scared that he's getting in touch just because he rinks enough time has passed that we can be friends. but that isn't what I want.

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SDragon
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 20, 2013 08:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmm. Reads like a communication issue to me.

If you felt neglected, did you ever initiate anything with him?? Relationships can't be all work for the guy too - no guy wants to seem like he's working at 2 jobs.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 10:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
Hmmm. Reads like a communication issue to me.

If you felt neglected, did you ever initiate anything with him?? Relationships can't be all work for the guy too - no guy wants to seem like he's working at 2 jobs.


Yes I initiated all the time. In the end it was mainly me.


When he got a bit distant, I let him alone. Then that didn't work so I started reaching out more. Didn't work. I tried giving him space, suggesting we spend more time together, asking him out more. Nothing seemed to work. He always had time for everyone else though, mainly friends and family. Always time for them, none for me. I didnít even get the impression that he wanted me to come and see him when he was sick in hospital.


I lost my rag over it and he ended it breaking my heart and saying the cruellest things to me. That he didn't love me anymore and I wasn't the one.


So why on earth has he come back 9 months later, sending me friendly texts.

The last Gemini bf I had, when he ended it, he was gone. Ditto my two Scorpio exes. They ended it and they were gone.

Should I bother replying to him? Just be cool?


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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 10:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Yes I initiated all the time. In the end it was mainly me.

When he got a bit distant, I let him alone. Then that didn't work so I started reaching out more. Didn't work. I tried giving him space, suggesting we spend more time together, asking him out more. Nothing seemed to work. He always had time for everyone else though, mainly friends and family. Always time for them, none for me. I didnít even get the impression that he wanted me to come and see him when he was sick in hospital.

I lost my rag over it and he ended it breaking my heart and saying the cruellest things to me. That he didn't love me anymore and I wasn't the one.

So why on earth has he come back 9 months later, sending me friendly texts.

The last Gemini bf I had, when he ended it, he was gone. Ditto my two Scorpio exes. They ended it and they were gone.

Should I bother replying to him? Just be cool?


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SDragon
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 20, 2013 10:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmm... 3 ex's and all of them ended. Not trying to be a therapist but are you sure you don't have abandonment issues and maybe come on a bit too desperately to the guys you're interested in?

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 11:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
Hmm... 3 ex's and all of them ended. Not trying to be a therapist but are you sure you don't have abandonment issues and maybe come on a bit too desperately to the guys you're interested in?

I'm taking offence to that comment.

Also no abandonment issues I just don't end relationships when I know I should and keep forgiving bad behaviour. Im laid back in relationships and let them do as they please but I don't get respect back for it...they abuse my trust.

Didst mention the two guys I dumped.

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SDragon
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 20, 2013 11:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmm... Keep forgiving bad behavior but don't get respect. I know the sentences weren't connected, but I feel they should be.

I apologize if I come across as trying to find fault with you, but stories are always the dynamic between two realities butting heads and before we wonder what's going on with the other person, sometimes we have to ask what's going on with ourselves that keep attracting this or that.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
Hmm... Keep forgiving bad behavior but don't get respect. I know the sentences weren't connected, but I feel they should be.

I apologize if I come across as trying to find fault with you, but stories are always the dynamic between two realities butting heads and before we wonder what's going on with the other person, sometimes we have to ask what's going on with ourselves that keep attracting this or that.


I've been told that I am too forgiving and unless I start learning to develop boundaries I will continue to attract people with problems and inadequacies who are ambivalent about me.

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SDragon
Knowflake

Posts: 145
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted September 20, 2013 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SDragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also, don't forget, when you let the boundaries slip too much, that's when the resentment gets pushed down and then comes up as 'snapping'. If we start to identify when we feel the boundaries slipping and let the other person know, we'll be on a much firmer ground to know whether the other person will respect the boundaries (and respect us as well) and in turn reciprocate with their own way of showing that they care. If not, time to move on.

