posted July 23, 2005 09:52 PM         

How's it going?

posted July 28, 2005 12:28 AM         

Thanks for stopping by!! I've been going thru some highs & lows, with a bit more of the lows. It really has been hard to have to deal with the prospect of a divorce, and feeling like a failure in the eyes of society (or maybe it's more me than society), due to the fact that i have no real excuse like most women do - he doesn't beat me, he didn't cheat on me, and he doesn't have any mental health issues, except that he's emotionally unavailable for some reason (I don't know if the fact that I've been unable to commit emotionally from day one has something to do with this; perhaps it does). Whenever we've talked about this marriage not working, he always seems ready to try to do whatever to make it work - makes me feel so guilty, so i tell him it's not like that, it just won't work for me. But then, he doesn't take me seriously about me wanting out of the marriage, and is patronizing when i tell him i'm dead serious. I stayed on in June as a concession of sorts, since his parents were visiting, and i wanted to keep the peace, and because i realized their presence could make it even more difficult. Now they've left, and after much talk/argument, i've gotten him to see that we can't continue like this endlessly. He's agreed to a deadline of a month (we now have 3 weeks left on it) to resolve this whole thing.

Sometimes I'm just sad that my marriage had to end this way - if i'd known it'd end up like this, i'd have done my best to get out of the wedding. I've had moments when i've seriously considered just working things out with the hubby. But every time, the mere thought of it hurt me so much, it was as if i'd decided to kill a part of me. If i had to do it, i'd have to numb myself so much, i can't even bear the thought of it. I guess my Piscean love has subconsciously permeated so many levels of my being that he's so much a part of me now. I can't live with the thought that I willingly gave up on him/us. Throughout this marriage, no matter how much I've tried to see if i could stay married and work it out with the hubby, I couldn't put my 100% into it, because it felt more like i had to be true to my Pisces instead - how ironic! It was like i had to be true to what he & i had said to each other: "I belong to you"... it felt more like i'd already gotten married to him, which is both ironic & sad. I guess in my heart, we had been bonded so deeply for so long that it was hard to give even a small part of myself to anyone else in the same way. It's like Sheryl Crow's song, 'the first cut is the deepest'. I still hope & pray that it won't be too late for us...

I'm hoping this whole thing can be resolved, at least as far as getting the paperwork going in a month's time. I'm taking it one day at a time now, and just trying not to get so down on myself, or worry too much about other people's reactions to this. Right now, i have to take care of myself, right?

Thanks so much for stopping by to ask how i'm doing, 'zala. How are you doing?

posted July 28, 2005 01:35 PM         

I hope things will get easier for you and I want to apologise for a question you posed to me back in March!! Sorry girl, it was just something I overlooked, forgive me.

Well you asked how did I get over not wanting to please my family - well with me it was time and meeting the right man. I walked away from 2 marriages and I thought it would kill my mother (not dad he is more open minded thanks be to God)!! I so sympathise with you - its such a hard decision to go thro a divorce and I have had 2, God love me!!!

When I met my present partner he really helped me to "free"myself up and now I have an amicable relationship with my ma and da - I am sure I didnt turn out the way my mother would have liked in some respects, but after having several sessions of therapy where I talked, talked talked the head off the therapist and getting the support of a good man, it happened - I stopped trying to please.

One tip, if you approach everything with LOVE, you cannot fail, like I would say to my mum, "I really love you, and just because I didnt do what you wanted me to do, I know it wouldnt affect the love we have - cos that is real love" - how could anyone argue with that philosophy. It has worked for me,

I hope all things good come to you.

I feel you are an extremely caring and sensitive person and if you stand firm and follow YOUR OWN path, you cant fail. If I can help with anything, please ask. I sometimes feel the life have lived belongs to someone else, but it has made me so strong and compassionate to others' plights.

Love to you

posted July 29, 2005 03:11 AM         

SunShine, I read through these posts, and I feel what a difficult position you are in. My first (and sometimes I feel only) love is/was a Pisces i met in college. "I guess my Piscean love has subconsciously permeated so many levels of my being that he's so much a part of me now" This is exactly how I feel about my pisces, hes with me forever, and I know that no one will ever compare to the incredible human being that he is. Unforuntaely he crushed me. Its so hard to move one someone is so kind. We have/had that soul connection that binds us eternally.

