posted December 01, 2005 06:35 AM         

"I'll try to be patient then. I know you have the work situation to consider as priority right now.

Please trust me that I am being honest with you. Its hard waiting for the answer, please don't leave me hanging for too long.

I won't phone you until I know its OK so this is only way I can talk to you.
C x"

I am actually running out of patience to be fair. I had to go through all this the first time we got together and she lied a bit on top. She knows this is causing me stress but she can't find it in herself to be honest. Bit of a red flag really.

If she doesn't respect my feelings like this then she may make up my mind for me.
I think thats pretty reasonable of me. I wouldn't let ANYONE suffer if I knew they only needed an honest answer.

We'll see....

posted December 01, 2005 07:32 AM         

Just read up on Cancer in Sun, Mercury and Mars as she has them all.

The word that keeps repeating is "retreat".

Now I have a little understanding of what she is doing I can empathise. She must be scared rigid! I'll just leave her alone until she decides what she wants to say and do.

posted December 01, 2005 04:21 PM         

I dont think she is so much testing..but scared..she needs time..

My cappy girlfriend knows only too well about my taking time to make decisions especially where emotions are involved..it frustrates her to the max(she is more impulsive and needs to do things NOW)..even my quiet while im very emotional..but because she handles it well(she knows how to now) by just being there and offering a hug..it helps me come out of my shell much quicker than normal..we talk about it afterwards and have a little giggle at my quiet and then more understanding flows between us.

I still say give her space..don't stay stuck in one place though...move on with your life too..i have this image of you standing waiting for her..and that making her more scared to move forward...and then you moving ahead making it easier for her to make any move because your not there...facing her.. forcing her to make a choice/decision.

I agree a lot of patience is required for this type of woman..i am one! My ex was pisces..i have 4 children to him..we rekindled our love many times(he did have big gambling and drinking problems) and the times when i felt safe to do so was when he didnt pressure me..but was there and reminded me of all the wonderful things i was to him..not too mushy..just honest..didnt question me but let things flow..i cannot say this would be the case for you...but just my personal experience with a pisces.

posted December 02, 2005 03:36 AM         

"I'm gonna back off. I think maybe you feel under pressure from me and so I'm changing that NOW, it was buggin me was all.

I'm here if you need me. I'm gonna have a great weekend, lots of parties lined up. I hope you do too. x"

posted December 03, 2005 01:47 AM         

If you spook one it's tough, especially the men have a hard time being assertive and happy.

I sort of like a Cancer now but he is very touchy until I know whether I like him 100%. I used to believe a man like that wasn't into me but now I know he is testing me.

My issue is the opposite of Swerve's, I get a lot of letters from my Cancer but no calls.

He says he loves me by letter but won't call or come by. When I call, he says, you could call. And he says his car needs to be looked at. He thinks of me but won't make a move unless go to his house.

I would give up on him but then he sends me these sexy, racy, love letters.

Then I fall again.

Then I remember he drinks quite a bit in the evenings.

It's as if my brain has been scrambled, but it's because Cancers are so sexy. Water is very intense.

what I have found is that yes Cancers are scared but hardly ever scared of a cuddle.
Swerve have you flirted with her lately? Told her you can't forget the way she smells? Cancers love that-and open up.

posted December 07, 2005 06:48 AM         

How long does this silence go on? Has she no compassion? There has to be a limit where being scared becomes being manipulative. She hasn't told me whether she has a new guy, and if this is just keeping me waiting around as a back-up she clearly never figured me out very well.

I will see her in an exhibition in January, where we met last year.

If she is able to wait so long already surely there is absolutely no feeling left on her side. If so, why doesn't she just get in touch, or let me go.

I think I have been fair here, and more patient that 99.9% of men on Earth would have been.

Swerve

posted December 07, 2005 07:19 AM         

I don't know what I am hanging onto really. It is just a fantasy. If she were the girl I thought I loved it would never have gone this far. Just for the record there was no violence or anything like that. Just a destructive breaking down of a relationship and some selfish acts by both of us.

I personally think I have just been fooled into believing promises that were never real, and they tapped into my weaknesses.

It is not her I cannot let go of, it is the dream. But the dream was never real.

That hurts me as a Pisces more than you can ever know.

posted December 07, 2005 07:49 AM         

And I wouldn't be able to keep it up anyway to prove in her mind that she was right.

I can't win, I just have to get so angry that I can break it off and not give a **** basically.

posted December 07, 2005 08:40 AM         

Sorry, but enough is enough. I just need to find the strength to stay away and stop contacting her or I guess I WILL become a stalker. Didn't think that could happen between people who actually were together and I haven't been THAT bad have I?

Makes me feel like an obsessive lunatic and I hate that. I feel like a kid doing all this.

I think I need to be stronger.

posted December 07, 2005 10:30 AM         

He throws WICKED temper tantrums if something is not going his way.
The only way I can deal with him is not pay attention to his bad moods and stay out of sight when they happen.

Maybe your Cancer girl doesn't want to feed into your obsession? Maybe she can't handle the intensity?

posted December 07, 2005 11:02 AM         

If I see you are unwilling to meet me halfway as I no doubt will have done for you many times, then I feel justified in being angry.

I always give others the benefit of the doubt, I expect the same.

The alternative would be for her to have someone just not care about her that much, and in this case the patience wouldn't be there in the first place, and they would likely cheat on her and treat her like crap like her previous 3 boyfriends did.

