posted December 08, 2005 09:24 AM         

This girl does more damage to my heart and mind that anyone I've known.

I understand freedom. But I also understand compassion.

posted December 08, 2005 10:36 AM         

sent this

got this

"I wish to take this oppurtunity to regretfully inform you of the termination and complete sesation of our relationship and all further communications of any form!!

GO AWAY!!"

Guess I got what I deserved right? At least I have closure. I wish she could have just said this 3 months ago.

Thanks for you help guys and sorry for letting you down.

posted December 08, 2005 11:07 AM         

I must take this as an opportunity to grow.

Lot of work needs to be done.

Being triple water is not easy. What seems like love to you can feel like obsession to another. My question now becomes what am I willing to sacrifice in myself to find happiness?

Trick is working on things without depressing yourself with too much thinking. But then if I leave it I'll only screw up again.

Balance is hard to find in these situations.

I wish all of you who gave me advice love and happiness, you really helped me.

posted December 08, 2005 11:20 AM         

------------------
Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra

posted December 08, 2005 11:39 AM         

I am realy starting to see this as a fresh start. It feels like I wanted her to do this so I could release the past and start getting control back.

Weird. I should be a lot more upset. I've done the shock thing already 3 months ago so it's not that.

Man I am too complicated for my own good sometimes.

I won't forget those who helped me here.

(and Yin, I know you are right!)

posted December 08, 2005 02:46 PM         

Tempted to say sorry to hear about it...but i don't think this should be the case..I don't think the response was deserved by you but more needed by you..you needed closure..you couldnt end it..you forced her to do it for you..maybe the relationship was past repair..learn from it and move on..but plz dont change or feel you need to change for any woman..for a time its fine to look at others needs against your own..but in the overall scheme of things you need to be yourself..

Wishing you happiness and lots of smiles ahead

posted December 08, 2005 05:13 PM         

I know if she is similar to you she is still a wonderful person.

I pray she is happy for all eternity.

Swerve

posted December 10, 2005 11:04 AM         

I am sure that she is not seeking a romantic relationship right now, and that's the problem.

posted December 10, 2005 11:40 AM         

Remember that and Believe.

~Lia

posted December 10, 2005 10:49 AM         

She probably hasn't suffered enough and doesn't know how to appreciate a Heart with such Intensity as yours just yet.
One day most likely she will look back and Realize. But that's her lesson, not yours.
Your path now leads on another way.
Take it to the Sunny Horizon now, will you?
She wasn't yours. Yours is the One nearer the Sun.

posted December 10, 2005 10:54 AM         

Would you like me to do a tarot reading for you?
See, what's up, I can tell you about your twin, it's my special gift.
Let me know

posted December 10, 2005 05:30 PM         

May be the impending meeting at the exhibition in a month.

I have had a huge episode with my Mother who is a double Cancer over the last few days.

I told her we had a broken relationship and that I loved her and wanted to fix it and
asked if she loved me.

She asked - whats to love?

Nice. There are so many parallels between two Cancers who care for me but cannot be loved. She has bombarded me with so many phone messages and texts for the last 2 days that I pulled the wire out of the socket and she threatened and tried to manipulate a response.

Sound familiar?

Except that if Emma had made contact we would have talked and I would would have backed off to give space. My Mum would just have used it as an excuse to tell me how bad a son I am for making her so upset rather than actually try to build a bridge that was burnt aeons ago.

Things are becoming so clear for this lonely Pisces I tell you.

Please send me some love to figure this out.

One bottle of vodka and 2 packs of cigarettes and on a roll.

posted December 10, 2005 07:53 PM         

The problems i see with cancerians is when they arent right themselves...its magnified and projected not loudly..but deeply and emotionally..i went through tough times and it affected my kids..thank goodness it didnt last long however this i feel is one of my cancerian downfalls..if im not strong emotionally those i love the most suffer..i have issues with my mum also..Scorpio Sun/Pisces Moon..she has problems dealing with me on a feeling level coz its stirs too much emotion in her..so she avoids it(im very sure she has her own issues she hasnt dealt with)..ive had to learn to live with the fact that i cant change her responses to me nor make her love me how i want to be loved..just accept that deep down she does love me..and even though its not reciprocated verbally..telling her that i do love her..however in the end i have to see my issues with my mum as a lesson...a strength to gain for my future..ok..im rambling about my situation now...oops

With your Cancer/Gemini you probably feel like it aint over because yes..you will see her again...and because she let you go..and you havent quite done that yourself??

Whatever happens i really do send you light and love..i feel that on the other side of all this you will feel stronger and wiser..and have more insight to YOU.

posted December 11, 2005 04:37 AM         

Thanks so much, I eagerly awaiting reading it but don't want to be pushy at all.

posted December 11, 2005 12:04 PM         

Now is a good time to be yourself, be emotional, and get comfort. I truly believe it's not over when the other person has let go of the idea, but not the emotion of the relationship. It's easy for your Cancer to lead you on a bit Swerve, whenever I have felt anything for someone who "moved on" it was because there was some leading on, meetings happened that could have been avoided, angry phone hangups, little tiny signs of anger.

That's not indifference, not love, not hope, it's just selfish anger. Your Cancer did not move on a good way yet, she is still fuming a little, so I would expect some sort of reaction at your meeting.

Practice your emotional responses to her when she stares at you, or when she reacts to see what kind of attention she has from you.

Pay attention to the people you are with, and do not be too sensitive to the little signs-they can irritiate you more.

The only way to truly get over someone is to practice what is going to happen when you see or hear that person again. That is why so many people fall in love on the rebound, they get to try again and feel safe. If you don't have a new love, then practice feeling safe and trusted again.

Then your new relationship can be about new experiences rather than healing old wounds.

In my life I have to heal too much, and so I try very hard to let new relationships open new doors.

One thing I do not like about your Emma Swerve, is the way nothing new was happening in your life, everything kept going in circles and as a person she was not opening you up to anything new-kind of frustrating.

The entire reason we get involved with someone new is to move forward.

So, how do you feel? Are you healing?

posted December 11, 2005 02:05 PM         

Thank you.

posted December 11, 2005 02:14 PM         

Best Wishes to YOU
which ever path you choose... ...

posted December 11, 2005 02:14 PM         

I have been doing a lot of thinking.

Emma is a mini-me of my Mother. I sought the same relationship with a different conlusion. The further she pulled away the more it tore at the childhood wounds.

Thats why I couldn't break it off because I could never drop my Mother.

I have alos been surrounded by terrible friends whom I have dropped and moved into new social circles. I am doing a bit of Spring cleaning in my life and they are all going.

For once I see that I have been feeding off the negative energy these ppl give me that fuels my very very disillusioned self-image.

Emma is a mess. On the outside she looks muh more together than me. But I always seem so serious because I deal with everything right down to the soul level as if it were day to day business. I know too much to just ignore it, and there is so much damage I have to repair.

I have to devote all of my time to me and learn who I am. My Mother made me feel both unlovable and that my love was worthless. This meant I was grounded when trying to love myself more because I beleived deep down that my love was worthless.

I am trying so hard to reverse this but there is just so much work it is tiring on all levels.

I am not ready to love, not even close. The relationship with myself is something I have never built, but now I can have no other priority.

Once I am filled with light, someone will come. Until then I must work on illumintaing all the dark caverns of my soul that been shrouded in shadows and fear since about the age of 5 I would guess.

I just wish I had other family than her or friends I could really really count on.

It all has to happen at once and that is very very scary. But I'll do it.

posted December 11, 2005 02:44 PM         

Feel free to add me, it would be nice to chat sometime.