I think you are doing the right thing, if you are unhappy and know it in your gut its better to end it sooner or later. This is probably one of the most difficult periods of your life, so I'm sure that things will get better for you. I see that you will know and understand yourself much better when you have passed through this turmoil.

posted July 29, 2005 03:59 AM         

Love to you

posted July 29, 2005 11:59 AM         

Live your life! I say divorce. Cut your loses now. You married for all the wrong reasons and you did it when you were in love with somebody else. You're not losing anything, you are gaining your freedom and trying to secure your hapiness.
Like somebody here said, you have many feel good"" aspects with the piscian. Yeah, you also have a few hard aspects which is actually a good thing. As for the synastry with the Scorpion I didn't even bother because it's enough that you don't love or get along with him. The greatest synastry can't make up for that.
Noone can give you any assurances that the relationship with the Piscian will last forever but at least it's based on good feelings and motives.

You're young so there's no reason to stay in a marriage that is making you miserable.

ETA:

As for Magi astrology, I do like them BUT I also have a few problems with them:
1) They think marriage is the "be all, end all" in life and their whole concept of marriage is a little childlish.

2) They are too sweeping with their theories.

3) They think any hard aspects are wrong which is utterly stupid in my view.

4) I've checked quite a few charts of couples at their site and others I know.
If I remember correctly Paul Newman and his wife who have been married for ever now, have some neuclear clashes which should have ended their marriage decades ago but hasn't. Other couples that are long lasting also have clashes but Magi ignores them b/c they are "inconvenient" to them.

Whenever something happens and a couple splits they will ALWAYS find something: "Bad" aspects in the personal charts, hard transits to natals or marriage charts, bad wedding day chart or bad synastry.
If you think about it, there simply no way to make all these purely "positive" for both partners and the wedding day. ALL ppl experience hard aspects to their own chart or wedding chart at one point or another.

posted July 29, 2005 12:42 PM         

My question to you - were you into astrology back then when you entered this marriage?

As soon as able timewise I will draw up your chart and take a good look, probably not until Sunday unfortunately.

But I just want to share what in read this morning in a different forum:
__________________________________________
"One of the most common deceptions is when the Secondary progressed Moon in a Man's chart occupies the woman's sun sign. This arragement lasts for about 2 1/2 years and then the mutual affections offtimes begins to wane after his progressed Moon moves on to the next sign, that is, unless something more permanent isn't already in place within both nativities."
____________________________________________

I don't know much about progressions, and I feel that natal, progressive, and transiting planets make this all hopelessly convulted and overwhemlming, at least for the an amateur astrologer.

Having only very recently gotten back into astrology in a more serious way, I am not knowledgeable enough to give astrological advice, but on the other hand, I wouldn't dream of making an enormous decision like getting a divorce, without consulting a good professional astrologer whom you trust. There are a lot of astral influences, boxes within boxes, that most of us don't even know about. The above about the progressed moon is just one example. There may be other ones that produce delusions which may be present in one or the other chart between you and your Pisces and Scorpio.

Lots of love

posted July 29, 2005 01:19 PM         

Sunshine - why don't you post those charts in astro.com like LILYGIRL and I did? It's so much easier to take a look. Or at least indicate the birth places and I can enter the specifics in astro.com and get the charts. Without the locations they can't proceed.

posted July 29, 2005 01:27 PM         

I just read your story, and I want to say how sorry I am for you. I try not to give others advice on heart matters, unless I know the person intimately. But I do wish to say this. As sorrowful as it feels, now is the time to float out on your own. You are young; you are vibrant. You have a gift to love and care for others. Taking into your life the wrong person for that journey will simply bleed your soul dry.

I have been married for almost 15 years in what outsiders perceive as the perfect marriage. And I am perceived as the perfect faithful wife and mother. Yet,I am suffering intensely. In some ways I know I have made a terrible mistake and yet I fear I can never extricate myself from it. The risks are higher, the playing field far more complicated.

posted July 29, 2005 01:56 PM         

I'm glad that other supportive caring people have weighed in on your situation!

Thanks for the update, and please keep checking in from time to time as you can, and keep us posted on what's going on in your life. We care!

posted July 29, 2005 02:31 PM         

quote:

---

One tip, if you approach everything with LOVE, you cannot fail, like I would say to my mum, "I really love you, and just because I didnt do what you wanted me to do, I know it wouldnt affect the love we have - cos that is real love" - how could anyone argue with that philosophy. It has worked for me,

---

posted July 29, 2005 02:41 PM         

Another thing - being emotionally not present in a relationship can wreck things quite a bit... If your husband seems selfish and so fort, don't forget the vibes you yourself send out. You know what I mean? You have my full support in this dilemma, plus I am a woman in a sometimes difficult marriage, but I KNOW that we give off vibes we aren't even aware of. If he is a double Scorpio, it would be a shame on the supersonic x ray capabilities of that sign if he didn't realize by now that something is amiss in this marriage, and that there is an invisible third person present. This in turn can activate all kinds of unpleasant coping mechanisms in the partner, withdrawl for one thing.

