posted November 06, 2006 08:42 AM              

Second son B, is a breath of fresh air, Dad not contacted him in a year, because in Dads words, he "despises her and her fn mini me", not nice, yet he is the nicest kid you could ever wish to meet and he makes my heart smile,I am proud to be his Mum, professionals also think he should talk but he is adamant that he is fine and as we have such a good relationship, he can and does tell me anything, however he and brother do not get on at all and cannot be left in the same room together.He is doing well at school but has got very shy and not mixing much at school. His birth is 20th April 1993 at 6.20 am in England

I got myself an education when I left last year and was 2 weeks away from my final exams when I had to leave the coutry and return for my son, I got my exams transferred to this country but as yet cannot find a college to allow me to sit them as an external student so I am back to square one.
We are now living on the poverty line, I cannot get work due to son not leaving the house, told it was not legal for me to do so ( did not stop Dad though), I am signed up for college course but my heart is not in it as I so want to qualify for the one I did do.
I also twisted my ankle very badly 5 weeks ago and damaged the ligaments so every step is an agony and think that all is conspiring against me at present (paranoia creeping in ) I am an optomistic humerous person but have been left drained and tired with all I am going through at present.
Xmas is round the corner and I always pushed the boat out, this year due to no available funds we wont have anything, kids ok with this as they both say they are athiests (God love them ) but I am broken hearted at all this crap and especially for them.
Going through the court to get my share of house etc but ex is fighting everything every step of the way and from making him and my kids and home my career, I am starting all over again with very little, he is also destroying my reputation with very bad lies and I do not have a lot but my reputation means everything to me, if thats how he needs to be to make friends then I know one day karma will return to bite him on the bum.
I try not to be bitter but the pain is unbearable at times and I feel a real fool for giving all of myself to that man and not knowing how he really was.
I am now hanging on to everything by the fingertips, I want to grab life and run but feel trapped in so many ways and on the other hand I feel what is the point of even trying ( woe is me attitude)
My birth data 14th Feb 1960 at 10.55am Scotland.
Ex birth data (will he ever see sense, grow up and be a good Dad) 3rd Jan 1967 at 7.26am England.

If anyone can explain or see by these dates if life will get kind and nice for me and kids I would be very grateful.

posted November 06, 2006 11:49 AM            

It's good to see that you are OK and you have both boys now
I'm not an expert with astro interps, but I'd like to take a look at your charts tonite when I get home from work.

I am awed by your strength and determination!! I truly admire the way you put one foot in front of the other and slogged, no matter how hard it got.

I think things will be changing for you soon (no rational logical reason for this) -- my Pisces Moon radar feels/sees a brightening in the air around you, whereas when I read your first post a few months ago, all I sensed was cloudy grayness and a heaviness of spirit.

'Bout time for some karma to come back around to you!!!

posted November 06, 2006 12:47 PM              

the follwing link has posted external links to a site with potential help ..
it's mainly about dealing with ppl who have 'anti-scocial personality disorder'
.. am *not saying yer ex hubby is one* .. but it's more common than ppl might think ..

emotional vampires ..
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001973.html *

.. have made a note of the chart data u posted .. will look at them ..
.. don't hold yer breath .. but shall return .. ( famous last words ) ..
hah .. my mum always told me i'd be late for my own funeral (that's from a virgo sun)
.. beggining to think that being late in that context .. aint a bad thing ..:-))

posted November 06, 2006 01:01 PM              

You are funny, made me laugh anyway.

Many thanks for taking the time out later to look at my charts.

Yes I see what you mean by emotional vampires, my ex only drained me and kids, no one else got that side of him.

