posted October 26, 2002 03:20 AM              

A man is out there EXPLORING!
The last thing on their minds is a NICE girl who's waiting. What happens when you know for a fact that you have someone wrapped around your little finger? You take it for granted and/or you devalue it. Somehow, you always end up on the back burner.
Take, for instance, the auto-mechanic. His car is usually overlooked because he's too busy working on other's cars and assumes that he can deal with HIS car anytime.
There is never a RUSH because he KNOWS that it will always BE there.
Ladies, understand your own Value and Self Worth. When you do, this idea of WAITING will never enter your mind ever again.
We are the Goddesses! It is a MAN'S duty to take the initiative and convince the woman of his worthiness to her, not the other way around. Go ahead, pull out a chair and let him convince you! For the most part, women are taught to take care of many responsibilities. It is built inside of us, just as the simple fact that men are HUNTER'S. They hunt, chase, seek out and in the process, if he falls in love, it is his DUTY to convince the woman of his love and commitment to her. After all, HE is the Hunter. When he's ready to give up Hunting, then he is ready for commitment. If he doesn't, he's not interested in giving up his freedom of Hunting. If he is like the type you describe Chick who goes back and forth, he's a Wuss. Either way, it's a dead end street. Absolutely, Positively.....
NO WAITING!
Again, the last thing on a man's mind is a NICE girl who waits because he ASSUMES that she is desperate, and/or wants long term status or possible future marriage with him.
RED FLAG! Watch the dust flare up from his shoes as he runs for his life AND his FREEDOM.
Women forget that men are a different breed, and their priorities are different from ours altogether.
I think men feel obligated when a woman is NICE. The obligation of being nice back.
They don't always want the responsibility because that would mean serious interaction and serious interaction would mean the potential of having a possible relationship that he's unsure of having with you. Men really don't know HOW to respond to seriousness.
They react to FUN! Fun is SAFE!
I think the Birthday incident was clear evidence of that thinking process Starlette.
He probably thought that since it was a serious event, it would mean having to be serious with you to some degree.
Then of course, that would mean that the event would be taken as leaning toward a potential relationship because of the fact that it was a special event as in having Emotional MEANING for him... Something to be shared with someone Special or a Significant Other.
Most people would not be able to comprehend or recognize this thinking process, yet it rests comfortably in their subconscious setting up these kinds of themes that keeps us all puzzled.

posted October 26, 2002 05:23 PM              

exactly my sentiments. i had copied and pasted your post onto my hard drive should i ever forget!

thank you!

aphrodite

posted October 26, 2002 06:07 PM              

Thank You!
Sometimes us women DO forget, because our hearts are into it and we like to FIX.

posted October 26, 2002 07:09 PM              

I have not e-mailed him about it...and I don't plan to because we all know how osme men can be with their ego's...and I don't want him to think that I applied to this place to get closer to him...the whole job thing at this place happened on a fluke...it's a government job and the government is hard to get into...andt he call came out of the blue...I have a specialized talent/skill that they need me for.....he works in a totally different arena within this org...but I'msure later on I'd have to have contact with him because the project I'd we working on would require me to help with training everyone else.

posted October 26, 2002 07:58 PM              

Now maybe i'm an exception to the rule as I do have an over-sensitive side but I have to say i've never taken anything for granted.

Even when I was with someone though, I find sometimes I needed to use my brain in for want of a better word, a logical manner.

Emotional relationships can become very draining if that is all they entail. This is simply based on my own personal experience, but no matter how much I loved someone or got on with them, I still needed and need alot of time to myself, if just to solve some kind of logic puzzle or something odd like that, its a way of recharging my batteries.

It wasn't that i didn't like being with someone, far from it, but after a while you just need to take a break.

Now this probably isnt applicable to this Cappy guy, but maybe he's being influenced by the general "badness" going around at the moment which most people are feeling the tug of?

posted October 26, 2002 11:29 PM              

i've never formally said hello . . . so Hello!

that cappy boy is a fool, and he would be even lucky to know that you think about him this much.

you know deserve much more.

i don't know exactly what finance background you have, but just wanted to mention that there is a securities firm out in Boston hiring, if that is your specialty. they are looking for seasoned institutional stock brokers and traders.

posted October 27, 2002 10:49 AM              

lol...now back away veeery slowly from the crack pipe, Libra babe...yeah, as if any man can convince any woman of her worthiness! What a completely retarded statement. If you ain't got self worth yourself, you sure as hell ain't no goddess in your own mind, and sure as HELL ain't gonna be convinced of it by any man, woman, or insect!

Absolutely, Positively.....NO WAITING!

lol, what are you a frikkin' Aries?

Again, the last thing on a man's mind is a NICE girl who waits because he ASSUMES that she is desperate, and/or wants long term status or possible future marriage with him.