Please keep us posted. And I am going to do the charts, even by hand, if I must.

And SteelRose - what ARE "contra-parallells??"

Do you even feel, Steelrose, that astrology and real life don't necessarily match? You look at charts of people who according to the planets they ought to feel they are soulmates, but they aren't even on speaking terms, and others who astrologically are enemies, get along great.

That's where composite charts come in. Just read an article about that a few days ago which explained how you can understand those kinds of inconsistencies between a chart and a relationship by looking at the composite chart. Because those seeming incompatibilities in the synastry chart can combine into beautiful harmony in the composite chart.

You ever hear about people who have nothing in common and have been happily married for 50 years? I bet they have those charts.
Must find that article and post it.

Sunshine, keep the faith. Everything will be revealed, but please don't be hasty.

The road to misery is unfortunately paved with people who threw everything away in the throws of romantic love, and ended up bitterly disappointed. Not to say this would happen to you, you understand. Your pisces might be your soulmate, but don't be rash.

Lots of Love

posted July 29, 2005 04:40 PM         

I just logged back in after a whole day of interrupted internet access, and was so overwhelmed by the loving responses here! Thank you all for caring, and for writing in with your advice; it means so much to me!

I'm on borrowed time now, checking mail at the library, while they work on fixing my faulty Internet connection, so I'll write more in detail later. I just wanted to respond right quick to a couple questions.

Logger, though I was into astrology when i got married about 14 months ago, I didn't know as much then as I've picked up in the last few months. I didn't know horary, or I certainly would've tried to find out more. Actually, a dear friend of mine and I do them now, and the ones we've done so far seem positive for things to work out with the Pisces down the road.

I will post our charts here - i hope i can get them so they won't expire in 2-3 days. That's a great idea, btw, Logger! I guess i'm good at giving advice i don't necessarily follow myself, LOL! I'm just going to blame it on my Chiron placement (Chiron in Aries - "do as she says, not as she does").

Here, hopefully, will appear a link to my synastry chart with the Pisces: http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=achart_46tfileRtmfp9-u1122667486.16701.8384.gif&res=100&va=

Here's the composite with the Pisces: http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=achart_46tfileRtmfp9-u1122667486.16877.9448.gif&res=100&va=

And here should be a link to the synastry with the hubby: http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=achart_46tfileRtmfp9-u1122667486.16791.8897.gif&res=100&va=

Now, i'm going to try the composite with the hubby: http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=achart_46tfileRtmfp9-u1122667486.16913.9614.gif&res=100&va=

posted July 29, 2005 06:08 PM         

Sorry about your internet troubles, like you need more problems, right?..

I'm going away on an overnight trip. Will be back late Saturday night. I'll try the links again then.

Hugs

posted July 30, 2005 11:46 AM         

I also said that I was learning and what I gave was only my interpretation… Nothing is set in stone. I only said what I saw. That’s all. But no matter what there is in your charts, there is none better than yourself to know if what it is said is true of not. You know within. Sometimes you only need to read it to realise or accept it.

Plus, if I remember righly, the reading I did for Sunshine wasn’t the correct one. She told me later that there was a mistake in the info she gave… I never got around to do it again… Work kept me off the computer for too long…

I was only playing with my new toy… I had recently discovered Magi astrology and I was fascinated with it. I only wanted to see what I could do with it, if my readings were close to reality or not… People here were aware of it, I did warn them. Sunshine knew as well.

I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way. I wasn’t intending to upset anyone or do any harm…

A contraparallel is an aspect (the same as a sextile or a square). Have you ever heard of declinations? Apparently, planets do not orbit all in the same plane. I always thought they did until I learnt of Magi… They move circling around the ecliptic, close to it but not exactly on it…At every moment, they can be a few degrees above (North), a few degrees below (South) or right on it… When two planets are the same amount of degrees away from the ecliptic, but one is above and the other below, they are contraparallel… I hope I made myself clear…

posted July 30, 2005 10:16 PM         

thanks for clarifying contra-parallells.

I can't imagine why anyone would take what you said on a wrong note. Everybody is trying to help, and no one is going to get married or divorced based on something somebody in the forum saw in a chart. the whole point of this place is that everybody is bringing in their pieces of knowledge, and that's how we all learn.

For example, I hadn't heard about Chiron being the most important think in a relationship chart. Now I am intrigued and must check for that in the synastry with my husband. Should I look for that in my wedding chart too?

Acoustic -

how sweet, and humble, to feel honored...