It hurt me really badly but I am worth more, at least that part has sunk in now.

posted November 08, 2006 08:56 PM              

.. i've only just done the charts .. and had a real quick look ..
and it's past the bewitching hour here .. so for now ..
( you may have to research some of this to get answers)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
for yourself .. once you get thru the current ..
t.Saturn opposing your natal Sun and Chiron placements ..
well .. stress 'n agnst levels should reduce for yourself ..
there don't seem to be any agnst type transits on the horizon either ..

both sons have been dealing with Saturn squaring their natal Pluto ..
(as will most of their peer group)
son B's chart much less stressed out than 'A'' ..
apart from he has Saturn opposing natal Sun on the way ..
(saturn has a 28 yr cycle around the zodiac)

son A is going thru an emotional wringer ..
from mid 2005 tSaturn was opposing Lillith/Mars/Venus/Saturn in his chart ..
it also conjoined his natal Chiron position in Leo ..
and .. Lillith and Chiron are 'exactly' opposite in his natal .. i.e. strong effect ..
aprox aug '05 till june '06
those four are very close together in his chart .. so any transit will hit one after the other ..
at the moment .. transiting Chiron has been conjoining those four same placements ..
since aprox dec.'05 and will be doing that untill dec'06

your ex .. got seriously thumped with a heavy duty transit from Pluto
sept 2004 tSaturn was opposing his natal Cappy Venus ..
after that Chiron conjoined his venus
and Pluto then squared his natal Pluto/Urns in Virgo ..
at the same time squaring his Chiron and Saturn in Pisces
Pluto squaring his Chiron and Saturn and Urns placements ..
is applying .. (or .. building up) ..

he won't be out of Pluto's effect untill it gets into Cap ..
even then it starts to conjoin other placements ...
with all that cappy influence in his chart .. mmmmmm ..
have a good read up on Capricorn ..
in particular the shadow side to that sign ..
may explain the 'control' trip he seems to have been on ..
and will probably continue to be on (re: pluto transit)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
re transits in general ..
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/009073.html *
* http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_transits_e.htm *
re Chiron in astrology ..
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/008448.html *
* http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_chiron_e.htm *
* http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_wounding_e.htm *
* http://www.martinlass.com/healhand.htm *
* http://www.martinlass.com/chiron.htm *
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok .. ** i realise that data list may not help your original query ** ..
maybe reading up on Chiron will help u understand more what son 'A' is going thru ..
.. obviously very wounded from his experience .. but also he will be
dealing with the Chiron transit till end of year ..

re your Sat transit to your Sun .. .. stress often shows as physical ..
i.e burnt out feeling .. minor accidents .. 'n the like .. worry's etc ..
it won't be long in transit .. so go easy on yourself ..

shall look back in later on ..
H§D

posted November 09, 2006 02:29 AM              

You are spot on re timing for son A, August was the start of his world falling apart and the realisation for me that my marriage could not go on.

I will sit it out in hope that Dec 06 will see him coming through all this, he is a great lad, does not smoke etc, and the crazy part for me is I wish he was out and about with friends testing the boundaries instead of being a loner indoors constantly.

I will pass on the reading up on Caps (ha ha ) I lived that life for 17 years so bit of an expert re my ex, only thing I will say is he is perfect gent to everyone else, just not us, bit of a split personality but that nor him are my problem any more.

onwards and upwards hopefully.

Again bless your heart for looking at those dates for me.

posted November 10, 2006 05:06 AM              

re:
** .. instead of being a loner indoors constantly.**
exactly what my folks said of me at one point ..
they never did understand it was Their behaviour that drove me away ..
anyhow ......
it would not suprise me if he felt like no person on earth understands how he's feeling ..
and i bet there's a fair amount of hurt and anger inside .. that .. has to go somewhere ..

**** son A's Saturn placement in natal is *conjunct Mars* and *conjunct Venus * *****

.. related internal links ..
Saturn aspecting Venus in the natal chart
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/008961.html *
Saturn aspecting Mars in the natal chart
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/008980.html *

his natal Venus and Mars are also 'opposite' to natal Chiron
.. and also 'conjunct Lillith ..
natal Venus and Mars are conjunct in his chart ..
natal Saturn is also opposite his natal Chiron

for now maybe read those above *Saturn links* ..
Sat to Venus is NOT easy to deal with .. and given what he's been thru ..
(i've not looked at birth times .. best to have a 'place' to go along with that .. i.e. england is a fairly large area .. ) .. and .. suss out what having Saturn opposite Chiron could do in a persons chart ..

