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Author
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Topic: Question for the men of LL...
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CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 08:26 AM
  
I just spent 10 long hours on the phone yesterday with my Taurus ex. One of the many things we talked about several times was his difficulty with fidelity/monogamy. He just turned 30, and I think he's feeling a bit introspective, and questioning a lot of the things about himself that he despises. He has cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had, although he admits that it has absolutely nothing to do with how he feels about them. In other words, even when he's madly in love with someone...he still manages to cheat on them. He can't figure out why, although he thinks it has to do with his ego, which, he admits is overpowering. Deep in his heart I know he wants a wife that he adores and children someday, but I think he's becoming increasingly concerned that that may never happen because of his poor behavior and lack of self control. I didn't know what to tell him, and I honestly felt a little sad for him. I don't think it's an ego thing so much...I think it runs deeper than that. I told him I thought it may be because he fears his own vulnerability. Anyway, I wanted to get some male viewpoints on this. What do you guys think would make a man act like this over and over again? Don't know his time of birth, but here are the basics if that helps: Sun - Taurus 26 deg.
Moon - Taurus 21 deg.
Merc - Taurus 5 deg.
Venus - Aries 15 deg.
Mars - Aries 15 deg.
Jup - Gemini 9 deg.
Saturn - Leo 11 deg.
Uranus - Sco 9 deg.
Neptune - Sag 15 deg.
Pluto - Libra 11 deg. IP: Logged |
Iqhunk
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 10:53 AM
He has Mars conjunct Venus precise in the most virile sign of Aries. Sun and Moon are in the most sensual of signs. Plus, the Sun is afflicted by Algol, a fixed star of negativity. This is a very difficult placement and only evolved souls can handle it. [Example: Knowflake 26T]The Moon is afflicted by the Malefic 19 Taurus line of extra sexuality. This is the Node of Mars and is also connected to another negative fixed star, I think Serpentis. Last but not the least, check his Asteroid LUST. It is at 12 Aries, too close to the Mars-Venus conjunction and opposed to Pluto and square asteroid EROS. Clearly, he is just an oversexed male and thinks with his Penis first thanks to the intense sexual placements in his chart. He might make a good husband and father but it would be impossible for him to say no to a casual fling with a hot babe unless something spiritually drastic occurs in his life. If he was born on the 18th, that just might occur. IP: Logged |
cancerrg
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 01:34 PM
after IQ's soulseraching post , i am confused if i should say something !
but well i think , its not an ego issue but more a self negetivity .
and with this i must say , the prospect of sex (with different woman ) can compel any man .period .
but the point is ,there is a diffence between your thoughts and your action and thats really what makes a man - A MAN !
so for that he will have to accept the simple fact about himself and then try to mend to it . and i think he might be in the process .help him as a true friend ! p.s. : i hope i wasn't judgemental ,sorry if i sound like one. IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 01:53 PM
IQ - Astrologically, I knew that strong Taurus/Aries combo had a powerful effect. I just wonder if he'll ever be able to overcome all that...his birthday's the 17th though...not the 18th.CRG - You weren't offensive at all. I do think he's trying to self analyze, but I don't know if he'll be able to break the pattern. I love him to death, and I think that's why I really did feel bad for him. You might think he just sounds like a typical cheating jerk, but I really do think it's something he doesn't have much control over, and it just fills him with tremendous guilt and self loathing. He knows he'll never make anyone happy until he's happy with himself...and he's just not there yet. He may be finally facing the fact that he will end his life all alone if he doesn't learn to overcome it because no one will ever accept him with a flaw like that. IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 1848
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 02:43 PM
My placements:Sun Taurus 15°15'58
Moon Sagittarius 18°48'47
Mercury Taurus 7°00'06
Venus Aries 9°35'07
Lust Aries 8°26'09
Mars Aries 6°21'25
Jupiter Gemini 6°51'12
Saturn Leo 10°29'46
Uranus Scorpio 9°31'35
Neptune Sagittarius 15°33'11
Pluto Libra 11°57'24
Eros conjunct ASC I have almost the same placements and I have never ever been promiscuous or a cheater nor wanted to be .... I truly believe that whether a person is faithful or not entirely depends on the person and has nothing to do with astrology. My 2 cents. P.S.  oops, the question was for men! ------------------
We are not sinful, shameful human creatures who have to somehow earn Spirituality. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience ~ Robert Burney IP: Logged |
MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 03:43 PM
quote:
but the point is ,there is a diffence between your thoughts and your action and thats really what makes a man - A MAN !