Truth is, I am trying to learn from the people in this forum, and ScotScorp was doing a really awesome job with your chart, and quick too. I put it up there so I could follow what she was doing... Which I hadn't time to do yet, having been travelling. Just took one peek, and no, it didn't look messed up to me.

posted July 30, 2005 11:48 PM         

How've you been, girl? Long time no see! I'd been away a while myself, and going through some rough times. I'm better now, focusing on making some positive changes in my life. Hope everything's been good at your end, with your situation.

And, of course, hon, we all understand what you'd said earlier, and took it in the right sense. It was sweet of you to try your hand at my charts. Aspects are what they are in a chart. They represent the challenges that would be present in a relationship between the two. Astrology truly does give us a wonderful insight into the inner workings of people & relationships. If the two understand each other despite their issues, and love each other unconditionally, any challenge can be overcome. I'm big on positive thinking!

posted July 30, 2005 11:55 PM         

I don't know why it expires so soon; i'd only posted the link < 24 hours back! I asked Lilygirl, and am going to try posting the charts from an unregistered profile.

Here's the synastry chart with the Pisces: http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?nhor=1&nho2=2&btyp=61&mth=gw&hsy=&zod=&add=18&add=19&add=12&add=13&add=14&add=15&add=20&node=-Yn&fix=1&sday=31&smon=7&syr=2005&rs=&orbp=&cid=royf ileAE9SCJ-u1122780817&lang=e&gm=a1&ast=16%2C80%2C433

The composite chart with the Pisces: http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?nhor=1&nho2=2&btyp=621&mth=gw&hsy=&zod=&add=18&add=19&add=12&add=13&add=14&add=15&add=20&node=-Yn&fix=1&sday=31&smon=7&syr=2005&rs=&orbp=&cid=roy fileAE9SCJ-u1122780817&lang=e&gm=a1&ast=16%2C80%2C433

Synastry chart with the Scorpio: http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?rs=&adl=18%2C19%2C12%2C13%2C14%2C15%2C20&node=-Yn&ast=16%2C80%2C433&gm=a1&btyp=61&sday=31&syr=2005&lang=e&zod=&fix=1&orbp=&mth=gw&cid=royfileAE9S CJ-u1122780817&hsy=&smon=7&nhor=1&nho2=3&go.x=5&go.y=10

Composite chart with the Scorpio: http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?rs=&adl=18%2C19%2C12%2C13%2C14%2C15%2C20&node=-Yn&ast=16%2C80%2C433&gm=a1&btyp=621&sday=31&syr=2005&lang=e&zod=&fix=1&orbp=&mth=gw&cid=royfileAE9 SCJ-u1122780817&hsy=&smon=7&nhor=1&nho2=3&go.x=14&go.y=12

it goes thru this time!

posted July 31, 2005 09:01 AM         

Yes, apparently, according to Magi, everything has a birth date… Not just people but events too… I suppose this is not such a new idea… I’ve read in other places that countries have charts… Everything you can imagine has a chart…

When something is born a set of qualities is frozen to determine the basic traits of that thing… So a person and you can be born to blend amazingly but then get married in an unfavourable day and mess up the whole relationship… I didn’t know that… I’m trying to be careful and pick the days I start with something avoiding some configurations… Just in case… Some people in this forum are very good with Magi and I’ve been really amazed with some of their comments and predictions… I’m sure there must be something to it…

A relationship is something very complex that is born and evolves going through different stages. Each stage is like a milestone and changes the characteristics and its projection in the future.

First, both people have a synastry chart depending on the day they were born, determinining how their basic personalities interact together. But then they have to meet each other and actually start to interact… When the two people first start going out and see each other as an entity, the couple as such is born… There we have a “Companionship chart”. For couples that have never seen each other (they met in the Internet for example), we have a “Distant Relationship Chart” that is overruled by the “Companionship chart” whey they first see each other.

When two people first make love, a new dimension is added to the relationship. There we have the “Love chart” or “Lovemaking chart”. At that point, the Companionship chart is overruled. A Love Chart is much more powerful and influencing.

If these people get married, that day is the milestone for their compromise and the future of the relationship. The “Wedding chart” is the most powerful and determinant for a couple that got married and overrules both of the previous. If the couple gets divorced at some point, the union is disolved so the Love chart is back in force.

Hi Sunshine!!!! Thanks for your support… How are things going with your Pisces? And with your family? Have you already gathered the necessary strenght to talk to your mum?

My situation has not improved much… Thanks for asking…Things are frozen still at the moment. Just waiting for my next move once the heartbreak clash is over… Something deep inside teels me to wait and not get desperate. Things will come in the right time…

posted August 03, 2005 10:15 PM         

I saw you posted something earlier today, which means you are around...

Still waiting for your charts to come up. You going to try again?

Hugs,