posted November 27, 2005 10:30 AM         

What happened at work? Two powerful bosses who can’t stand each other are fighting over me. One is a Scorp ( Ironic or what?) and he has won… He has been waiting for this opportunity for half a year… He stole the other one’s little treasure (me) and the other one is furious… I helped him unintentionally because I felt betrayed… but I’m not totally sure that he did so I’m feeling really guilty. This other guy has helped me a lot, we always got on and now hates me… It’s a power and pride struggle where I’m the excuse to punish the rival…

Now back to the subject… I haven’t replied yet… I think I won’t… I need to get him out of my life. He’s not good for me. Yes, I need a miracle. I need my boring and grey life to get back on track. I need to love again. To love someone who deserves it.

posted November 29, 2005 03:06 AM         

the last time I met you, it was in my soul thread, and you were talking about a similar situation to mine, and here you are now, talking about leaving a scorp.

Boy, things change quickly, don't they?

I just wanted to say a couple of things. Firstly, I'm kind of reading behind the lines and following my gut instinct here but I want to say.....don't fight with a Scorp. It's a battle you will lose. In other words, don't get down to his level to try to beat him at his game. Don't change the person you are, just because he isn't as nice a person as you. Above all, you must keep your integrity and know that you have operated with love, and from love, at all times.

Whether you cut yoursElf off from him or not, that's a completely different matter....and I know it's too late now, as his birthday has passed but really, you should continue to operate in your loving way and not out of revenge (which is a game that Scorps know better than anyone).

You said that you hope that he learnt something from you but what is your lesson from him (and from the scorp before him). There is a reason that you are attracting this type of person and you need to uncover, accept and heal it, otherwise the pattern will continue.

If you truly want to cut the ties with him, you could try a cord-cutting visualisation. Every time you have contact, whether it is through an email, sms etc, a cord reaches from you to him. If you no longer want this connection, visualise getting a big-fat knife and hack away at those cords.

You should try to envisage both of you inside beautiful, white, healing light. Yes, he has his lustful ways chasing those other women.....I think he is not really ready for you. Though, in his heart, and his soul knows, he wants you. It's a heartbreaking situation.

Learn from this steelrose. Learn and hold your head up high. Don't stoop to any level that he may try to drag you down to.

You are a beautiful person and soul. Operate from love at all times; wish love for him; and you cannot fail.

posted November 29, 2005 03:02 PM         

Purple, yes, life is ironic… I don’t really know if I understand your advice… “Don’t fight with a Scorp”… OK, yes, I know that… I’m trying to avoid his ground… Are you suggesting I should cut him off or behave in a loving manner?

Nowadays, I don’t really know what I want. It’s cold and miserable here in my life. I’m feeling needy. He’s waiting. But I’m reluctant to go back to our old ways. I deserve better but I struggle to find anything.

Any love I put towards him is wasted. You all may think otherwise but he only uses it when he feels lonely. He is not there when I need him. He keeps using women, I feel indignated and insulted. I can’t be friends with such an inmoral person. It’s not out of revenge I’m doing this. I just want to be free for someone better.

My lesson? Don’t ever trust the love from someone with children. They can’t keep their promises. They are always first, no matter how much you put in all his efforts will always go towards those brats. Never again. Lesson number one.
Don’t ever have sex with someone before marrying or getting a huge mortgage with him No matter how long they took in conquering you. No matter how blind they seemed to be. Once they get that, you get more and more into them and they get less and less into you. Lesson number two.

And lesson number three for both Scorpios:
Scorpios get terrified of loving once things start to get real. Terrified of being out of control. Just loving is not enough. It doesn’t make things right, no matter how much love you put in. I’m of the kind that never gives up… I used to be at least. I have learnt the hard way that yes, there is love that goes to waste. That sometimes you need to let go and accept that all was wasted, a mistake. Faith doesn’t make things right.

I’m trying to get emotionally away from Scorpio men. I suppose that’s something else I learnt.

I’m even tired of wishing him love. I just want to forget that he exists. Even when my life without him would have been even more monotonous and worthless.

posted November 29, 2005 07:22 PM         

Well, I said a few things, didn't I? Let's see if I can clarify things for you.