I couldn't agree more. I hate when men and women cop out and say they were tempted. B**L***T . Everyone is tempted, but some succumb and some don't. If this guy realizes he has fidelity issues that is a good first step to ending them. He needs to find out why. I wonder if he's feeling you out to see how you'd react if he cheats on you. People subconsciously will try to test your boundaries this way. Just know that... Peri, I thought you were a man...it's so hard to tell gender on the net. I hope you're not offended! IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 1848
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 04:11 PM
 nooo, I am a girl... and have always been 
------------------
We are not sinful, shameful human creatures who have to somehow earn Spirituality. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience ~ Robert Burney
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MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 04:15 PM
LMAO @ "and has always been..." No gender reassignment here! IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 04:47 PM
MUSTANG - We dated for 2 1/2 years. Broke up 5 years ago. He DID cheat on me...a lot. So no...I don't think he's testing ME. He knows exactly how I'd react to it - he's lived it. I think that since we've been able to move into the "friend" zone finally, I'm a female opinion that will tell it to him exactly the way it is...and I did. That was my general question as well. Of course men are tempted, women too, but not as much. It's whether or not they act upon that sorta separates the good from the bad. With him, everything is impulse. He doesn't think...he just DOES...then feels bad later. It's basically a matter of him re-programming himself. I think a BIG part of this is that he's a "good time guy." If there's a party...he's there. He's going to have to REMOVE himself from temptations that only increase the likelihood of his behaving badly. Getting a different position at work, where he doesn't travel so much and get schmoozed by other dirty dogs will also help tremendously. Otherwise...I think he's screwed. IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Newflake Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 04:56 PM
quote:
With him, everything is impulse. He doesn't think...he just DOES...then feels bad later.
That's definitely an aries mars thing. No I'm not saying all mars in aries are cheaters (before anyone shoots, I'm an aries mars too), I'm just saying the the very aspect of not thinking before acting is a mars in aries trait IMO. It could've manifested anywhere else ( for me personally, sometimes I spend money I'm not supposed to, knowing that I need it for something else..and then have a bad case of buyer's remorse afterwards) but for some reason for him it happened to manifest in the area of fidelity.
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MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 05:18 PM
So you've already dated, sorry. I think it's good he's addressing it, but stopping it will take some work. I disagree about men having more temptations - women are in a much better position to cheat according to that logic. In my experience, men throw themselves at women more frequently than woman throw themselves at men. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. There are some desperate women out there, but in sheer volume, it's men constantly approaching women. At least that's been my experience anyway. I mean, how many men I have turned down eclipses the amount I said yes to - majorly. IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 05:54 PM
MUSTANG: quote:
I disagree about men having more temptations - women are in a much better position to cheat according to that logic.
Untrue actually. Its been proven that sex doesn't plays a part when it comes to cheating habits but rather deprivity in a relationship. Accroding to a recent survey conducted on infidelity: quote:
Cheating tends to happen well into the relationship — especially in the three- to five-year zone — by a man who is dissatisfied with his sex life or a woman who feels emotionally deprived. The new lover is most often a friend or co-worker, and the typical fling lasts less than a week. "It can be the 30-year-old guy who's been cohabiting for six years with his girlfriend, or the 45-year old guy who has seemed happily married for 15 years, or, perhaps most surprising, it's the young mom who seems totally wrapped up with her infant and toddler," says Lever.
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MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 06:03 PM
Of course the cheater is unhappy in some way, perceived or real, but she was saying men have more temptations, and I disagreed on that point. You are right of course. I read about coworkers being the number one source of affairs too. I guess it;s because you spend so much time with them. In a lot of cases, more than the time you spend with your mate. It gives creedence to the suspicion when you receive the old, "I'm working late tonight, honey" over and over again doesn't it? IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 06:26 PM
Oh I wasn't disagreeing with your point that men have more or less of a temptation to cheat Mustang; I was just disagreeing at the point you made that women are more likely to cheat. As the survey indicates, it all comes down to household environment and a person's own view of what he/she wants but isn't getting in a relationship.IP: Logged |
MUSTANG
unregistered
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posted May 21, 2007 06:40 PM
Oh, you misunderstood or I wasn't clear. I didn't mean women cheat more. I meant women are tempted more, because (in general) men pursue women sexually more than men are pursued by women sexually(generally). The old adage, "If you throw enough mud at it, some if it's bound to stick." (That's probably a crappy analogy, but hey, I'm tired.  )IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 06:44 PM
Oh but is the very point I was arguning against . Temptation has nothing to do with advances or interestes. Men and women generally just blow them off as a random "friendly" encounter. Temptations come into context when deprivity takes an active role in a reltionship rather then the partners themselves so to speak Lol! And as such... things go downhill from there.IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 06:50 PM