i see he is a sun in pisces .. here is a link about Pisces ..
* http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/011099.html *
scroll down that thread untill you come across the LzG. text ..
same author as the text on Saturn .. btw: she (Liz Greene ) has a degree in psychology.
and is the main astrologer at astro.com ..

there may be some astrology links info at my site ..
* http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk *

If you want to put astrology to work ..
1 .. see if you can find an astrologer with a aptitude for counselling ..
hunt around .. 2 visa versa .. a counsellor with an interest/aptitude for astrology ..
3 .. start following the lads Mars transits .. and Observe .. learn how to watch the transits ..
at astro.com .. you will be able to predict their behavior .. follow your own transits .. observe how they make you feel .. keep a diary ..
(i'm trying to think of ways that need little or no money outlay ..)
.. d.i.y. astrolgy basicly costs very little moolah .. it just takes Time ..

i've seen some aspect interps for Chiron somewhere .. if i find them .. shall post here ..
unfortunately transiting Saturn will be opposing your Sun and Chiron for a while yet ..
it goes retrograde at some point .. but will on its way by august '07 ..
sorry about that ..
I've just had Saturn conjoining my Pluto then squaring my Sun ..
simply put .. Saturn transits get easier to deal with as one gets older ..
they are mainly but not only about 'structure' .. if the 'structure' is weak then the cracks will show ..

if you do get to understand yer ex's chart .. then you could be forwarned in the future ..
but do try to get a professional look at yours .. it could show why you attract ppl like your ex ..
anyhow read thru those 2 saturn links ..
as his (son A) Saturn placement is under stress from transiting planets at the moment ..

'till later ..
H§D

posted November 10, 2006 05:36 AM              

yer ex's chart has *Saturn at a sextile aspect to *Venus
also Saturn conjunct Chiron
...... Saturn conjunct Lillth
...... Saturn opposite Pluto (opposite aspects are often felt thru 'others' )

son B has Saturn at square aspect to Pluto in his chart

posted November 10, 2006 05:59 AM              

Had a shock on opening this mornings mail, my ex has signed the divorce petition that he ignored for months and is not contesting it either, my reaction to this has astounded me, in a nut shell I am heartbroken.

Why is life and love so bloody hard and painful.

I am grief stricken for the life and love I should and was worth having and my kids also, I do not know how I am going to tell them.

I hope one day I will get over all this and forgive a man who found it so easy to hurt us all and walk away with ziltch responsibility in his search for his own utopia.

Sorry did not mean to rant.

Hope you understand.

Again many thanks

posted November 10, 2006 06:34 AM            

(**sending a cyber-hug your way {{{^_^}}}**)
I know you feel devastated right now. But believe that the Universe is unfolding just as it is supposed to
There’s a thread over in the SU forum about Letting Go that might help a bit: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/002450.html
Anne, I think you know yourself that this is the best thing that could happen, and what had to happen. Actually I’m a bit surprised that your ex is not going to drag this out even further by contesting it – perhaps this is the “brightening in the air around you” that I sensed, even though it probably doesn’t feel like that to you. The cords needed to be severed, so that you and your boys can find that sense of closure, and reconstruct your lives into a whole that does not include this man who does not want to be part of your family unit.
Perhaps some reading on The Five Stages of Grief would be useful for all three of you?? And please try the Severing of the Etheric Cords exercise that purple_scorp describes in the thread link I posted above. Another thing I did when I was raw and (figuratively) bleeding from escaping my Cappy ex was WRITE. I wrote out everything that I was feeling and everything that I would say to him if I could – it was hugely empowering and cathartic.
Yes – you ARE worth a whole lot more!! And your precious children deserve better treatment than they’ve gotten – thank goodness they have a mother like you!!
Please keep us posted on how the three of you are coping.

posted November 10, 2006 08:32 AM              

I'v wailed for 4 hours and look and feel a mess, but now I am taking action, I am going to my solicitor, ( trust me to have the legal stuff in 2 countries, as if things were not difficult enough) Court stuff like maintainance etc is in Ireland, I applied for the divorce when I was living in UK.