I meant to be yoursElf. Use your own power (which I think is love - not necessarily romantic love, but universal love - the love for mankind) and glean from the relationship what you need. This kind of love should be available to you in inexhaustable measures. It is the love that we all need to spread, in order to return home.

I believe you have unresolved issues with him, so I don't know that you can cut him off just yet. For one, you are still angry with him for hurting you. You will never be able to forgive him unless you release this anger. And, you will never be able to move forward until you forgive him.

Perhaps I should have explained more about the cord-cutting visualisation. It is about severing the connection (want/need/desire to be with him), not necessarily about cutting him out of your life all together. In fact, you will gain a fresh perspective once you have successfully cut those cords, which may even give you the impetus for a different kind of relationship, which could of course be no relationship at all.

I'm not sure I agree with the lessons that you feel you have learnt/are learning. Perhaps the lesson is in fact to love yoursElf. For it is said, when we truly love oursElf, we will attract the right person who will love, nurture, and support us. Perhaps you won't even know the lesson till much later on down the track.

I don't believe for a moment that you have wasted love, time or energy on him. Everything that you do in your life, goes to making you the person that you are. For every season, there's a reason.

posted November 30, 2005 08:07 AM         

It's scary to ask any question that might lead to rejection, but at least you'll have an answer. This is much easier said than done--I know firsthand

Good luck, light and love...

posted November 30, 2005 05:39 PM         

Sometimes, we can't let go because we are waiting to hear "the right words" from the person that hurt us. Unfortunately, not all humans are equipped to deliver these messages.

I read a John Gray book once "Men, Women, Relationships" (not that I'm a huge Gray fan, but this book was very good). He wrote of a technique where you write yoursElf a letter, in the voice of the person who has hurt you. In other words, pretend you are the person that hurt you, and write a letter saying sorry. Write in the letter everything that you want to hear from this person. Some people might say, yeah, but if he didn't write the letter, then it doesn't mean anything. But Gray says that the process of writing the letter itsElf starts the healing. You can even take it one step back, and start by writing a letter to the scorp, then, write the reply that you would want to read from him.

The cord-cutting technique I got from another book "Cutting The Ties That Bind". She has a website http://www.krystal.cnchost.com/ that you may want to check out. In her book, she lists a couple of visualisation techniques that you may find helpful. They aren't quick fixes, some of them you are supposed to work on for weeks. So, don't be disappointed if you don't get instant results.

posted December 03, 2005 10:46 AM         

Yes, I do have unresolved issues with him. But I’m too tired by now. It’s always been what he wanted. I have reached the limit of my patience. I don’t really know what to do about him.

I have tried with all my heart to cut those cords without cutting him off. But I don’t think I have made much progress. I’m still on my own, unable to substitute him, missing him, hating him when he ignores me, when he doesn’t reply in months while I’m worried for him, jealous of his child who was the reason for him not to follow me, hating him for having sex with all those cheap women. I don’t know what to do, I can only think of cutting him off to stop this process.

Because I love myself is why I’m on my own at the moment.

Thank you, Silvermoon! Yes, it’s nice to find other people with similar problems because they are the only ones that understand us.

Oh, no, Diya!!!! No other Scorp in my love life!!! I’m trying to avoid them to be honest… When I find out that I'm in front of one of them I just get a bit more careful and unapproachable.

I was talking about a situation at work. Two bosses who hate each other want me to work for them. They are taking this personally, as if I was a trophy… One of them is a Scorp. He got my CV first and gave it to the other one because he couldn’t hire me just yet, to ensure that I was in the company instead of getting another job with the intention of recovering me in the future. I was exactly what the other one was looking for. He liked me a lot straight away and hired me. But the Scorp started his campaign to win me back. He offered me a job I couldn’t reject. My actual boss thought I’d stay with him no matter what, so he formally offer me the Scop alternative, confidently waiting to give him a blow with my negative. But I chose to change, as the Scorp had already ensured before proposing him to make me the offer. That was back in June.
My actual boss has been keeping me, tricking the other around while the Scorp waited. He won while I was containing the Scorp, while I felt that my actual boss valued me and really needed my help for his more urgent project. The Scorp could wait, he was only pushing because he feared he’d lose me at the end… But recently my actual boss failed me. He lied to me and I discovered it. I started to feel very insecure and deeply betrayed, undervalued. So I went to the Scorp and ask for his help. So he took me out of his rival’s project. I’ll be out in January. My actual boss has been fumant, very hurt and angry with me… Because he lost me and he can’t accept that he needs me and that he caused it. What is really worrying is that I discovered yesterday that my actual boss was born in November, so he is most likely another Scorp!!! GOD SAKE, two Scorps fighting and me in the middle! They will tear me apart!