When I said women were not tempted as much, I guess I meant that it just isn't as "tempting" to them. But do they have more opportunity? Absolutely. I know that for me, when I'm with someone, I'm with THEM. Period. I don't care if Brad Pitt tells me he wants me to have his babies. There is always only one man in my eyes...so it isn't even tempting to me. I think it becomes more tempting for women when it happens in a work environment, which was mentioned before. Women need more than just sex (usually), and if someone they see every day has had a chance to get inside their head...there could be problems.Dulce - That is EXACTLY an Aries thing. The Aries in him manifests itself through good times...of ANY kind. At work...he's all Taurus. Hard working, puts in hours and hours, never calls in sick. He HATES exercise. He loves lounging around and watching movies. These two signs are SOOOO strong in him that he's the most predictable person I've ever met in my life. It's either Taurus, or it's Aries. No guessing games. Women with venus or mars in Aries don't seem to have this problem at all...which is why I was kind of hoping I could get some males with Venus/Mars in Aries to respond and see if it's common with them, or if it really is just this guy. I think it may be both. IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 06:55 PM
Xodian - I agree with you that for the most part "cheaters" are making up for some sort of lack in their other intimate relationship. However, this guy stressed to me many times that his cheating never has anything to do with the girlfriends he has had. It's just his impulse and inability to control it...although he thinks it's ego, which I don't buy. He feels totally disgusted afterword because when he does cheat, it's usually totally random encounters with women he doesn't even want to speak to after the fact. (Sad, I know). I know it makes him sound like a pig, and to be honest, sometimes he is. But he has a certain charm. He's got a strong personality...either people instantly love him, or instantly hate him. No one is ever luke warm. Women are just drawn to him (myself included). He's the most "masculine" male I've ever known, and he oozes sex appeal. He doesn't even have to try. IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:14 PM
quote:
It's just his impulse and inability to control it...although he thinks it's ego, which I don't buy. He feels totally disgusted afterword because when he does cheat, it's usually totally random encounters with women he doesn't even want to speak to after the fact.
Oh actually... by what you have written here, it could be quite true. You think stereotypes on the typical "sweve" man comes off as the loyal husband type? Think again Lol! As much as women deny it, the appeal of the badboy/adventerous man still remains true to this day. Its not in anyway soceity's fault (well... in a way it is for promoting it as such) but a lack of understanding as to why it exists. Most of us have grown out of the Victorian age theme of Knights and Damsels. Now, men and women find themselves looking at each other for their own abilities and pesonal allure of confidence. A broken confidence usually comes in many forms but the top culprit for a guy is his sexual prowness Lol! He needs to be looked upon as a guy whose sexually powered and as such will feel greatly deflated if in anyway he is doubted as such. So again... if he wants to feed his sexual ego, then its obvious that he wants to prove to himself that he still has got what it takes to be the sexual-beast so to speak Lol! IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:19 PM
Oh no Xodian, I agree with you COMPLETELY. He and I even talked about that...the appeal of the bad boy. Absolutely true...100%. That's actually kind of why I consider myself to be an anti-feminist, feminist. Feminism did wonderful things in some ways, but in other ways I think it KILLED the Marlon Brando/Steve McQueen/Paul Newman, rough, rugged 'n' ready kind of guy. During the time that I was with this Taurus I felt more feminine than I ever have in my entire life...and I LOOOOVED that. The thing is, he KNOWS this little secret, and he has used it for YEARS. Right now, he's just got the internal battle going on. The Taurus side wants home life, love, kids, contentment. The Aries side wants freedom, variety, conquests, and adventures. Actually, he's been fighting this battle for as long as I've known him, except maybe now that he's having his Saturn return and turning 30, it's poking and prodding at him a little more.IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:25 PM
Lol! Oh I love that term; the "Anti-feminist" feminist.Well CC, in the end, this is something he needs to get over it himself. However, its unfair that he keeps you in limbo while he decides as to what he wants in life. Think about it... His indecision is leaving to your inhibition to live your life while you wait on him. Its the main reasons why I broke of my relationships myself because its unfair that my partner waits on me while I decide as to what I want. The choice however is still up to you if you want to wait on him or move on with your life  . IP: Logged |
CrankyCap
Newflake Posts: 0
From: Ohio
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:30 PM
Funny you mention that Xodian. Part of me wants to strangle him for calling me in the first place. It's taken me YEARS to move on from him, and I've still never loved anyone the way that I loved him, but just talking to him for (11) friggin' hours yesterday, I realized he's NOT what I want anymore, and definitely not what I need. Like I said before, and I even told him on the phone, I love him to death, but I'm SOOOOOO glad that I'm not the one who has to put up with his sh*t anymore! I'm not waiting for his a$s! LOL...What scares me though, is that in some freaky way he "senses" that I'm NOT longing for him anymore, and maybe that's exactly the reason why he's poking his head in again. IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:37 PM
Ah and thus you arrive at your conclusion yourself without help Lol! See there ya go... You feel that he is insecure and he wants to prove himself as to if he has still got it or not. You obviously want to move on so I would recommend (you don't have to if you don't want to) to call it quits for good. Now I don't know if you still wanna be friends with the guy or not but obviously if you want to get into a relationship you want it to be a perminent one. Ergo tell him how you feel on the topic and his ego-fulfilling excuse doesn't cut it.IP: Logged |
CoralFrequency
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 07:54 PM
quote:
hink again Lol! As much as women deny it, the appeal of the badboy/adventerous man still remains true to this day.
