posted December 11, 2005 04:45 PM         

It might not feel like it right now, but you ARE making progress. I can see it just by the words you're writing about your relationship with your mother, how you're feeling inside and what you need to do. Good work! It IS hard, and tiring, but you are very definitely taking the right steps to get where you want to be.

One thing, is that what people say is not necessarily what is true about you, but actually is a reflection of their own truth and present within themselves. I am referring to what your mother has said to you about loveability and self worth. Remember this.

As you search for knowledge, you will continue to be directed to what you need to grow (people, information), and you're right, you do know too much at this point to go back, but it's all for the good of your own evolution and growth.

posted January 09, 2006 05:13 PM         

Part of me is petrified, the other is ready to just let it be. I am definitely healing, but I am still left with a lot of resentment and disappointment.

She won't come to me, and there is nothing to be gained by going to her.

But I know that I will feel her presence and it will be unsettling. I just want to be able to not care that she is even there, work the 4 days and think nothing of her.

This is going to be tough.

posted January 09, 2006 05:26 PM         

I had been wanting to tell you this but I wanted to hear you say or feel like you are healing. TRUST me when I tell you this from one Pisces to another she will realize what she had and how much you cared for her one day and rethink her decision. You maybe will have moved on totally she maynot realize that until alot of time has gone by. BUT she will.

Show confidence that you are still the bombdiggity and if she could not see it to bad for her the next one will. Remember that, she decided not to return that made room for the real women that will know you to be a real man..You will be fine I know you will and I will pray that you make it through these next 4 days gracefully. Believe it and you will achieve it.

Hee,hee we Pisces really do feel things so deeply and intensly don't we. I do undertand where you are at with this, kinda of going through the same thing...I ahve alot of air in my chart so it is a tad bit easier for me. Good luck and keep me posted..

posted January 09, 2006 08:41 PM         

I'll let you know how I hold up.

posted January 14, 2006 05:40 PM         

Could be for several reasons. She may have been avoiding me. She doesn't get on with the girl that did go. She may have left the company altogether as she said she would.

I really don't know.

But what I do know from Cancers is that I would have been on her mind if only slightly.

It was the anniversary of when we met and she wouldn't forget that. I just have to let her go now. Her not being there seemed to represent some form of closure for me.

Maybe she'll get in touch in the future, maybe not.

I wish you far better luck with your Crab.

posted January 14, 2006 09:37 PM         

I've only just come across this string. I've read it (for the most part) from start to finish.

I have to say... I have never been more enamored with you than I am now!

I feel that is safe to say being that I am a married woman truly in love with my husband, and you are an ocean away.

I'm sorry you feel badly that things didn't work out with this woman. You know the rest... blah blah blah... more fish in the sea and the rest of the clichés.

One cliché that I really do mean from the bottom of my heart is the one that goes:

Your woman is out there, and she has no idea how very lucky she is. You are such a wonderful guy!

I apologize in advance for my crassness... If a man (with your accent, none the less ) was to say to me, "I want to make you feel so happy that you forget you were ever sad." (or any of the other wonderfully romantic quotes I could pick from your posts), I would need a towel to clean up the wet spot at my feet!

Your lady is out there, darling... and she should be deserving of every bit if your intense passion and devotion.

posted January 15, 2006 04:56 AM         

I am annoyed with myself that I can't let go. I keep saying the words but my bloody heart is stuck. Even though I know now we never really had a chance.

The resentment I feel is choking me a little too. I just wish she would have let me talk to her, and we could have been friends.

One day she will work out what was there and what she turned away from. I just hope it isn't going to take a ACTUALLY (rather than imaginatively) abusive boyfriend to bring about this revelation.

posted January 15, 2006 02:21 PM         

I feel like I can't trust myself. That I would fall so hard and be so demanding, thinking something was being built when in reality it was just fun to her.

She constantly told me not to think of it as just a fling. She said she had deep feelings and I was special. How can that be? She discarded me with such ease, no looking back, no tears at bedtime.

