posted September 03, 2009 01:00 PM              

Gypsee's right...

You're very brave, not to mention honest with yourself. Too many people stay in bad marriages, and that creates problems for the kids which, to my mind, are far worse than they would be if the parents were splitsville. Its much better for this child to be born into an honest environment, even a divorce, than into an environment of soul-crushing compromise. My two cents.

posted September 03, 2009 03:30 PM            

Rushing into things? Let's see... we dated 2 1/2 years before we got engaged, then got married after another year and a half engagement. He was 31 and I was just two months away from that age myself. We've been married now almost two years and currently ARE NOT divorced. If you read my first post, you would know that I'm not rushing to get divorced by any means, and, in fact, I'm hoping that things turn around before they get to that point.

It would be nice if we could all wait until we knew exactly what would happen before we made decisions. I had several good reasons to make the decisions I made in life. Some of those decisions didn't turn out quite the way I had planned, but I'm being honest with myself about how to proceed with as much clarity and compassion as I can.

I'm guessing from your equally ridiculous response to MVM that your contribution to this thread isn't intended to be meaningful. So, having said my piece, I'll just move along unless it becomes evident that you are, indeed, sincere.

posted September 03, 2009 03:45 PM            

quote:

---

You're a beautiful, smart woman, and I know you will find your way to a happier life, soon.

---

I concur with Valus!

Never lose sight of the fact that you are a wonderful person, and that a divorce only means that you also honor and treasure your self and sanity to preserve your goodness, and not let it be chipped away slowly by another.

You are loved.

posted September 03, 2009 06:34 PM            

I am Dec 6th.

Yin has the Sag sun, aqua rising, and Libra Moon. So we are pretty similiar girls, I think.

Maybe no accident that we came to this post and read it?

posted September 03, 2009 08:34 PM            

i am hoping you are having a good day today

posted September 03, 2009 09:24 PM            

Before I left him I had begun to drink more to numb myself, and even the doctor prescribed me anti-anxiety pills so I could sleep and function since I was such a jangle of raw nerves. When I detached (completely, as in leaving him), I dumped all of my meds, and didn't touch alcohol for 9 months. I completely purged myself to 'return' to myself...and detangle from him. I wish I could've simply detached, but the relationship had turned abusive and I wasn't about to stay in such a situation for another minute.
And we'd had counseling too... I pushed for it, and he didn't want to go. When he finally relented and went for about 5 sessions, it was too late. I was too damn tired, too damn fed up, and I wanted myself back, period. I didn't care what the price was.... unfortunately (for him) he was the one put on my sacrificial altar (which at that point needed blood that wasn't mine since I'd bled myself dry)... had he been more adaptable, more open, more willing to work on the dynamics of himself...well... who knows.

posted September 06, 2009 02:28 AM            

hey did u ever work or had a job?
r u a homemaker or do u work?
i am thinking if u r not working maybe u shld think abt it
it can be that maybe u need other ways of self expression...some satisfaction and identity which one drives from work
some ppl write stories or poem,,,,some r good artists or photographers....some r good managers or accountants....

maybe u r relying too much on yr partner for satisfaction.....and one person can never fulfill all aspects of our personality....and then we start resenting......

try to find something outside relationships which fulfills u and yr mind and soul
whether its a job or a hbby or a passion
and by saying this i by no means am undermining the imp of u as a mother or a wife...annd i know u r pregn...and it initself is taxing, physically exhausting and emotionally draining

posted September 07, 2009 03:02 AM            

I'm too hopeful and optimistic to encourage divorce, especially when I'm not intimate with the dynamics. Both partners are going to have their flaws indefinitely. There do come times to put your foot down, but putting your foot down doesn't necessitate giving up. The person in the relationship that seems to run things seldom actually does.

posted September 07, 2009 04:46 PM            

Sorry for the temporary derailment, Future, I just had to get that out.

posted September 08, 2009 09:47 AM            

I guess it was a little rude last time. But shall we go to business then?

What I would like to know is his Saturn. What sign, what position? Sounded like his a bit of a dictator but then keep in mind that Saturn is a planet of fate who's enforced to keep that particular discipline. You can be sure that he's that strict regarding himself too you know. Try just to see things from his angle ok. And does your Mars and Jupiter signs go well together? With common hobbies, interests, humor and philosophy of life you could overlook those negative sides in your relationships.

posted September 08, 2009 10:06 AM            

Isn't that wonderful that your community has that kind of freedom? You are allowed to exploit people, to divorce, to re-marriage, marry a Drug, do abortions, use p-pills, contaminate nature etc. Oh, don't claim that you have those constitunional marriages yet! About smoking you could sincerly ask that question to Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode.

In conservative strain of Zhna a Virgo is not allowed to marry outside his/her Baresma path. She/He could marry a Cancer or Sagittarian that's it. So we would never give permission to anything that goes against the harmony of 3 holy elementals of equal caliber, against the darkmatter in universe which this noble science of astrology is based on in first place.

posted September 08, 2009 10:47 AM              

sorry future....i had to ask.

posted September 09, 2009 12:34 AM            

I've been reading your responses, but I wanted to clear my head before posting. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been making any sense. You know how it goes when your brain is tangled up in knots. Fun!

Thank you cpn and Unmoved for thinking of me.

Gypsee, I agree with the space and distance thing. I've always felt that if hubby and I had the money it would be fun to live in separate homes and visit one another. I wouldn't care if it was every day. It's the role and the pigeon hole that I despise so very much. Well, in addition to the things that don't work between him and me. I didn't know I would feel so claustrophobic once I got here. It has nothing to do with monogamy, and the claustrophobia has nothing to do with him... he's always been supportive of me doing whatever I want to do, which is a huge plus. I'm just maybe not wife material? Unless I lived far, far away from everyone and I could define wife in my own terms. As it is, most of his circle of family and friends fall quite neatly into perfectly suburban packages. I'm a giant round peg in that square hole!

BlueTopaz, I was thinking we had similar placements as well. And I see if I had given your screen name any thought I would have been able to guess you bday!

MVM, it sounds like your experiences were far worse than mine in this particular relationship. I've had a few really nasty ones in the past, so I know how awful that can be. I guess that's one of the reasons I second guess myself on ending this one: because it's not quite as bad as the others. It's silly logic. At the end of the day, if I'm not happy, then something has to change. It seems that going your own way really worked out for you. You seem to be very fulfilled!

posted September 09, 2009 12:45 AM            

Starkiss, sounds like you've managed to maintain your fire! You sound like a lot of fun. I'd be interested in hearing more about your experiences.

AG, you're always a solid voice of reason. I think there's a lot to think about before throwing the whole thing away. I expect everyone to have their issues, but it becomes difficult to know when and where to draw a line when a person doesn't know how to deal with their issues, or, worse, isn't even aware of them. That's kind of where I am with him and it's a really hard place to be. I can play rescuer all day long, but I think I've landed in a give a man a fish vs. a teach a man to fish situation. We'll see.

Gypsee, I forgot to say happy belated birthday to your brother. I never mind derailments!

Master_Zeromus, I'll have to get back with you on that info. I don't have it in front of me right now and I have to get to bed soon. I think his Virgo sun/Aries moon play a big part in the problem. It's difficult for him to accept his faults and he shifts back and forth between responding with ambivalence and anger. I know these placements can be difficult for him to deal with.

And now it's my bed time. Sleep has become restless again due to all the fighting over the weekend. We even got a day to spend apart-- I went out of town for a day-- and even that didn't do much to alleviate the immediate tensions.