posted January 04, 2009 08:26 AM         

I didn't realise you took such pride in your messages and the way you word them, so my apologies if I've deeply upset you unwittingly.
My comment on succinct messages wasn't a dig on you and your writing style, I was just (generally)pointing out that people have reasons for keeping their posts short. They might not have a lot of time writing them even if they have an educated point to make. Or it could be difficult for them to express themselves exactly the way they intend to and get all the nuances right, because English is not their mother tongue(I belong to this group). So you can keep on writing messages similar to your previous one(last message on page2), and try to inflate your own feeling of superiority in a field where myself or most other foreign posters here can never reach your(or any other native speaker´s) level, if it is indeed as important to you as you say.
Again, apologies if I slashed your pride, I'll try to take your touchiness in this area into consideration in the future In return, I hope you'll keep your high-handedness in check.

I've wanted to say this many times before, so I might as well say it now: thank you for all the posters here who often show great patience towards people with limited writing skills (that very much includes you, Lara ). I know it can be very frustrating for both parties.

posted January 04, 2009 04:52 PM         

Anything else to say, Katkins? No?

Well that got nowhere.

posted January 04, 2009 05:23 PM         

Personally, l think people can express themselves however they want as long as they aren't librans
for the simple reason that librans turn my aries heat up to spontaneous combustion level... they write novels the length of Gone with the Wind JUST to decide what they wanna eat for dinner!! grrrrrr

posted January 04, 2009 05:35 PM         

I'll have an Asian chicken salad, please, with a side order of creamed snake.

posted January 04, 2009 05:44 PM         

I should have made it clear that l only meant the male libran species... no offense to you!

posted January 04, 2009 09:03 PM         

In real life, porn breaks up many marriages. A therapsit told me this. The internet has made men look at porn who 15 years ago would not have. The problem with this, as I see it, is the porn they look at is very disgusting and hardcore. The pornographers keep upping the ante because people are becoming immune to the regular hardcore porn. Women are so degraded in these films and photos. It spills over into real life and their marriages. Suddenly, your husband wants you to do things that many women feel are degrading.

It IS a big deal. It does break up marriages.

Regardless, the OP basically got her ass kicked at time she already felt like a falure, which is totally uncool. SHE doesn't like it. If you do, that's fine.

I used to look at porn, but now it is something I want nothing to do with, personally. I wouldn't want my Husband to do it either. That's my choice.

It (for me) has nothing to do with being jealous of the women and how they look. I look just as good, honestly. Frankly, the one thing I like about porn is checking out the women. It is about wanting a man who respects women. Could I handle a guy looking at porn here and there? Yes, but only if it was truly "here and there" and not everytime I turned my back. It would also depend on how sick the porn was - no rape, animals, or anything else illegal, etc., or I'd be out the door.

We don't know what kind of porn her husband was looking at; maybe it was extreme porn and she was embarassed to say.

posted January 04, 2009 09:13 PM         

I can see your POV, and I’m pretty much in agreement with what you said, all except for this:

quote:

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Regardless, the OP basically got her ass kicked at time she already felt like a falure, which is totally uncool.

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quote:

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We've been married for 7 years. Within the last year I have caught him viewing porn on 4 separate occasions. Each time he swore he would never do it again. Each time the promise was more intense than the last. So, the last time he was caught he swore he would never jeopardize our marriage, that I was too important to him...etc. I told him if it happened again the marriage was over. Well, I walked in to find him viewing porn once again and tried but couldn't lie his way out of this. So we've separated and I've contacted a divorce attorney. Aside from the obvious hurt and anger, I feel disconnected. I don't know much about astrology, but often been told he & I have a powerful connection. If we have this powerful connection and are fated to be together, then why are there forces pulling us apart? can anyone take a peek and see why it's so wrong?

The issue is not the porn, it's the deceit. My husband has ruined the basic foundation of our marriage. I can't trust him. I was working toward trusting him again but then caught him in another lie. He promised the last time he was caught, he would never do it again. Never jeopardize our marriage...

