posted October 18, 2002 08:16 PM              

So we go on this trip and we have a great time and he's so romantic...totally opposite of how he was "back home". So we get back...and he starts acting weird after I tell him how much I enjoy his time.

I had dinner with him 2 weeks ago...the first time I had seen him since we got back from the trip...though we had talked frequently on e-mail since then. Dinner went great. It hought it would be awkward considering...but it wasn't...we had a great time....and he was complimenting me left and right. So after dinner, he invited me back to his house to watch ER...and I agreed...and we sat and talked a bit and talked a little about the trip...and again he started complimenting me again about how pretty he thought I was.

So ER goes off and it's time for me to leave and I give him a big hug and he gives me a big hug back and then he apologized for letting so much time pass since getting back from the trip and then he tells me to call him sometime and we could get together...and I say that it sounds great.

So the next day, I send him e-mail thianking him again for dinner...and he replies..."it was my pleasure...any time you want to hang out or get a bite to eat...give me a call".

So I'm thinking...OK...I'll do that...so...I asked him if he'd want to go hiking with me at Catoctin Mountaing (where camp David is)....no reply. So I waited a little over a week...and I called him and asked him if he wanted to go see a movie.....no call back.

What is going on here...this "man" is 30 years old.

Any insight?

posted October 19, 2002 06:22 PM              

I figured that going hiking or going to a movie were "safe" opportunites.

The only expectation I have...and this is of people in general..not just of men...is that they have enough integrity that if I invite them somewhere...they respond with a "sure..I'd love to go" or a "No, I can't go".

This "man" does not make sense at ALL...very expensive vacation...great time...we come back..act weird...2 months go by...go out to a great dinner (which wasn't cheap...this place was $$$...not that I care because I wasn't raised that way...but the thing is...you'd think a guy wouldn't go to those lengths if he didn't like the person)...and I don't hear from him even after HE apologizes for letting so much time pass...but yet...here he goes again..letting so much time pass. I know that I have not behaved inappropriately....I just don't know if his behavior is a "Cappy trait" or if he just lacks integrity.

posted October 19, 2002 08:12 PM              

I don't think it is completely a capricorn thing...poor behavior is poor behavior. Although my latest infatuation was with a libra (it is kinda documented in the Libra Men thread). My situation is slightly different; my saga also includes poor behavior/integrity as well. You don't cancel plans with somebody- friends or lovers- the day of the "plans/date". especially in this day of readily available communications. He had plenty opportunity to cancel before the actual date...What is the saying, "You learn mannners from those who have none."

I don't agree with Randall (sorry Randall but I had to say that-my bluntness will always be blamed on my Aries nature) a phone call or an email takes very little time. Some men just can't handle intimacy or are just plain scared. I have found that men can never just say "see ya later." They have to end it with I'll call you or we'll do blah,blah,blah. They just don't know what to say because they know that's what YOU want to hear. So it easier to be rude and not call you or do blah,blah,blah, which ticks you off so that you will never want to talk to him again. Sad.

