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Author Topic:   Completely screwed?
izodesmozina
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Posts: 1401
From: Hell. I brought cookies!
Registered: Oct 2006

posted June 06, 2007 06:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
What's wrong? Feel like talking about it?

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Peri
Moderator

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From: Kyiv, Ukraine
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posted June 06, 2007 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
never mind I am just prone to bouts of moodiness

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*MISS*ARIES
Knowflake

Posts: 54
From: EARTH
Registered: May 2007

posted June 06, 2007 12:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for *MISS*ARIES     Edit/Delete Message
Scarlett and Izo,

I just want you two to know that the both of you sound like you are doing some much needed self, soul searching. So wonderful to hear. I am also in the same boat. It's something one has to constantly remind themselves that is the best way to get through difficult and confusing times. The reason to constantly be reminded of it is because it's tough!

But in the end of all of this, considering it's being looked at through a positive light, there is so much wisdom and knowlege of one's self to be gained. The positive light can sometimes be dim when you have hurt casting a shadow over it. Hurt is like a virus that w/out the right "antibiotic" it can consume you. I think of the heartbreaks or difficult times I've had in the past w/ relationships (and believe me there's been a few), then I think of where I ended up w/ myself after the healing and self loving began and it's easy to say now it was all worth it. So think of it that way. What hurts now will someday be something that you can look back on and say "I am so glad I went through that to be where I am today." It's all really worth it. Just recognizing it as being something you need to achieve that next step of knowlege and wisdom isn't always the easiest. But really who wants something to be easy? I don't want my life to be simple and boring. I want something that I can grow stronger and wiser from.

In the meantime (which is the most difficult time...the meantime) turn to those you can count on for the support you need and turn to the best person you can...yourself.

Also consider that these guys youre dealing with are also going through their own turmoil. You just may not know what exactly it is. Wish for them the best and happiness. If they need you, you know that you will be there for them because you're that kind of a person. You will find that is where true happiness is- when you give freely and dont expect or desire anything back.

"Love is not what is ordinarily understood by the word. The ordinary love is just a masquerade; something is hiding behind it. The real love is a totally different phenomenon. The ordinary love is a demand, the real love is sharing. It knows nothing of demand, it knows the joy of giving...Love never waits to be rewarded, even to be thanked. If the thankfulness comes from the other side, love is always suprised- it is a pleasant suprise, because there was no expectation" Osho

Keep me up on how things are for you two. I always look and hope to see if either of you has added anything.

xoxo

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ScarlettSoul
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Posts: 128
From:
Registered: Apr 2006

posted June 11, 2007 02:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Peri, Izo & Miss Aries,

Thanks again for your support.

Peri - I have read that thread on many occasions and it was great to read it again. It's so very true. Thanks for giving me the right thing at the right time.

Things with my pisces definitely got off track for a while. The nutty thing is that once we had some alone time, I found out all these other things happening with him and his family. He's been holding a lot of upsetting things in, and I guess selfishly I'm interpreting the situation to be all about me, which it wasnt necessarily. His absence and coldness were more of a result of him being tied up in his own problems and not focusing on me at all.

We spent a few good evenings together lately, we've never talked about "the incedent"... I dont think it would go anywhere productive right now. The bottom line is that I DO believe we are attracted to each other, but like Peri's thread... he's not, at this point, someone who's ready to BE with someone else in the true sense. It's not something he's said, it's a conclusion I'm coming to on my own based on his actions. He's way too brilliant to NOT get that I have feelings for him, and he's choosing not to act on it for any number of reasons. So there you have it.

I still adore him, I love him, I think about him all the time, but I'm feeling that I need to protect myself a bit right now, whatever that means. I think it's just a matter of not spending so much time together to prevent myself from falling for her even harder.

There's part of me that thinks that he's going to "come around" and realize life is better WITH me than without me, but that day may never come. It's one of those dreams your soul believes MAYBE because it's intuition, and maybe because it helps you move on and let go.

That's where I am today with all of this. It's so painful to not be with the one you love, isn't it?