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My response
Aside from the fact he has admitted to a porn addiction and refused counseling because he can quit on his own (Sorry that was omitted, I was worked up in a frenzy), the issue is really about his lying.
Is Pluto entering my 7th house and Saturn squaring my Sagittarius planets bring negative news?

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posted January 04, 2009 11:10 PM         

Yeah, so the porn CAN be derogatory, but you know, I truly think that sometimes that's the point of it, and I really don't have a problem with that personally. Every time a sexual experience happens with someone I love, it's all well and fine and good to say it's this great expression of respect, and deep intimacy, but I just don't think human sexuality is held within those confines all the time...it certainly extends beyond the borders of what is 'politically correct' or clean, or even social acceptable. After all, it's sexuality and it can tend toward darkness and exploration of our deepest parts with may *not* be socially acceptable, but extremely private, and yes, sometimes very taboo and downright sick. I don't really feel it's anybody's business to judge what form of porn I watch. Or if I watch it at all. Maybe I like to watch women be degraded because some part of me sees it as the ultimate form of surrender which has been so systematically wiped out in the constant attempt to always make women feel 'empowered', and how many women view being 'empowered' by being in control, and yet cannot see the beauty of occasional sexual degradation, or have appreciation for something so far out of the sphere of what's considered 'healthy' these days. Why does even pornography have to be viewed with this kind of rigid barometer of what's right and good and alright, and what's not? It's completely self-defeating...pornography isn't about that at all! That's why it appeals to a lot of men, and I daresay, a lot of women too If someone cannot separate fantasy from reality, then that is the problem, not pornography. If someone watches pornography because it echoes some very key unexpressed desire, and they cannot seem to voice this to their loved one, then the problem is communication, not pornography. In this case pornography mustn't be demonized, but maybe looked at as a very legitimate catalyst to self-integration and might even increase intimacy.
It's like that saying that 'money is the root of all evil'...but it's not. WE are. We're the ones who made it and who you use it. WE are the ones responsible for it, for better, or worse, wouldn't you say? I feel the same way about pornography. We are the ones responsible for collectively what's being put out there, and also responsible for it brings out in us.

And I think we should keep the bestiality, pedophilia, and rape stuff out of this altogether (at least right now) because we just don't know the exacts of the situation. For all we know katkins is back with hubby or changed her mind about astrology, or has decided to rent a sh!tload of porn flicks to watch...we're all just speculating here.
She specifically said pornography and I'm going to keep it at the male/female adult level because nothing additional about the type of it was stated, so I think it's a bit dangerous for us to fill in whatever blanks may or may not be there.

And men have been into porn far more 15 years ago - it's just become more accessible now, that's all. So anyone can look at it, but that doesn't make them 'more' into it. But the porn industry has been around forever. As long as there are sexual taboos (and oh, there will always be in a societies which are at heart puritanical and yet pretend to be liberal), then there will be pornography. Dirty, nasty, hardcore porn. A form of redemption or a form of evil, and either way it's us who uses it as a projection screen, to project our worst fears, deepest desires, or moral standing.

I do agree with you, LadyNeptune, that the over stimulation associated with pornography can numb people sexually - I am in complete agreement about this. And I do find it dangerous. However, look at the world around you! We're surrounded - no, bombarded - with commercials, ads, advertisements, trashy media, flashy people and flashing color. It's a technicolor nightmare that we're living in...in general, we are all over-stimulated....and so, of course, pornography is this way too. I don't think it's fair to take it out of context as a single example and say it is the cause or the danger of marriages falling apart.

posted January 05, 2009 07:15 AM         

I agree it's useless to continue, because I rub you the wrong way no matter what I say, and I tend to find you self-important no matter what you say . I understand now that regardless of your tone(or how it comes across to me) you don't mean to condescend and prove your worth or superiority; it's just the way you write and express yourself, and I should stop interpreting it automatically as high-handedness.
And I didn't mean the paragraphing suggestion in a spiteful way

posted January 05, 2009 11:12 AM         

As long as it's not underage sex, beastiality or snuff movies, necrophilia, rape or young kids porn then no one is getting hurt.

posted January 05, 2009 02:19 PM         

See the FIRST POST FOR THE ORIGINAL TOPIC.