posted October 20, 2002 05:41 AM              

I agree with you!
Your absolutely correct in saying that men have a difficult time saying "see you later", "I'm sorry, but this isn't working out" as opposed to the classic, "I'll call you" cop-out BS.
I have also been told "I'll call you" in the past, after he (an Aquarian) promised to have a dinner date with me. I am a very good cook, so I offered to cook for him and entertain at my house since he travels a lot and showed interest. The man even told me what his favorite meal was! He said he'd call to set up a date because he is a musician and was working many hours in the studio, and his schedule was tight, which was true.
Personally, I think it's downright rude because they know at that instant that they have NO intention of calling. Geez, where is the strength and the balls to be honest?
I've questioned it many times. Guys are wimpy when it comes to confronting anything. Some see it as I don't want to hurt her feelings, while other's have no backbone in telling the truth because they don't want to "appear" to be the bad guy.
One guy I dated, sabotaged the relationship so he could validate his planned exit.
The Taurus who married for money and prestige.
When a guy can't make up his mind, it only APPEARS that way to us. (A man knows what he's thinking) Basically, it translates to "I want to keep my options open in case something else (better) comes along." I know this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. Go ahead and ask your guy friends who have no intention of being romantic with you. They will agree with this statement 100% because they have no reason to be defensive.
Kiki, I can bet the Libra guy is sharing a romantic relationship with someone else, or wants to, more than he has let on. She probably has him wrapped around her little finger which is why he still had no idea HOW he was going to celebrate his birthday until the last minute. She probably kept him waiting on a final answer as to if she could celebrate it with him or not. Again, keeping the options open, previous to her answer. I can almost guaranty that when he began to act strangely toward you that he had just received a positive YES from her on his birthday plan.
Sorry that you had to go through it, but then again, all of us single women have to endure this kind of treatment. Too bad it's a contagious behavior no matter what country your in. Seems that they've all gone to the same school in how to dodge women. Since when is a man fearful? I suppose it will get better when they evolve to a higher level. Personally, I'd like to see some Originality! DARE to be DIFFERENT!
I'm beginning to think that my grandfather broke the mold of the last REAL men who was a perfect gentlemen, didn't mind hard work, was dignified, honorable, had incredible strength and treated women with respect and appreciation. Before he died, he asked if I had a special someone, or if I was close to marriage. I responded with "No, not even CLOSE!"
He asked why not? So I replied with .... Grandpa, I'm still waiting for a guy just like YOU!
He laughed uncontrollably at 93 years old, then we both got teary eyed....

posted October 20, 2002 09:20 AM              

Thanks for your insight. Your comment about him needing to validate a planned exit is on target. Somehow though his explanation as to canceling our plans at the last minute still doesn't hold water. Too much information; people in the act lying tend to overkill. Not to keep my hopes up but I believe this is a phantom woman. His statement "as a friend I owe you 2 apologies"...and then proceeds to tell about this woman that has been in his life for a couple months when we have discussed our love lives ad nauseum with only one mention of a woman. He claimed he wasn't ready for a relationship and sent a card telling her it was him not her. I think he thought he couldn't use that same line esp since he told me about it. Men think they are sly but we do remember small details. I know guys keep their cards closer to their chest, but he told me some pretty intimate things with his divorce (it was finalized in April), so this woman thing appears to be a way of ending a potential relationship. Sad because I never even came close to telling him I was having those kind of feelings toward him. I was perfectly happy to keep the friendship moving along with the possibility of something down the road. Our first conversation revolved around our love of sports and how we looked forward to hanging out with somebody that enjoyed it as much as we did.

I just got up to get my coffee and this dawned on me...He said in that first conversation that is was so cool to meet a girl that liked sports as much as him and that he hated that his previous girlfriend(s) only pretended to like sports to keep the relationship going. My mom has said that I tend to scare men with my intelligence and independence (Mom's always believe their kids are the brightest) I know a few times I came up with answers to some questions regarding college football (I don't follow that as close as MLB, NFL, NBA or college hoops) and he couldn't believe I knew it. Men still have to believe they are smarter than a woman. I don't care how much education a man has, if you somehow show you know something more than them they are bothered by it . Yea they may say "I'm impressed that you knew that" but deep inside they have some inferiority issues and can't handle it.

BTW- I am very good cook as well. I know that sounds boastful but I am...I enjoy baking but give me five ingredients and I can whip up the most delicious dish...

posted October 20, 2002 12:41 PM              

oi, i totally identify with you all.

men

i keep a little gem in my pocket, when they start being naughty . . . i remember what linda says in love signs in the aries woman-gemini man section, page 64:

"I believe anything they can do, we can do equally --- and some things better. Not need to list the latter. We all know what they are. Oh, you don't? Well, for heaven's sake --- patiently and tenderly providing a gentle garden for babes to grow for nine months, being able to bear pain at a higher threshold than men, possessing the common sense and esoteric logic to know that war never solved anything, and being able to sense danger and evil, long before they appear, are just a few of our superiorities over the masculine essence. We're also more sensitive, intuitive and psychic, certainly more compassionate --- yet far more realistic than men. But not quite as sentimental. (You didn't know that men are secretly sentimental? So much so that they've taught women to see the poetry and Beauty in Life too)."

men are really sentimental schmucks and i keep myself happy reading shakespeare and listening to love songs BOYS write to gain insight.

hope this was able to provide some cheer.

posted October 20, 2002 05:12 PM              

I've been very "Agreeable" with this whole situation...I'v enever aksed him "what's your problem?" I've never been confontational. His e-mail to me after I was laid off from my job was so genuine...but then his behavior totally goes to hell...