What bothers me about hearing this is that being an Aries girl, I do know myself quite well. I might not always get other points of view or understand other people completely, but I definitely have a pretty clear idea on who I am and where I stand of certain issues such as these. I'm also honest about it. Swerve is notorious for saying this time and time again, and it always drives me nuts to swallow the bullet and not e-slap him (sorry, nothing against you, just that this particular stereotype of women gets to me) My point is you can't generalize based on gender or anything else to that extent. You do not know every single girl personally or what she wants from a sexual experience, nor have you ever inhabited a female body. From my perspective men taking this "girls want bad boys" stance.. is exactly like women saying "men like bit*ches". I don't agree with either and I find both stances a very immature way of looking at the world. I personally get no sexual satisfaction whatsoever from bad boy types. I don't dislike them either. Each to their own - Two ships passing in the night - but I'm just completely cold fish when it comes to them sexually. I couldn't do them if they payed me. There's just NO attraction there. Then you say - "as much as women deny it".. well do you they're LYING to you? Would I have a reason to LIE to you? This is what I don't understand about men.. Why do you constantly think women are lying to you? Hard to be an honest Aries girl with everyone constantly suspecting you’re lying to them.. Sex and love are two things I’m highly honest about and not afraid in stating my feelings in the slightest. I'm also sure there are dozens of women out there who feel exactly the same on this issue.. and dozens more who DO like bad boys. The point is you can't generalize. Some people like being treated badly.. and some people like treating others badly. Maybe they get a kick out of it sexually, who knows? Who cares? I know I *don’t*.. and I hate being slumped in a category I am not a part of .. because.. oh why was it again? Oh that’s right, because I have a vagina and you assume all women want the same thing sexually. My Moon and Mars are in Capricorn. I'm very attracted to a man who is responsible first and foremost and respectful. Inner confidence does matter to me when it's expressed in a positive way, not in an immature idiosyncratic way. quote:
if he wants to feed his sexual ego, then its obvious that he wants to prove to himself that he still has got what it takes to be the sexual-beast so to speak
This is precisely why, I would tend to see a guy who is a bad boy and is constantly after multiple sexual experiences, as someone who doesn't have a well defined ego. Why else would he bother? If he was genuinely confident and happy with who he is, he wouldn't need to constantly prove himself *to* himself.. It's sad. I would only be sexually turned on by someone who I see as a strong person emotionally. I see bad boys as highly immature emotionally, therefore there's ZERO connection from my side. Generally, they are not great conversationalists either. I mean do you want to talk to me or do you only want to have sex with me? Because if you only want to have sex with me, I'll never become your friend.. and therefore I'll never actually have sex with you.. Venus in the 11th here on NN.. I've never actually been physically close to someone who I wasn't good friends (11th) with beforehand. The bad boy thing isn't even a choice to me. It's a physical reaction, my body feels stone cold and nothing works.. that way.. It just does *not* work. lol how else can I put that? If anything, they put me off.. So do women who refer to men in similar ways.. "treat him mean, keep him keep" crap  IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 21, 2007 08:01 PM
Well Coral the statement I made above is not a generalization obviously; there will always be girls who may want something else either through personal negitive experience or other reasons.However as a Aries girl you would agree with me that you would want a partner who is secure enough in himlsef to always wanna stride for more and never settle for less and to share with you experiences that your own fiery heart desires to experieince yourself do you not? (just a general question; Not assuming anything BTW.) When I say badboy, I don't totally mean the usual "I am gonna date ya but dump ya." I am more refereing to the fiery opionated man at heart who wants to live life the way he does. The modern empowered woman usually craves such a guy since she sees him as a worthy partner who will not surcum to becomming the total "yes dear" sort of man but would actually will stand up for his beliefs and would help you learn something new that you didn't know about yourself . There was an article a female friend sent me not too long ago listing the qualities most women want in a guy Lol! Let me see if I can dig it up again. IP: Logged | |
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