posted November 12, 2004 01:48 PM            

"Your mother is so fat, when she checks into a hotel and asks for a waterbed, they put a blanket over the ocean."

posted November 12, 2004 01:51 PM              

*gets headache*

(Proxieme...please notice proper use of "couldn't".)

*breathes great sigh of relief*

posted November 12, 2004 07:07 PM              

"Your mom's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order"

"Your Mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator"

"Your Mom's so fat, she got stuck in a doorway and they had to use a Twinkie to get her out"

posted November 12, 2004 08:07 PM              

"I'm going fishing."

Really means..

"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."

Really means.."As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means.."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical nor understanding it so go away and quit nagging me and asking questions."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means.."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means.. Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."

Really means.."It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"

Really means.."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me."

Really means.."She's heard all my stories before, and she doesn't buy them anymore."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."

Really means.."The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."

Really means.."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac, and it kind of excites me."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."

Really means.."I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to."

Really means.."She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."

Really means.."I was wondering if that redhead with the big hooters over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means.."I can't hear the game over the damned vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means.."Are you still talking?"

"You expect too much of me."

Really means.."You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."

Really means.."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"Will you marry me?"

Really means.."Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."

Really means.."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means.."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means.."What did you catch me at and where did I screw up in covering my tracks?"

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"

Really means.."You've got more clothes in your closet than the Chinese army and most of it has only been worn once, and that was in the dressing room at the mall."

"She's one of those rabid feminists."

Really means.."She refused to make my coffee."

"But I hate to go shopping."

Really means.."Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse and looking like a pussy whipped faggot."

"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."

Really means.."You may actually get it to start."

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."

Really means.."I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you."

Really means.."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means.."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means.."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you."

Really means.."I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means.."No one will ever see us alive again, but I'm not stopping for directions because you'll get that damn, head tilted, I-told-you-so look on your face and I'll have to hit you in the head with a shovel."

"We share the housework."

Really means.."I make the messes, she cleans them up. It's all part of the delicate balance of nature."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."

Really means.."Oh, god, what have you done to yourself?"

"It sure snowed last night."

Really means.."I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."

"It's good beer."

Really means.."It was on sale."

posted November 12, 2004 10:02 PM              

"But who gives a sh!t really? LOL!!"

About this? Agreed. We are all learning. So I will propose a deal. If you really will keep your eyes and ears open and try to learn from your interaction with Shizuka, I will return the favor. I will try to learn from you.

Fishkitten ~ "Loki" is an accurate description, I think.

mr maklhouf ~ I apologize. There are, I think, 3 or 4 increasingly tiresome ( not a judgement mind you - just my opinion ) threads concerning this topic. I'm admittedly a bit confused. However, a small correction. I did not say I knew they were all different people. I hardly know much more about magidivision than anyone else here. I said I knew Shizuka and Meili were two different people. And fishkitten has already answered your question.

posted November 12, 2004 11:19 PM              

(prolly not)

posted November 13, 2004 02:43 AM              

Hey, who gives a ? ....

posted November 13, 2004 02:53 AM              

TV show from the sixties.....