posted April 17, 2005 08:04 AM              

Dear Azalaksh, fancy asking Scorpion gals to talk about themsElves!!! Don't ya know we are secretive, lol?

I just read sue's thread about Mr Scorp (okay, Libra man - tee hee). It explains a few of the missing pieces of the puzzle for me. It's probably better that I did my reading for you sue, unaware of these facts.

fayte, I would love to hear your story too. Please tell us as much as you feel comfortable sharing.

Anyway, Az....getting back to your question....how did I spend 20 years with a man and then make the decision to split? And did I have any intuition about what caused me to "wake up one day and realize"??

You weren't kidding when you said we stick by our partners through thick and thin.

In a brief form....here's what happened....and when I say brief, believe me....this is the edited version:

I started dating this man when I was 17. I moved in with him when I was 18 and it was only to get out of a situation at home. At the seven-year itch stage, he got restless and one day announced he wanted to travel overseas....but he didn't want me to come. My world fell apart. I should have split with him then, but we went to counselling and worked through things. I was dealing with childhood abandonment issues...this is really the underpinning factor in why I stayed with him so long.

A bout of unemployment saw me supporting him for a few years. Then, I followed him when he got a job in a country town. A couple of years later, I was ready to call it quits again but...we managed to work through things.

We married, twelve years after we met. I didn't really want to marry, so I put it off as long as I could. I don't think I loved him but I wanted to have children, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. I had a daughter two years later.

A situation occurred which made me lose complete trust in him. This was not an affair, but I don't really want to air it on a public forum. I recall this time as being the start of my spiritual journey because I turned to spirituality to gain an understanding of my life. I read heaps of books and started talking to people with similar spiritual interests.

I had to make a decision.....stay with him and make a go of it, or leave. I still hadn't quite worked through my own issues and I wanted a full sibling to my daughter, so I stayed.

I had a son, three years after my daughter and was forced back to full-time work, because once again, he was unemployed. I supported him financially for another three years (probably supported him for a total of eight years).

He ran us into a bit of debt because he continued to spend as though we had two incomes. I worked full-time and also did the majority of chores (both inside and outside at home). He did shop and cook though. But I got frustrated as every day, I would come home from work and the house looked like a bomb hit. I'd tidy it and then come home the next night and it was a bomb site again. My weekends were spent doing loads and loads of washing, mopping floors, and mowing our two-acre block.

I got stronger and stronger through my spiritual journey and eventually dealt with my abandonment issues. So, I did literally wake up one morning and say, enough is enough. Though, it took me another month or so to tell him, and another month before he actually left. I knew I could support mysElf financially and after he left, I actually found that when I tidied the house, it remained that way when I came home from work (as no-one was home during the day to mess it). So my life was a bit easier in this regard.

Financially, I have turned my life around. I've repaid all of the debt (and part of his) and have been able to do some badly needed renovations on my house (including a brand new bathroom).

We separated in Feb 2001. He only just got a job in August 2004 - so I have had no financial assistance from him for the children. Even now, because of the ridiculous laws in this country, he does not have to pay me any child maintenance, because they use the last financial year's return as the base income - and he didn't earn enough to count. Actually, I have to pay him. I have primary care of the children, he only has the children four nights in a fortnight. Hopefully, by June 2006, this situation will have turned around.

My life is very busy and I feel that I have made many sacrifices for my children (but then, Scorp mums are like that - actually, most mums, particularly single parents).

There has not been one day that I have regretted my decision to end the relationship.

Anyway....I think I've said enough, as it's a major digression from where this thread started.

posted April 18, 2005 07:55 AM              

I completely understand what you mean. And here's the way I explain that kind of behaviour to which you refer. I think it's simply a matter of old versus new souls. This is a public forum and sometimes that can bring wisdom. Other times, it brings immaturity.

I wish there was another place where we....you, me, sue and Az can go and chat because I'm sure we all have a lot in common. I am also sure that we are old souls and would be very supportive and nurturing of, and to, one another.

So, you can be assured that if you post, I will not laugh at you. And, as for the others that made fun - well, you just can't take them to heart.

Az, I would love to hear your story....and I showed you mine...so now you have to show me yours

posted April 19, 2005 09:44 AM              

BTW - I am Scorp Sun, Aries Moon, Libra Asc - so I know about the balancing act Az. And I grew up with three Libran sisters

Going to read the next amazing life installment now.

fayte, now, to chat - we all have to be awake at the same time. I live in Aus (different time zone to you guys). So, it would need to be late at night, or early morning. Any ideas?

posted April 20, 2005 04:16 AM              

Az, I read your other post and composed a reply last night at midnight....*start twilight zone music*

But, when I went to submit, the computer was going so slow, that I reckon it would have been quicker if I'd handwritten the reply and delivered it personally to your door. In the end, I just got a page not displayed....so I took that as a sign that I needed to rethink what I was writing.

Pretty much what I wanted to say was that I think you've come a long way on your journey. And, it reminded me of a saying "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". You are a real testament to that!

So all power to you, to break the cycle of your life and make an effort to start anew. I know what it's like to move to a new town. I also know what it's like to be the mother of a spirited child (tho, mine does not have ADD or ADHD). There are many parallels in our life (including our sons' needs for a male role model (tho, mine does see his father every second weekend - he spends far too much time with me - and you know how cancer boys are with their mothers).

You have a strong soul, and obviously, there are bigger things for you in this life.

You mentioned you have a Tarot deck. Which deck is it? And, have you ever been to Aeclectic Tarot? Very caring community.

I remember corresponding with Ken Anderson, the author of many Coincidence books. And he told me that many people's spiritual journeys commence after a major life tragedy (usually death, abuse, or the breakdown of a relationship). Interesting, isn't it?

posted April 20, 2005 08:33 AM              

Angela

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Scorpio/Leo/Leo

posted April 20, 2005 02:05 PM            

quote:

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You mentioned you have a Tarot deck. Which deck is it?

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