I consider my honesty and loyalty and genuine love to come at a fair price.

Swerve

posted December 07, 2005 12:27 PM         

If you still love her. Go for it. The key here is being patient.

posted December 07, 2005 06:12 PM         

It is not her I cannot let go of, it is the dream. But the dream was never real.

That hurts me as a Pisces more than you can ever know."

----

Swerve you have my deepest sympathy.. I have a pisces moon and I have been in a similar situation where i kept a dream alive for six years, even though I was with that person for only two of those years.

Its hard to explain but I was kept hanging on a string for a long time - probably the worst thing you can do to a pisces, or pisces moon person - there is real merit in the phrase 'cruel to be kind' I think.

Im not very good at giving relationship advice, (not v. good at relationships!) but I do know just how hard it is to get over someone you once really connected with or thought you did. With pisces there is always the danger that you can build things up in your head to maybe more than what they actually were... what goes on in your mind is so much stronger than any reality. I know thats the problem I always have. Im not saying thats what you've done but it is a pisces trait.

Getting closure is the hardest part. Unless there is something concrete, there is a chance that you just continue hoping. I didnt get a concrete sign that our relationship was over, just a very very slow realisation process. And, even tho Im with someone new now and I wouldnt go back to that in a million years, a small, deep, dark, part of me still wonders if he'll call. And, sometimes, i still have to conciously remind myself that he won't. I have to force myself to remember the facts, not the fantasy.

posted December 07, 2005 07:01 PM         

I was so very touched by what you wrote here. I know the words you sent your Cancer melted her heart more than once, but I grantee you she’s hiding because she’s scared, and perhaps she doesn’t trust you any more. Perhaps actions have too often been at odd with words, so she hears all the beautiful words, and wants to open the door, but her faith is damaged so she lacks the courage to try again. Love is a leap, and I think Cancer’s are more hesitant to leap than many signs when hurt. We aren’t gamblers and we lack that impulsive drive that allows more bold signs to throw themselves into the arms of love on a whim.

I also concur with the assessment that Cancers truly dislike feeling pushed. At this point you’ve extended a hand and now you need to wait for her to take it. This means you’ll need to have the courage to stop e-mailing and calling for a while. At this point you aren’t helping her or yourself by continuing to reach out. Your consistent contact might even be egging on her silence. With you consistently reassuring her of your affection, she may feel secure and comfortable taking the time to lick her wounds while making you wait. She’s not forced to deal with the prospect of having to let you go. She doesn’t have to deal with herself or her fear of loosing you while you are there reaching out.

The ball is in her court now – so tell her what you need to tell her then stop sending her messages. I might suggest you focus your final message to her on all the things you admire about her and loved about being with her. Stop apologizing and focus on the positive. Afterwards don’t call, don’t e-mail. It will KILL you inside – you’ll reach for the phone 1000 times a day but you’ll have to be strong. She needs space, and when she comes to you it needs to be of her own volition. I had to go through this with an ex. He completely cut off contact with me (Sag sun / Cancer rising), and I found myself calling and e-mailing him constantly. I ended up cutting off contact, and then to keep myself from giving in and trying to contact him again, I started a journal. I wrote in that journal every time I had the urge to call him. After a week or so of this I didn’t need the journal any more, and a week after that he called me.

Well, as usual, this is another long winded reply from Isoalede. I hope you find something in all of that rambling to help you, Swerve. Please know that you are greatly cared for by everyone here. We’re here to help and support you through this. {{hugs}}

posted December 07, 2005 07:20 PM         

Whow does your plight sound familiar! : ) I’m also dating a Cancer and have run into similar situations several times over. Too crabs trying to dance with one another under the moonlight make a beautiful and sometimes comical pair. We do far too much backing up and side stepping at the same time, but we share a natural empathy with one another that should enable us to overcome our sun sign limitations including that silly urge to retreat all the time. In my case, I’ve found that dating a crab has given me the courage to reach out and grab onto my partner more than with any other person I’ve dated. I understand why he pulls away (he’s hurt, afraid, stressed, bummed out, etc), and I know that ultimately he probably doesn’t want to be completely alone, so I make a point of reaching out to him. I do so tentatively but I do it. If I were in your shoes the night your crab called to cancel I would have offered to come out and see him wherever he was. And I’d definitely call or e-mail him now. I can’t imagine how much courage it took for him to tell you how strongly he felt about you. He’s just super afraid you won’t return his feelings I think. Just try to treat him how you’d like people to treat you when you are withdrawing. Trust in the similarities you share thanks to your sun signs.

posted December 08, 2005 08:59 AM         

"well its nice to see you have changed and dont get all possisve and clingy when i dont reply has it even crossed your mind i might of been off work? oh but you think i am some cold hearted cow though dont you !! "

my reply

"Its not possesive or clingy Emma. Its caring about someone and not being able to show them that. You would find that if you had let me in a little I won't take an awful lot.

You never figured that out did you? I didn't help thought to be fair.

I don't want to own you, I don't want to control you. I just miss you. It hurts a lot. Plus I know I want to make you feel so happy that you forget you were ever sad.

There is a BIG difference. And you DID go quiet before. I was just scared.

I'm glad you are OK."

Now please bear in mind she didn't respond to my question about whether she was seeing someone, so she DID leave me hanging.

She is being really harsh here.