posted February 11, 2003 09:30 AM              

quote:

---

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves (punching holes and counting seems to be an ever
increasing difficult task), we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
Independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
"you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". Most of the world cannot
understand 1/2 of what you say anyway; and many don't believe the other
half. Why is it that the further south you go in the country, the slower
you'all talk. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English, Canadian and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys and actually have Englishmen play Englishmen, Frenchmen play
French and Italians play Italians, and so forth.

5. You should re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1 above. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through. Lord knows most of you don't even
know the second verse to your present anthem.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and you should play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does NOT involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar BODY ARMOUR like
nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
2005. You will also be forced to watch Australian Rules Rugby to see how
real men play sports.

7. The "World Series" should actually include various countries within the
real "World". We understand that you let Canada play and once they learned
the game and actually won it a few times before considering it too trivial
to persue again.

8. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "ka-ka poo-poo".

9. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only outside The Ununited States of America. It will
be called "Indecisive Day".

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Furthermore,
that family has had it's share of air-time. It was over 30 years ago. Let it
rest!!

Thank you for your co-operation.

The World

---

posted February 16, 2003 04:23 PM              

Oh, but wait...that's right...the Independence isn't ya'll's to revoke...
AS WE KICKED YOUR COLLECTIVE AS* FOR IT

Wait, wait...say "Leicester"...c'mon...try it, try it...it's not that difficult. There is no way on earth that that's properly pronounced "Lester". None. Zip. Zero. Nada.

"I'm going to go down the lift to stand in a queue to buy some fags and a torch."

Damn Brits
Actually, no, no...wait, wait...
Damn English.
I wouldn't want to insult all the fine Scots, Irish, and Welsh in the world .

posted February 16, 2003 05:28 PM              

I live nowhere near Leicester and have quite a bit of scottish blood running through me, so i'm ok. I never liked imperialism anyway....

posted February 16, 2003 07:12 PM            

We have military bases on your soil, not the other way around. Factually, you're all colonies of the United States, you just don't know it.

At least you're getting some style and flair in some of your automobiles now since Ford bought Jaguar and the Chrysler/DaimlerBenz merger. God, those awful little square boxes you used to call cars, pathetic.

So, we'll treat your proclamation as a request and just stamp it "DENIED".

jwhop

PS: proxieme is right about the War of Independence and let's not forget the War of 1812 either. So, we'll keep the 4th of July, November 8th AND the Star Spangled Banner.

posted February 16, 2003 07:17 PM              

I'm well aware of the cancer-like progression of the western lack-of-culture on other societies

posted February 16, 2003 07:23 PM              

with most powers being armed with enough nuclear weapons to crack the planet in half its kind of a moot point who's "tougher".

posted February 16, 2003 09:55 PM            

Well said!!!! NW, talk about a country that spread into others like a malignancy. Please take a look at your own history of breaking the backs of others to bend to your ways for a lesson on the history of cancer like invasions.

Luckily, most people support what we are doing.(latest poll showed 80% backed our stance against Irag, 10% of the population is against any thing remotely connected with Bush, and the other 10% are in such a major drug haze they still think that England is the ruler of the US).

Many of the countries that are against us are the same ones that are reaping the most financially from Iraq. France stands to lose much in oil and other trade should things go sour. Did we take over Kuwait, Iraq, Germany, Bosnia, Japan or other countries after the wars? No, instead we give them BILLIONS to help rebuild in the name of peace.

posted February 16, 2003 10:49 PM              

Ohhh, OK - the Scottish blood makes you OK in my book, then.

My Gram was/is so funny about that. I was NEVER to say that I had "British" blood from that side; I had to specify "Scottish" and "Welsh". Of course the English is there in me, too. I've a bit of a British Isles/Northern Euro/Southern Euro/American Indian mish-mash thang going on, so heaven knows where what stops and what starts

pidua - I won't mess up N_w's thread w/ stuff about the war...but, re: the French - They're fine people, except that they're so *@#!$#@ French sometimes, right?