Wow...looks like you already inhaled. Oh sure, we just go around assuming that you are all desperate! As if! Or, "Hmmm, better leave that one alone, she probably wants to marry me..." What a Libra you are!! All we men think when we talk to you is how much rap do I have to lay in order to stuff her face into the pillow, okay? It has nothing to do with feelings, or instincts, toots. As Madonna says, "Pu**y rules the world," and as Pisces Sharon Stone says, "Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships." Of course we can, and why not? Ya'll are *so* into your emotions and what does he think of me and (when) will he call back...all we think is "when am I gonna hit dat?" For every orgasm you have faked, girlies, you will have that many boys/men that fake their way into your life and fo sho into your panties...

So take a deep breathe, get your stepladder out of the closet, and proceed to get over yourself You want to be up front, we will too. Tell us what you want, and be crystal clear, and we'll do it. Problem is, ya'll can't! Ya'll just front, and flirt with everyone, so all we think is, she don't want a "relationship", she wants...whatever! She fronts, so who the hell knows?! Then we go into instinctual mode and think, "When can I hit it and how much time do I have to invest." Even the most sensitive wuss knows it. Just ask Sharon Stone. By the way VWP, what are you doing for the next couple years?

posted October 27, 2002 11:26 AM              

Or at least have the INTEGRITY to tell you the TRUTH.

posted October 27, 2002 11:38 AM              

I refuse the bash this man becasue I truly believe he's a decent person, I just have a hard time understanding his hot and cold behavior.

Although I'm a leo and very outgoing socially, I'm very shy when it comes to dating. I've often thought that maybe he senses my shyness and interprets it as if I'm not interested in him.

The whole "relationship" he has seemed as if he's "tiptoeing" around me to see how I really feel...

I'm wondering if I have something to do with his behavior because of my "shyness". I have always been told from others that I'm a "tough read" in that area....that my emotions are hard to gauge....it's hard for people to tell how I truly feel about a situation based on body actions.

I wouldn't say it's because I'm cynical....but I'm very timid when it comes to these types of things.

I initially established a freindship with this man and over the course of going out with him...having him cook me dinner...I learned to trust him....and then we went on a trip together and had a wonderful time.

He took me to dinner a few weeks ago...and again...we had a wonderful time....but I think that since 2 months had passed since our trip...he was trying to see if I was still interested in more....that's why I think he was dishing out the compliments. He was not physical with me at all when we went to dinner...and I appreciate him for that...but you have to admit...because...all of my other male friends have admitted to me...that his behavior is just STRANGE...ODD...WEIRD.

posted October 27, 2002 02:06 PM              

*laughs* *nearly dies of giggles*

that is so true too

carlo, i love reading your responses, although contrarian . . . they are brimming of intelligent vigor.

posted October 27, 2002 02:58 PM              

I think for me...it goes well beyond being a leo...my Moon and ascendant are in Pices...the thing with those paired with the leo as that I'm great at concealing my true persona/personality....without even really trying....because I am so deeply sensitive, I mask that with the "leoish" persona...though it's not as harsh as one might think a leo could be.

I've never been one to think I'm "all that" though I do have self confidence, I do not feel the need to be a "drama mamma" in that department. My male friends say that I'm intimidating but they are never able to articulate what it is that's so intimidating about me and this is very frustrating to me. I think...I've always felt that I didn't NEED someone in my life...I WANT someone in my life...and this could be misconstrued.

In all honesty...I'm very shy when it comes to emotional/romantic types of relationships...I have a lot of male friends though...I feel more comfortable "paling around" with men than women but from the standpoint that I date one of them...that's where I am totally stupid.

I'm just searching for some understanding.

I just don't think the guy would have taken me out to a nice dinner a few weeks ago if he wern't interested in me.

Maybe it is me...i wish we could get some more men to respond to this.

posted October 27, 2002 03:49 PM              

Don't make me come over there and straighten you out!

You are a PRIME example of many other men who take what a woman says and twist it around in hopes to cut her down. How insulting to even JOKE about me smoking crack.
I have NEVER used drugs of ANY kind. Don't EVER try and cut me down. You are disgusting, including disrespecting me and every other woman by making shallow comments. Obviously, you are not a gentleman and are way too unintelligent to even consider any future conversations with.
I never said a man should convince the woman of HER worthiness. That doesn't make any sense. A self assured woman ALREADY knows her worthiness. I said that a MAN should convince the WOMAN of HIS worthiness to HER if he wants to commit to a relationship. What are you NOT understanding about this?
You mentioned my two idols, Madonna and Sharon. I'd much rather have a discussion with them! At least they are intelligent and honorable. Besides, this is a woman's topic, unless of course, you are a pu--y and want to claim honor into our discussion. At least be intelligent for God's sake! NEXT!