Why all the compliments? I mean he was laying it on thik about how smart and pretty he thought I was...and I just shrugged it off and said...oh..I'm just like any other girl...and he said...no..you're way above the average girl. I don't get it at all....really I don't...the only thing I can think of is he felt guilty maybe? Even though I had never said anything or done anything to make him feel that way.

I'm trying to look at this as I look at some of my other friendships with my girlfriends...I do not get mad at my girlfriends if they don't call me back right away....AND every time I think this man has just thrown me under the rug...he'll send e-mail...or try to make plans with me to do things...but if I try to do it...it's like it falls on deaf ears.

posted October 20, 2002 06:08 PM              

I agree with you once again on all you have said. Don't think though for a moment that you aren't as bright as your Mom admits.
I can definitely see that you are a dynamic and special woman. Us women do not have to apologize for our talents and strengths. We are dynamic in every sense of the word. Certainly NOTHING to suppress or be ashamed of.
Why can't we ever get a little credit for all we are and stand for? I suppose that's why we have other women to validate our efforts.
You are correct in saying that men secretly feel inferior when a woman shows her true intellect. Why pretend your stupid just to make the guy feel like he's King. No one should deny their true selves. I am also one of those dynamic women and have known it since I was very young. I am a very secure, independent, open-minded and multitalented individual. I can renovate an entire house and do a better job than most men. Yet, I am gentle, sweet, caring, passionate, feminine and gracious, as well as romantic and I'm a damned good lover!
If they have a problem with it, tough! A girlfriend of mine called me last week frantic and begging me to help her with an issue. Said her guy friends didn't know HOW to do it.
She said she should have called me FIRST, but she didn't want her guy to feel like he wasn't capable. When he confessed to not knowing, she called me because she knew that I'd know how to do it. I was pleased to help her, but also ashamed of the new world male attitude. She has mostly guy friends who are ALWAYS around for romance, but nothing else. Anyway, I had to SAVE the day! Warrior Princess suits me well no doubt! It is no mistake, trust me. I am single today because of my beliefs of fair play, but guess what?
I am SO okay with that choice! I'd rather be spiritually, physically, emotionally and consciously FREE rather than put up with BS or get the short end of the stick from anyone. Life is way too precious and too short for that. This is the same girlfriend who's house I renovated a year ago. I am NO Pro, but I have natural talents and wasn't afraid to take it on. She asked her guy friends to help and they had excuses by exaggerating the work involved as well as simply not knowing HOW. I was the only one who had enough balls to not be afraid of a little hard work, thanks to my grandpa. Anyway, I took over, and when her guy friends called or came around, they were threatened and made rude comments questioning my sexuality and one even made a remark about guessing which one of us were the one wearing the pants in the relationship. I was hurt at first, but realized that he was just a threatened little boy.
When will they LEARN that women are much MORE than a piece of action! There are far too many of these types out there, as you know Kiki. I suppose they think women are stupid and or desperate! Most think a certain part of their anatomy will cancel out our intelligence and solve everything. No matter what is discussed in conversation, it is ALWAYS brought up. How Boring! Why is it that guys are so damn Predictable while we women are so Diverse? It's really a shame! That's why I said in my other post to "DARE to be DIFFERENT!"
I'll wait many lifetimes, just to see a radical change in their behavior. I wonder if the day will ever come? Sad, but true.