Peri, I hope things are better for you... and Izo, I'm hoping things with the Gem and your Bull have calmed down a bit, and Miss Aries, thanks again for your wise words and advice.

Love and gratitude to you all!!!

Scarlett

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izodesmozina
Knowflake

Posts: 1401
From: Hell. I brought cookies!
Registered: Oct 2006

posted June 14, 2007 12:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Hi, guys!
Scarlett, I'm very happy things have sorted out. Just be patient... time will take you where you need to be hehe
I wanted to let you guys know that I'll be unsubscribing from LL with this nickname. I also erased some personal details from my posts. So I will be away for a while - but I'll be back!
Thank you all for all this positive energy and your very wise words! Wishing you all the best!

------------------
I am an artist and my life is my masterpiece

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CoralFrequency
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Posts: 1140
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posted June 14, 2007 02:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for CoralFrequency     Edit/Delete Message
Scarlett - Have a look at what I said here.. under Lauren - It might help..
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/002502.html

If he feels rushed, he'll probably assume you don't value his friendship.. As a person with Cap moon - If a guy I liked stayed in contact with me for years, and displayed very consistent behaviour.. that would make me want to be in a relationship.. Nothing much else would really do it.

I'm more likely to get involved in a serious relationship, with a long term friend – than anyone else.. Since the Moon is significant of relationships.. they will always prefer someone -old (who they've known for a long time)- over someone -new- and, in the same vein - someone they see as mature (regardless of chronological age) - over - someone they see as immature..

So technically, Capricorn moon relationships happen by chance. Whoever happens to have such a personality that they display staying power and genuine affection, and remain in my life, for a LONG period – with *no* romantic involvement – or at least not much of a romantic involvement – simply because they like my company and I like theirs.. will probably end up with me, long term..

If they are a person who believes –
1. You do not stay in touch with people for long periods.. or
2. You do not stay in touch with people of the opposite sex unless you're getting some… or
3. You can't be friends for 20 years with someone who is of the opposite sex and have a genuine friendship..

That would be a deal breaker.. I'd see them as:

1. Flighty..
2. Too eager on sex (and romantic love) and not eager enough on everything else in life (such as career, family, bills to pay, things to do, friends, animals, spiritual beliefs, humanity as a whole.. and etc etc) .. and..
3. Less comfortable in their sexuality than I am.. and less able to feel close to someone of the opposite sex.. I want someone who can do this as easily and genuinely as I can – (but this may be my Venus/Mars trine – not so much Cap moon)

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ScarlettSoul
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Posts: 128
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posted June 19, 2007 02:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Coral,

Thank you so much. This is really what I needed to hear right now! This makes a lot of sense to me and I need to just trust it.

Things with my pisces are getting trickier by the day. We had another VERY passionate, unplanned encounter. (Didn't go all the way, but came close). It was such a magical night and he really opened up and showed me his vulnerable side. I now KNOW he has feelings for me. The trick is, I don't think he's prepared to be in a relationship with me now.

The girl he's been "dating" - let's say 5-6 dates - has been away for the last week or so and he told me he had to go pick her up from the airport late Saturday night. We were out with friends when he told me this. He'd just come to join us after a wedding he went to that night and only could stay for an hour or so. The good news is the girl called to say she landed, and he stayed with me to finish his drink. He was holding my leg under the table. And I truly feel he told me about the girl to make me a little jealous. Maybe he'll never be certain of my feelings for him.

After he left, his best friend was still there and started grilling me on my change in demeanor, then started asking me if I had feelings for him, if I was jealous, etc. I was TOTALLY unprepared for this line of questioning and did my best to deflect but I know I showed him that my feelings are deeper than friendship.

I'm petrified he's gotten to my pisces with this information before I've had a change to connect with him and talk about it. Life is a mess. I'm hoping I can talk with him about things tonight, but we'll see.