I fully understand you are sick of it. Same here…

Nanny, he may still be there, but he is not offering anything. He’s there waiting to take. No, I don’t actually understand… I did ask him many times in the past. He doesn’t really know. He only knows he doesn’t want to lose me fully. He wants me to be there. To contact me when he feels like it. Once every three, six or whatever months. With no responsibility. Just easy and casual. That’s not good enough and I also told him that. I told him tons of times that he made me feel as one of those low-profile wome he used to mix with. He’s back to his old habits. And that’s too much on me. He knows he hurts me by ignoring my birthday. He kept me in silence for 3 months when I said he made me worried by not replying. If someone promises to reply every two or three weeks and then takes 3 months to say that he is alive that’s being pretty unconsiderate…

Purple, he knows the way he hurts me. I spent the last year of our relationship telling him. You can accuse me of many things in that relationship but never of not talking, saying how I felt and wanting to know how he did.

He won’t say the right words. There is nothing that he can say to make me feel better. Only that he regrets what he did because he has never loved a woman as he loves me and he never will. But he won’t say that because he would be lying. I don’t want his friendship because he hurts me. He doesn’t know how to be a friend either. He doesn’t understand the concept of friendship the way I do. We have also talked about that.

I have done that (the letter technique) with other people who I hadn’t have the opportunity to talk or to clarify things. And it worked. But this guy and I, I’m afraid, have told each other all that could be told.

posted December 03, 2005 06:28 PM         

I see steelrose kind of hit it on the head when she said she's not a low profile woman. This has more to do with her than him.

Steelrose you are not a low profile woman you are a well respected and loved member of your community and remembered by him as the best thing that ever happened to him. He doesn't feel worthwhile and he is fighting his own demons. You couldn't help him unless you were a psychiatrist-he is dishonest with his feelings and that leads to his internal war.

There is a middle ground, you can talk to him but not be loving-save that loving feeling for others, and be calm and factual and nice but a bit distrustful of how much energy you are giving up.

Every time you talk to your Scorpio you are feeling just a bit drained-by that feeling of being put down and walked on.

You have to stand up for yourself and raise your self esteem. Set your sights higher than him and focus on standing up for yourself with people in your life at work.

Once that situation is resolved then, your self resolve will kick in and you will know what to say and do around the Scorpio.

Scorpio men have an ability to sense when things are down and go along for the ride.
His inconsistencies make you feel like a leaf blowing in the wind because it takes incredible strength to recover from the betrayal he inflicted on you. Right now you need consistency in action and word and then your entire world will change.

Encouraging him to believe in you drains you and makes you turn your back on yourself. Plus connecting emotionally to someone you just can't trust to turn your back on is a terrible feeling.

You can talk to him as long as you are not connected emotionally-
How to do this?

What helps is, eat right, get plenty of sleep, be assertive at work, work on your day to day relationships no matter how fleeting chase every good feeling. Take care of yourself and then your self esteem and self resolve will increase daily until he will seem to be someone in a very bad place and you can sympathize again.

timing is everything
right now is your time to care for yourself, there will be another time and place where you can sympathize for him, when you won't be afraid of giving in and listening to his problems.

And I agree about the men with children scenario, it makes a man desperate and when a man is even a bit desperate he is dishonest to keep you. There are men worth knowing with children, as long as he treats you well and makes you first in his heart romantically. Through all of this it's a lesson learned to stay away from men who think honesty is a great thing for other people.

A real man is honest with his feelings and can look you in the eye, he tells you everything about his age, financial situation, past, everything right from the start.