I also, as my eldest was living with him kept hostilities re actual facts and happenings out of the divorce petition as I knew he would just hand what he had been sent to for our son to peruse, now I have the freedom to get it down in black and white everything and that is what I intend to do this afternoon (God knows why but I was still in protective mode even with my ex and you would not believe the half of all that went on).

I love writing and have done for years, have a photographic memory of my life but funnily enough, only the bad stuff, I forget nothing, wish I could say the same for my study and exam ability.

Yet these past months, came back 16th July, I have been unable to put pen to paper, I thought it was because I did not want to remember and there was so much more going on with me and kids and him with ongoing crap from afar.

I will definately read up on everything, especially the letting go stuff, I presume I am how I am because I knew no other way of life for so very long and you even miss bad stuff when its been part of your life, I did not ask for much really, just to be noticed, spoke to, appreciated, loved back, my first name to be used, money of my own, a job of my own, respect, not constant slagging off, not continual punishments, not acting as if I did not exist and would you believe from having not one mate all the years I have known him, he has a packed life now, all women he met online and lied to them about me and our kids.

I am too busy just surviving and repairing us all to even think about a social life, my college mates are my social life then its back to here with my kids, one day, it will all be better, I just hope and pray for that moment, I am no longer going to give him free lodgings in my head, its sore enough today with all my crying.

Thank you so much, your kind words and support mean the world when you think your alone in the world, it sure was not / is not easy moving to a place miles from where I was and knowing no one, now I do, so for every rainstorm there is a rainbow and sometimes like I saw yesterday a double rainbow.

On the move to solicitors now will catch you later.

posted November 10, 2006 11:04 AM            

Hello! Firstly I must express sadness for your situation and sending peace and light.

I am a Pisces sun female, 44 years in to this lifetime, I remember quite vividly how painful it was to be a Pisces child.........

Also, I was involved in a very mentally and emotionally abusive marriage, and my daughters have suffered from what they saw--he was not abusive to them, however....will expand on that in a bit.

We Feel, and we feel quite profoundly. I can only imagine how hard it is for a boy to feel. Here in the US, society has done quite a job of letting young boys know it is wrong to feel..........imagine it is the same in the UK.

Once hurt, we hide, we usually do not trust the one who has hurt us ever again....if we do it is a very guarded trust. His anger is coming from his hurt--I am sorry he is abusive to you and his brother, but at the VERY least he is getting it out and trying to send a message of how deep his pain is. Anger held in is a monster waiting to be born. He needs to find a constructive outlet for his anger, and I do not necessarily like the approach of pop psych culture. Therapists seem to address the symptom and not the cause---which is his deep pain. I too, experienced anger resulting from the abuse of my husband and expressed it in all kinds of ways, mostly keeping it in and becoming horribly depressed and eventually turned to a very spiritual path to begin my healing.

My daughters are 14 (Aquarius) and 18 (Aries sun with Pisces ASC and Pisces moon.) The older one (with big anger issues herself) recently told me that she was so hurt as a child, having to pretend that all was well at home while at school and family gatherings while nothing was well, not well at all. I have always been very close to my kids but the pain she felt as a very young child, was too deep for her to express to anyone. O, the highly Pisces influenced child and what we have to FEEL. The way my daughter has chose to handle her anger is being extreamly rebellious. A highly intelligent child, graduated from HS a year early, she is now working full time and going to college full time, working toward a journalism degree (writing is a good way for us to vent.) However, she has multiple piercings, tattoos and in accordance with her disdain for men, from what she has seen with her dad, embraces a lesbian lifestyle. I have to support her fully in all that she chooses to do, I am her mom and I love her. I have tried to direct her in working out her anger issues with her dad constructively, writing, working out, many methods, but she will do what she will do. When her dad took his own life, she never even cried---was too angry.