I feel so weak. How can a girl be attracted to a guy who is so emotional? I am tough on the outside sure, but inside I feel like a frightened child.

Mind you, she has good friends, a great social life and good money for her age.

I am a loner, no family worth a damn, very few close friends and generally considered a weirdo who "gets too deep". The anger I have comes from confrontation with those around me who I cannot trust.

I really don't know where I am right now, so confused. Only on this forum have I received understanding and warmth.

I appreciate that more than I can ever say.

posted January 15, 2006 05:08 PM         

It's very hard to be intense, and feel things really deeply. It would almost be easier just to float on the surface.

I have briefly met people who were ok with the deeper side of things, i just never was with them long, tho...

you will meet someone soon, i'm sure. and some women do want someone who is emotional. i'm sure it's a good thing i'm with my stable, unemotional earthy man...but it's the very thing lacking...no emotional depth or trust. every relationship has it's trade offs.

hang in there...just do. i promise there's good things in store.

posted January 16, 2006 12:28 AM         

I think I must really examine myself and learn to be a little more flexible. Not with this girl as it was all just a beautiful illusion in the end that I needed to believe.

More in that I must learn to create and respect my boundaries. I don't want to be one of those guys you chat to your girlfriends about and go "ewwww, he's just so clingy and possesive" - which she did.

I want to be solid and give just a part of me and not throw myself in with wild abandon. Over time these things develop. I love the feeling of merging souls with someone because it comes so ntaurally to me. But, I have to learn that from another's perspective this is just too much. Neither of us is wrong, compromise is needed. I just have the vision to see that something real in a world of insincerity is a beautfiul thing, and know that most cannot see this yet.

I will never be a player, and I will never be superficial, but I must realise that this in itself isn't perfect and doesn't make me totally right. Can strangle the fun out of a relationship.

I am learning, its just very slow and quite painful. I do envy those that can just be and have fun and call it quits when it's not working. This is where I would like to be in the future.

Swerve

posted January 16, 2006 05:36 AM         

Its quite nice when a girl needs you as a man sometimes. I wouldn't judge you for that. However, its not expected of a guy and I have to be aware of this.

I used to write poetry in college if people requested something. I was considering only last night that I might learn to play the piano and write songs. I have a pretty good voice too. Might be the next Lennon! Ha ha. Could get all my intensity and philosophy out that way, make a few bucks and marry Jessica Alba!!!

Piscean dreaming is great sometimes.

posted January 16, 2006 10:31 AM         

quote:

---

I think I must really examine myself and learn to be a little more flexible. Not with this girl as it was all just a beautiful illusion in the end that I needed to believe.

More in that I must learn to create and respect my boundaries. I don't want to be one of those guys you chat to your girlfriends about and go "ewwww, he's just so clingy and possesive" - which she did.

I want to be solid and give just a part of me and not throw myself in with wild abandon. Over time these things develop. I love the feeling of merging souls with someone because it comes so ntaurally to me. But, I have to learn that from another's perspective this is just too much. Neither of us is wrong, compromise is needed. I just have the vision to see that something real in a world of insincerity is a beautfiul thing, and know that most cannot see this yet.

I will never be a player, and I will never be superficial, but I must realise that this in itself isn't perfect and doesn't make me totally right. Can strangle the fun out of a relationship.

I am learning, its just very slow and quite painful. I do envy those that can just be and have fun and call it quits when it's not working. This is where I would like to be in the future.

---

Swerve, I've read this thread and others you've posted in and I have to say, you really do seem to be learning and growing with each day. It's a painful lesson but in time things will really turn around. What you're seeking is to find a balance. Let go of expectations, truly let go. Once you really learn it - and live it - things will change and you'll draw someone who will merge with you the way you want. You have to learn this lesson first though. You seem to be embracing this emotional evolution and I commend you for it. Take comfort in the fact that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

posted January 16, 2006 12:07 PM         

I feel a little awkward that I have drawn so much attention to myself lately. but it was nessecary and people like yourself are worth more than gold right now.