posted October 20, 2002 06:09 PM              

I took a girlfriend of mine out to a top rated restaurant for dinner and treated her because she is a wonderful, sweet friend to me. She is a drop dead gorgeous woman! An ex-Model. Anyway, the entire time, the waiter kept coming around needlessly just to get her attention for validation of his existence. Then the other comes around to refill her water only after ONE sip. Then the waiter stands back across the room waiting to service her in any way he could and just stares at her with this anticipated look on his face in hopes that she will drool and he could be there to wipe it up. No exaggeration. At some point, she did drop a fork and he RACED over to the table. This was taking place with me sitting right across from her. I was amazed. We barely had time to even TALK with all the interference's. Every single time, they would only look at HER for validation of any services needed. When the bill finally came, well over $100.00, they brought HER the check and not ME who was paying. They thanked HER for dining. Can you believe this? She didn't say anything to me, but I could see that she felt terribly ashamed of this scene.
Meanwhile, a large group shows up next to our table. Mostly couples. Every single man quietly disrespected their mates by staring her down. I could see that these poor women, who in my opinion were absolutely fabulous and well dressed, were feeling VERY conscious.
As we were leaving, my girlfriend stood up and it was all over! Her 5'10 frame was more than they could handle. It was so uncomfortable for all the women and for her. My friend sensed the weirdness, and since she is SOOO cool anyway, she grabbed my cashmere sweater from behind my chair and assisted me in putting it on. I thought it was a sweet and kind gesture. Apparently, so did the MEN! They all looked up, and she said without missing a beat... Yeah, I am the man in this relationship! They all started choking and we left the restaurant holding hands cause we thought it would go with the theme in saying hey, don't insult your mate, cause you can't have me anyway. Once outside, we laughed so hard.
A similar incident happened at an airport where I was totally ignored when I was with her. There was a HUGE line to get checked in, and just because this male porter was into her, got her through the VIP gate with no waiting. We BOTH were shocked! Then I was told I couldn't wait with her there, so I left. Thank God I am a SECURE woman! lol
There is much more to this story, but it would take more paragraphs. It all just blows me away really. So, on the way back through the airport, I get all the looks and attention I could handle because they were seeing me and not the prettier one. lol
I am a good-looking woman, not chopped liver mind you.
So, basically Kiki, women are threatened by other women because of the ACTIONS of their men. Men are visual. You are only as good as the NEXT pretty or prettier girl who enters the scene. Men also love challenges! They need the constant stimulation.
I have known many who just wanted the physical just to say that they've gotten physical with you. Age doesn't seem to make a difference, I've learned. It's an uncontrollable sickness.

Meanwhile, certainly not desperate, just to have some guy around weighing me down.
Yep, I know, it goes against the Libra trait of seeking or needing a partner. I don't NEED a partner, but I'd like to have one ONLY if I found my equal, nothing less.
Well, years have gone by and I'm still waiting cause no one comes close!

Okay, didn't mean to go off, but this is a SERIOUS issue that NEEDS to be addressed!

posted October 20, 2002 06:14 PM              

What little gem is in your pocket when they start acting up? A shockwave gun?

posted October 20, 2002 08:35 PM              

I do agree that the large majority of men like to move into the physical aspect right away....and I think that's maybe the reason I like this particualr guy so much because he's NOT like that...I can just BE with him...meaning...watching a movie...or just hanging out...and it feels so good just to "BE" knowing he doesn't "expect" something to happen....I feel so comfortable with him...so much so that when we returned from the trip..I was honest about my feelings which could have put him off...which would explain his erratic behavior...but the way I see it...we're both adults....and I was nothing but honest about my feelings....you'd think that someone like him would respect that and give you the same in return.

Everyone that we met on the trip kept telling us how "Great" we looked together...and how we just seemed to "click" and they couldn't beleive that we weren't a long-time couple.

posted October 20, 2002 09:57 PM              

We have some kinda of karma working here....I had just finished talking with my mom about going anywhere with my sister and tired of being completely overlooked by men. She is all that and a bag of chips according to most men but I believe I am equally good looking albeit differently.

She's the type that must curl and style her everyday or she'll look like a drowned rat, whereas I can let it dry naturally and it looks fabulous.

About a month ago I asked my sister to go with me to a company function that was dressy.(I was tired of going to functions alone...I too have had comments regarding my sexuality just because I am independent, never married, and happy about it)- Liz Winstead (I don't know who she is but I read this quote somewhere and must give due credit) "I think, therefore I'm single." It's posted on my computer at work so I read it everyday.