There is a man out there for you who is physically and emotionally available, and who has pride in how happy you are, you can have pride in him too. It's possible, but he is out there walking around and not very assertive either. Give someone else a chance when you are ready, and let him woo you for a good year with lots of sweetness and genuine warmth.

posted December 04, 2005 06:57 AM         

Please accept my apologies because I did not mean to sound as though I was accusing you of anything.

I now see that you have tried absolutely everything with this man, and, I think you said it in no uncertain terms in your last post that you do actually need to sever all ties.

So, I will send you love and light in the hope that the support will make your burden a little less heavy.

posted December 04, 2005 11:02 AM         

Yes, maybe you are right, maybe he does feel I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He used to say that before his heart got blocked and stop accepting my love. Before he started to push me away. I think he was overwhelmed with his own feelings. I was likely, not only likely but able to, turn his little safe world upside down. And he froze. There was nothing I could do after that to make him reconsider. I tried everything. I even stayed a whole year in that horrid little village to be with him, accepting the crumbs of his attention. For him. A year of cold and tears, a dark spiraling nightmare leading to hell.

I don’t know what to do. I know you are right and I should stand in the middle ground. But I’m so scared of missing him. I don’t want to miss him. I’d never recover if I keep doing that. And he always tricks me back. No matter how furious I feel because he has done this or that, it’s enough for him to say that he misses me to disarm me. I feel very lonely and emotionally neglected. I’m vulnerable at the moment. What I truly fear is being in this same position when I go back to the UK for work in about a year. Then I’ll be at his mercy, out of my safe space, without family and friends in a hostile foreign environment.

quote:

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Every time you talk to your Scorpio you are feeling just a bit drained-by that feeling of being put down and walked on.

---

I don’t know how to raise my self-steem. Work was the only thing to make me feel proud of myself. I knew I was good, I knew I was better that many. I was a great organizer, technically brilliant, I commanded authority and was loved by customers. After the shameful offer I recently got and have to accept, after my admired and respected boss betrayed me and said I had no reasons so feel special (just because he couldn’t accept I am) because I’m just one of many and easily replaceable… Well, I don’t even have work to feel great about myself. I realise I was living for work just trying to keep busy, inflating it to fill my empty life.

I feel terribly alone even surrounded by friends and family. I can’t connect emotionally with anyone. I miss my torturer. Because he could do it.

I try to eat correctly. I admit I haven’t been sleeping well over the last three weeks, when things at work turned sour. Out of worry, nervousness, but overall sadness.

I need to keep my distance from him right now. I can’t handle it. I have been tempted to open up but I won’t. I won’t tell him anything about my life. I just can’t. It feels like surrendering. All I can do is not saying go away forever.

Oh, Purple, I didn’t mean to say you accused me of anything… I may have expressed it in the wrong way… I meant “you” as a general and impersonal you, as a generic one, trying to say that I could be accused (not specificly by you but by anyone) of many things but not of not asking and talking to him…Trying to say that I did many things wrong in our relationship but that was one of the things that I did do right…

posted December 04, 2005 11:53 AM         

Hi, i edited my post as it wasn't very positive and it was mostly ranting about a man with a scorpio moon, and ascendant.

posted December 05, 2005 03:16 AM         

I don’t mind you talking about your experiences, you can do… Sometimes it helps us seeing things in other people’s lives. Somehow, we are pretty similar and I feel identified with you in many ways… it must be that Earth energy…

I appreciate you don’t want to be negative to not make me sink in my own pessimism adding more to it…

posted December 05, 2005 08:02 AM         

There is such a thing as dignity which is more important than attraction.

I felt for you when you described the horrible little village as that triggered me-I am still waiting on my house to sell so I can leave another horrid village, and I risk running into the ex b/f everyday. I spend a lot of time escaping and doing anything I can to avoid the area where I live. I will be very happy when I can move. I am now interviewing at a job 1.5 hours away each way but it's worth it to me, as I will be away from the heavy atmosphere in that town.

It's good to find friends to support you when you have to be in the U.K. I have made at least one Cancer friend to be supportive-although he is a bit overly emotional at times, he at least is honest.

posted December 05, 2005 06:06 PM         

Natasha,
I think my Scorpio tried to be honest, as much as he could… But he wasn’t strong enough to face his own demons so he surrendered to them… and let me die in the process.