If you post a post on this argument (between Nightjar and HSC) before you read this message then either delete it or move it to the appropriate "we still want to argue about something petty and infantile" thread that someone will create in LindaLand Central that I WILL NOT BE MODERATING AS I CANNOT BE OBJECTIVE.

This is a good topic that might help a lot of people and it isn't for airing grievances about language or posting styles. There is no reason it should end up closed. Create a thread for the topic of posting styles if you want to argue that and do it in the appropriate forum.

*******edited "the next day" to say, YEAH, so much for the original topic, sheesh

posted January 05, 2009 05:27 PM         

Thumbs downing my own previous post, but too tired and crabby to create a better one.

posted January 05, 2009 07:42 PM         

Porn releases him from respecting and valuing her to get what he wants or needs. There's the fantasy. That doesn't work in the "real" world.

In my opinion, there is nothing good about pornography. Nothing. It seems to be basically designed as "men's entertainment", as it appeals to his ego and his un-substantiated sense of superiority to women. It shows that a woman only has one purpose (to exist only for sexual pleasure, regardless of the fact that her design is more than just two or three parts) and should only look one way -- naked -- for all to see and do what ever they want to her. As if to say: "She has no real value." "Let me take a look, she's doesn't deserve any discretion." "She'd better remember her place." "This is a man's world."

At the same time, porn can influence women to think that all men want is one thing from them (as long as they can get it)and therefore, don't really deserve to be taken seriously or trusted.

Thus, the disrespect goes hand-in-hand. A woman may find out that she can use her body to get what she wants. Therefore, men become something she really doesn't respect because he doesn't respect her.

So the cycle continues. This desensitivity that all started with disrespect. Men and women are feeling disrespected and want to even the score.

posted January 05, 2009 07:55 PM         

Where are you at katikins? Has this information been helpful in any way to you?

Just because some think there is absolutely nothing wrong with porn and you should just get with the program doesnt mean there is something wrong with you as I'm sure you know. Perhaps you overreacted....and then again maybe you didnt. We dont know all the details and don't really need to. Maybe the responses have given you enough food for thought. I hope you figure out what is best for you and your relationship.

posted January 05, 2009 08:06 PM         

Any time I have seen a clip or picture of it, I cant help but start thinking about how the girl was most likely molested as a child and wondering about her history and issues and my heart goes out to her...like she's a little scared kid inside. I cant seem to seperate that from what the porn is supposed to be making you feel? All I can see is a desperate and lost soul and feel bad for what she has most likely gone through/is going through in her life.

So, men that are really into porn make me nervous and wonder because I don't understand the allure or how they could be turned on by it.

posted January 05, 2009 09:35 PM         

Good Vibrations has good female-oriented porn. There is a progressive sort of porn if you look for it.

As for me, I don't think porn is unattractive, taurus26, and in fact would encourage my boyfriend to share his his porn with me (and would be insulted if he didn't because I wanna know LOL).

posted January 05, 2009 09:57 PM         

quote:

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As for me, I don't think porn is unattractive, taurus26, and in fact would encourage my boyfriend to share his his porn with me (and would be insulted if he didn't because I wanna know LOL).

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I know that, Virgo. I could tell from what you wrote before. Good for you.

I'm just not into it. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but if so, so be it! Everyone's different right? There isnt one right or wrong way of looking at it. I'm sorry pornography doesnt arouse me and instead makes me feel sick to the stomach!

quote:

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So shoot me, I'm decidedly uncool

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