Oh back to this function.....I spent the day curling my hair--no easy task it's thick and half way down my back. It takes about 40 hot rollers (two sets plus some extras) and if it rains it's all for naught. I had this adorable black skirt outfit (I recently got braces and the most wonderful benefit was losing 20 pounds), plus a weeks worth of bottled sun on my skin so I looked fairly tan and not pasty white...oh the effects of my sunbathing youth it's finally catching up with me and I have learned my lesson! For the first time I can remember I was the one who was oohed and aahed over. She did her hair as normal and didn't get as dressed up as I told her she should so she looked kinda dumpy (IMHO). It was great for my self- esteem which occasionally needs boosting...

When she was single I rarely went out with her because it was too emotionally draining to be ignored night after night. Unfortunately she never saw my side of it. The good thing is I have never let it affect our love and friendship and we are as close as ever (she's also an Aries-just 54 weeks older).

She is obtuse sometimes regarding my "single" life. I hit the big 4-0 earlier this year (don't look a day over 30 as I have been told). She has said to me and others that Kiki has never freaked out about not getting married, having a serious relationship or having children like our cousin(who is 43). Well not externally. Internally I have had struggles with that. If I went around and cried to all about that stuff I would never accomplish anything else that I want out of life. Moreover, if I did that (especially around men they would run away faster than you can say spit). I also don't want anybody's pity. It's not so bad...She has said she envies me because I do what I want when I want and never look back. I can go away for the weekend without asking my husband's permission, buy whatever I want and damn the expense and never be forced to give up control of the remote. No man will ever come into my living room while I am watching my favorite TV program and pick up the remote and turn the channel to what he wants to watch. (My sister has allowed this to happen and now she only watches what he wants or doesn't watch at all- she's into crafts like me so to her it's no big loss-but me I need my Six Feet Under). If I want to sit around in my underwear all day on Saturday and watch football I can--I do things to make myself happy. I refuse to believe that I need somebody to make my happiness and vice versa.

Much of my independence came at an early age due to divorce and the drain of economic resources which resulted. Additionally, I was transferred every couple of months in my first career and had to do everything by myself. My sister has told me she could never eat in a restaurant alone and I don't mean McDonald's...it would freak her out. Oh the joy of eating alone! I used to make it an adventure.

My family and some friends thought I was kinda kooky (not my Mom though as she said in her own words "You go Girl!") for wanting to go to Washington DC by myself after graduating college. Heck I paid for the trip and didn't want anybody to keep me from doing and seeing everything I wanted to do and see! It was fabulous (next to sports, I really dig history)! It was to this day the best vacation I have ever had. I've been back three times to act as a tour guide for my family but they didn't see nearly as much because of all the crud that happens with families on vacations.

I know I am rambling on but you seem to be a kindred spirit of sorts...

During my Mom's visit today, we discussed the topic of poor behavior and integrity in men and then read your posts. I even used the phrase "chopped liver" in our discussion regarding my sister and the looks she always gets when I'm with her and I nearly FOTFLMAO.

When I got to the part about your Grandpa in the earlier post I thought this woman is me! My Grandpa was also of that mold that is no longer cast. He was gentle, giving, highly intelligent but humble and able to teach me things that I still use this day. I remember sitting in the backyard with him and listening to the Cincinnati Reds on the radio. He taught me the basics of my favorite sport-baseball (yes I'm typing this with the TV pointed my way and I'm watching the World Series-GO GIANTS!).

He told me that college basketball was the real thing - competitive defense and dynamic offense; it was the way basketball was meant to be played; unlike the distorted NBA (back then I did't get that college players went on to the NBA but of course now I do and the only reason I watch is to keep tabs on my favorite college players).

I have never read The Libra woman in LG's Sun Signs so I think I'll finish my evening with that to learn a bit more about your essence. She describes me to a "T". My moon is in Taurus so I can be a handful. I recently received a reading and don't quite get it all but am working diligently to grasp the information.