I would not try to force your son to talk, he seems receptive to you, but I think he needs to handle his anger in his own way. Maybe try to subtly direct him to a creative expression for his anger, as I mentioned, writing, or even reading, art, music. If he has taken the dive to go way deep into his self, let him go there, that is where the biggest healing will take place, just be there for him and be supportive. We have to do things on our own time.

Pisceans have quite an affinity for drink and drug--not necessarialy to "escape" but to color their world. As an angry and rebellious teenager, I spent my share of time coloring my world!
But, seriously, I would be very watchful for this..it is a very real possibility with your son.

My mom dolled her share of emotional abuse on me as a kid because she did not understand. While my highly intelligent Gemini brother was building empires with legos, I was playing witch in the woods and escaping into my self quite regularly. She did not understand she had a highly psychic and sensitive child---to her I was lazy and would never amount to anything. I have proved her wrong--am a financially independant single woman and love my career as a RN. Just be sensitive to the Pisces child's sensitivity---it goes way deep.

Your psycho Cap ex is making horrible karma for himself--I loathe to see that for you and your kids. Please rise above it--despite your financial and health difficulties--send him off with peace each and every day do as to not create more negative karma.

Will not go into astro profiles/transits, HD and others more qualified to do that!

And much kudos to you for getting out!!!!

I have gone on way to long and I apologize--feeling a bit scattered today--going to the beach tomorrow to re-center.

If you would like to talk off forum my e-mail is www.piscesdruid@yahoo.com. feel free to contact me.

Sending peace, love and light

Terri

posted November 10, 2006 07:30 PM              

I will write to you off line

posted November 18, 2006 01:43 PM              

You might find some insight in reading this:
http://www.echo.me.uk/npd.htm

posted November 18, 2006 02:28 PM              

I have just read the article and parts are spot on, He also suffered too from bi-polar but never diagnosed.

Anyway a quick up date, When I went to solicitors last week, I went to the family home and the locks had been changed, got in through back door and a woman is now installed, he rents elsewhere, its one of his "cyber bitches" nice man eh! none of his stuff is there, the house was supposed to be up for sale.

I was furious, all my and kids belongings had been packed by god knows who and everywhere in 2nd bedroom, my bed, my wardrobes all being used now by a stranger to me, I left a note for the woman asking her to ring me which she did the following day, she denied she was his personal friend ( how loyal of her and I detest liars)yet he told me all about her, just a friend and no more, she stated that she has a contract and is paying him rent, he cannot do anything with our property as its in joint names so he is in big trouble, why in Gods name does he keep having to go the extra mile and hurt us, I told her it was illegal, she could not remember what date she moved in, said her contract is with her solicitor, does not have a copy (more lies).

The hurtful thing of all is how violated I feel, thats my home, our belongings are still there and she can do or go through what she damn well pleases of ours if she so wishes, nothing of value just sentimental stuff kids made, cards, letters etc.

My solicitor wrote to his as matter of urgency to get keys, woman out etc, but got no response which is highly unusual, so I presume that my ex cannot be contacted.

I have given the woman till next Friday to be gone, thats 2 weeks notice, she says she knows nothing which is another fat lie.

I am getting very sick and tired of all that mans games.

Good news re son A, had professional in and he spoke to her, (miracle, as he normally disappears when anyone comes into home) seems he is suffereing from post traumatic stress syndrome and only time, love and understanding will see him through, yet Dad's denies all abuse and is still not in contact with either child, so in his eyes to his little world of new friends, we made it all up, its so bloody unfair, but at least my child is seeing the light now and that is good news.

I also had my first social night out last night, was fantastic but I am suffering for it now, was great to let my hair down for couple of hours.

I found some old diaries from last year when things were at there worst with ex, I cannot believe all I predicted would happen, spooky, just re reading took me back there and left me shaking and cold, what an idiot I have been all these years.

Also getting counselling, not in depth as I am told I am in crisis, so its just support at the moment and its a great help.

I want to thank everyone who has helped me on these boards this past year, I appreciate all your kindness and support and friendship.