I admire your strength and courage to have faced this as well.

Did it take you a long time to awaken and heal? Its hard to guage progress sometimes, but I feel I have come quite far in a short space of time. The most illuminating part of it all is that there isn't anywhere near as much wrong with me as I had been led to believe. Its just now I know myself and trust my own judgement a lot more.

Its nice to not be nuts after all. I'll be patient with myself and direct my energies inwards for now.

I want to be all I can be for this elusive soul mate of mine who hasn't crossed my path yet. I hope she can recognise me then.

posted January 16, 2006 02:25 PM         

I know that really.

Don't forget Pisces puts others first so it doesn't come naturally.

posted January 17, 2006 12:22 PM         

Swerve darling you will be okay, I told you that, and actually the last post I knew that she was not going to show it was a feeling that I had in my gut. and just bc she has great friends and some money does not make her superior to you.

You are a beautiful guy inside know that, feel that, claim that and things will change for you. Speak those wonderful things into your life and they will exsist.

Your path with her will cross again it may not be what you want it may not be what she wants but it will happen bc that is just how the universe works. I just hope that when it happens you will have recognized the great things about you and you will be walking tall and strong and she will sense it and realize what a mistake she made even it is just for a minute.

I know you are thinking yeah right it happens. Trust that, things get turned around everyday...

posted January 17, 2006 12:58 PM         

Just a reply since you have been supportive in my angst for my Crab. I really know how you feel---I know that is not the most theraputic thing to say because know one really knows how another really feels BUT with all the water in my chart being Scorpio sun/ Pisces moon and a Libra rising...I can identify...its hard to be alone and be for yourself...soemtimes you have to be....I am forever putting others first for fear of becoming too selfish, plus I also beleive that the more good you do the more its comes back to you...but then you do have to be whole for yourself and like yourself in order to attract love. Which was why I was so confused about the events with my Cancer and myself. I felt he was the one (and I still do)that was meant for me, I felt I was on my way finally to feeling complete with myself and this is why he came into my life--as I didn't expect events to become more personal--it just happened. But I think also that he doesn't feel he deserves me---he needs to work on himself to feel better about himself. He is the first man that has truly expressed to me how much he appreciates me how great he thinks I am and that I deserve soemone who can return what I give them---no one has EVER said that to me --other than female freinds in trying to console me that is...never had a guy tell me anything let alone be positive about what he thought of me as a person. (an ex- pisces BF of 15 years let me feel forever that I was too fat( I weigh 145 pounds), didn't make enough money I'm registered Nurse I have a good career-- but I had a "good heart" that's what he left me with after 15 years of unconditional love an devotion. Took me a long time to resolve that relationship in my head. So, I have still not let go completly because in my gut I think there is still more to yet reveal itself...but in the meantime I have to concentrate on myself....and I know that at times gets really tired and old. But there is value in it and you may learn alot about yourself. Writing songs and learning to play soemthing is great...I play guitar and wish I could write songs...I have tried just can't seem to get the right channel so to speak I hve lots of ideas for songs but no way to really get it down...I appreciate other songwriters work and sometimes they say the same thing I feel so that's why I love music so much. But give it a try you might be the next Lennon you never know until you try. You actually seem like a good catch and there is someone out there for you...don't look for her so hard she will find you

posted January 17, 2006 03:01 PM         

Maybe we should hook up! Just kidding. Astrologically speaking though we are coming from a very very similar place.

My heart hopes yours is mending.

Mama Mia - big fat kiss to you darling. If ever you are down swim my way for comfort. Thank you x

posted January 17, 2006 06:29 PM         

I could always tell how she was feeling, we had the psychic bond stronger than usual.

Her anger seems to be subsiding. Feels like she is starting not to hate me anymore. I hope so.

I don't hink I'd take her back now though, she isn't ready for me. Not that she'd want that anyway. There is still a lot of unresolved resentment, but these are transferred feelings from other situations she is dumping on me.

Could take her years to work through that.

I haven't got years to waste. Her chance may have gone entirely.