Anyway, that's where things stand now. I'm sad but also feel like I'm giving away all my power and being pretty pathetic, which I hate. If thinking he's great is a crime, than arrest me officer, guilty as charged. I don't know what else to say. There has to come a time when I cut myself some slack and stop beating up on myself for having feelings for a really wonderful man that I've grown to love as a person before any of this came about. And, bottom line is that I'm a pretty great catch if I do say so myself, and he'd be lucky to be with me! I could make him VERY happy and we'd have a great life together.

But he has to decide that on his own, because I'm not going to convince him of it or wait around forever for him to get knocked over the head with it. Plain and simple.


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izodesmozina
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Posts: 1401
From: Hell. I brought cookies!
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posted July 03, 2007 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Scarlett,

don't be ashamed of being in love. It does not make you pathetic - it makes you brave. Few people have the real courage to confess their true feelings.
How are things developing with the Pisces?

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ScarlettSoul
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Posts: 128
From:
Registered: Apr 2006

posted July 04, 2007 02:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Izo!

It's so good to see you around again!

Things with pisces are still in a weird gray area. We have fooled around a handful of times now but have not talked much about what "we" are. He still dates the other girl and I have been dating up a storm, but nothing compares to him.

Thursday night he stayed over and then called in sick Friday... we spent most of the day together, took a walk, went out to lunch. It was great. I came away that day feeling like I would be OK if we remained just friends, nothing more.

We talked breifly about getting together a group that night, and I didnt hear from him. I called and left him a message but NOTHING. I haven't heard from him since.

Again, I'm confused. I don't understand?? Oddly enough, I'm not really upset. I feel like our relationship is strangely solid, despite the distance.

I'm wondering if the communication problems are due to Merc in retro???

I dont know... thanks for checking in though!! Please dont forget to fill me in on what's been going on with you!

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ScarlettSoul
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Posts: 128
From:
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posted July 22, 2007 02:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Hi friends,

My pisces and I have continued this very odd relationship for a couple of months now. We are friends in public, but have a new private side of our relationship that involves physical contact. We have not had intercourse yet b/c I know we both know how serious that is and potentially damagaing it could be...

Anyway, we are both seeing others... I have actually been intimate with someone else on two occasions which is soooo extremely odd... I haven't been active in that area for over 5 years so the fact that I'm doing it now must mean something. I know he's dating someone else from time to time and we have agreed not to share this stuff with each other. So in the abstract I'm okay with him seeing the girl, but the other night he couldn't make plans with me and said simply, "Tonight's not going to work," and offered no explanation why. And therefore I know why.

I am in love with him, our time together is magical and amazing like nothing I have ever known. This situation is so tricky and that damn cappy moon of his is so cautious and hot and cold.

Does anyone have any advice for me?? I can't see my own situation clearly and I'd really appreciate some help...

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izodesmozina
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Posts: 1401
From: Hell. I brought cookies!
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posted July 23, 2007 12:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Hi, Scarlett!

Sorry I've been so out of touch... my life got crazier. Oh my... well, it is odd, for sure. I mean, I am pro freedom in relationships, but my guess is that you guys have too much of it? Congratulations on controlling the jealousy feelings!!
I honestly don't know what to say about this... My only thought about your situation with the Pisces is that he is pretty scared of commitment. With that cardinal Grand Cross between Moon-Venus-Saturn-Pluto, I can't really blame him... the man is prone to troubles in personal relationships with women.
I don't know what to say about this... it is a tricky situation. Maybe give it some more time, see what he does. Oh, and prepare for Venus retro... I know you guys had some troubles with Mercury retro. Venus turns retro on the 27th. Maybe it will bring a turn of events that will push things one way or the other. I hope it will be a favorable one! Good luck to you, Scarlett!
Best of wishes!

Izo

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shamrock227
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Posts: 225
From: Is a Pisces ever really anywhere?
Registered: Oct 2002

posted August 17, 2007 07:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shamrock227     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry that I'm chiming in so late here. Hope all is still well with you and your man, Scarlett.

As a Pisces woman let me clue you in on a few things. Not calling does not equal not interested. My friends make fun of that all the time - I'll say "okies, call you tonight" and they laugh and say they know that means sometime between an hour from now and next Tuesday. The time just gets away from us.