posted October 27, 2002 04:48 PM              

Regarding your other post:
Women are naturally vulnerable. We don't need to FLAUNT it!
Besides, women who flaunt their vulnerablilities almost Always get Used and Abused.
Men LOVE vulnerable women because the attraction is not based on intelligence. It is based on the fact that if she's vulnerable, she's EASY, which gives them the incentive to jump at the chance, with hopes of having her sexually. I dare you to deny this? I've been through it, and continue to go through it. The very reason old guys chase young girls. To coerce them, because they haven't discovered themselves fully yet and are prone to being manipulated. I've heard every line in the history of mankind. No need to pose your opinions to women who live and breathe this existence on a daily basis.
Carlo, you have NO idea of a WOMAN'S perspective. Unless you are a woman, you have NO idea. I am not some naive little girl who you can try to convince otherwise.
I'm right up there in Madonna and Sharon's age bracket. I KNOW what I speak of.
You are NOT a woman, so your opinions are only opinions.
Women are diverse creatures, yet we share a lot of the same experiences, especially when it comes to men because typically, most men are of the same character...
One Track Mind! So BORING...
Strong women like Madonna and Sharon can lead a man by the balls, because that is what men UNDERSTAND!
I, myself have been guilty of it also. Too bad it has to ALWAYS BE that way!

posted October 27, 2002 08:06 PM              

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

posted October 27, 2002 08:43 PM              

Do NOT be traumatized!
This is good education for everyone. We all tend to see what we WANT to see regarding possible relationships instead of TRUTH! What you need to be willing to do is observe with clear eyes. See the truth of what makes each person tick. If they show signs of having certain traits you dislike, rid yourself of the idea of a possible relationship with them. Otherwise, you'll end up wanting to choke them.

posted October 27, 2002 09:34 PM              

personally, i see where both venuswarriorprincess and carlo are coming from.

on the one hand, venuswarriorprincess is right (in my book) about women needing to LIVE their lives and try not to build up too many expectations, a.k.a. assumptions about a man's intentions. from some of the men that i've dated --- they do like to hunt, chase and have fun, and this isn't a crime. it's just how some people are, and how we react to it is probably how we will form our perceptions about this behavior, albeit a behavior that is natural or socially constructed, it depends on how you look at it.

there really isn't a wrong or right point of view . . . to me, this has been more of a sharing of experiences. and by no means, in my opinion, are these perspectives set in stone.

in a nutshell, what i took from venuswarriorprincess' message was, just live and have respect for yourself. keep in mind what one wants when going through the dating carousel. know what your personal rules are (you don't have to tell anybody what they are) and know what your willing to wager in this game, perhaps of hearts if that's what's on the line.

as for carlo's message, it would be naive to think there are no men who operate under that philosophy. there are a lot of men AND women out there who know exactly what the etiquette is in playing the sex carousel. i do personally find it true from carlo's message that women can be too emotional about reading signals and building up too many expectations when, like sharon stone says, "women can fake orgasms and men can fake whole relationships."

for the most part, i've known people who simultaneously wager on two sides of the fence --- i.e. just the sex, AND looking for the "one."

hope my message isn't confusing . . . i just see several valid points of view that can simultaneously operate.

as for whether or not all of this is spiritually healthy, that would an invitation for another discussion.

posted October 27, 2002 11:05 PM              

You are okay in my book too girl!
Thank you for stepping in to give my words credibility.
Guys will almost always discredit a woman's perspective only because they are defensive regarding their actions. Why admit to something you are guilty of, or if you are trying to "play" someone? Would you give up the secret strategy to the opposing team during a big game? NOT! Well, it's the same concept! When I meet new men, a lot of them want to know what kind of guys I like. Why ask that question up front? That should slowly unfold, if they are interested in sticking around. Know why they ask it? So they can try to PRETEND they fit that character so they can get you in bed. Then they take off, or they may stick around for a little while, depending on their agenda.
There are so many OTHER topics to discuss. Why discuss what types turn you on?
When people are dishonest about their character, especially with putting their best foot forward, it isn't a true representation of WHO they truly are. This goes for BOTH sexes.
The next thing you know, you are screaming and accusing each other of being Someone Else. Well, BINGO! There it IS!
When they ask, I tell them that that question is personal. Only for me to know, and if he fits the criteria, he'll know at a later date. You should see the look I usually get. Suddenly they become very nervous. Why? Because they know that I am a smart cookie and not an EASY target for sex. It is up to ME to decide who I want to be with sexually or otherwise. The woman is the Ruler. She says WHEN, IF and HOW! When a woman knows her strength, worth and value, that man will be forced to either flee or appreciate her qualities of being more than just a piece of meat and he WILL devote himself to her goodness.

posted October 29, 2002 11:01 AM              

it's the sturdiest one I could find

The fortunate thing is that most women are not like VWP thank the Gods and believe me, no matter what all ya'll girls and women think, men do not prefer you to be balls-forward, all-caps-using, think/know-you're-all-that. And the other obvious thing is that VWP is indeed single

Guys will always prefer the calm, relaxed, sweet girl. Now you may say that she is the one who gets walked all over, yet I say take heart, babygirl! You will find your soul mate someday, and he will cherish and love you as you deserve

Oh I never said flaunt your vulnerability! I said it was a fine line, and it is, and the real ladies in the place know what I mean. I said you have to walk it, and with or without my opinion, you will walk it. Deal with it Even VWP will act coy and shy at the right moments, *no matter what she says when she runs her mouth here*

posted October 29, 2002 05:45 PM              

Welcome to our HEATED discussion.
You are absolutely right. There ARE plenty of fish in the sea.
Makes me wish I was a Mermaid!