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 53
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 02:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
He hurt me so badly though. I've never loved anyone the way I loved him.......

How the hell do I find out what he wants? What to say?



quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?
Don't mean to beat a dead horse, but have you considered this?

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
[b] He hurt me so badly though. I've never loved anyone the way I loved him.......

How the hell do I find out what he wants? What to say?



quote:
Originally posted by SDragon:
How about telling him that you were hurt and asking him what his intentions are?
Don't mean to beat a dead horse, but have you considered this?[/B][/QUOTE]


Just straight up ask him what he wants?

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 53
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 20, 2013 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If he has texted you more than once, Yes. If not, I would probably ignore him until his texts became more frequent, then I would know that he really wants to get in touch with me and would be serious about hearing what I have to say and not just idle chit chat.

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Mystic Melody
Moderator

Posts: 578
From: IL
Registered: Dec 2010

posted September 20, 2013 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mystic Melody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

He got defensive and you got the "evil twin". I'm sure he had feelings for you as well, and he messed up, and he obviously waited until things were going better in his life to re-contact you. You will have to see him as an imperfect human and forgive him in order for your new budding friendship and relationship to have a chance. Give him a a chance. If your connection was strong, you have lessons to learn from one another. If you believe he is too troubled of a person and you do not wish to continue the relationship, then follow your intuition and tell him that it was good knowing him but when it comes to dating you don't think the two of you are a match. Only say this if you mean it completely.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 21, 2013 06:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I waited 10 days and then texted him back. He texted me the next morning. Its still all polite really.

This time he asked how my mum was etc.

What does he want.........

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 53
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 21, 2013 10:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
I waited 10 days and then texted him back. He texted me the next morning. Its still all polite really. This time he asked how my mum was etc.
If he's replying with small talk, what did you text?
quote:
Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:

What does he want.........

Are you afraid to ask him?

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 21, 2013 11:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
[b]I waited 10 days and then texted him back. He texted me the next morning. Its still all polite really. This time he asked how my mum was etc.

If he's replying with small talk, what did you text?
quote:
Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:

What does he want.........

Are you afraid to ask him?[/B][/QUOTE]

I just replied to him and asked said well done for job. I gave nothing.away about myself.

He keeps mentioning stuff I do and asked after my mum this time.

He ended it, if he.wants to talk why doesn't he come out with it.

I am.afraid of what he will say

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sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 53
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 21, 2013 09:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
He ended it, if he.wants to talk why doesn't he come out with it.

I am.afraid of what he will say


I understand. It can be rough because you were so hurt and you don't want to re-live that hurt again and again. It doesn't feel good. He should leave you alone, because he knows what kind of person you are and what you want from your SO. If he can't give it to you, then he needs to stop contacting you and reopening old wounds. Personally, I think his texts are cowardly and I wouldn't give them any serious importance. I just wouldn't care and I'm not going 'there' in text messaging. If I felt like responding, I would and be brief. If I didn't want to respond, I wouldn't.

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AngelicTaurus
Newflake

Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Sep 2013

posted September 22, 2013 05:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelicTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sugarflapjacks:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by AngelicTaurus:
[b] He ended it, if he.wants to talk why doesn't he come out with it.

I am.afraid of what he will say


I understand. It can be rough because you were so hurt and you don't want to re-live that hurt again and again. It doesn't feel good. He should leave you alone, because he knows what kind of person you are and what you want from your SO. If he can't give it to you, then he needs to stop contacting you and reopening old wounds. Personally, I think his texts are cowardly and I wouldn't give them any serious importance. I just wouldn't care and I'm not going 'there' in text messaging. If I felt like responding, I would and be brief. If I didn't want to respond, I wouldn't. [/B][/QUOTE]


Thing is I'm not even sure I would want to get back with him. its been too long apart from him. but if Ge wants to talk why doesn't he come out with it.

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