posted October 16, 2007 07:09 PM         

better that you jump off, than keep going round and round....cos all you get is giddy!

Where do I stand....well, I never heard again from the guy that I wrote this thread about. Looking back now, well, he used me and he had no clue about the soul-mate thing and that's okay.......

Wow, that was like Sep 2004 anyhow, so much has happened since then. After him, I went out with an Aries Gold-Miner for about 18 months but he kept pushing me away and then pulling me back. I left him three times. In between each time, I would not hear from him for up to six weeks at a time....then he would ring. I gave him two-second chances but hey, wasn't prepared to give him a third. We split last July-August-September and he rang me in March 2007 and then again in June or July 2007. I spoke to him in March but the call went through to my message machine the last time. I haven't heard from him since.

I say that we broke up over a three-month period because he started to withdraw in July 2006 and so the contact was minimal. I cut ties for good when he came to visit in early September 2006 but I hadn't physically seen him for a month before that.

Meanwhile, later in September 2006, I started dating another guy (a cappy) who I met at work. I thought things were going really well and then, all of a sudden, he asked for a time-out. Seems he had commitment problems around the one year mark. Seems this a pattern for him in every relationship (I wish he'd had shared that information with me before I fell in love). I think he has sorted himsElf out now, and we are trying to rebuild what we had - but it's a slow journey (for reasons which I won't go into here).

So, I just plod along day to day. I do not think long-term and I have withdrawn slightly as a self-protection mechanism. I found that I was obsessing over the whole relationship thing (wasn't I zala ;-) ) mainly because I am so passionate and throw all of mysElf into relationships. Often my friends and forums like this, take a back seat in the interim, which I don't really like doing but as one of my friends pointed out - I am finally doing some real-life living.

So, I'm trying to find the balance between being in a relationship (where I throw in all of my sElf) and remaining a good friend to my friends (and frequenting great places like this).

I don't live with this cappy but probably spend a week of nights together every fortnight (the nights I don't have children I am at his house - the nights we both have children he is at my house - and then the odd night where I have children and he doesn't, he sometimes comes to my house too).

It's great that we maintain two houses because we still can have time to oursElves and time alone with our respective children if we want to.

Sometimes I feel I know him so well, and other times, I don't think I know him at all.

But, I'm just going along with the flow, enjoying what I have for the moment, which works better than stressing about what I may not have in the future (should we part).

I have to say though, I have grown tremendously from the first soul-mate experience right through to now. My growing has fast-tracked it seems, since I've been with the cappy.

And there you have it.....that's exactly where I'm at.

posted October 17, 2007 04:22 PM         

Due to some events in the past, I think I've become more reticent if not diplomatic.

[I just typed a whole paragraph on my update and deleted it]
*sigh*

Anyways to say it in a rather offish way.
I still believe in what you wrote first, but we really can't hold on to someone and since we have to make do with living in *this* world, we will have to follow its rule-as alien or impossible they may seem.

I met him 7 months back-only to know he was leaving the country almost immediately-serendipity I thought then, destined.
And he said things I thought only I knew/remembered/had felt.

posted October 17, 2007 04:24 PM         

It's from the writers of Sex and The City.

posted October 17, 2007 06:28 PM         

quote:

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I found that I was obsessing over the whole relationship thing (wasn't I zala ;-) )

---

posted October 17, 2007 08:35 PM         

this morning I read right back through this entire thread and I have to say that your growth is very evident throughout.

Why does your soul-mate continue to taunt you? I know that you don't bite or take the bait anymore - which is great because it shows that you have truly let him go. But that he can't see that and wants you to still like him is a bit childish and just feeding his ego. Arrgh....some people just don't get it, do they?

And the book you spoke about was also mentioned earlier in this thread. I haven't read the book but I remembered the Sex in the City episode on tv. And, I did see an Oprah show with the authors too.

Hi vesta-sister - it was Robert Camp's website that I got that information from. I don't have his cards or his books but I should look into getting them because I found that small snippet of info at that time to be very interesting. Guess what....one day I was walking at lunchtime and found a playing card laying face down. It was on its own and I thought it odd that it should just be laying there. So, I picked it up and turned it over. It was the six of diamonds. It was only when I got back to work and revisited Robert's website that I realised that I am the six of diamonds. The odds are 1 in 54 (incl two jokers) that it would match. How freaky, yet wonderful. Thanks for the reminder about this book, I'll see if I can track down a copy! I feel your pain - that you can't be with this soul mate and perhaps for you too, your destiny was not to be together, but to check up on each other to make sure that all was well in each other's worlds. Regarding your own marriage, only you can decide whether you want to remain in it.......I got out of a 20 year stagnate r/ship. It was not for another man, it was for mysElf! I just knew that there was nothing there for me anymore. It happened to me overnight. I really just woke up one morning thinking - wow, you are not providing anything.....anything.....anything.....that I cannot provide for mysElf. It wasn't that I was unhappy - I was just dead inside! And, I figured even if I was on my own, there had to be more to life than just what I was living. So, I asked him to leave. Funny enough, he agreed! So, my advice to you is before you even contemplate whether you will be with your soul mate or not........find yoursElf. If you are going to leave your marriage......leave for yoursElf. It was hard - because we have two beautiful children (who were 2 and 5 at the time) but I have never looked back. I had almost four years on my own (dating on and off) before I met the soul-mate who I wrote about in this thread. I would not change that for a thing!