Pisces sometime swim to the bottom to be alone with our thoughts and emotions. Don't take a bit of aloofness from time to time or a few days between calls as a "sign" of anything. He's not disrespecting you - he's being himself.

Yeah, keeping your jealousy in check is great and all, BUT, Pisces like a little jealousy. One of the great banes of my last relationship was that my Taurus man trusted me so completely and was so laid back that I could have walked up to a stranger and planted and big wet kiss on him and my Taurus would have barely noticed. Now, I say a LITTLE jealousy. Not yelling or pouting or bunny boiling (well, a little pouting is ok - . But, there is nothing wrong with you telling him "ya know, all that time you spend with the Other One is making me kinda jealous - what's the deal? Are we just a fling or something?" (Because you guys aren't - tell you why next paragraph). Just DON'T under any circumstances give him the "her or me" ultimatum (unless you really feel that way) - because he will run for the hills (or swim to the bottom, as it were). We don't do well with ultimatums. Remember, saying something like "how about we start seeing each other exclusively?" is not an ultimatum, it could be the suggestion he's been waiting for. Pisces like to please others above all else - he may be waiting for you to decide it's the right time. We're very big on the phrase "whatever you want" )

Pisces are playful and drop provocative lines like the girl and the orgasm simply to see how you react. Do you get crazy? Do you play back? Are you offended? (well, and, in that particular instance he waxed emotional and had to cover and be all macho in front of his buddies. He's a MAN he doesn't have emotions )

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shamrock227
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Posts: 225
From: Is a Pisces ever really anywhere?
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posted August 17, 2007 07:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shamrock227     Edit/Delete Message
You are the one he likes. Know how I know? He calls you to go out with him and his buddies. If the other one was the girlfriend he'd be calling her - he'd want to show her off. But, he doesn't - he calls you.

To sum it up a little. Stop over analyzing all this. He can feel your tension and your pent up emotions and it is probably driving him nuts. Relax and be yourself - after all, yourself is who he liked in the first place, right?

Hugs and kisses and wishes for the very best. Pisces can drive you up the wall at times - but we are totally worth it


(Sorry for the two posts -- the board wouldn't let me post it all at once)

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ScarlettSoul
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posted August 18, 2007 04:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Shamrock!

Thanks so much for reading this terribly long thread! I really, REALLY appreciate your pisces wisdom and insights into this amazing man's world!

I wish I could believe everything you are saying hook line and sinker (pardon the fishing pun), but he's still sending so many mixed signals.

He disappears for days at a time now... which is a fairlly new thing... but we went 10 whole days without seeing each other!!! Gadzooks!! When we saw each other this past Wednesday it was one of the most amazing nights we've ever spent. Most of it we were with our other friends and then at the end we had alone time... let's just say it was magical. We have yet to be intimate... something I'm guarding very closely. But there was a lot of passion and he said some things about our relationship being so great, and asking me how i was feeling right then, and it was just a unique moment where he opened up and was really VULNERABLE with me.

Anyway... the next day we went to a ballgame with some of his female coworkers (one of them I happen to know he went on a date with a while back and has been into him since high school). So that was pretty awkward for me to be around her but he did a good job of showing me that he wasn't focused on her at all. I did my best to put on a happy face but the tension between this woman and me is palpable... I think woman's instinct that we both want the same man. So it was a fine evening, and he left the same time as I did and we called it a night. So that was that - we left it very much up in the air about when we'd talk again. And, as if communication hasnt been hard enough, he has lost his cell phone and now I know that days are going to go by before we reconnect.

So I'm left to wonder... do I email him? Do I just wait for him to drift over to me?? Do I just put up with these kinds of shenanigans because he's a pisces? I mean, is a pisces man just NEVER going to be the kind of man to put love first, above all else? Is he always going to space out and get caught up in the moment of whatever he's doing?

Also, I am really fearful of us slipping into this strange pattern of a secret relationship where we fool around and don't tell anyone... (which I admit is kind of hot!)... but I am really not comfortable thinking he's actually dating another girl (maybe more?) and taking them out for nice dinners, etc. while I get the late night thing... I mean, where do I draw the line?