Please keep in touch.....

posted October 21, 2002 12:36 AM              

Your a woman after my own heart! Bless you!
Yes, I've been told that I AM a kindred spirit. Very interesting...
Once, I went to a concert of New Age Artist, Kitaro, and after the show I went backstage to meet him. Kitaro is a very deep, spiritual being. Instead of the usual backstage chaos, there was complete and total respect. There were about 30 people lined up including myself. When he walked into the room, he went down the line one by one to show thanks by stopping very briefly at each individual smiling. No contact was ever made. When he came to me, he stopped, held his hands together as if praying, and then bowed to me with this magnificent glow in his eyes as if to show ME respect! It was incredible. I was the only one in the crowd he had done that to. I was truly touched. I wish I knew WHY he did it, but I couldn't ask. It wouldn't have been politically correct. Besides, he doesn't speak English.

I can relate to all you have said. It is definitely interesting, no doubt. I am a Libra, but I am a little different from what most have written about Libra. Some of it has validity, but I have much more substance than what is usually portrayed of us, because I am no way shallow.
Not one ounce! This girl is DEEP! VERY DEEP! Funny, my moon is also in Taurus.

My Grandfather sounds a lot like your Grandfather.

I was vibbing with what you said of your sister.
Of my sister's, I was the one who always got the attention, yet never abused it, cause I never wanted it. Hated it actually because it was always a sad thing when people base LOOKS on having a credible existence. So not fair! I was a tall, talented, well built curvy girl at 12 years old! Fully developed, and was a 36-24-36 at age 15. I had a woman's body with a child-like mentality and it didn't make a difference to those old guys who were always gawking me down. I never quite understood it as a kid. I couldn't really be free when adult males were present, cause they couldn't seperate the body of a mature woman to the mental immaturity of a child. I'm sure some guys will feel awkward about this, but they need to understand what we go through as women. After all, they will also have daughters.
We are HUMAN, NOT a SEX MACHINE! That comes LATER, well into the relationship, if only they'd be sincere about what their motives are, and treat us with a little more respect like the Goddesses we are!

posted October 21, 2002 12:40 AM              

My figure still kicks a--! I am no ugly duckling either. I had a birthday on Friday and I am right up there with you, and people still think I am 28! Last week, I was on a plane sitting next to this nice man who was sporting a wedding band, and in a brief conversation, found out that I wasn't 28 by a comment he made. When I told him, he nearly hit the floor. Wanted me to convince him, so I pulled out my ID and he just starred at me commenting that I was a freak of nature. He kept complementing me, and said that he didn't know of any women, young or old with such beautiful skin and a body as great as mine. (men are visual remember?) He just said "Girl, you've got it going ON!" It was a nice complement indeed. He noticed that on my ID, my birthday was a few days away, so right then and there, in total surprise, he kisses my face! Then says "Happy Birthday." I was shocked and didn't know what to do. lol Course, I didn't feel threatened, so I responded with a simple Thank You instead of punching him out!
Although he was a perfect gentleman, he did insist on giving me his card. I wonder what his wife would have done if she'd seen that gesture? Hmmm. It was sweet, but out of context you know? Then they wonder WHY they sleep on the couch!
Anyway, like I said, I have a natural, shapely physique without having to work out, and I've had no surgeries. Most people think I LIVE in the gym or am a professional Trainer, but not so. When I was younger, I participated in a lot of sports, so naturally I developed a certain athletic structure, yet the body was still very feminine and curvy.
One of my girlfriends who IS a Trainer says that it's muscle memory that sustains it!
That's a good thing, let me tell you! When I DO work out, I look at certain parts for improvements and it's like, REMEMBER THIS DAMNIT! (muscle memory)
So congrats on losing 20 pounds! Yeah!