***veering wildly off topic***
N_w - You ever play Final Fantasy X?
I'm completely addicted. I've been playing for, literally, hours a day (but we're snowed-in at the moment, so it's no big deal). http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A18315-2003Feb16.html

>screech<
>smoke from tires<
(veering again)

posted February 17, 2003 12:11 AM            

America is a blend of all the cultures on planet Earth. Life's about choices. Wear jeans or not, eat a Big Mac, or not, listen to American music and watch American movies, or not, drive a Jag or not, live in a mansion by the sea, or not, your choice.

Your One World Marxist Government yearnings are well known to me. Let me break this to you gently-----IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.
The real question is why anyone with Marxist leanings would be inquiring about employment in the US---the belly of the beast so to speak?

Anything that causes instability, right NW?
The anti-war crowd are crusading on a phony issue, organized by A.N.S.W.E.R. a front for the Workers World Party, a communist organization. We know the communists are neither compassionate or anti-war, just ask a North Korean, a dissenting Chinese citizen or someone from a former Soviet Union satellite country. Have a look at this, then talk to me about the compassionate communists.
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2003/2/13/110824.shtml

Hey NW, the idea of the Queen reducing the United States to colonial status gave me a good laugh. You accomplished your goal after all.

jwhop

posted February 17, 2003 12:35 AM            

My old drill sergeant said there's always that 10% with their head where it doesn't belong. Time has proven him right.

I know the numbers you cited are a shock to the antiwar crowd but almost 55% say take care of Saddam, even if we have to go it all alone. There's lots of idiotic talk about the US acting unilaterally against Iraq. Nothing could be further from the truth. At last count, about 40 nations are with the US in disarming Saddam Hussein.

The oil issue is also a phony. If that were the purpose, we would have gone all the way to Baghdad and done it while we were there in 1991.

You're right, the French have contracts with Saddam valued between 60 and 90 billion dollars. Saddam owes Russia close to 10 billion and I wouldn't be surprised if Saddam owes Germany money too. I think when we find those chemical and biological weapons, and we will find them, we'll also find German, French, Chinese and Russian fingerprints all over banned equipment they have supplied Saddam in violation of the UN embargo. I don't think a free Iraqi government is likely to honor those contracts with the French, et al.

posted February 17, 2003 02:38 AM              

LMAO - I have 3 words for you - Australian Rules Football.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does NOT involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar BODY ARMOUR like
nancies).

hahaha Love it

BTW, is baseball actually a sport? I remember playing it in primary school....

posted February 17, 2003 05:15 AM              

By the way, when jwhop pronounces that 40 nations want to go it with the US, think again. Australia just had it's peace rallies in its' major cities on the weekend and it wasn't just 1 or 2 people that turned up to these. It was in the hundred of thousands.

If they are already attempting to approximate the civilian life that will be taken over the course of the war, what does that say to you?

Love and Peace,
Sunmeadow Glades.

posted February 17, 2003 07:18 AM            

"With all due respect to the Queen and the World, you should try to get out more often. If you did, you would know you've adopted our clothes, our music, our movies, our slang, our fast foods, marketing systems and our currency as the world currency. The reason you haven't adopted our sports, baseball and football is obvious. Your athletes aren't up to it."

Spoken like a true leo

Now you know the English travel extensively - we have to as we live on such a small island. How was the 60/70's for you - ever hear of The Beatles, Carnaby Street
Someone mentioned (sorry can't remember who) that they played baseball at school - so did I but we call it rounders

But you do love that English accent...right
Sue
Ok just kidding with you.

posted February 17, 2003 07:49 AM              

As for accusations of subjugation - that was before world war two and quite some time before my generation was a twinkle in the milkmans' eye, so to speak

Anyway, i beleive you're kind of mixing some disparate threads into whatever concoction you'd like to see. So what if A.N.S.W.E.R is against a war on Iraq? maybe they just find the idea morally repellant? of course its important to consider all the aspects but the extrapolation of whats more likely than the other is also a valuable thing.