Mine did not stare at other women bud did flirt with them in my presence. He would say he wasn’t flirting, he was just being nice to them… Curiously enough it only happened with the pretty and slim ones… It was embarrassing, he behaved like a puppy wanting their attention… And I was there!!!! Gobsmacked… I suppose it’s a Scorpio thing… Linda talked about that… They don’t feel they are belittling you, it’s just an inocent game… They don’t intend to be unfaithful for even a second… They just need to sharpen their claws to feel alive… no trying to kill…

But yes, for me, it was very disrespectful. Even when I’d happily go to Spain to visit my family leaving him on his own in the UK and not doubting that he would be absolutely faithful… Even when the cleaner had made indecent proposals to him several times… I suppose I had nerves of steel and a blind trust in his honesty…

posted December 16, 2005 05:51 PM         

I don’t want to be unfair. It could be my upcoming Saturn return but I’m getting aware of a lot of things I need to change in my life, to be a bit more objective about myself. It may not have been all his fault after all.

I may have put too much responsibility on him. I may have expected too much. It could have been me being unforgiving and too strict, pushed to the limit in a critic situation. Maybe it’s my fault for not being able to cope with his rejection.

I got a very accurate karma report recently. Very enlightening.

I need to learn to lose. To let go. It’s too hard on me. It tears me apart. I’m a control freak. That mixed up with my insecurity in the love arena due to very tough experiences in the past and my inability to value myself (Saturn and Venus conjunct in the 8th house) and all that anger I have in my heart (Pluto square Mars) must make me difficult. He used to say that I was difficult to love.

I constantly needed to feel the most important thing in his life (Saturn-Venus in Leo) for reassurement. I have always seeked that in a man. Maybe that need is only caused by my own insecurity and low self-steem. That is my problem and I need to solve it. I can’t expect him doing it for me.

I need to learn to love myself. To value my worth. And I need to trust others enough to put my defenses down. I need to learn to trust men. Because I don’t. I’m always expecting a blow.

Apparently I resent men for something that could have occurred in a previous lifetime. That creates anger, an anger that I have carried for centuries (Pluto square Venus). I actually remember being very scared of men, even boys my age, when I was a teenager.

Actually I don’t know how our relationship started to drown. Where I started to spoil it. I know when he did. But I could have triggered it.

I don’t know where to start from. I suppose I should work on loving myself more. To learn to forgive myself and be tolerant with my failures. That’s a tough one. I used to despise myself. And I used to push myself to the limit. I have tons of energy. I’m an achiever… and I don’t give myself any break. I don’t know how to slow down. I don’t even know how to feel contented without doing the best I can. And even that is often not enough. Not if I don’t win. That burns a lot of energy. I have always been a terrible loser. I don’t know how to be happy with mediocrity.

Regarding him, it wouldn’t be fair to cut him off. He was a coward and behaves like a selfish child sometimes, he doesn’t have the same view as me about love and sex but he’s not a monster. He may have done the best he could.

He took 4 days but he replied to my e-mail. Nice and warm but only talking about work the same as I did. As if he sensed that going into more personal stuff was dangerous and I wouldn’t take it in. He has been patiently waiting for more than a month of silence.

He is still there. Coming back to me. Sometimes it takes longer but he’s still there. I’m well aware of what you say. He is a Scorp and is still available emotionally. So it must mean that he is still there. He accepts what I give him, with the rules I set. He also senses the way things are and fluctuates with them, adjusting. I don’t fully understand what that means.

He gave me a lot of good things. Happy moments. I felt special somehow, at least for a while. But overall, he did not emotionally abandon me, which is more than I can say from others. I’m sure he loved me, maybe less than he should have, maybe less than he loves his child, maybe in a way that I can’t fully understand. But I’m sure he does or has done to certain extent.

I owe him a fair treatment. It’s not his fault if I have so many things to deal with, to put in order within my soul.

I will have to let him go. That’s my second task. Maybe it’s about learning how to deal with him without pain, without feeling rejected… seeing him as a friend instead of as a man and my ex. I still don’t know if I can do that.

posted December 17, 2005 07:42 PM         

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aquarius sun, pisces rising, scorpio moon