I will never, ever give him an ultimatum. But I'm also scared as hell to tell him how deep my feelings really are. I'm afraid he'll freak out and say "Gosh this has been fun but it's nothing serious to me". Is there a delicate, non threatening way to share what I'm feeling? I would like him to know where I'm coming from but I dont want him to freak out or feel put on the spot... you know?

Finally, I think you're right about picking up my emotions... he's so dang perceptive I'm sure I'm an open book. Its just so hard. I want this to end well, whether that means we take it to the next level or we at least preserve an amazing friendship. Is this possible?

Thanks again for reading, and any thoughts you have are welcomed!

Scarlett

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shamrock227
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From: Is a Pisces ever really anywhere?
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posted August 18, 2007 08:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shamrock227     Edit/Delete Message
Gosh. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it.

Go ahead and send him an email. If you can't think of what to say then maybe an e-card or something like that.

Personally, I would have a real heart-to-heart with him. Tell him the truth. Tell him you are feeling used. And, while clandestine relationships are exciting and all, you'd really like more. And, you really want clarification of where you stand with him. And what you said here

quote:
but I am really not comfortable thinking he's actually dating another girl (maybe more?) and taking them out for nice dinners, etc. while I get the late night thing... I mean, where do I draw the line?
I think he should know.

Don't be surprised if he disappears for a while after your talk. It's not a bad thing, he just needs to get it sorted out.

I sort of understand what he's doing and how he feels. But, I am a woman - it's ok for me to act all twittery and indecisive. But, when a man does it it's really unbelievably frustrating and annoying -isn't it?

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etoile03
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From: Allier, France
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posted August 19, 2007 02:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for etoile03     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Scarlett

Just to say thanks so much for sharing your story, it's cool to get to see how some of these things turn out, especially yours which sounds disturbingly similar to the way mine might be going lol.
Its a lot newer a relationship, but I am aries sun he is virgo sun, i have fallen hook line sinker and evry other metaphor out there for this guy who is now a compulsion for me. for him although i know he has feelings for me it may turn out that its possibly only lust after all.
I have been, like you, very un aries in holding my tongue and going with the flow, but oh boy it hurts so bad... and then I get all p****d off with myself for not just kicking it all into touch, but I just cant, the lure of this guy is just too much. We had a joke between us that he wanted to put me under his spell so much so that i wouldnt even notice other men, so much for a joke lol I think he really has.
Anyway just to empathise wit ya really, it sucks!
BTW to the people who have answered scarlett, especially izo, thanks guys you've helped me a bit as well. Izo would you be willing to look and mine and my guys charts?

Etoile

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izodesmozina
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From: Hell. I brought cookies!
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posted September 12, 2007 05:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Scarlett,

I recently read an article about love triangles (and not *just* love triangles) written by Liz Greene and I remembered your Pisces has some of the indications mentioned there. It gives a psychological approach, I thought it might help you understand him better. It is pretty long, but in my opinion, it is worth reading.
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_triangle_e.htm


Best wishes! You're in my thoughts.

Izo

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izodesmozina
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posted September 12, 2007 05:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Etoile,

Hi there and thanks for your kind words . I would like to take a look at your charts, the only problem is that I am traveling now and I don't have a stable Internet access. Also, I have a lot of things happening in my life now, this is why it will take a while before I get to you. But I would like to help if I can.

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ScarlettSoul
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posted September 12, 2007 02:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Izo,

Whew! That was a long article. But very, very interesting. I can absolutely see parts of myself and my pisces in this. I will have to stew over this for a while and let you know what I come up with...

It's been a while since I've written about things, but they are overall the same. Our contact has dwindled greatly and my heart hurts, but it's what must be done. Our time together, when we have it, is now in a group setting, usually a couple others are around. So needless to say, we don't really get to connect. That is probably a product of me being too proud to initiate time with him, and him being too scared to initiate alone time with me for whatever reason. So we end up being together in a group and never getting to talk about anything real.