And there aint nothing wrong with british athletes, nor athletes of any other nationality, if you ask me. But anyway, you're a Leo and i'm an Aquarius - we're never going to see eye to eye on this so why bother arguing?

As for american footie, my university apparently has the best british team for that sport, they did a tour of the us (UH Hurricanes? anyone?) and got their arses kicked but considering they're one of the best teams for a reason here (I.E - they're one of the only teams!) they dont have many people to practise with, heh. I havent even heard of an american rugby team. Anyway, I dont even know why i'm arguing this point - I find watching games like that the ultimate in boredom :Confused:

but there is a serious side to my posting of this thread though, which is;

posted February 17, 2003 10:09 AM              

Well, I like English accents. Except when ya'll are drunk and I can't understand you (two people seperated by a common language, you know?).

(Sunmeadow -
We had hundreds of thousands protesting over here, too; so - don't worry - the US isn't some monolithic beast.)

Who talked about Australian Rules Football...
ah, Ruby Red -

That is, bar none, the best sport ever.
I've only caught a couple games, but I remember randomly turning through some channels one day a while back, and I came across some sort of sport. I stopped expecting to see a foul called because there seemed to be a fistfight going on.
No foul.
The ball sailed their way, and they looked up and continued the game.
And _they're_ not all covered with pads.
AND the refs are _the best_. Soon after the fistfight, I saw this man dressed all in white with what looked like a 10-gallon-hat on; he walked out stiffly, looked around, and then took his arms (which had been folded up to his chest) and snapped the lower half down.
Fan-tas-tic.
When I first saw it I knew this guy from Perth and he explained the rules to me when I brought up the sport, so I'm working my way into being a beginning fan.

We have an amateur league over here in the states
( http://www.baltimoredceagles.com
http://www.afana.com/ ) ,
but nothing fancy.

I just had to put in my 2 cents because, as I said above, I love that sport.
Love.
That's not too strong a word.
___________________________________________

posted February 17, 2003 07:46 PM              

As a German soul traped behind the borders of this Gods fosaken land of fools and lords of egotistical arrogance,,,please make any and all of the "anti american sentiments" your wonderfull heart desires.

Yes we should use actual English actors and actresses for such characters, and Italian, french and so forth. Harrison Ford playing a Russian submarine Captain??? What the hell was that?

Regardless of your intent being to amuse us or not. americans realy should learn that there is much more to the world beyond our puny confines!!!

To any one who still wants to defend american foolishnes,,, so sorry but,,, get used to it. The whole world has been laughing at us for some number of decades. And will continue find us nothing but a joke untill we pull our heads out of our blind ***** .

posted February 17, 2003 09:34 PM              

Sunmeadow, are you a NRL or AFL fan or both?? who do you support?

posted February 18, 2003 12:37 AM            

I know how the antiwar crowd likes to exaggerate the size of their parties but what the heck, I'll give you the 200,000 you claim showed up at your peace march/rally.

So, with a population of roughly 20,000,000 Australian citizens, that means 99% of Australian citizens are in favor of the
war. That's even higher than here.

Estimates are that 6,000,000 showed up for marches in various cities worldwide. That's .001% of the world population and the 6 mil figure is likely exaggerated. That doesn't sound like a resounding NO to disarming Saddam, but Saddam thanks you anyway.

I don't need to think again Sunmeadow, there are about 40 nations signed on to participate in disarming Saddam Hussein, including I hear, Australia.

Hey Sunmeadow, I'm not going to lie to you. Some Iraqi civilians will be killed either directly or indirectly by the bombing and invasion that follows. But probably less than Saddam murders in any given month. The difference is that Saddam won't be around to murder any more the next month.