posted October 21, 2002 02:23 AM              

Your case has me puzzled!
It sounds like he is a good guy overall, thank goodness, but perhaps like most men, he is shying away from having a relationship.
WHY is the question! The BIG question! I mean, it appears there is a HUGE attraction. Why is it that there are so many darn apologies being transferred? Is this some kind of Guilt trip? How old is this guy and what does he do as far as a career? Maybe I can sense what's going on from that, although his behavior IS a bit strange. Hmmm...
I think Randall may in fact be correct to a degree with implying the amount of workload.
I also agree with Kiki that it only takes a second to call someone. You've got to realize that some guys don't see this as a serious courteous thing to us. He could be in a Power trip. That's why I asked if he was old-fashioned. Apparently so, if he hasn't made "THE MOVE." I suppose he's thinking that he'll call whenever he feels compelled to. Are you for certain he is emotionally available? It sounds like he may have someone in his life. Otherwise, why make comments and complementing you everytime your together? Why NOT get together if your into someone? It doesn't make sense. Next time when he complements you, ask him in a teasing kind of way what's he going to DO about it! lol
I'm serious. A Capricorn will probably appreciate it. Flirt with him in a lighthearted fashion. Don't pressure him in any way. Don't call or say how much you enjoy his company. To him, that may seem like you are seeking a permanent relationship with him that he is not ready for. Only in time, will your actions convince him otherwise. In most cases, Cappy's work comes first!
Just keep things light and joke with him. One thing I DO know about Cappy's from first hand experience, is their appreciation of good humor, so humor him. Just hang out and be cool. Don't be readily available when he calls to go out. Never apologize too much. Speak matter-of-factly with self assuredness. Let him THINK you are not waiting for him to make a move. If he wants to, he WILL! The feeling of being pressured effects a lot of people, including myself because I hate being/feeling smothered.
I love the idea of independence and a healthy mind as a whole, then total togetherness secondly. So, basically, anyone can be had if you know what's at the top of their priority list and feel you can fill the bill. It takes time. That's why it's important to be carefree but not a doormat either. Does this make sense? In other words, there is a certain ORDER that must fall into place.
Meanwhile, free your head of him and go on about your business and see what happens...

posted October 21, 2002 08:11 AM              

He was a nures for a few years and now he's on the policy side of healthcare.

I DO know that he was badly hurt in his last relationship...I've picked up on a few things he said about her...he said that she wasn't the person he thought she was and that even though she went to church every sunday...it was to "make up" for how she was the rest of the week....so...I kind of sense that possibly she was unfaithful.

He's always mentioning how the men he works with always tell him that he should be out dating more and "getting what he can" but he says he just doesn't have it in him to be that way with women.

He's the one who had the idea about vacation...if he had someone else...why take me...and how do you explain that to someone else that you went on this vacation with another female? The idea that he's seeing someone else just doesn't seem possible/plausable.

posted October 21, 2002 04:35 PM              

He knows how to get in touch with me so he has no excuse really...I guess I'm just hurt you know? I understand it if he's hurt...and i do think he's still trying to get over that...but...that doesn't mean he can be impolite to people and have it be ok.

I guess I'm really just disappointed because I thought he was different you know? It sucks to believe in someone so much only to find out they lack the integrity you were so sure they had.

posted October 21, 2002 06:04 PM              

I'm sorry sweetheart. It's so not fair that he's behaving this way toward you. No one should be jerked around like a yo yo. Personally, I could find OTHER ways to amuse myself, and I'm sure you could too. Chin up girlfriend. Don't give it the power to consume you.
Your a sexy young CHICK, go ahead and strut your stuff and be proud that you have BACKBONE!

Never, ever put TOTAL trust in someone unless you have a damn good history with them. They're track record will be better than Gold, er Platinum, er, California Real Estate!
Am I getting a smile out of you yet? GOOD! Now go call a girlfriend and go out!

posted October 21, 2002 09:52 PM              

Know why that Bonnie Rait song "I Can't Make You Love Me" was a hit? Because it hit HOME for a lot of people! Your NO exception sweetie. We've all been there.

Your right, it is NOT you, it's HIM! We can all agree to seeing THAT! He's the one with the issues, not you. Never question your worth. Don't make me come over there and pop you upside your head woman!
Recommending a song for you.. Alicia Keys "A Woman's Worth." Go get this, and play it until you can't stand it any longer! Then and only then will you understand your worthiness. THAT is your assignment, now get to it!

posted October 25, 2002 06:56 PM              

I can't sit around wondering about him...I don't think he's doing the same though I think he thinks of me often.