The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. We were out with a friend of ours who proceeded to drill him with questions about the girl he's dating. (this is the friend who set him up with her, btw). My pisces did his best to deflect and diffuse the questions so as not to hurt me, but it didnt work. I was devastated to know he's seeing her on WEEKENDS now, which used to be my time.

I made a choice not to contact him at all and definitely not to see him until a concert we have tickets to next week. He's called and emailed a few times and I just email him back.... remaining sweet and polite, yet keeping my distance. It's been rough but getting easier as teh days pass.

Tonight, its our mutual friend's birthday, and we're taking him to dinner and drinks, so I'll have to see him. It's going to be hard but I think I can be strong.

Everyone wants to know why I just dont go back to how things were... "just laugh and joke with him like you used to, things will go back the way they used to be...". Well, no. They will never be how they used to be. I dont know how many people want to be around a wonderful man they are in love with... in LOVE with... who is seeing someone else. That is just too much for me. I'm not that big of a person. And I think that the abstract idea of him dating someone is one thing, but when I hear her name and am reminded she is REAL... well that's different.

I love him, but I love ME more, so I have to protect myself first.

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ScarlettSoul
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posted September 12, 2007 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Shamrock,

Thanks again for your input. As you can see things are iffy right now... my gut tells me he's scared to death because he has REAL feelings for me. I know he does. But he's too chicken to do anything about it, so he is having a surface relationship that feels a lot safer to him.

Well, he can have at it. But we're not going to be spending much time together anymore.

I am just left to wonder, will he ever be mature in this area? Will he ever be brave enough and secure enough to trust his instincts? Is this wishy washy-ness a pisces thing? And do they ever get over it?

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ScarlettSoul
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posted September 12, 2007 02:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Etoile,

How are things going with your pisces?

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izodesmozina
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From: Hell. I brought cookies!
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posted May 02, 2008 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for izodesmozina     Edit/Delete Message
Hi, Scarlet!

I don't know if you're still around or if you're receiving e-mail notifications. I hope you are. I've been away from LL for some time, and I came only for a little while now, but I thought about you and wanted to say hi. I hope things are better with your man.
Lots of hugs wherever you are!

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wheelsofcheese
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posted May 13, 2008 06:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheelsofcheese     Edit/Delete Message
Izodesmozina - I really liked your responses to Scarlett. You seem like a really sweet person and invested a lot of time in this. I'm also intrigued about the outcome of this now!

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ScarlettSoul
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posted July 23, 2008 02:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ScarlettSoul     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Izo!

How are you??? How are things going in your world?

I have been MIA for a while; life has been complicated. But based on some recent developments, I felt compelled to dig up this thread from last year and re-read the synastry you did for me. You'd think, that over a year later, this saga would have been settled or fizzled out, right??? Wrong.

To sum up the last year, it's been hard. I fell very, very hard for this man that gives me truckloads of mixed messages. I of course wanted more from him, and he was not prepared to give it. Mind you, we never really TALKED directly about this. It was all implied through his actions. (Or should I say, the disappearing act). We spent some romantic time together, and also, difficult as it was, dated others. (Our "affair" was, for the most part, kept secret from our friends, as we hadn't even really figured out what we were doing together.) There was times of incredible attraction, followed by aloof separation. All along my instincts told me he was scared of losing control with me, and worst of all being VULNERABLE, but I do have a little pride. In November I wrote him a long email detailing my feelings, how I hated losing our close friendship, and how the only thing I knew how to do was to remove myself from the equation because being in this limbo was hurting me. He wrote back a joke (typical - I'm sure he didn't think I was serious) and I ignored him. For 2 solid months. It was agony.

Finally, I responded to one of his attempts to talk. He was eager to see me. We talked some, but it was wildly uncomfortable to talk too much. He knew I had fallen for him, I knew he wasn't going to be with me. I had to decide if I cared enough about the friendship to salvage what there was left of it or to move on in self-preservation mode, and I decided I did want to TRY to work on it. We tenderly, gingerly, worked on creating a friendship again. It was never the comfortable, effortless thing it used to be, but I felt that all things considered, we both came out with limited battlewounds. And we still cared very much for each other.

Then came his birthday! March 6. He had a group over to his house. It was a night where champagne was flowing, and women were flirting, and next thing I knew, one of the women at the party planted one on him in front of me. Mind you, she didn't know about the history. But I was very upset to say the least. Again, I pulled away for a while, ignoring his attempts at contact.

My birthday came - April 13 - and the week leading up to it, he put extra effort into getting in touch with me. He even tracked me down one night and wanted to hash everything out and talk. I ended up in tears, and he told me he was willing to do whatever I needed to make me feel comfortable with him again. He kept asking what I needed from him, promising me he wanted to be better to me. I let him in again. Things were on the right track. They began to feel more platonic, and the attraction seemed to diminish as I really began to move towards our new roles as "just good friends" again.

Which leads me to Friday night. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks. I had ignored a couple of attempts at him trying to spend time with me that week. (I have found that my heart hurts less and I can be less attached to him if I'm not with him so much.) Friday evening, he starts calling me, texting me, he was dead-set on me coming out to listen to music where he was. I politely declined, as I was with a friend. Normally that would have been enough, but this night there was something really, really urgent in the air. He'd call trying to tempt me to come out again, and I'd say no thanks. Next thing I know, he shows up at the place where I was. It was very out of the ordinary for him to be so agressive. But I enjoyed seeing the effort.

My friend later left, and my pisces and I went to his house and sat out on the Terrace. We layed back in the hammock and looked straight up at the full moon. He poured out a lot of personal feelings that he'd been holding in - not just about his affection for me, but about other struggles he was going through in life. He seemed sad. We connected like we hadn't in so long. It felt like puzzle pieces fitting together again. Perfect ease.

It was one of the most amazing, magical nights I have ever had in my life. As the night went on, I felt a connection so profound, a love so deep, and understanding so unspeakable, we didn't even need to talk. I knew everything he felt and there were no questions remaining. No time. Just us and the moon.

We made love for the very first time that night (not in the hammock!). It was very intense and very, very significant. He is a 33 year old man and sex is very special to him. He has only been with 3 women before me, all of which were long-term relationships. I felt honored that he chose this experience with me (Believe me, there have been many times he could have taken advantage of me; we have always stopped it before it got to that point). Not this time. He was agressive, he wanted me, he didn't hold back anything anymore. It was a surreal, beautiful, crazy, scary, blissful experience like I've never had.

The whole time, I had this sense that it was too good, too amazing, too special to last. I know him well enough to know that he'll show his heart for fleeting moments, then he retreats. But at the same time, I felt so close to him that it seemed nothing could ever change what had taken place. We had merged. It was love. It seems like an event that is stamped forever in time. It was real. He begged to see me the next day (I told him I couldn't - had other plans...)

It's been 3 days. I haven't heard a peep from him. He's gone. I'm not sure what to think. I know that Friday night doesn't mean we'll be together. I know his limits too well now. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Just as much as this moment was in my hands, it was real, it was forever... it's now elsewhere. Still exists, I know it... but not here anymore. Does that make any sense at all? What is this? What am I supposed to do with this?

I'm sorry for the long winded explanation. This is the first time I'm really thinking about it and processing it. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Any thoughts are welcome and much appreciated.

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let ther b light
Knowflake

Posts: 371
From: bombay, india
Registered: Aug 2005

posted July 23, 2008 02:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for let ther b light     Edit/Delete Message
scarlett soul
ur story touched a cord in me!..
my first bf was a piscean..and my b'day is just a day after urs!

"Just as much as this moment was in my hands, it was real, it was forever... it's now elsewhere. Still exists, I know it... but not here anymore. Does that make any sense at all?"
that makes perfect sense to me!

What is this? What am I supposed to do with this?
frankly i have no advice to give. i think it takes two hands to clap. u can try all u want to make things work but it wont work if the other person does not make any effort...so i guess all u can do is give it ur best shot and leave the rest to him..

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